20 September 2019 Cheryl Cole vs Dannii Minogue

Cheryl Cole vs Dannii Minogue
(Lioness Club vs Downunder Boxing)
(26-20, 21 KO vs 10-5, 10 KO)
Results: BBU; Story: Vassago

BEFORE: Even if it wasn't The Ashes Main Event, these two brunettes would simply love to batter each other for no vaild reason. It's time for Grudge Match number three between former X Factor frenemies Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue. 

Cheryl has endured a tough spell this season so far and she's fresh from another painful outing versus Katheryn Winnick but a first ever win over the "plastic whore" Dannii Minogue would cure all those bad moments from the past several months. 

Meanwhile the former AWUBA super bantamweight champion Minogue wants to roll back the tape; she destroyed Cole at two previous Ashes, back in 2011 and 2013 and needed a total of three rounds to do it! This was peak Dannii and one can argue whether the Melbourne cougar still has that blues? She beat Samia Ghadie and dropped a tough one to Jenna Coleman this year and even Sarah Cumming believes it might not be enough to score the hat-trick over Cole, the Geordie singer's slump not withstanding.

We're not touching gloves here as Cheryl vows to punch all that plastic out of the Aussie "whore". Dannii claims she will rearrange Cheryl's face and puts her on injured reserve for the rest of the year! Yep, these two really dislike each other but that's the whole point of putting this match-up in the Main Event in first place!

Cheryl Cole wears a black bikini top, leopard print panties & red gloves. Long dark brown hair tied in a half-up ponytail. Dannii Minogue wears a teal bikini set & golden gloves. Long dark brown hair with a blonde dye tied in a curled ponytail. The fight is scheduled for ten rounds in the flyweight division.

Round 1:
Immediate slugging opens this bout and it's like all or nothing here in the early going with both hellcats trading vicious leather from each flank. Everything goes upstairs as bitter enemies settles for the face reconstruction plan and neither wants to quit. Danni's the first one who delivers the gut check and catches the other girl off guard, Chezza gets spiked on the boobs and bends forward as Minogue rips a right cross on the jaw and has the Geordie brunette rattled! Uh-oh! Another brutal hook finds the left eye and spins Cole to the side while Danni NAILS her with another left hook on the eye... AND DOWN GOES CHEZZA!!! How about that??!!! Dannii channels her bantamweight glory days to deck the eternal enemy but Cole still recovers much faster than any of these Aussie girls would like to see! Ugh! That's one nasty lump under Cheryl's eye already but she jumps into immediate revenge mission with Dannii just waiting to pounce on the counter! And she beats the enraged Geordie to the punch wrecking more havoc into her face! Cheryl's ponytail spins around as its owner gets blasted from point blank range and the recovery mission fails very quickly with Dannii pounding the younger woman onto the ropes where she rips the gut meat and leaves Cole sagging in spasms at the bell!

Round 2:
Cheryl wants to punch Katie Price up her enhanced cleavage but she's ready to do likewise with Dannii who rolls into a head-hunting slugfest and it's another wicked battle royale in the center of the ring. Chezza scores the quick double on the chin and squashes the Aussie lips into a visible swelling down the stretch but Minogue finds the gap downstairs and plugs the Geordie brunette on the solar plexus as well as the cleavage. Cheryl refuses to back off and gets blasted on the belly button as Dannii explores the lowlands before a scything cross on the jaw whips Chezza on her heels. Ugh! She can't swing back off that stance and gets SMOKED with a left cross on the jaw again... AND DOWN GOES CHERYL ONE MORE TIME!!! Disaster for the English camp as the second knockdown is more severe than the first one! Cheryl needs to grab the ropes in order to get up and the swelling around her left eye has grown significantly after barely a minute of action in the second round. But Dannii wants MORE! She loops immediate pressure and keeps the Geordie woman trapped on the ropes before she switches downstairs and wrecks more havoc in the abs. Ugh! Cheryl groans her pain out and tries to clinch the charging cougar but simply can't enforce her presence and eats more brutal harpoons to the point she slumps against the turnbuckle and is literally saved by the bell!

Round 3:
Dannii channels more midsection damage and batters Cheryl's abs into a mush leaving the bitter enemy hurt seconds into the third round. High-octane drill breaks Cole's resilience as she can't move around these shots and slides onto her heels while Minogue completes the demo job by blasting one uppercut on the jaw after another! Uh-oh! Cheryl is completely bashed into oblivion and basically checks out of her senses while still upright but Dannii blasts her on the swollen eye with two more punches to render the girl done! Uh-oh! Chezza's arms collapse by her waist but Danni still DRILLS her on the exposed jaw and sends flying onto the ropes! Cheryl bounces off them in deadmeat fashion and crumbles face down at Minogue's feet which ends this grudge bout right here and right now!!! KO3 Dannii Minogue - she completes the hat-trick while Australia claims the 2019 Ashes outright!!!

AFTER: Let the burning begin!!!

Tara Moss and Tania Zaetta are the first ones to attend to the unconscious Cheryl and they remove her panties while Katie Price has to provide cover. Cheryl's backside is wrapped in sheets while Ariel Kaplan and Rhiannon Fish get to remove their underwear from the Urn! That's four items down there now and Tara Moss lights up a small torch before she places it inside the urn... the smoke begins to climb the aerial ladder amid wild cheers from the Aussie combatants and their entourage! 

Dannii Minogue takes over the mic and invites everyone Down Under for the next edition in two years time: "We're gonna defend the Urn with all our might even though I might not be there as active fighter anymore! Tara did a great job selecting such a fierce sixpack and I hope - well, not really - someone more qualified than Katie Price manages the English line-up next time around! You all suck anyway!" (laughs).

Katie Price can't take the personal insult and tries to tackle the cougar singer but gets blocked from the side by Ariel Kaplan who feels she has to protect the team after losing her match-up earlier. She rams Katie in head-to-chest contact and sends the Brighton woman crashing down on her bums! Ugh! Well, that's one contribution Ariel can be proud of however the action soon descends into a heated argument between Katie and Gail Kim: "It's all your damn fault! Holly Peers? Who said we needed her when Vicky Pattison was available? Don't tell me Cheryl couldn't stand another Geordie in the team! Look at her now! She's frickin' outta here! Can't believe this! My girls Jorgie & Roxy did a perfect job and you frickin' blew it! Catch the press, folks! Katie Price will be on the front page of The Sun since it's ALL HER FAULT!!!"

Meanwhile Tara Moss takes the Urn and all the Aussies pose for a photo together! Now that shot will be on the front pages too! See you all in 2021!

Official Result: Dannii Minogue def. Cheryl Cole KO3.
The Ashes: England 2 Australia 4. Australia wins by 2 wickets!