BBU Jugs of Mass Destruction Title
Ch Charlotte Church vs Michelle Keegan
(Lioness Club vs Beever's Babes)
(16-11, 16 KO vs 23-17, 20 KO)
JMD Value: 36C (Natural) vs 30E (Natural)
Results: Lookout!; Story: Vassago

BEFORE: We're ready for the Boxing Day PPV Main Event and two of the most accomplished UK fighters take center stage with local favorite Charlotte Church and former Coronation Street standout Michelle Keegan. Charlotte added the BBU JMD crown to her resume back in August but Michelle has secured the golden crown on the other side of the pond back in 2015 and became the first BBU regular who officially conquered the FCBA silverware market: "Look, forget Alessandra Ambrosio becoming the BBU & FCBA lineal champion, my JMD title means more to anyone who follows the UK boxing scene! I whooped Linsday Lohan and Christina Ricci back there so of course this fat Welsh cow is going down here tonight! No offense Charlotte but nobody cares about your singing career and your boxing is overrated anyway!"

Charlotte Church not-so-kindly reminds Michelle that her boxing career dates back before BBU was even formed: "This crossover bytch thinks she's better than me because she won the FCBA JMD title! Sheesh, without BBU you're not even invited there, cow! There's Kate Beckinsale, Kelly Brook, Catherine Zeta-Jones and ME!!! The four true goddesses of the UK boxing scene. Everyone else is irrelevant no matter how many Soap TV Awards they won! And it's not like Michelle won them in the acting categories whatsoever!" (laughs).

Charlotte Church wears a red bikini set, white hotpants & green gloves. Shoulder lenght brown hair straight. Michelle Keegan wears a white bikini set & red gloves. Long dark brown hair tied in a curled ponytail. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds, JMD rules apply.

Round 1:
Charlotte has the Welsh crowd roaring in support but the quick-fire approach blows into her jugs early as Michelle simply outworks her during a feisty phone booth rangle and rips a dose of brutal uppercuts to open the singer high & wide for more attacks. Keegan is too fast for the Welsh girl to match her execution and yields real estate upon the repeated impact as the brunette reigns supreme and lands one nasty blow after another. Championship respect is one thing but it's notoriously difficult to impress Michelle and she ploughs through to secure easy contact while the heavier woman tries to find her footing before it's too late. She fails to apply the mid-distance reprieve and keeps leaking more uppercuts as Keegan closes her down and bumps butt-in-ropes where the hits just keep on coming until the bell mercifully ends Church's misery. Huh! If she wasn't a genuine veteran, she'd look awfully out of depth here while the smile on Michelle's face just couldn't be any bigger right now!

Round 2:
Michelle moves to restore the supreme jug muggin' order even though Charlotte realizes she's not gonna beat the ex-Corrie stalwart with speed here. She needs to apply as much genuine power as possible and she hangs on during a feisty dispute where she tackles Keegan's boobs from the inside before blasting her on the windpipe with a stray hook. Dirty foul, bytch! Or maybe not as Keegen gets more aggressive and barks in her efforts to punish the Welsh jugs. Church slips by to blow a stinger double on the navel and switches into a ferocious uppercut drive herself that finally bumps the English babe off into mid-range. Michelle swings over the top to smash a nasty hook on the lips but Charlotte catches her with another belting cross on the boobs and lands a follow up on the solar plexus. Keegan wobbles onto her heels and gets bumped onto the ropes thereafter but the Welsh singer just can't find that one mighty punch to really sink her foe into meaningful trouble before the clock expires.

Round 3:
Back & forth slugging during the early stages as neither woman is able to gain the upperhand before Michelle plugs a looping cross on the temple and digs deep low moments later to punish the liver area. Ugh! Church was too slow to cover for that one and wobbles to the side as Michelle applies the nitro package and bounces off the abs in speed dial fashion. Charlotte begins to scowl in pain but fails to stop the Brit's rout until she bellows out onto the ropes with Michelle riding the uppercut change to add to her advantage. She traps the local favorite butt-in-ropes and uses her abs as target practice but still adds enough uppercuts to send the singer into reeling mode. Charlotte can't use her supreme weight to really throw Keegan off her stance and slumps into loud spasms which only fuels the brunette's drill come the final minute. Charlie's boobs bounce off her slumped chin as Michelle takes her uppercut drive to the house and that huge smile is back on when the ref pulls her away at the bell. 

Round 4:
Michelle tries to plug immediate damage into Charlotte's boobs but the Welsh singer tackles her downstairs amid a wild jabbing frenzy which leaves both melon sets on the move. Michelle's uppercut blast is significant enough to lift the singer's assets alright but she gets drilled on the liver area herself and tries to bump the older woman onto her heels in classic jug-to-jug contact. This is where she's unable to perform the trick due to Church's bigger weight and eats a brutal cross on the solar plexus before Charlie beats her for a thumping hook that bounces off the boobs and carries straight onto the jaw! Michelle wobbles to her heels and before she can adjust her stance, Charlotte blows into her rack with more uppercuts causing the Corrie babe to scream out in pain. Church powers ahead with more uppercut menace and backs the reeling brunette onto the ropes where she wrecks havoc as Keegan struggles to fight back while her boobs are lifted into her chin. Uh-oh! The bantamweight power comes to the fore and dumps Keehan into a yelping struggle while the Welsh crowd roars in delight when the Stockport lass stumbles onto the turnuckle while Charlotte almost punches her boobs into the open! Michelle makes the cardinal mistake to look down at her boobs and doesn't even notice a wicked left hook that nails her on the temple and spins onto the ropes right at the bell.

Round 5:
The vicious charge continues as Charlotte has drained Michelle's tank during that mighty run in the fourth and suddenly she's pounding the brunette's rack into a mush once the former Corrie babe finds the singer's forearms instead of her tits. Ugh! Charlotte sticks one hook on the liver area and plexus each but then lifts Michelle's boobs into her slumping chin and takes full advantage of the actress needing a respite. Michelle just ain't gonna get one with Church is prime position to blow her away and the uppercut blast turns into a one-sided beatdown with Keegan unable to respond. She begins to gurgle in pain while she's getting thumped back onto the ropes and she sheer volume of the Welsh attack wrecks her resistance to the point she screams out in pain and abandons the punching response. She drops her mitts by the wayside and Charlotte lands one cruel hook on the solar plexus too many... Michelle's knees turn jelly before one final hook nails her on the right breast AND SENDS HER CRASHING DOWN ONTO HER BACKSIDE!!! Ugh! Michelle slumps onto her left side with eyes closed and a very loud whimper and doesn't even try to get up here so the count is waved off at seven with the crowd cheering on their fav's first title defense! KO5 and STILL the BBU JMD champion Charlotte Church!!!

AFTER: Michelle is still slumped on her side but not for long as Charlotte gets her mitts removed and drags the drained brunette by the hair onto the center of the ring. She slaps her on the cheeks and demands the Corrie babe licks her feet or else "I'll yank your hair off!". Michelle gulps in pain but gets her tongue to clean Charlie's boots before being driven face down onto the boards again. Charlotte puts her boot on the fallen girl's back and pins her spread eagle in this position while the cameras & smartphones record the action but Michelle is soon turned onto her back and the Welsh winner rips her bikini top off to claim the standard battle trophy. She straddles Michelle in a school-girl pin and digs her claws into the exposed boobs to trigger instant shrieking from the Brit's throat. Ugh! Charlotte slaps her on the face several times and demands to hear the "You're the better woman" submission which quickly follows as the vanquished Keegan has lost all of her resistance by this point. She adds "Your jugs stopped my jugs... bytch!" which draws more ire from the singer who sits on her face as additional punishment. Michelle's heels bounce off the boards in frantic fashion and she almost passes out underneath the singer's facesit but not quite so Charlie has enough time to apply a proper breast-smother to finish the Stockpot lass for good. The crowd chants the ten count as advised by Lioness head trainer Mel B. which truly puts the icing on the title defense cake... NINE... TEN... your OUT, bytch!!!!

Official Result: Ch Charlotte Church def. Michelle Keegan KO5.