O'Dell: "You are looking LIVE at the sold out Asylum Arena in Philadelphia! I'm Jennifer O'Dell, and I'm here along with Tess Valmore, The Bad Girl Of Bazz, Cassie Scerbo, and The Loose Cannon Of The FCBA, The Straw That Stirs The Drink, Jenny McCarthy, and ladies, we're going to wrap March with another great Asylum card!"

Tess: "We'll get started with lightweight action as Christina Ochoa faces off with Gemma Arterton."

Cassie: "Then, it's the division where I rule, flyweight, for the Asylum return of Sarah Hyland against Billie Eilish before heading back to lightweight for Cobie Smulders, who'll return to Philly to battle Taylor Hill!"

McCarthy: "And, if you think watching that talentless toothpick HILL is bad, it gets worse from there, because we'll be subjected to Weirdo's overrated bantamweights. First, something called a Danielle Savre will make her FCBA debut against Sophie Mudd, and then AJ Michalka will fight that overrated, slow, lucky Campbell Clone Kat Dennings!"

Tess: "We'll wrap with another bantamweight battle, featuring Odds and Ends' Hayley Orrantia making her Asylum debut against Lili Reinhart!"

O'Dell: "Six fights, three weight classes, and one heck of a card. So get those shot glasses and bingo cards ready, sit back, relax, and enjoy 'The Alphabet At The Asylum III: Season Of The Witch!"