BBU Jugs Of Mass Destruction Title
Ch Gemma Merna vs Charlotte Church
(Lookout! Atlantic Boxing vs Lioness Club)
(16-19-1, 14 KO vs 15-11, 15 KO)
JMD Value: 38G (Enhanced) vs 36C (Natural)
Results: Lookout!; Story: Vassago

Location: Elements Eivissa Beach Club, Ibiza, Spain

BEFORE: Reigning JMD champion Gemma Merna is like the Alpha Blonde in the house as she enters the beach scene to confirm her elite status against the otherwise less-endowed Charlotte Church. "Sheesh, anyone can look like Gemma after getting a damn boobjob!", Charlotte tries to steal the headlines despite being a relative newcomer to the jug muggin' genre. She knocked out Page Three & Nuts legend Lucy Pinder to earn this opportunity but that hardly makes the JMD veteran like Merna blink: "Shut up, fat ass! Two things make you irrelevent, first, nobody and I mean nobody cares about classic singers and two, Wales is a piece of junk! You should be on ring girl duty your entire life, slut!"

Both girls almost come to blows during the introductions as Charlotte vows to punch all the phoney stuff out of the blonde's monster rack but eats a blow in the belly instead and the ref has to calm the champion down already! Let's just get this championship battle started, okay?

Gemma Merna wears a red bikini set & silver gloves. Long blonde hair with brown dye tied in a curled ponytail. Charlotte Church wears a black bikini set with red trim & red gloves. Long dark brown hair loose & straight, tucked behind the ears. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds. JMD rules apply.

Round 1:
Big time swinging from the challenger who uses her bantamweight frame - some would say super featherweight even - to outwork the equally agressive champion during a hectic initial burst. Size actually matters and Gemma's boobs are easier to hit according to some BBU Moneyball sheets so Charlotte takes full advantage of the open space and drives a huge uppercut route to send those enhanced bumpers moving. Gemma doesn't yield an inch and goes for the east-west route herself but just can't beat the common sense as her jugs are bouncing off her chin and the Welsh singer simply keeps hassling for more success. Gemma yells out in pain after a while and seeks a new start but gets hammered just below the area and wobbles onto her heels so Charlie nails her up the chimney again to assume full control. No way out and Gemma bends to the side with another whimper just as Church whacks her on the chin with a quick hook. Ugh! Advantage Wales after three ticks!

Round 2:
The pride of England roars back into an uppercut route herself and that really takes the cake in BBU. Charlotte can't follow through as the lighter girl works the speed route to bounce the natural melons into that steady trip up north but she tries to send a harpoon downstairs to really punish Merna off her comfort zone. Not gonna happen... the champ bumps & grinds her way into shutting the Welsh lass down and cracks a left hook on the chin just because... another wild swing and Charlie seeks a respite but she's not gonna run away from the beaming English blonde who steers more leather on target and thumps the ailing foe onto the ropes... more pesky jabs find the target before Gemma slams extra juice on the ribs just to keep Church moaning at the bell.

Round 3:
Now it's full-scale bumper car boxing as both women tear into each other's breasts and just can't stay off 'em! Back & forth slugfest keeps the Spanish fans on their feet but neither hellcat wants to yield an inch. Huffs & puffs, groans and squeals, you name it and nobody's backing off... Gemma decides to channel the tummy route first but bounces off the hip instead and gets punished with a quick slant on the chin but she recovers well and digs deep around the elbows to force a change of tactics... Charlotte whups one from the right though and splatters in between the enhanced hooters alas Merna pings her on the liver and the follow up goes nowhere... meanwhile it's all Merna in the final minute as she drives her mitts into the Welsh belly button to stagger the singer before a brutal hook on the jaw wobbles the brunette back and that should probably give the blonde the edge right at the bell.

Round 4:
Charlotte wants immediate revenge but Gemma moves just a little faster across the sand during the opening pounce and drives her hooks just on top of the singer's breasts to keep her honest - and futile - in her prowl. A little hectic exchange but the champion steers the jabbing ship back on course first. Charlie verbally taunts her instead to indicate the blonde is running out of steam for whatever reason and that makes Merna angry. More thumping up the middle but graze off here and there and Church rallies to send the enhanced cleavage on its way too. Big right hand plugs Merna's solar plexus and makes her scowl before another booming cross finds the chin and drops the high guard on the spot... the champ is reeling but not for Church to take full advantage.. the Welsh lass drives her foe butt-in-ropes but just can't plug that big punch anymore and Gemma shoves her away at the bell as both girls clash with their jugs and the ref has to separate them.

Round 5:
More wild swinging early in the fifth but Charlie finds the solar plexus hole first and Gemma's tank begins to leak.. the champion follows through with her own strikes alright but gets cracked on the ribs as the brunette shows more versatile approach and thumps another booming shot on the solar plexus... Merna visibly slows down and tries to clinch the challenger for the very first time outright alas Churchie has none of that and jug-mugs her with a dose of uppercut menace... Merna's response bounces off the clavicle more than anything else and a nasty hook nails her on the windpipe instead to send the champion into a scowling retreat... but Charlie flies in with a chin-checker on time and whups a right uppercut that spills the blonde's bumper into the open! WE GOT MONEY!!! Gemma slumps into more scowls as she takes her eye off the ball to examine the exposed flesh and just can't react when Charlotte DRILLS her on the solar plexus one more time to send the alarm bells off... Gemma stumbles to the side and gets THUMPED with a flurry of uppercuts that drop her onto the ropes; Church engages the extra gear and demolishes the exposed bumper in particular to SEND MERNA DOWN ON HER KNEES with a loud painful cry... "Yaaass!!! Got your ass now, ####!!", Charlie struts back to her corner as Gemma frantically tries to repair the wardrobe damage but she just can't with her gloves on and sits down on her heels with tears starting to flow from her eyes... It's all frickin' over!!! KO5 and the NEW BBU JMD champion Charlotte Church!!!!

AFTER: "Don't bother putting that on, slut!", Charlotte makes sure coach Mel B. removes her mitts before Gemma can make a move and she simply lifts the sobbing blonde by the hair and throws her across the sand. Ugh! Gemma lands face-first in the dirt and coughs up a chunk but the new champion is right there to straddle her from behind... nope, roll her up on her back and dig those claws IN!!! Gemma begins to kick out in pain but gets face-slapped and ordered to shut up! Charlie wants a piece of the enhanced meat and that feel of damn plastic filling out Merna's G-cups. That feels good Better if you taste some real jug and the smother platoon has arrived. Charlotte just wants the dumb blonde to drift away and she enjoys the Spanish ten count from the audience. That will do it! Gemma passes out and her spanked breast is now the focus of some iphone delivery. Check those pics on social media later, folks! In the meantime Charlotte wants Gemma to be escorted since apparently Emma Rigby's brigade wants an overtime and Helen George has run out of gas to carry on alone. We bet Gemma Merna becomes a fan favorite in that department too regardless of Nicole Richie losing her mind as she can do nothing about her fallen vixen! Just make sure the golden bra stays with the Lionesses, dear!

Final result: Charlotte Church def. Ch Gemma Merna KO5.