BEFORE:

"THIS is going to STOP!" says McCarthy with a barely controlled fury. "Every time I turn around, Weirdo's got some Dancing Hooker stealing MY song and MY name and MY gimmick! Well. It ends TONIGHT! With my FIST in that fraud's FACE."

"See," says Kennedy with the hint of a smile, "This isn't about some GIMMICK to me. It's about a FIGHT. A fight I plan to WIN."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and we're being joined by Alison Brie once again..."

Oh, the shark, babe

Has such teeth, dear

Alison: "And, we're wasting no time getting this one underway..."

O'Dell: "We are not. And, what you are hearing is the Frank Sinatra version of 'Mack The Knife', and that can only mean that our colleague, Jenny 'Mac The Knife' McCarthy is on her way to the ring..."

Cassie: "STORMING to the ring is more like it."

Tess: "All business, no question about that."

O'Dell: "Mac into the ring and helped off with the robe by the Sceej corner crew...

Oh, the shark, babe

Has such teeth, dear...

O'Dell: "And, Mac going APE in the ring having to be held back from going outside to go after the young lady coming to the ring right now, Kennedy 'Mac The Knife' McMann!"

Cassie: "You know, a woman of Mac's advanced AGE really shouldn't be allowed so much excitement..."

Tess: "If only she were here to hear that..."

Alison: "Look, we pay the cleaning crew here enough. Jane doesn't need to be writing a check for cleaning up the remains of McCarthy's exploded head..."

Cassie: "Easy clean up. There's nothing IN it!"

Tess (laughing): "You are on FIRE, BFF!"

O'Dell (sighing): "McMann into the ring and helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve. She's wearing that lavender two piece we've seen before. And, the ladies are about ready. Time for some picks. Tess favors Kennedy. Mac has left a note saying 'She will be mine by four'."

Alison: "Clearly she doesn't get the whole rhyming thing of the Ali prediction..."

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"

O'Dell: "There's the bell. McCarthy on her toes early. Jenny giving up quite a bit of weight in this one. Weigh in saw McCarthy at 117 and McMann at 129. So, no question J-Mac's strategy is going to be movement, using the quicks against the bigger woman, and she's doing that well right now."

Tess: "But, you've got to wonder, at Jenny's age, how long she can keep that up..."

McCarthy (screaming down from the ring as she circles past the table): "I HEARD that Walmart! SHUT UP!"

O'Dell (sighing): "Drink up, boys, as Mac circles the ring. Kennedy looking to get the jab on, square up the blonde, but she can't get it done. Right now, McCarthy not able to be found, but she's not just dancing around. She's stopping, bouncing forward for solid combinations, then slipping rejoinders back to open ocean."

Cassie: "Got to admit, J-Mac's taking Kennedy to the woodshed right now."

O'Dell: "Final seconds of the first and it's been almost all J-Mac. McCarthy with a little ALI SHUFFLE right above the table, then circles away as McMann continues her pursuit. Five seconds left, McCarthy a quick flurry and there's the bell and J-Mac gesturing to the owner's box where Wiz and Pointy sit among several others. No doubt. McCarthy wide."

Alison: "And, Jenny up 10-9 while acting like she just won the title."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Back to work in the second and McCarthy on the move. McMann adjusting now. She's slowing the pursuit, doing more stalking than chasing. She's working the feet, looking to cut, and, when she can, getting off quickly in combination before J-Mac can slip away."

Tess: "Mac showing those veteran wiles, though. She's keeping those exchanges short."

O'Dell: "Definitely is, but McMann getting work done, scoring with both hands. Meanwhile, when she's able to stay on the move it's Mac having the better of it, circling, jabbing, stopping for quick combinations, then slipping away again. Good, two way round in the second."

Alison: "But, Kennedy's clearly getting more comfortable."

O'Dell: "No doubt about that. Redhead looking much smoother than she did in the first. Just seconds remaining in the round. Sharp exchange there and nobody really got the better of it. Mac circles away and legs out the final seconds. Not a lot in it, but McMann's round, I think."

Cassie: "And, we're even at 19."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Pattern beginning to be established now. Mac on the move and Kennedy patiently stalking, looking to match footwork, cut the ring, square McCarthy up and then make with the heavy leather. Both women getting some of what they want, and, as a result, is closely-fought stuff."

Cassie: "As Tess pointed out, though, you have to wonder how long Jenny can do this."

O'Dell: "That's one question, but another is, how long does she HAVE to do this? We all know Mac has a LOT of power for a bantam. She's finding openings when she stops to pop. I suspect she can hurt McMann and I also suspect that's the fight plan at some level..."

Alison: "HAS to be. SHE might be delusional enough to think she can dance ten rounds, but..."

O'Dell: "Mac not slowing down to this point, anyway. McMann cuts the ring, lands a nice combination, but Jenny slips away, back to the legs. Not much in this round at all as the final seconds tick off the clock. Mac legging and there's the bell. Don't think either lady claims the points here. Even round."

Tess: "And we're even on the cards at 29."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Mac on her bicycle to start the fourth. McMann in slow, deliberate pursuit. Kennedy deliberate, not taking chances or getting sloppy. McCarthy snapping out that jab, stopping, landing a nice, quick combination, then slipping a rejoinder and slipping away...giving that Ali shuffle and she gets a pop from the crowd..."

Tess: "Mac definitely loving this right now."

O'Dell: "No doubt about it. McMann resolute. Staying patient. Working the feet, cutting the ring, landing a nice right hand before Mac again slips away and begins the jab and circle routine. Blonde with a NICE combination there! Snapped back Kennedy's head with a right hand."

Cassie: "Like you said, Jenny, Mac has good power for a bantam."

O'Dell: "Does, indeed. Down the stretch in the fourth. Again, a good, two-way round in what's been a close fight to this point. McCarthy a quick flurry. Kennedy lands a right hand counter before Jenny bounces away and legs away the final seconds of the fourth. There's the bell. McCarthy. Close."

Alison: "And, J-Mac goes back in the lead 39-38."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Fifth underway with Mac still moving well and McMann still stalking. Redhead patient, working the feet, looking to cut the ring, gets that done, lands a nice combination and ROCKED MAC WITH IT! J-Mac's legs to a SHIMMY and now Kennedy is all in!"

Alison: "McCarthy is in DEEP trouble right now."

O'Dell: "No doubt about it! McMann backing her up with flurry after flurry of hard shot. Mac keeping the hands up, covering up, giving ground, backed to the ropes now. Kennedy winging bombs while J-Mac covers up and rolls with punches. Ref looking in closely..."

Tess: "If he stops this, we'll never hear the end of it."

O'Dell: "Mac doing enough to prevent that. She's jabbing back in spots, keeping the guard up, moving the head, tying up when she can. Kennedy working some body now. Mac keeping the guard high. Ten seconds left. Mac tying up. Kennedy punches free and lands a nice right at the bell. No doubt. McMann. Wide."

Cassie: "We're even at 48. But, it doesn't FEEL even right now."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Sixth underway and McMann looking to finish. Redhead walking Mac down behind her heavy left jab, dropping big right hands on the blonde. Mac giving ground, keeping the hands up, countering here and there, but unable to hold canvas right now and DOWN SHE GOES!"

Alison: "WHAT A RIGHT BY KENNEDY!"

O'Dell: "J-Mac spilled to her back. Redhead quickly to a neutral corner. Count at three. Four. Five. Mac sitting up at six. Seven. Eight. To her feet at nine. Ref going to give her the mandatory. Ref looking hard at Jenny Mac holding his handin front of her face and asking how many fingers...

Cassie: "OMG...did the mics get that?!! Ref asking her how many fingers and the Greatest Fighting Bimbo of all time mumbling 'there wasn't supposed to be any math .... Oh it's getting better!!! He's holding up three fingers and she guessed seven!!!!"

Tess: Gena Lee Nolin in Sceej corner demanding ref let it go on - saying and these are her words, not mine "She's fine ... she's always like that ... she's just not good at arithmetic!"

O'Dell: "Not sure he ought to allow this to continue, but he's waiving on Kennedy..."

Cassie: "It's not going to continue for long..."

O'Dell: "McMann boring forward now, backing Mac up with every punch. McCarthy on rubber legs as she's forced into the ropes again. Redhead letting the hands go! Snapping back Mac's head again and again! Mac wobbling and IT'S OVER! The referee leaps in and it's OVER! And your winner by TKO6 is Kennedy 'Mac The Knife' McMann!"

Tess: "We are NEVER going to hear the end of this..."

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Kennedy McMann and..."

McCarthy (shoving McMann aside): "I TOLD you all, Walmart! This is what Weirdo and his Hooking Dancers get for disrejecting...disreflecting...dis...NOT RESPECTING ME! I came in here and did JUST what I said I'd do! I wiped the floor with his fraud Mac The Knife right in front of this low-standards Philly crowd!"

Tess: "Mac..."

Cassie (still ringside): "She thinks she WON?!!! This is priceless! Tess, for god's sake, keep her talking, this is ratings gold - she's completely loopy!!!"

McCarthy (wobbling as she talks): "Don't you EYE me, Campbell! I'll come over there and give YOU some! I can go another ten rounds, easy! You saw tonight who roosts the rule in the FCBA! That's right, it's Mac The Knife, the REAL Mac The Knife, the greatest playmating fighter of all history! You saw! You saw! And, as for you, Weirdo, I have just ONE thing to say..."

Swan Lake XIV: Swans vs. Jason

Heidi Montag

Nadya Suleman

Kris Humphries

Chris Crocker