Kate Beckinsale vs Jenny McCarthy (III/Best-of-5 Coronation Series)

Results: Lookout!; Story: Sceej

Kate:

(47, 5’7, 58:39:3 FCBA, VIXENs)

Jenny:

(48, 5’7, 70:68:1 FCBA, Sceej)

BEFORE:

Stakes even higher in this third showdown tonight as Jenny McCarthy hopes to slam the brakes on Beckinsale’s advance to the Hall-of-Fame yet another time. A brutal back-and-forth in their last bout saw Jenny even the odds and knock Kate out within five rounds. What the blonde hadn’t expected, however, was having her opponent so fired up and driven to win, which threw all her predictions of a perfect 3-0 victory out the window.

Tonight, McCarthy once again is glowing bright in her pink bra and briefs, bunching white gloves together on her stool as she soaks in the cheers of the fans clearly in her corner. Perhaps, for once in her life, she’s taking this fight seriously, with another two wins left on her plate that will cement her rival’s place in the dirt.

“Crumpet’s going down HARD,” Jenny says smugly to the cameras. “I’ve allowed this charade to go on far too long. She got lucky in our first fight, but I showed her who’s boss after that, didn’t I? Rest of this series is as good as wrapped up, as far as I’m concerned.”

Beckinsale’s milling in her corner, furtive glances cast towards McCarthy in case the Sceej starlet tries something funny pre-fight. “She’s NEVER going to be better than me. In this life or the next. The little blonde muffin would like to think that she can be, but she can’t stop what’s inevitable.”

No need for another preamble this time as the referee skips the pleasantries, measures both women’s readiness back in their corners. McCarthy decked in a bright pink bikini top, white boxing trunks, her blonde hair bundled up tight above. Beckinsale in a blue sports bra, white fighting briefs and black gloves shaking on either hand. HERE WE GO with ten rounds of Bantamweight action! This is the third fight in the Coronation Best-of-Five series!

ROUND 1:

This cougar fight is off to a great start as McCarthy CHARGES straight in for some action, taking big shots at Kate and hoping to repeat their last fight’s unfortunate outcome. Kate, however, ready for her rival, squares her feet and shoulders and raises her arms in tandem to block the early onslaught, hiding behind her arms as she takes stiff blows to the forehead whenever McCarthy flies into range and lets loose. Jenny’s strategy has always been shock and awe, but the truth is, neither of these women can afford to go ten rounds. Not any longer at their age, so it’s in their best interests to take the fight early to the other woman, and dominate. Kate grunting as her blonde foe lands blows all over her frame, but then quickly powers an overhand right into McCarthy’s face when she wasn’t looking, the glove landing smack on the cheek and sending her reeling backwards in shock. Rest of the round sees Kate controlling her more aggressive foe in this way, first letting Jenny wail away on her before waiting for the right opportunity to smack a right hand back into her being. McCarthy’s the one who ends up bleeding points when the bell rings.

ROUND 2:

Jenny growling and keeping up the pursuit, however, not letting Kate get away with murder. Kate delivers a rocking hand to the face in the first minute, but her celebration is short-lived when Jenny grits her teeth and fires back with one of her own, which turns the Brit’s head the other way in a grunt of pain. Cougars go at each other in the center of the ring, torturing with messy, painful punts to the face, chest and body, lefts and rights flying into the other woman in tandem. It’s Jenny’s never-say-die attitude that ultimately wins her this exchange, however, when she lands a crunching shot to the base of Kate’s chin, momentarily stunning her. Kate tries to regroup but gets hammered one more time with a straight hand to the nose, and Jenny gleefully gives chase for the rest of the round, jabbing fast at the head. Not much else Kate can do but fall back to her defensive line, staving off disaster till the bell rings.

ROUND 3:

McCarthy continues to exert her dominance, using her early energy reserves to stalk Kate forwards and back, throwing painful jab combos that end with hooks, swishes that would surely win her a potential knockdown if they’d landed. Instead, Kate does her best to remain focused, head and upper torso weaving left and right out of incoming traffic as she looks for the best opportunity to whap a fist or two back into the smug blonde’s lips. Jenny lets out a loud, dangerous howl the fifth time this happens, her head snapped backwards and half-disappearing in leather as her Brit rival dares to put her paws on her pristine skin. McCarthy flies forth in unbridled rage, using the final few seconds of the round to RUSH into Kate and send them both crashing into the ropes in a hail of flying arms, legs and frayed egos. Kate remains calm as she clinches up, and this fight suddenly turns into a catfight-wrestling match, but Jenny still takes it wide from her earlier attacks, and the referee now has to separate both heated rivals and send them back to their corners.

ROUND 4:

Kate’s finding a good rhythm now, as she lets Jenny rush in close before firing off left-right combos to her rapidly reddening face. McCarthy’s running out of steam and she knows it, practically giving up the first and second minutes by virtue of simply not being able to react fast enough to Beckinsale’s attacks. The Brit, however, is working wonders with whatever little she has, pulling back a left-hand feint before socking the blonde on the face with a right hook. Well, two can play at this game, Jenny McCarthy ponders, as the third strike stings her on the face. The blonde shimmies forward, arm pulled back as well, giving the impression she’s about to deliver a knockout blow… and Kate falls for it! The Brit weaves downwards and left… right into the oncoming uppercut that accompanies Jenny’s ruse - KAPOW! Kate sees STARS as the uppercut catches her firm on the chin, and all of a sudden, the Vixen’s wavering dangerously backwards, her knees bent slightly and wobbling… Jenny not f*cking around here, leaping in to send more crunching punches to her button nose, finally sending Beckinsale DOWN onto her side in a brutal KNOCKDOWN! Kate, feeling embarrassed, is already trying to sit up or prop her torso and head off the canvas. She can’t take much more of this abuse, but at least she manages to recover by the count of 8. Back in her corner, she can’t ignore that penetrating gaze from the other side of the ring, Jenny boring holes into her being as the big blonde’s chest puffs in and out, knowing she’s won this round by a comfortable margin, but yet, still wants to bury Kate in the ground going forward.

ROUND 5:

More bad news for Kate, who continues to get manhandled in there. Jenny’s found her second wind and that turns the tide against the Brit, who has to deal with more of McCarthy’s aggressive and rush-forward tactics. Kate groans as she gets pinned on the ropes multiple times, each occurrence seeing Jenny shoving shoulders into her collarbone, then proceeds to whap leather into her belly and chest. Kate shoves her off just in the nick of time, however,has only seconds of breathing space before she crashes right back into her being. McCarthy of course not coming out of this completely unscathed, takes several shots across the bow from an increasingly desperate Kate, who at least prevents a shutout round by eschewing fighting norms and just helping herself to any exposed hole in Jenny’s defences, gloves shoved into the body, up into the chin until the bell rings.

ROUND 6:

Kate returns Jenny’s premature taunt in the opening seconds of the sixth with a fast jab that smacks her hard on the nose. Growl of anger from the blonde only invites a couple more fast stunners to the mouth, and just like that, McCarthy’s sent packing backwards, a flash of danger in her eyes as she realises she’s quickly running out of breath as these rounds begin to progress. Kate, on the other hand, is seen mopping up, making up for the last three rounds as she chases McCarthy about the ring, landing punches all over her frame in slow but steady action! McCarthy does put up some resistance, but it’s only towards the end of the round, when the two ladies clash once more near the ropes with fists flying rapidly both ways in a last burst of energy. But McCarthy’s the one who’s left panting hard by the ropes at the bell, her mouth hanging open as Kate stops the bleeding for now!

ROUND 7:

McCarthy attempts another ROAR of action forwards, but quickly gets her balloons deflated as Kate blocks the slow, oncoming punch, stacks the blonde up with an inside uppercut delivered to the base of her chin! Jenny is stunned on the spot, her platinum hair whipped back and forth as another hard hook connects hard with the chin, and DOWN the big girl goes!! Second KNOCKDOWN of the evening and it’s not looking too good for the Disney villainess, with Jenny titling over like a felled tree log, then hitting the ground with a loud grunt. Kate pumps her arms, nodding confidently as she’s herded to the neutral corner to catch her breath. Will McCarthy eat her words tonight? The Sceej darling is slowly forcing herself back up to her knees, then pulls at the top ropes to steady her shaking boots on the hard earth. She growls at the referee to “GET THE f*ck OUTTA MY WAY, b*tch!” when he only had dutifully asked whether she was planning to continue the match. Her mental state is definitely growing crazier by the round, and the referee simply shrugs his shoulders and indicates that there’s two minutes left on the round. The bell sounds again and HERE COMES KATE, a focused rush forward, making a beeline to McCarthy! Sure enough, McCarthy’s hail mary hook sails harmlessly over the Brit’s head, that last ditch attempt to dissuade Beckinsale instead giving her enough room to cram another combo into the gut, then continue to work the blonde over along the ropes… McCarthy groaning, getting tanned all over by leather gloves, her head whipped to either side and her chest and tummy taking more shots left and right. Referee’s hovering nearby, of course, ready to stop this madness at any moment… Not until Kate lands another uppercut right up into the chin, SUDDENLY wobbling the poor woman, McCarthy already in the midst of sliding down the ropes when the ref decides enough’s enough, JUMPS in to save her!! IT’S OVER IN BRUTAL TKO FASHION!!

AFTER:

Well, so much for Jenny’s words of dominance earlier on! Kate lets out a triumphant ROAR after the bell rings rapidly, twirling away from Jenny and running to the other side of the ring, before mounting the bottom rope and shouting loudly to the crowds.

Jenny, on the other hand, completes her backwards slide down the ropes, pooling at the base with her head hanging over the middle rope, the rest of her arms and legs lying slack and wasted on either side.

Kate’s one step closer to the Hall-of-Fame, but there are still two more fights left in this insane Best-of-Five series, and if losing once before managed to turn McCarthy into a crazed, rabid animal in their second fight, one can only imagine the consequences of tonight, once these two clash for the fourth time in the god-knows-when future. Stay tuned for an update!