4. Jessica Alba vs Elisha Cuthbert VIII (Bantamweight)

Jessica:
(37, 5’7, 52:65:4, The Fighting Academy)
Elisha:
(36, 5’3, 57:58:3, Lookout! Boxing)

BEFORE:
“It’s no secret that we do not like each other,” Jessica is first to speak at the press conference, barely stealing a glance over at Elisha Cuthbert, who’s seated at the other end of the table, and already judging what kind of reaction she’s going to get from the blonde. “Elisha’s been like a thorn in my side ever since my lost to her in 2011. I’ve been itching to pull her out and show her that i’m the better woman, once and for all.”

“Oh you’d like that very much, wouldn’t you?” Elisha sneering in reply. “Only you’ve missed out the fact that I’ve already beaten you flat and square in our long history together of four matches to three. If you want to make that five matches to three, I can gladly arrange that for you tonight.”

“In your dreams, Lishy. Tonight, I’m staging my comeback, and what better way to do that than to kick your ass once again!”

Tense stare down at the podium as these girls face-off for bragging rights more than anything else. There was a time when they would KO each other in one round and one round alone, and some spectators can’t help but feel that, as these two get close to that big round number of 40, they just might end this fight with more than just their broken egos.

Still, you won’t be able to tell their age as they strut down the ramp and make their way to the ring. Jessica in a tight-fighting orange swimsuit, revealing portions of skin that are more than enough to scintillate the imagination. She has her strawberry hair tied into a ponytail and she’s waving a pair of red gloves at a last minute shout of encouragement from the audience. Elisha still looking fine in a pink bikini, short denim shorts, confidently doing her last checks by tightening those black gloves off of each hand.

Referee signals for ten rounds of Bantamweight action to begin. HERE we go!

ROUND 1:
Alba stalking her opponent early, choosing wise shots as she hammers home more than one right hand into Elisha’s guard, and making her wince from the impact. Alba hasn’t looked this focused since she faced off against Rachel McAdams back in 2015, but she unfortunately lost that one match at the end of four rounds. If you can believe it, the sultry actress hasn’t won a match since that year prior, and coming off her most recent loss in 2018, she’s on a dismal 11-fight losing streak and counting. Perhaps that’s what’s given Cuthbert all the confidence in the world tonight to extend that to the number of 12. But that also explains the blonde’s sudden shock and surprise when a resurgent Alba hounds her effectively all throughout this first round, barely letting her get any punches in. The Lookout! starlet does manage to do some damage in the final minute, slapping a quick combination that grazes the lips and chin, but it’s still Jessica’s round through and through.

ROUND 2:
Jessica coming forward just like last time, and it’s only by meeting her with a head-on collision does Elisha get some payback this round. The girls meet in the center and trade blows in loud growls mixed with groans. Jessica was counting on making Elisha work for her money this time, gets a surprise of her own when Elisha stays put and buries more hooks into her guard, then her gut as well, initially driving her backwards. But Alba still on fire, steps back a couple more steps before surging forward and swinging, rattling Cuthbert’s cage with side-hooks, and then almost knocking her out senseless when she throws in a couple of fast uppercuts that nail Elisha’s arms down the middle. Elisha has had enough and retreats to her own corner in the last minute, knowing that Alba doesn’t have the energy at this point to chase him down. Elisha fighting smart, knows she’s done enough earlier in the round for herself to take the round by a close margin.

ROUND 3:
On the contrary, Alba sticking to her guns with a newfound passion. Maybe her aggression will pay off tonight, finally gaining her a much needed win in the ring. But Cuthbert onto her game at this point as well, eating a hook to the tummy before she swivels the rest of her body from danger, allowing Jess to tire herself out in chasing her all about the ring. It’s great that Jessica’s feeling so revitalised at this point, but she doesn’t realise that her opponent’s game plan is to let her work herself out before pouncing in for the kill. Elisha biding her time, focused on defensive maneuvering around her fists, and although some still do catch her on the body or just grazing the chin, Alba doesn’t do as much damage as she’d like to here, with the amount of effort disproportionate to the end results. Jessica still takes the third round for herself, but from the way both women are heading back to corners, you’d think that Elisha is smiling for a good cause.

ROUND 4:
And there we have it - girls meet in the middle at the opening bell, as per normal. Alba swinging a hook once Elisha’s in range, as per normal as well. Only this time, Cuthbert stands her ground and SMACKS a right hand of her own straight into t cheek as retaliation, having weaved back and avoided her earlier attempt. Jessica’s groan is audible as another glove catches her on the face, and then another and another, with Cuthbert on the offensive and now driving the poor actress backwards and out. Jessica shellshocked, wondering where this sudden energy and power is coming from. She has no choice but to cling on to Elisha’s shoulders when her back hits the ropes, with both women snarling insults into each other’s ears, even as they push and shove on skin. Elisha could have scored an early knockdown here if it weren’t for the bodying bronze tummy keeping hers close and therefore negating her punching power. Alba even succeeding in rotating their positions around for a brief moment, shoving herself off roughly and then keeping her distance for the remainder, frustrating Elisha even further.

ROUND 5:
Now Alba’s weary of what her foe is up to, and Elisha has lost the element of surprise somewhat. They circle warily for the first thirty seconds, both women not entirely sure where to go from here without someone’s help. Elisha flicking that right hand in her direction, more to spook her and test the waters than anything else. But the blonde is surprised when Alba decides to take the bait, bobbing her head to the side of a straight jab and then chugging in looking for a knockdown attempt of her own! Elisha grunts as a double uppercut combination hits her arms in quick succession - it’s lucky she bent her body over in anticipation of such a move - Jessica, now in her face and wailing away with strong swings at her torso then batting punches into her tummy, thinking she’s making progress. Nope - behind those gloves, Elisha weathering the onslaught well, thinking about when’s the next opening to put her lights out. It comes in the third minute: Elisha seeing an opening and again catching Alba square on the face with a lightning side-hook, swiveling those pretty features to the right. Alba thinking it’s beginner’s luck, however, groaning out loud but quickly shaking her head and pushing on further, thinking Elisha’s about to drop at any moment herself. Elisha however with other plans, ducking under another wild hook from the brunette, before sending an uppercut into the jawline that STACKS Alba upwards and she COLLAPSES down onto her side! KNOCKDOWN for Elisha Cuthbert in dramatic fashion!

The blonde’s smiling as she meekly raises a hand to acknowledge this small victory. Remember, all that abuse directed at her forearms has turned them into a bright shade of pink, but perhaps it’s all worth it to see one of her most hated rivals sprawled out at her feet on the ground! Jessica alive, no doubt, but eyes already fluttering wildly, mouth hanging open as she struggles to get back up. Cuthbert expecting nothing else, really, when she gets back up to her feet by the count of 8. This fight is continuing!

ROUND 6:
Cuthbert’s turn to bunch up her gloves in confident fashion, intending to head straight for Alba when the bell rings. Certainly looks like Jessica’s on her last sea legs as she’s slow to rise from her stool and then even slower as she comes forward, a far cry from some of her previous outings. Cuthbert seeing this as signs of weakness, meets her three-quarters of the way and starts pestering her with jabs jabs and more jabs. Alba not fighting back immediately, covers up her head and chest as her body eats straight hands from Elisha in quick succession. Elisha’s punches being thrown faster and faster, as we can see from afar - she even decides to step backwards at one moment, square those shoulders and pull back her right hand for maximum draw. Alba’s bewildered face is the target in question, only for the right cross to MISS when Jessica swerves to one side at the last notice, the punch barely grazing the side of her cheek before Elisha’s own eyes widen, then SNAPPED shut, when Jessica JAMS that right hand of her own clean up design into Elisha’s jawline, sending that head into orbit and Elisha crashing down flat on her back! Good lord - that’s TWO knockdowns in the span of minutes!

Alba too tired to celebrate on her own, merely half-raising an arm before turning and heading back to neutral corner to rest, leaving Elisha alone to her own fate. Cuthbert’s chest rising and falling in steady rhythms, but her eyes shut close as she sucks in air on the ground. The referee hitting 5 and she’s still barely stirred from that position. It’s only until the count of 7 registers and the blonde begins to push herself back up and is finally onto her feet by the count of 9.

There’s still two minutes left on the clock, but honestly both women not in the mood to finish this fight with so little energy left. And so they basically repeat what they did prior: circle left/right, then jab/jab at the head and body over and over again. The punches don’t always land true, but by the time the bell rings, at least Jessica can proudly say she managed to come out on top this time.

ROUND 7:
Round 7 and it must be hell for bodies so strained over time. Indeed, the women start off this round with that same snail’s pacing in the last minute of the sixth, and it’s only after the edging on of both corners do the women venture into each other’s space again. Still, the power hooks are getting rarer and rarer, with both women trading stiff jabs or straight hands to the face in one after the other fashion. Jessica scoring with a right fist straight into the nostrils, but Elisha barely registering the pain before she slams her own glove into the actress’ mouth. Each time this happens, they take a few steps back, taking time to mourn their pain, before throwing themselves back into the fray once more. By the time the three minutes are up, I’d say this round is a draw in every way, by by sheer number of hits landed and of course, sheer amount of hatred embodied in both their hearts.

ROUND 8:
Women are snarling at each other even as they’re swaying precariously on their feet. Let’s not forget that they have EACH a knockdown under their belts at this point, but what that means is that their exhaustion is starting to kick in as well. Jessica still wants this win, and wants it badly, sudden burst of energy sees her landing shot after shot into Elisha’s forearms. Cuthbert remembering to breathe steadily as she absorbs and absorbs, with Alba’s fists rattling her frame and shaking her teeth from the impacts. Alba looks set to dominate this round, until Elisha decides to use an opening to jam her own right hand into her enemy’s face, out of nowhere sticking and forcing it in with as much strength as she could muster, causing a yelp of pain from Alba’s lips! That must have been more shocking than painful, and yet she was caught so unawares that if Elisha had any fight left in her at this point, she would have left herself more open to having more consecutive jabs that Cuthbert fires away into the face, without much resistance to stop them. Alba’s head getting rocked and rattled, snapped backwards as Elisha punts at her nose harder and harder, until Jessica’s eyes roll back all the way and she simply CRUMPLES into a heap! This time, she’s not getting up, and the referee takes one look and WAVES the fight off! Elisha’s done it again!

Official Decision: Elisha Cuthbert defeats Jessica Alba via KO8!

AFTER:
Brilliant display of effort from both women, I would say, but one girl has to come out on top whilst the other seriously needs to reevaluate her life choices.

“She’s done. Finished.” Elisha stating post-fight to reporters. “Honestly I have no idea how she keeps getting herself booked for these fights. The managers must want her as an easy opponent to thrash.”

Jessica getting treated by medics in her own corner, face quickly looking swollen and red. Maybe these two have fought for the last time - no further words need to be spoken as Elisha celebrates with teammates before leaving the ring for good, not even sparing a glance or consideration for her long-time rival. The result tonight proved who the better woman was, and it looks to stay that way for the near future.