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28 May 2021 Jenny McCarthy vs Kate Beckinsale

Page history last edited by caspian2 2 years, 7 months ago

OFFICIAL FCBA "MAYHEM" PPV 2021

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on May 28, 2021 at 4:24pm

Jenny McCarthy versus Kate Beckinsale (Coronation Series IV)(Words: Sceej / Results: Lookout!)

And the Coronation Series continues … notwithstanding that Kate Beckinsale’s ‘coronation” AKA Hall of Fame entry has been momentarily derailed. Still, McCarthy v Beckinsale remains in the eyes of many the single most volatile current situation in the FCBA. This is no mere rivalry - this is pure hate!

Against advice of security, dual press conference scheduled to build publicity (and the gate!). The tension is palpable. Kate addressing assembled reporters first and the usual clownish Jenny McCarthy sits tight lipped and visibly seething.

“As you are aware, ladies and gentlemen, I am not one to make excuses. That said, the recent loss to Charisma Carpenter would never have happened were it not for the regrettable entanglement with this blonde trull. Well, it ends now! The single loss to this silicone doll was an aberration. I intend to …”

“YOU F*CKING b*tch … ” Blonde missile exploding out of her seat and it is all FCBA security can do to corral and physically remove her. Kaste unfazed in sole command of the podium, smiling all pretty and offering, “Might I suggest a straightjacket and a muzzle?”

“Roughly thirteen years ago, I met this blond barbarian for the first time in the ring and the result was this!” Kate treating press to a flaunting of the famous “Bunny” bracelet - loaded with Playboy bunny-head charms representing vanquished Playmates - silver for Playmates, gold for Playmates of the Year. Kate has racked up quite a collection fighting private exhibitions and yes, prominently featured is a gold charm inscribed ‘Jenny McCarthy’. Kate continues, “Well now it ends - once and for all. I intend not only to knock her out, I intend to pummel her into a long long overdue retirement, for which I am sure the entire FCBA community will be grateful. The braying blonde jackass will be sent off to the glue factory - finally!”

Fight night: Steely eyed McCarthy, seconded by Scrubby McGee and “The Enforcer” Gena Lee Nolin, all business on march to ring to the strains of “Mac the Knife” … drowned out mid song by “God Save the Queen” and here comes Kate Beckinsale, accompanied by Vixens head trainer Steve Boyd and Hannah Ferguson. Disrobe draws cheers from partisan fans of both girls - Jenny Mac in Kelly green bikini, Playboy bunny head in white on one cup, white shamrock outline on the other, green ring boots and gloves. K-Becks in Union Jack themed bikini top and trunks, red boots and gloves, blowing kisses to adoring British fans. Due to explosiveness of situation, full ring instructions were given in locker rooms and of course, any request to “shake hands” would be insane.

Round 1: Bell rings and fighters out of their corners, steely eyed focus - Kate upright in classic boxer/puncher stance, Jenny in half crouch as they circle. K-Becks jabs … jabs again … pecking blonde pate and then beautiful pivoting and backpedaling. J-Mac pounds gloves together and gestures - “Let’s go!”. Beckinsale smirks and beckons McCarthy to come at her, feigns the jab and cracks Mac with a straight right lead which rattles the Playmate … and launches a vicious firefight at center ring. McCarthy wings left hook, Beckinsale slips and responds with jab and straight right hand combination. McCarthy clinches looks to dig low to trunks, Beckinsale able to shift and take punch on the thigh. Kate squawks to ref who separates them and waives finger at Jenny … and from behind ref, Kate helps herself to a slapping left hook upside Mac’s head … and now it’s Kate getting the lecture from the referee. Referee signals “box”. McCarthy feints with left to body and kisses brunette jaw with looping right hand and Beckinsale is hurt! Brunette stumbling back … wide eyed … on spaghetti legs … and here comes McCarthy … savage snarl on her face. Straight right hand and down goes Beckinsale! Kate blasted to her back by picture perfect right to the chin! Jenny Mac standing over her, resisting ref’s efforts to push her to neutral corner. “GET UP … GET UP YOU, BUM!”, blonde screaming and out of control. Finally ref manhandles her to neutral corner and returns to pick up the count “... seven … eight … no movement out of Beckinsale … nine … ten … you’re out! First round knockout in brutal fashion by Jenny “Mac the Knife” McCarthy!

McCarthy leaps to middle rope … pounding chest with one glove like Kong challenging a squadron of airplanes! “I told ja …. I told ja …” then spotting Tess Valmore ringside, “How you like me now, Tess? Huh? Where’s your prediction now, Tess?”. BFF Cassie Scerbo giggles to glowering Tess, “Hey - look at the bright side! She didn’t call you ‘Walmart’!”

And then … Jenny Mac … with savage grin … marching on Vixens corner! Hannah Ferguson with fists balled - she knows post fight “liberties” are part of the FCBA but she does not have to like it! Lifting groggy brunette by the hair and twisting arm behind back in a hammerlock to control her, Playmate guides the stumbling Brit to center ring and calls for a microphone - then gets all up in Kate’s pretty face!

“Awwww, worried I’m gonna walk you, crumpet? Nah … I have decided this once - I can afford to be … somewhat monogamous!”

Cassie “Monogamous?”

Tess “It’s Mac - I think she probably means magnanimous?”

“That said … and however … consider this your final last warning! Retire! Now! Forget about the Hall of Fame! You don’t belong there and I will PERSONALLY see to it you never make it … no matter that Tractorbull is trying to sneak you in by knocking over a bunch of tomato cans! So you announce your retirement … within 24 hours! And if you DARE to show up for the last fight of this series, the beating I will lay on you will make this look like a sorority pillow fight! And after? After? I will strip you … I will use that British flag to wipe my ass … and I will parade you around this ring as naked as the day you were born! Got it? You better!”

Sound system erupts once again and as Bobby Darin croons "... five'll get you ten ol' Mac is back in town ..." Jenny McCarthy leaves the ring to cheers of her fanatics and the boos from the bulk of the boxing crowd which still values sportsmanship!