Jenny McCarthy v Demi Rose Mawby: Malibu Massacre

(results – Lookout, words – Sceej)

After Blonde magazine raised the alarm regarding growing domination of the sand by British brunette Demi Rose Mawby, blonde beach icon Jenny “Mac the Knife” McCarthy answers the call to put upstart in her place.

Demi Rose Mawby, a short and sturdy 5’2” little British bulldog (in style, clearly not looks!) out of the Dani Fishel mold who fights at flyweight and holds a sterling record of 19 wins as against only 7 losses. She routinely fights and beats bigger women. At the age of 26, she has already held the JMD titles an astonishing three times! Her JMD qualifications are apparent at a glance as she rocks a 36DD. Style wise she’s been compared to a smaller Neve Campbell – a determined and punishing body puncher who isn’t shy about harvesting jug as well. That comparison has some McCarthy fans concerned – the British girl is also known to have a mean streak!

Not much that hasn’t already been said about Demi’s blond opponent – the “loose cannon of the FCBA” – Jenny “Mac the Knife McCarthy”! Still fighting women half her age on a regular basis and a beach legend going back to her Playboy roots, but at 48 years of age and with well over a hundred fights, wear and tear is clearly an issue, as is the fact that for all her blustering self promotion, over the 20+ year course of her career she sports a barely .500 record and a single bantamweight title. Style wise, she is unpredictable – has the physical ability to be a classic boxer-puncher, but a wild brawler at heart.

When the pundits analyze this one, youth and stamina favor Mawby while McCarthy, even at 48, is more athletic and has significant size advantage (quickness and speed always diminished as a factor fighting on sand). Some concern that Jenny’s five inch height advantage might be too much to overcome but Demi the far superior body puncher while Jenny has that rangy power. Experience not the factor one would think because of Jenny’s recklessness – it is not for nothing that insiders at the legendary Chimera stable call her “McCrazy”! Deciding factors which install Demi Rose as a solid betting favorite is tougher chin, greater heart, and body punching power – pundits noting of Mac “she don’t like it to the body” and has been known to quit under sustained body attack.

Pre-fight press conference – Jenny a study in braying bluster as usual, promising to “school this tiny little girl Mansion-style”. Demi Rose all cool detachment behind sunglasses, when her turn at the mic, states matter of factly, “Seriously – is this the best the blondes can come up with? They’re throwing a 48 year old has-been at me? I mean … I’ll TRY not to bust her up too badly but not making any promises.” J-Mac doing slow burn during this matter of fact assessment by much younger fighter.

Fight time: four posts in the sand and a single strand, fans in bleacher types stands for traditional Malibu beach showdown! Jenny McCarthy to ring seconded by Big Bad Gena Lee Nolin (talk about a beach fighting legend!), scarlet bikini with brass connections between cups and at hips – drawing cheer from crowd – but nonplussed by wild reaction as Demi Rose makes walk to ring in shimmering gold number flaunting arguably the most impressive curves in the FCBA – Jenny not used to being upstaged and definitely NOT liking it! As referee gives instructions, none of the usual clowning from the Playmate – this young upstart has clearly gotten under her skin.

Round 1: Bell for round 1 and fighters out of corners. It’s the classic confrontation of blonde v brunette for beach supremacy. Demi in half crouch, gloves at chin, weaving side to side as she comes forward – always forward. Jenny Mac with back heel up and out of the sand, pumping the jab to forehead, chin, sternum, then executing pivots to avoid bull rushes and delivering slapping right to side of head as she slips away. Little British fly appears to take a punch well, particularly when you consider that McCarthy is a biggish bantam who fought a lot at lightweight in her early years. Jenny focused behind that high guard and roaming perimeter of the ring, looking to control tempo with long reach. Mawby begins to march straight in, trying to force exchanges and for her trouble is now getting tarted up with one-twos – jab with straight right behind it and for most part avoiding Mawby’s receipt! Dominant – near shut out first round for the Playmate – ringsiders stunned to see this level of discipline out of the usually wild J-Mac, especially in a beach fight!

Round 2: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it as Jenny moving, working ring perimeter, not letting Demi Rose get set. Jab … jab … knocking brunette head back, then Mawby slips jab and gets inside, digs left to the body, then left right combo to the midriff, draws a grunt from McCarthy and a bark from Gena Lee Nolin in the corner “Clinch!”. Blonde looks to tie up but flustered by sheer strength of smaller brunette, who battles to keep hands free and pound blonde midriff. Mac dips right shoulder and looks to dig inside shot to the crotch, only to have younger woman quick pivot and take the shot on her hip. McCarthy able to push off, shaking her right hand trying to restore feeling after unexpected jolt of punching bone of the hip. Mawby with cruel grin, “Been watching tape of you, ‘Granny’, and I’ve seen all your tricks!“. Back and forth round after that – the crisp “… pak … pak … pak” of the McCarthy jab off brunette noggin offset by the heavy “… thud … thud …” of Mawby hooks off the blonde midriff. Close round - majority of ringsiders give it to Mawby. Tess Valmore, doing commentary on fight broadcast (and outshining many of the celebs present on the beach, even in a relatively modest one piece), offers, “Jenny’s not throwing the right after the jab – I think she may have hurt her hand on that shot to the hip?”

Round 3: And the dance continues! McCarthy roaming edges, using jab as rangefinder and to make the brunette pay a heavy toll for her increasing aggression while Mawby looking to walk through blonde jab to get at that tender underbelly! Once inside, smaller brunette pounds the self styled “Greatest Fighting Playmate of All Time”; blonde desperately looking to tie up as each body shot draws a little grunt of acknowledgment. Demi with her head firmly buried in J-Mac chest, grimly smiling as she rotates hips slightly to dig with first the left and then the right, methodically processing the older fighter. Jenny responding with slapping lefts and rights to side of brunette skull, but she cannot hold ground and is forced back to the single rope and pressed back into it. Nolin calling for “clinch” but Mawby not having it, sheer strength and willpower denying blonde efforts to control her. Finally, Jenny Mac able to quick pivot and spin her way out – toned midriff pinking up something awful in tribute to body punching of Mawby. Brunette with fierce grin advances cocky and reckless … Mac gambles and stops her dead in tracks with a hard right hand to the jaw that puts a wobble in Demi’s knees. Nolin screaming for Jenny to finish but combination of damaged right hand and barbecued ribs have the blonde content to backpedal and let the clock run out. Late Jenny haymaker denies Mawby domination but it is still Demi’s round.

Round 4: Jenny may be crazy but she is not stupid (and I can practically hear Neve Campbell chuckling at that one) – slugging is not the way to fight this little toughie! Mac up on her toes, using length, hand and foot speed to do her damage with left right combinations and then get out of harm’s way. Mawby draws a roar of approval from crowd when she draws line in the sand with her foot and challenges Playmate “Come on!”; then leading chat of “… fight … fight … fight …” from crowd with pumping glove. Demi well schooled on all things Jenny Mac, including how to goad her into fighting your fight! Blonde snarls and comes straight at British brunette – left hook to body – left hook to head – straight right to head – but Demi dips to take body shot on elbow and weaves to take head shots off gloves, then pops hips right and digs the left hook to blonde’s already tender tummy. McCarthy fires back with lead right that grazes scalp – Mawby right back with left right combination to ribs and twists into left uppercut that pounds Playmate jugg - Nolin demanding “Get out of there!”. Mac slaps left hook to cover her retreat and get leggy around perimeter. Crowd responds with wild applause, confusing the blonde (admittedly, not exactly a daunting task to confuse Jenny). Mawby actually laughing? Finally, breeze blows and Playmate becomes aware that one of “her girls” has been knocked free of bikini cup by uppercut – the “talent” she built a career on is on display! Jenny blushing, scowling, fumbling to cover, but never getting off bicycle as she circles for last minute of round to avoid brunette power, drawing boos from crowd for reluctance to engage.

Round 5: It has been a long while since McCarthy fought a beach fight and she has overlooked a critical factor – the leg sapping effect of sand! A full minute of trying to stay mobile and on toes to close the fourth round has left her dead legged and Demi Rose senses it. Mawby with that grim smile, looking almost predatory, out of corner, moving head, bobbing and weaving - Mac desperately trying to keep her at arms length with the jab, but Brit willing to take one to give one and inexorably works her way in to neutralize blonde reach. Mawby flurries to the body, punches drawing a grimace from already shopworn McCarthy. Gena Lee Nolin screaming from corner “So what you gotta do!!!” but Mawby, as noted earlier, has done her homework and is well aware that Gena Lee and Jenny Mac are two of the dirtiest fighters in FCBA history. When Jenny looks to go low, British beauty again twists to take intended crotch shot on the hip, further damaging Jenny’s already aching right hand. Brunette pops hips right and digs the money hook to the liver then RIGHT back up with the left hook to the jaw. Engine room in ruins, USS McCarthy is dead in the water as she takes a shelling from speedy British destroyer. Mawby with grim smile, not looking for that one big one, just keeping those hands moving and battering tummy, flanks and shoulders. Playmate starts to sag and hard hearted Demi reaches under Mac’s elbows to stabilize and prop her up! Satisfied Jenny is not going down (yet!!!), Demi Rose takes a half step back and with blinding display of hand speed delivers a hellacious jug mugging - Jenny’s jubblers bouncing back and forth under the pounding - leaving the blonde with glazed jugg-shocked eyes! Demi Rose makes a big gesture of theatrically kissing her right fist and windmilling three times before delivering devastating blast to the jaw that has the Playmate pitch forward face down in the sand - down and OUT!!! Referee waives it off without so much as starting the count and rolls a thoroughly KO’d blonde onto her back so she can breathe!

Winner by knockout in the 5th round - Demi Rose Mawby!

Post fight: After having hand raised, Demi Rose head straight for the semi conscious Playmate. Gena Lee Nolin glaring but she knows post fight antics are part of the bach fight tradition. Mawby drapes McCarthy over the single rope and walks her fingers up blonde’s back, plucking the knots on the bikini top, then threatening to swing the garment free above her head, pumping fist as brunette fans roar approval. Using a hammerlock to control the beaten Playmate, Mawby takes the topless J-Mac for a scalding Walk of Shame before stopping to be interviewed. As if to show contempt, Demi Rose conducts interview while STILL holding McCarthy in the hammerlock!

“You see this? And this? And this?” Mawby pointing out purple bruises on vanquished opponent’s tummy, ribs and juggs, pressing her finger in and causing the battered blonde to wince. Winking at the camera, Mawby makes a joke of the wincing, “Ooops - I think she’s a little ticklish!” Then glaring into camera, “You see this wreck? You know who's responsible? BLONDE magazine! Sending this old has-been to challenge me? And look what happens - battered into retirement probably! As for this (brandishing McCarthy’s bikini top as she finally yanks it free) - this goes into my trophy case! Heaven knows it's too small for me to wear! And I am going to keep on taking blonde tops until you get the message in thos empty bimbo heads! BLONDE - listen up! Accept brunette supremacy … accept that we OWN the beach ... accept that DEMI ROSE MAWBY OWNS THE BEACH!”