(Results: Vassago, Words: Caspian)

Petra Nemcova:
(38, 6’0, 3:0 BBU, SIRENs)

Mallory Snyder: 
(36, 5’11, BBU Debut, Free Agent)

BEFORE:
A battle of Welterweights here as these BBU gals try to show their FCBA counterparts that they too can put on a diamond showcase! Mallory Snyder and Petra Nemcova are set for ten rounds of action, both of whom are Sports Illustrated alumni and eager to prove their worth even past the age of 35. Snyder in particular looks on with disdain, expecting the star treatment after claiming to have KO’ed a certain Brooklyn Decker in an unsanctioned beach boxing bout several years ago.

“Ha. I believe that story as much as I believe pigs can fly,” Petra scoffs, rolls her eyes during the dubious segment of the press conference, drawing the ire of Snyder almost immediately.

“Believe it or not, I’m about to knock you out in similar fashion,” Snyder snarks back, flexing a bicep for emphasis.

Ladies however are respectful as they square up at the podium, both Cougars wanting to conserve their energies for the actual fight. Not much difference in terms of age, height and built, with Mallory’s claim to have beaten boxing royalty unsubstantiated. But taking that feat into account, both ladies should be more than a match for each other.

Hours later, we’re in the ring, with Nemcova in one corner, dressed in a dark blue bikini top and black boxing trunks, facing Snyder in an amber bikini top and briefs. Petra’s white gloves smack into Mallory’s red, and with a wave of the hand, HERE we go with ten rounds of Welterweight action!

ROUND 1: 
Mallory comes in HOT at the opening bell, banking on the fact that Nemcova’s an aged cougar like herself and would prefer a slower start. She’s guessed right: Nemcova taken almost by surprise as the first punches come sailing in, Mallory aiming combos at her face and forcing the Siren head-honcho to cover up and grunt from the multiple impacts. Petra caught in a bad place, has trouble punching back amidst the hail of lefts and rights that are splattering all over her frame, and neither is a retreat viable at this stage, with Mallory’s aggression meaning the long-haired beauty is storming into her space at every opportunity. All Petra can do is clinch up at multiple points, which is never a good sign this early in a fight. WIDE round goes to the challenger as Snyder roars to the crowd at the bell, marching back to her corner with a wide grin on her face and forcing the rest of us to start believing those stories about her.

ROUND 2: 
More bad news as Petra still has trouble adjusting to her foe’s tactics. The traditionally calm and defensive Nemcova is surprised by her opponent’s unconventional tactics and youthful energy as she covers her head up and marches backwards, all amidst a hail or jabs and straight hands slammed in after her. Snyder, looking for an early, dominant showing, perhaps, doesn’t want to see this fight through to ten rounds, and it works: she sneaks in a right hand straight to Petra’s lips early, stunning her head back. Before Nemcova can regroup, a glancing hook the side of the arms wobbles her, then knocks her DOWN to all fours!! An early KNOCKDOWN from Snyder, who continues to impress! Mallory’s upwards trajectory continues, chiding Petra as the Siren struggles to recover by the count of 8, Nemcova’s corner looking both worried and frustrated as she gets outclassed after two rounds. If this continues, we might just call it an early night by the next round, folks.

ROUND 3: 
FINALLY Petra lets her fists fly, meeting her opponent HEAD-ON in the middle of the ring in a mad dash of flying limbs and curses. Mallory had rushed forward at the bell, as expected, but didn’t expect her opponent to do the same, as the two cougars CLASH in the center and take turns sticking their gloves into each other’s faces. Brutal slugging action from this pair of aged models, and it’s an impressive feat indeed to see them going at each other without a care in the world, especially when they don’t have to be in the ring at this point of their careers. Mallory snarls as she’s beaten back, in danger of finally losing a round this time - she takes a left hand straight to the top of her temple, then another one-two jabs stingin’ the nostrils as her head’s thrown back against her will, her cheek stung and eyes brimming with tears from the pain. Petra of course not immune to damage this round, having taken shots as well to the side of her face, more drubbin’ across her breasts and body, but she finally takes the round by a small margin!

ROUND 4: 
Mallory back to her dominant ways in the first minute, swinging away wildly at Petra in the hopes of catching her off-guard again. Nemcova takes an early shot to her mouth but then quickly rallies, now better equipped to deal with her opponent’s wild ways. The big blonde is employing effective counter-fighting tools, weaving fast for someone her age before swiping a right hook across the shocked girl’s face, with Mallory eating punishment in this manner all throughout the fourth round without realising it. Petra turns the tide slowly but surely, picks up her attacks through the third minute, punting the other blonde’s head backwards with a snap to the nose, drawing a gurgle from lips. Just as Snyder’s back hits the ropes, however, and Petra looks primed to send her down with a knockdown of her own, the bell rings, which saves the challenger from a humiliating defeat.

ROUND 5: 
All that wind’s knocked out of her frame now, as Mallory’s fast start is wilting into a smaller breeze caught in her sails, her energy all but expended now that she’s exerted herself too much. Nemcova’s methodical now, knows she’s taken the field and cautiously presses in with lefts and rights thrown through at the guard, slamming home as Snyder takes a beating backwards without much answer. Mallory with less snark now, eyes flashing danger and worry as her opponent pushes her back with hard punches dug into the body, Petra squaring her shoulders then powering a cross-hand to the middle of the arms, threatening to split Snyder’s guard open completely. With a last shout of alarm, Petra smacks Snyder around the head with a reaching hook, sending her sprawling into the ropes and then stumbling along precariously. Little effort needed afterwards as Nemcova steps in, LIFTS the poor woman’s chin up to the sky, which seems to do the trick! Mallory’s strings CUT on the spot as the cougar melts to canvas in a heap! Referee takes a quick look and WAVES the rest of the fight off before the 10-count’s complete! It’s OVER!!

Official Decision: Petra Nemcova defeats Mallory Snyder via KO5!

AFTER:
A proud moment for the SIREN-boss, who proves that age is NO factor when it comes to putting on a show, and of course, winning by the end of it always helps! She shows little respect for Snyder in the post-match, ignores her squirming counterpart on her way back to the corner, where she receives hearty congratulations from members of her own stable. 

Perhaps we’ll never know if Snyder’s claims hold any water, though we’d certainly be interested to hear what Brooklyn Decker has to say about that story herself, the former Welterweight champion might be more than keen for a rematch if she were to be watching the proceedings tonight!