BEFORE: Special commentator Kate Beckinsale adding fuel to an already blazing fire at ringside: "Picking a 'winner' here seems like a misnomer," Beckinsale snarks. "Where do I begin? Rachel's smarter than Jenny - but that's like saying a goat is smarter than a slug. McCarthy's crazed wildness that passes for 'skill' may give Rachel problems, only because MacAdams has so little poise and composure in the ring. Both offer so little in terms of true ability or charisma, but if I'm to choose one appalling tart over the other, I'm inclined towards Rachel. Class is ever the decisive element in any fight, and what little there is of that precious commodity in this contest, does belong to MacAdams. Jenny will be subdued - in what may be the EXCRUTIATINGLY long run - by Rachel's slight edge in quality. In the end, the best that can be said of the match up is that it will leave the masses hungry for a glimpse of ME!"

Jenny in scarlet bikini with big hip ring; small black work out gloves; shoulder length blonde bob. Rachel in midnight blue plush velvet push up and panties; small pink work out gloves; hair in ponytail with bangs. Tension running high at ringside - security forming phalanx between the two houses as Gena Lee's already making threatening gestures.

During R1: Rachel scooting-to - very quick, light, tight bodied - couple of side to side weaves gets her past Jenny's jab, then Rachel goes: snappy left hook to waist; hook doubled up tart in Jenny's jugs; tight right hand PAK! to abs; biting left hook on chin. McCarthy staggering back, eyes wide: Rachel's combination extraordinarily deft at the open. MacAdams hops in: Jenny intercepts with straight right hand to mouth - followed by swinging left hook to paunch. Girls trade hooks up top, then TART right hands: vicious, swift licks - girls bringing mitts back quick, weaving on the spot like a couple of savvy pros. Back and forth at this tempo - girls darting at each other - Rachel electrifying with snappy combinations head and body; Jenny smart with her feet, creating little gaps and running Rache into timing-counters. All even down the stretch, when Rache goes: tight overhand right on the bend-in close; digging left uppercut gouging sternum; double that left uppercut to sternum hup-hup; straighten, shift weight to right leg while hooking chin...THERE GO JENNY'S LEGS! McCarthy sent stumbling backward for the first time - blonde hair in blinking eyes: Rachel hops her down, sends her into ropes with a chopping right to jaw. Jmac forming earmuff, stooping forward hurt, but resolute: RACHEL RIPS IT UP! Hup-hup left/rights quick as the scratching hind-legs of a cat pummels at Jenny's shell-shocked chest, leaving her open-mouthed in stupor. Rachel pushes in with her shoulder, stays in close and DIGS at the waist - fitting small gloves into meaty paunch PIK! PAK! PEK! Bell: Jenny aghast, making KOFF! KOFF! noises - throwing arms loose around Rachel's pumping shoulders...Gena Lee up on the apron, screaming blue murder as Rachel's banking extra! Pallicki throws a right hand at Nichols: Panettiere vaults across a security guard to piggy-back atop Adrianne...ref pulling Rachel off Jenny as all hell breaks loose!

R2: Jenny so versatile: she comes out ranging to her left, sudden-stepping in popping jabs as she circles. Rachel forced to bob-and-cover, turning on the defensive: she's trying to weave her way close and work combinations without success. All Jenny Mac - CLASSY Jenny Mac: Kate Beckinsale pursing her lips, momentarily silent as Jenny touches Rachel up outside. McCarthy shows the right hand as she leans in, but doesn't throw it - electing to fit double left hooks in behind Rachel's right elbow as MacAdams is ducking from the phantom-right. Roaming right, Jenny will tap her jab off Rachel's mouth, just pre-empting the pursuit, then give Rachel a little fading slide-step to create a gap: Mac turns, attacks - only to walk into a stubby right hand on her face. Deft ring generalship from Jenny McCarthy - tattooing Rachel's face and body bell to bell through 2.

R3: Rachel pinging out a stubby double-jab - weaving her way in close behind it - engaging Jenny at close range as McCarthy can't maintain distance. Vicious two-way punching: Rachel absorbing spank on her flanks as she crouches down to receive: Jenny covering up to withstand savage double hooks and chopping right hands from seething Rachel! Torrid, snappy stuff - girls bobbing in their stances - bringing hands back quick after getting off - small mitts spanking off firm flesh in rapid fire twos and threes. Midway through, trade in hooks goes Rachel's way: Jenny's head doing a quick side-to-side toggle as she's chin-checked. Jenny staring in confusion: Rachel goes: right hand/left hook - checking the chin again, loosening Jenny's knees. McCarthy stumble-stepping backward, lips parted: Rachel steps in a spearing jab to forehead, pushing Jenny's head back like a Pez dispenser, following up a straight right hand down into midsection. Jenny driven ropeside, face anguished: Rachel hops-to, goes: short, chopping right to chin; tidy left hook to chin off right leg; chickenwing left elbow brace Jenny's tits, stacking her upright; tight right cross, swivelling Jenny's head. McCarthy's knees give way, then lock up straight, sitting her in ropes: Rachel frisks the jugs hup-hup-hup, then kisses Jenny a close-in right across the chops. Jenny tilting forward, lips parted in swoon: Rachel cuffs a right to Jenny's scalp, then tucks the right hand in behind Jenny's left elbow. Jenny moaning - crossing arms against her tummy: Rachel shifts weight to left leg, leaning in to tuck left hand behind right elbow - popping hips right and REALLY getting that left hand in there again, SNUG! BLONDE GIRL DOWN! Jenny jack-knifing forward off ropes, nosing in at Rachel's feet...McCarthy's arms hugging her body, her knees and legs cycling in gutshot agony on canvas...she pushes herself onto her back, lifting her knees, her head lolling side to side and it's OVER! KO3 in decisive fashion, for the winner and STILL champion - Rachel MacAdams!

AFter: Best performance of Rachel MacAdams' career? It's possible - even Rmac looking a little stunned as she stares down at crippled Jenny. Security hard pressed to hold opposing benches back as emotions boil over: nervous HBO goes to Swan Lake tape, just in case the dam breaks...