Kat Dennings vs Jessica Simpson
(Front Street Gym vs FCBA Independent)
(31-11-1, 27 KO vs 38-52-2, 33 KO)
JMD Value: 34DD (Natural) vs 34DD (Natural)
Results: Lookout!; Story: Vassago

BEFORE:

Jenny Mac: "Gawd, I hate Jessica Simpson! What a worthless piece of ####!!"

O'Dell: "Now then, we all know Jessica's been through a lot in FCBA and still puts butts in seats!"

Jenny Mac: "Who cares? I thought they're here because Kat's rack is bigger than her brain!"

O'Dell: "Well, it's a Queendom card after all. Every bust size is more important than one's IQ!!!"

Jenny Mac: "And where is your Master degree, Miss IQ O'Dell?"

O'Dell: "Nevermind... Kat will be hard-pressed to make up for the lost time! She had JMD championship offers on the table!"

Jenny Mac: "And she rejected them because her rack is still bigger than her brain..."

O'Dell: "You're a broken record, McCarthy!"

Jenny Mac: "And I'm PROUD of it! Damn, is Simpson strippin' topless already? No? Could have fooled me with that outfit!"

Kat Dennings wears a navy blue bikini top, denim shorts & white gloves. Long dark brown hair tied in a curled ponytail. Jessica Simpson wears a Confederate rebel flag bikini top, blue panties & black gloves. Long blonde hair tied in a curled ponytail. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the bantamweight division.

Round 1:
Kat's been walking on a short JMD leash all those years but she wants to make an early statement and simply powers through the blonde's forearms to lift some 34DD flesh straight from the word go! Jessica's seen it all but she can barely hang on in close range as she clips the brunette's boobs in similar fashion only to succumb to the outright weight carried by the JMD rookie. Kat barks with almost every punch she lands on target and Simpsy has to check out into mid-distance just to survive the onslaught. Kat takes no prisoners here but her footwork is a little questionable so the blonde veteran actually manages to find some solace but that's not what the Orlando audience wanted to see. She mounts a proper recovery in the final minute but Dennings thrives on the bumper cars exchange and easily lifts more of the Texan rack to slump the singer into more aches come the bell.

Round 2:
Simpsy uses the supreme footwork to keep Dennings at bay during the opening minute and frustration eventually boils over for the Philly native who misfires with the sidestep juke and gets caught by a vicious uppercut that bounces off her chest and heads straight for the jaw. Ugh! Jessica lands that one clean if a little fortunate but she takes it over from there as she rallies behind a steady uppercut route to expose the JMD rookie; Kat drops to her heels and keeps misfiring while looking for some balance while Simpsy almost head-butts her in the phone booth pursuit and eventually thumps back to the ropes in jug-to-jug contact. She aids her cause by piercing the brunette's guts and bends her into spasms with a cruel shot on the solar plexus that Dennings somehow never saw coming. Ugh! Another belter on the ribs keeps the younger girl in shutdown mode and the bell actually stops a flurry of pesky shots that dig deep into her cleavage as well. Simpsy is still alive here in this boxing thing, folks!

Round 3:
Kat looks genuinely spooked over that ugly finish to the previous round and reverts into blatant clinching rather than dishing out a proper jug muggin' punishment. Huh! It's safe to say she was handed a tougher opponent than Hunter King but that still doesn't justify her actions that earn her a jeering reward from the Orlando audience. Simpsy stays indifferent to this tactics and keeps ploughing the brunette in the gut but that only further builds her confidence as Dennings can't find a way out without pushing for an illegal blow that Jenny McCarthy is a great fan of in the booth! Ain't gonna happen and Jessica bumps the sluggish opponent into the ropes where she works the uppercut damage to slump a shockingly cumbersome Philly girl into loud spasms for a good measure.

Round 4:
All Simpsy here in the fourth! Dennings with that deer in the headlights look when the JMD legend cranks it up in close range to punish the fellow 34DD rack! She cripples the brunette with a burst of power that Kat simply can't avoid as she remains glued to the spot and the Texas native goes all-in to splatter the jugs and threaten a genuine wardrobe malfunction. Dennings rolls onto her heels and trembles into more spasms when Simpson outworks her in heads-up slugging dispute before a drilling hook nails her on the nose and drops into a crunching hook on the chest. Oi, Kat! Another clinching effort is quickly blocked by an uppercut set though which DUMPS DENNINGS FACE-DOWN ON THE CANVAS!!! Even Jenny O'Dell goes silent in the booth as Simpsy channels the upset majeure!!! Kat spends several seconds on all fours before mounting a late recovery at eight and Simpsy taunts her with that Texan accent seldom heard from over the past few years! She IS back??? Or not... the knockout attempt misses the target as Kat beats her for a quick overhand before dropping a hammer on the liver area which bends the cocky blonde sideways... a powerful hook then scythes the singer's chest and the acton slows down since Jessica thinks better off it while Kat just wants to hear the bell! It's still 39-36 Simpson after four and that's a shocking score for most of the viewers!

Round 5:
Grace Park is furious in the Front Street corner and Kat has to accept the swarming assault whether she likes it or not! Jessica carries too much momentum not to punish more Philly rack and it's like a Cowboys vs Eagles grudge brawl as both women trade heavy point-blank range attack during the opening minute. Kat has recovered from the knockdown much better than neutral fans anticipated but the chaotic nature of the aggressive dispute brings little joy to the Front Street entourage since Simpsy simply refuses to back off here and wants to spoil Dennings' JMD maiden effort. A lot of huff & puff here without a proper breakthrough and even the switch downstairs bounces off the forearms more often to close out a heated albeit ineffective period. Now Simpsy accepts the clinching respite and quite frankly that's more bad news for Dennings who is close to losing her temper as she talks to Grace & Pink during the break.

Round 6:
Simpsy has found a new life tonight and hassles the JMD rookie with more crisp east/west shots on target that force Kat to slug it out in close range while trying to keep her balance. She clips the blonde's rack and skims off to connect with the jaw before she drops a left hook on the liver that the otherwise confident singer failed to embrace... Ugh... Another left hook blasts the older girl on the money and suddenly Dennings resumes command by blowing one uppercut after another to cripple Simpson on the spot. She carries a scything cross that finds both jug & jaw and then targets the exposed liver again while taking advantage of Jessica losing her feet. Ugh! This one moment when Jessica needed to bounce back into safety she gets caught flat-footed and Kat hauls in the liver shot THAT PUTS THE TEXAS BLONDE DOWN!! Oh my!!! She blew it!!! Simpsy remains on all fours deep into the count and the recovery effort doesn't cut it either... She still hugs the aching spot and refuses to accept the referee's call to stop the contest! "What do you mean it's over?? I'm winning the damn fight! Ai..."

Jenny Mac: "Smoke this #### and then some. We ain't got 15 seconds to hear this ####. TKO6 Kat 'The Rack' Dennings but boy, that was an ugly one!"

AFTER: Kat barks in full volume and tries to muscle her way past the referee: "I'm still taking your Dixie top, bytch! Who dares to stop THE RACK??!!" A verbal dispute follows and even Cassie Scerbo needs to pause the mic as Kat lets all her frustration out and threatens to disobey the Front Street house rules of NOT engaging in any post-fight action. Eventually Grace Park drags her back to the corner while the slumped Simpsy is the one who answers Scerbo's questions:

"Well, that was... ahem... Aw, f### it! I got robbed!!! I'm doing just fine and the ref gave her a TKO??? Good grief, thank God this wasn't my 100th fight yet... I need a fuckin' drink!!! And my Dixie top stay with me!!! She can forget about getting it! I'm the blonde rebel now, see? I can still plump these bytches and make 'em cry!!! I was sooo close! Stupid ref! Stupid rules!!!"

O'Dell: "Well, Jessica surely does her best Jenny Mac impression right there!"

Jenny Mac: "I'd NEVER lost this fight! This was hers for the taking and she BLEW IT!!!"

O'Dell: "Yes, she did and Kat won't be getting Performance of the Night bonus! Dare we say Hunter King is a better prospect than Kat going forward?"

Jenny Mac: "Yes she IS!! Blondes RULE!!! Just not blonde bimbos named Jessica Dixie Rebel All the way Up her ### Simpson! Bang on! It's time for a commercial. HBO loves these commercials..."

Official result: Kat Dennings def. Jessica Simpson TKO6.