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29 April 2022 Natalie Portman vs Mila Kunis

Page history last edited by caspian2 1 year, 2 months ago

OFFICIAL FCBA "APRIL ARMAGEDDON" PPV 2022

Posted by Lookout! Boxing on 29 April 2022 at 1:48pm

Natalie Portman vs. Mila Kunis

(Hawkeye International vs. Independent (former Hawkeye International)

Natalie: 40 yo, 5’3” 92-54-2 with 57 KOs vs Mila: 38 yo, 5’4”, 27-39-1 with 21 KOs

Results: Lookout. Story: Hawkeye

NATALIE PORTMAN

MILA KUNIS

BEFORE: ‘Back to the future’ fight for both Black Swan cohorts. The movie shot Natalie to Oscar triumph and an often bitter off-set rivalry with co-star Mila Kunis. The movie also prompted HISC to pick up the two as a team in 2011. But while Natalie’s arrival signaled the re-launch of her FCBA career into Hall of Fame glory; Kunis, while garnering the flyweight titles once in 2016, never met with the same acclaim.

Surviving on the edge of employment for years after, Mila became a victim of the pink slip in the fall of 2020 after a final slump that only deepened after her release from the Consortium, lately becoming rarely used fodder for the likes of Abigail Breslin and Joey King.

With Thor 4 on the summer horizon and Portman in the best shape of her life, ready for a HISC push to accompany the one from Marvel, the Consortium comes calling for what they surely hope will bring in the nostalgia crowd and a clean if perhaps not easy win.

Mila has other ideas.

“Do I hate Natalie?” Mila asks to no one in particular at the presser. “Let’s just say she’s not on my Christmas card list. She could have fought for me more when those bums released me. I DO hate HISC with every fiber of my being. They used me and tossed me aside when it suited them.”

“Now they think they can use me again to jump start Nat. Let me tell you. After a couple very lean years, it’s me using HISC this time. I’m going to bring the hammer to Nat, leave her laid out, and someone with some sense is going to sign me for one more great run.”

Portman pushed through a non-descript 2021, ending the year on a high note by contributing a win to an ultimately unsuccessful war against the Pretty Little Punchers.

Deciding it’s time to take advantage of her ripped frame, Natalie convinced the Consortium’s upper echelon, she’s ready for one more title effort and with Mishy stepping aside from such contention, Portman seems ready to take back some of Dove Cameron’s considerable spotlight.

“I’m happy for Dove. I really am. But to be honest, she’s the flavor of the month. I’m a rich, creamy French Vanilla. I’m always at the top of the list and Mila is the start of my way back in promoter’s hearts and minds.

“I feel bad about how Mila’s FCBA career cratered, but that’s on her, not me. And I’m not going to feel bad about digging the hole deeper.”

Natalie’s in what can only be described as a Thor cosplay version of boxing gear, Disney pushing the envelope in the crossover promotion department, including specially made tie-in boxing gloves.

Natalie’s gear: [boots instead of heels]

Natalie’s gloves:

Mila goes with a simple basic black two piece with pink accents, Kunis discarding a shiny pink half-robe as the fighters are called to the middle for instructions.

“You were always a snobby bytch but when did you become a sell-out,” Mila informs. “Oh yeah. Star Wars.”

A sneering Natalie shoves Kunis and the pair almost come to blows before the ref bundles Portman to her corner and gives her a warning before insisting Nat remove her Thorrific headgear and cape. After getting confirmation from a Marvel rep, she removes the accessories and we’re ready for action.

R1: HISC’s Harvard graduate isn’t about to collegially touch gloves at the bell, the two former castmates meeting in the middle, hands ready to be thrown. And it’s instantly evident this match is everything for the Ukrainian, Mila breaking Portman’s defenses early and often, smacking leather to Natalie’s chin and cheeks. Mila swabs Nat with flashing combinations as Portman can’t seem to get out of neutral. The Hall of Famer is twisting and ducking, trying to cut the contact percentages, but Kunis seems inside Portman’s head as much as she’s connecting her fists with it. The Ivy Leaguer starts to get her footwork together in the final minute, but Mila’s aggressiveness can’t be shrugged away with dance steps. Kunis eats some counters late but seems more than happy to take so she can give. And give she does to the bell, collecting the round by a wide margin. The ref breaks the former ‘Swans’ apart as the women continue to go at it after the tolling. Mila purses her lips for a smooch in Natalie’s direction as Portman is bundled to her seconds, face flushed from abuse and anger.

R2: Both brunettes are off their chairs promptly with the restart of hostilities and Mila is back on the front foot, leading the thrusts and parries, determined to and successful in bruising Natalie’s features. It’s more fierce fisticuffs from Kunis, Mila wakening from a career slumber with her old sparring partner available for so much more. Mila continues to work through her frustration with buggywhip crosses zeroing in on Nat’s nose. Portman’s having trouble again, seemingly prepararing for a struggling Mila rather than this rejuvenated version. The newly buff Ivy Leaguer isn’t short on the IQ however, surviving Mila’s fury to duck under another top-heavy combination and bust the Ukrainian’s gut with digging fists, Natalie battering belly and rack. Tide stemmed, Portman moves from stalling Mila’s advance to sending her foe into retreat with blasting hooks to ribs and spleen, Kunis nearly gurgling her mouthguard to the canvas. The final minute sees Mila weaving against the ropes, trying to regain momentum and finding it difficult. A nasty, righthanded head-turner from Nat draws an ’oooh’ from the crowd and a limp-leg shimmy from Mila. As the bell rings, the final connection is enough for Natalie to steal the round late in a close one.

R3: It seems the late-round wake-up call returns Mila to the stark reality there’s only one way back to prominence, flooring the Hall of Famer. Kunis meets Natalie with Portman barely off her stool and a wicked, whacking right to the cheek has Nat stumbling through fencepost holes barely a dozen seconds into the third stanza. No amount of Marvel trainers and bicep gun showboating takes the sting from Mila’s clean connection and Natalie only stops herself from collapsing with the quick sling of an arm over the top cable before turning to a charging Mila and trying to get her defenses up. Kunis is feeling more than frisky. She can smell a quick stoppage. Poor Natalie gets shopworn through the middle stages, Kunis unleashing the unorthodox firepower that made her a title holder. Reaching a corner, Portman’s turtling, seemingly unsure what else to do. Mila rocks her foe from side to side under a steady barrage of headhunting and body blows that has Vanessa Hudgens cackling with delight in the front row. The shutout third can’t end too soon for Portman who’s seated on the middle buckle by the end of the assault, too dazed for Mila’s verbal fury to sink in. Nat’s assisted to her corner where Mishy speaks loudly and slowly, Portman’s nods looking more like reflex than understanding.

“I got more,” Mila shouts from across the canvas. “A LOT MORE!”

R4: Kunis is ready to back up her words right out of the gate. Mila’s confident, knowing she’s able to up her game under the intense spotlight of a match against her former employer. But Portman catches Kunis walking in, right hand colliding with Kunis chin. Mila blinks wide and steps back. It’s enough to turn on the Hall of Famer’s renowned confidence/arrogance. The women are dead center, throwing leather in copious amounts, but the defenses solidify, the former stablemates covering with raised forearms when necessary and otherwise using their feet to slow the ratio of clean hits on either side precipitously. Down the stretch, Mila and Nat seem to realize it’s consolidation time and each seems happy to play out the clock. At least until the last fifteen seconds when Kunis feints shutting down for the fourth. She slips through a jumping right between the Portman’s defenses. Natalie’s arms pinwheel to keep her balance long enough to lean against the ropes and a shabby Nat rides out a late scalding that pulls the round to Mila, Kunis taking a close one on the cards, her third round in four.

R5: Between stanzas, Michelle tries to clarify to her fellow HISC Hall member Mila looks like the one the Consortium should have kept, drawing a snarl from Portman. The Ivy Leaguer hobbles out of homebase, gloves near her waistline, arms apparently leaden, looking like she’s ready to eat a last meal of Kunis leather. The Ukrainian steps up to serve it, pouncing toward Natalie when a wicked left-hand counter beats Mila to her target and snaps the brunette’s head in the opposite direction. Portman pushes chips with Mila suddenly staggered. With Kunis’ guard raised, Natalie sinks heavy shots (for a flyweight) into Mila’s taut tummy. The huffs and grunts from Kunis accumulate with the body mistreatment from Portman. Natalie works her girl patiently with churning fists that take jug next, Mila chirping in pain as she tries to twist and weave but finding her defense lacking against the onslaught. Kunis manages to recover in the final third to slow the buoyant Portman’s attack, throwing enough jabs that find purchase, but only enough to avoid a shoutout, Nat stacking a wide win in the fifth.

R6: The back half of the battle opens with Portman circling out of her corner, Natalie and Mila closing in concentric circles to meet mid-ring. The bruised combatants, though shopworn, meet as if more than ready to continue the war for another five. Mila goes to the body for the first time tonight and some sneaky combos throw the Harvard grad off her gameplan, doubling from the unceasing abuse. Backing up a step to gain some space and bring her mugging to Nat’s jugs, Mila’s laser focus on Portman’s rack leads to an overhand right CRASHING into Mila’s jaw in the second minute. The subsequent head snap from Kunis is so violent, it leaves some in the first row feeling whiplash. KUNIS IS SO HURT.

Mila stumbles to the ropes behind her and springboards out so unhinged is her stride. A couple zombie-like strides lead a dazed Mila back within Nat’s range. Portman connects oh-so-sweetly with a delicious combination of apt hammer blows to her rival’s face and MILA’S DOWN!

The Ukrainian pitches forward, landing flat on her face and chest as Portman steps aside to let Kunis timber to the canvas. A beaming Natalie kisses her newly buff biceps and shuffles to a neutral corner.

The ref picks up the count at ‘THREE’ and the clouted Kunis is in a race to reach vertical. Mila pushes to hands and knees but seems stuck there, only trying to rise further at ‘SEVEN’. Kunis reaches her knees for a moment at ‘NINE’ but keels to her back as the official waves off the contest, Mila staring glassy-eyed into the rafters, NATALIE PORTMAN WINNING VIA KO6!

AFTER: Drenched in sweat, a spent but wearily grinning Portman reflexively looks for her close-up, Marvel reps hastily handing a replica Mjolnir to Natalie. Portman raises the hammer high, then points it at Mila, a lethargic Kunis being helped to her corner.

Nat is on the prowl for promotion. Reaching Kunis’ corner, she pulls the flaccid Mila off her stool, then mounts the bottom ropes and tummies Mila’s mug relentlessly until Kunis’ legs give way and she puddles at Nat’s feet.

“Brains, beauty and brawn,” Natalie shouts into the nearest lens. “I’m the total package, ladies. And believe me, Mila was only a teaser trailer.”