Avril Lavigne
(34, 5’2, 126 lbs, 22:9 FCBA, The Dollhouse)
Vs.
Miley Cyrus
(26, 5’4 ½, 108 lbs, 19:19 FCBA, Chimera)
Results: Lookout!; Story: Caspian & The Dollhouse
BEFORE:
Must not be a good feeling for the ‘Queen’ of the Dollhouse flyweight division, to have been relegated to the Co-Main Event in this here event, and to top off the insult, upstaged by a rival stablemate like Emma Roberts. But Avril seems excited enough about her actual opponent tonight, Miley Cyrus, who’d recently gotten married in a secret ceremony to Liams Hemsworth! We most likely won’t be hearing the next words out of Lavigne’s mouth, if ever, so allow us to say congratulations to Miley on her new chapter in life!
At the press conference, the audience and reporters both holding their breaths at which of these two crazed women will be speaking first. Turns out that neither of them really enjoy being upstaged in terms of attention (no shocker there!), with both opening their mouths at first when it came time for opening remarks, though Miley was just a tad faster with getting the first words out:
"So, I wanna make something very clear: I like Avril. She's pretty wild, and I dig a bunch of her songs. But she's not nearly as wild as me!” Miley sticking out her tongue for no particular reason, perhaps only to emphasise her point. “We've been friendly in the past, but as much as I like her, I'm here to fight tonight, and that means beating the sh*t out of whoever is in that ring with me. It happens to be Avril tonight, and ya'll better believe I'm gonna beat the sh*t out of her. Period. My last two fights sucked hard and I'm not f*cking losing my first fight of 2019. This is a must-win for me, and it means you're in f*cking deep sh*t, Av." Miley ends with a cocky smirk aimed directly at the blonde Canadian sitting on the other end of the stage.
Of course, Avril not to be out-done in the crazy department, immediately firing back with an eye-roll that could flatten a steamroller:
"What-everrrrrr... I like Miley too: she's a Disney chick, but she's not a total creampuff like most of them. She's kind of a badass, but, you know... not as badass as ME! Obvy!” she giggles. “I beat two former champions already, and tonight's gonna be my 3rd. I'm coming for that belt, bitcheeeesss!"
Cyrus immediately frowning in response. “Gee, are you kidding me? I beat girls like Dobrev, Lovato, Cole, Panettiere and Lowndes… some of the top names at Fly AND Bantam. Who have you beaten? Emma Roberts? Pffftt! Get f*cking real. You're not winning any belts anytime soon," Miley responding past her allocated time, which draws an audible gasp from the audience at this new level of insult.
"Excuse me?!” Avril shouts back, eyebrows raised in shock. “You just got your ass totally wrecked by a creampuff like Emma Watson. So just shut the hell up, Miley. Or you're going to regret it!"
"Ooooh… I told you guys she's a little badass!" Miley brushes off the threat with a laugh directed at the audience, who joins her with some chuckles. “The only one regretting anything tonight is you regretting the moment you stepped into that ring with me, hon."
"Whatever, sl*t!" Avril hisses.
"What the hell did you just call me!? You wanna go RIGHT NOW you chubby wimp?!” Miley’s turn to lose her cool as her chair scrapes against the floorboards as she stands up from her seat.
"Hell no... I've got better things to do. Like getting ready to kick your overrated ass!" Avril surprisingly the one keeping her cool here whilst motioning at the ring officials. "Keep her away from me!" She quickly gets up and leaves the conference room, though not before Miley getting the last word in.
"Yeah… run away, QUEEN!” Cyrus laughs. “You'll have nowhere to run pretty f*cking soon!"
About an hour later, both girls are entering the arena with much grandeur and pomp on display, much in alignment with their egos. Avril strutting out first clad in her usual pink and black sporta bra and tights attire, hair in a high ponytail, not really bothering with waving to the thousands of cheering fans as her mind’s fully on the fight on her hands tonight. Miley’s words ringing through and true in her head, perhaps: can she really take on all contenders, much less someone crazed like her?
No such hesitations from Miley’s corner, however, with the American starlet twerking her body on the platform and to the sound of her own music, clad in a white soprts bra and short tights, white gloves, hair in a messy high ponytail. She’s accompanied by Chimera trainer Paula Abdul as she’s skipping down the runway, flaunting her toned athletic body and, you guessed it, her tongue stuck fully out almost the entire time as she takes photos with some excited fans along the way to the ring. It’s having the direct effect of drawing a hard glare from Lavigne who’s already in the ring waiting impatiently for her opponent to stop playing around. Miley finally enters the ring, shooting Avril a playful stare before taking to her corner and doing some shadow boxing to impress the fans, which garners an eye roll from the now bored Canadian blonde on the opposite corner of the ring.
Referee’s run through the rules is fast and cut early - these girls suddenly can’t wait to get their hands on each other, fidgeting and continuing to motion taunts from their corners, and the crowds’ chanting says the same thing! HERE we go with ten rounds of Flyweight action!
ROUND 1:
Avril definitely been 'warned' by her trainers when she first signed up to fight Miley: her crazy antics out of the ring has translated to similar tactics inside of it, and by all accounts, this might very well be a 'dangerous' matchup for her, since she’s facing off against a younger, fitter girl, and someone with more experience to boot. However, Avril’s playbook in this fight appears to be ‘win quickly and at all costs’, deciding to meet Miley head-on at the opening bell in an early CLASH of personalities, to decide who really belongs in the mental asylum. Girls STUN each other to the face before they can insult each other further with more nonsensical words, slapping gloves into the cheek repeatedly until the mutual shock of pain proves too much and they start using an arm to at least try and block the incoming hooks. The bombs are falling early in this fight, together with the yelps of pain from lips, but also the increasing rage for each other’s insults is striking. Avril playing with fire here by going toe-to-toe with an expert brawler like Cyrus, but deep down she knows that she has to end this fight early if she’s going to have a shot at winning. Unfortunately, you don’t deal with a fresh and energetic Miley this way and come out unscathed: Miley using Lavigne’s gorgeous face for target practice, scoring plenty of side-swipes straight into the side, before switching to Avril’s body in more thunderous hooks landing on her flanks as well. Avril the one being driven back in the final seconds of this opening round, her own tenacity just can’t quite keep up with Miley’s power and quickness. It’s only with her opponent’s restraint at the bell does she survive a knockdown attempt this early in the fight! Crowds loving the exchange so far, of course, regardless of how both girls feel about the punishment they’ve taken. A wide round goes to Cyrus for coming out the better woman here sending a hurting Avril back to her corner to reconsider her approach here tonight!
ROUND 2:
Now that Miley knows her foe wants her, and wants her badly, she of course obliges. The American blonde storming forward and looking to give Avril the punishment she so desires in the second round, but thankfully for the Canadian, those bumps to the head must have knocked some sense into her, finally. Lavigne trying to play this boxing thing proper by keeping distance and punching at her foe, now all her movements spent scrambling away from Cyrus the moment she charges forward in her direction. But it’s a measured and focused retreat, with Lavigne still pestering the guard and body frequently with her long jab. Miley this time can’t keep up the pace of her own advance, with Avril just a tad more light and agile on her feet than herself. Result is she gets pecked on the face repeatedly, and it’s only when she puts in extra effort to move in hard and fast does she manage to score some straight hands into the singer’s tummy, though we reckon they won’t be enough to sustain her momentum from the first round. By the end of three minutes, Avril takes it by a close margin, and the visible relief on her corners’ faces is palpable.
ROUND 3:
Well, hopefully she can keep the momentum up. Third round sees the true test of wits as both girls look to cement their strategies and hopefully, their leads as well. Miley now acting more deliberately, refusing to blindly charge at her opponent and instead try and see which type of Avril is going to come out and play this time. For all her wild antics, there’s a bit of a brain behind that noggin’ after all, and Miley showing well and calculated advances in her direction, trying to close off her escape route in order to do what she does best. Lavigne realising her run-and-hit tactics aren’t gonna do her any favours this time round, with her punches all easily taken on Miley’s guard, and she was in real danger of being hooked to the head a couple of times when Miley got in too close for comfort. Last minute and we see that it was a deliberate attempt all along: Avril lets out another loud GASP when a hook lands on the side of her head out of the blue, which stuns her briefly with its power. Miley shoots in, and hard, pounding on the open midsection before once more attempting to break Lavigne’s guard wide open with some more hard shocks to the forearms. Avril manages to get out of the pocket, however, before it all goes to hell, but by the time the bell rings, she’s looking shaken and stirred on the ropes, trying to find out where it went all wrong.
ROUND 4:
Cyrus still looking confident for someone who’d just lost to a slew of opponents herself. Sure, she defeated Lucy Hale back in September, but Avril ain’t wrong when she said that Cyrus has had some bad luck against people like Emma Watson and Lily Collins. Will history repeat itself here with another disappointing defeat? Avril’s corner shouting at her in between rounds that she needs to adapt or die, and it’s something she’s trying to listen to in the fourth: instead of run and hit from afar, she’s hitting and then running away, with a notable difference in the level of aggression instead of focusing too much on defense. Miley surprised when Avril flies forward at the bell, barely managing to cover her head when it’s peppered like a sichuan steak. The stinging pain is momentary, of course, as the Disney princess breaks into another crazy grin and flies forward in her own stride, thinking that it’s going to be another repeat of the first round in which she dominated in a close exchange. But Avril hitting and then running, remember? She immediately scoots backwards upon landing her shots, leaving Cyrus swinging at the air in between with those big but useless hooks. Cyrus’ smile soon disappears from her face after this pattern happens to her repeatedly, with Lavigne playing her like a fiddle much to Carmen’s delight in the corner. Who knows? This might be a turning point for Avril as she heads back finally smiling for the first time!
ROUND 5:
That growl of disapproval on Miley’s face of course not to be underestimated either: who knows what kind of mad shenanigans might be going through this young woman’s mind? Well, two can play at *that* game, she seems say. Slow start to this middle round as both girls circle for a good portion. Avril still with a majority of the effort here, bursting forward at periods and trying to score that elusive knockdown for herself. But Miley not one to get bitten twice: she keeps her center of gravity low and her movements to a minimum, taking the jabs with gusto on her forearms, and occasionally the abdomen, but generally negating Avril’s advances with her own superb defence. Avril still winning the first two minutes based on sheer number of strikes landed, but suddenly in trouble in the last one when she narrowly dodges a hook swung towards her face, when Miley all of a sudden surging back to life! Look of panic on the Queen’s face as Miley’s sudden burst of energy proves too much for her to handle at this time: hard hooks banging into Avril’s raised arms as she does her best to cover up and move backwards, but that face full of desperation. Miley trapping her on the ropes when her runway gets cut short, leaving her with full reign to plunder the body over and over. With those uppercuts buried into Avril’s soft midsection, it’s impossible to see it from behind her closed arms, but those eyes MUST be bulging in their sockets! Referee has to get in there when the bell rings and Miley’s STILL going at it, venom spat into Avril’s face: “WHO’S THE BADASS NOW, b*tch?!?” Miley shouts at the moaning blonde as she’s pulled away and shoved back to her own corner. Definitely a comeback for Cyrus, as you can predict, from that last burst of action. Poor Avril almost sinking to her knees in painful sobs, has to be helped back to corner hobbling whilst gingerly clutching at her body.
ROUND 6:
Avril in more and more trouble as this fight winds upwards in terms of distance… with the visible exhaustion starting to seep in on her reddened face. One look at these two battling beauties and you can see the difference beginning to show: Miley still pumped and bouncing on her toes, that toned body of hers evident of long hours in the gym doing wonders for her stamina, and though Ms Lavigne has indeed shown improvement compared to a year or so ago, when she was spending 10-hour shifts in the Front Street office, she can’t possibly hope to compete with the American girl in this regard. And worse still is Cyrus knows this fact well. She barrels forward at the bell, hoping to take advantage of Avril’s sluggishness. Lavigne barely getting out of the gate before she’s battered once more up top with hard strikes in from the side, repeated hounding the head as Miley looks for the knockdown here. Avril’s legs still kicking of course, shooting fast flurries back after the initial shock of Miley’s punches landing. She manages to retaliate with counter-jabs into the jawline and nostrils, intending to make Miley pay for her insolence, but Cyrus not to be deterred so easily, and she just keeps on coming! Avril letting out another hard YELP as a hook slams into her unguarded ribs, making her stumble awkwardly in pain to the right. Miley automatically firing up a second swing, this time CATCHES her rival flush on the cheek, SWIVELS Avril about on the spot, the blonde losing her balance and stumbling awkwardly sideways only to crush into the ropes chest-first before ricocheting off of them and simply COLLAPSING onto the canvas on her back spread-eagled!!! WOW! What a blow from Miley freaking Cyrus and a blow for Avril Lavigne as the Queen is down and possibly OUT ladies and gentleman!
Referee counting the seconds out as Avril lies flat on her back and unmoving for a good half of it, arms resting lifelessly on the mat above her head, only her glistening with sweat, heaving midsection serving as an indication she's even alive at this point! Dollhouse personnel now in full-blown panic-mode, shouting at her from the apron to recover and do so FAST. Miley confident, cocky, tongue out as always, as she eyes her prey from the corner and working up the crowd. So far, so good, with still at least three more rounds left in order to seal the deal for her own corner. Avril showing signs of life, however, past the count of 5, groaning as she raises herself up with her elbows, before taking a knee one hallowed breath at a time. No space left for any insults at the moment, and we can only speculate what’s going through her mind with those glassy eyes and mouth rasping for air. She manages to rise by the skin of her teeth 9, though she’s still wobbling badly on her feet!
Miley looks set to charge in and finish her off, but it’s called off the referee as this round comes to a close still strongly in one girl’s favour. Avril’s woes continue to mount here: can she truly stay alive in the last quarter of this fight?
ROUND 7:
There goes the bell for seventh and THERE goes the charge, as predicted! Miley showing remarkable bouts of fitness here as she looks set to finish this fight, and finish it well! Avril STILL slow out of her own corner, bracing herself when a straight cross buffets her backwards, and then another right hook sails in from the side. So far, it’s textbook combo from Miley Cyrus, as she goes back into her routine of heavy-hitting punches. But what’s this?! Avril absorbing both those shots to her guard, before she UNLEASHES a right straight into Miley’s face! OUCH!! That right cross certainly packed a punch, forcing her to eat leather! Avril was biding her time all along, using Miley’s predictability to inflict some punishment of her own! Miley stunned, to say the least, wobbling backwards now and looking like her vision’s impaired somewhat! HERE comes Lavigne!! Tables turned at this crucial moment as Avril stalks her would-be stalker and slams precise shots into her head and body. All Miley has to do now is survive another minute or so, and it shouldn’t be too difficult with her momentum going for all her all along... But Avril herself also fired up from her sudden successes, shoots another flurry into the American’s chest before CATCHING her with a slick uppercut to the jawline! UGHH. Disney princess goes stumbling backwards, before DROPPING onto her ass, then collapsing onto her back against the ropes in a daze!
KNOCKDOWN for Avril Lavigne! KNOCKDOWN for Avril Lavigne! And the crowd going absolutely nuts here!
What a comeback! Avril barely able to stand at this point as she turns and wobbles back to her corner where she slumps against the corner post trying to catch her breath. There will be time for celebrations later if she manages to pull out a win here… But one can’t help but marvel at the fact that she timed that series of shots almost perfectly, using Miley’s own confidence and momentum against her. Cyrus trying to sit up as the referee slowly counts her out in the same way, in a cruel twist of fates, but that uppercut must have devastated her senses as the poor girl remains on her ass holding the ropes for support starring at nothing in particular with foggy eyes as the count passes her by forcing the ref to WAVE her off! IT’S OVER!!
Official Decision: Avril Lavigne defeats Miley Cyrus via KO7!
AFTER:
Raw relief on Avril’s face as the decision is made official. She looked to be in real trouble for a good majority of this fight, only to pull the rabbit out of the hat at the very last moment and come away with a stunning victory!
Finally allowing herself to field a huge grin, she raises one tired arm as the announcer mentions her name to her fans, shouting "Hell yeah, bitches!" between deep breaths.
The Queen taking her time to regain some energy as she leans back against the corner post panting while being checked for any serious damage by the Dollhouse medical crew. Finally taking off her gloves, Avril then reclaims her much-coveted crown from Carmen Electra and lays it on her head with a grin, with the crowd responding in kind by cheering the Canadian Punk-Princess for this great hard-fought win.
Miley being cradled by her own crew by the ropes, still slack-jawed and looking dazed when Avril sets her in her sights once more. The Queen finally decides she’s rested enough and leaves the safety of her corner to make her way over to do god knows what, and the next thing that happens is a wild boot-stomp sent straight onto the prone girl’s midsection from above without any warning. The medics and staff sent scrambling sideways in shock, their protests ignored by Avril, who seems to be filled with both confidence and loathing for her defeated foe.
Miley groaning, then trying to defend herself from any further damage by kicking in Avril’s general direction and shouting at her crew to ‘Get the f*ck off me!” as Avril shouts down at her from up top: "I used to think you're cool, but I guess you're just a crazy, cocky b*tch! Go back to making slutty topless photoshoots, you’re too talentless for anything else! I'm going to win the belt this year and all you can do is WATCH ME!"
Avril clamping a boot down on one of Miley's thigh, smiling down at her continued moans of pain, at the mercy of the victor tonight. Avril then takes a long victory pose with both her hands on her hips, a big grin for the cameras as she herself sticks out her tongue and says, “Better luck next time, Miles!" before leaving the ring giggling, on her way to celebrate another win with her proud crew.