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5 May 2006 Kaley Cuoco vs Catherine Zeta Jones

Page history last edited by Archer844 9 years, 9 months ago

Kaley Cuoco 08.jpgCatherine Zeta Jones 04.jpg

 

Posted by Simguy on 5/5/2006, 7:35 am.

 

Before: CZJ at the podium: vibrant red power skirt and jacket over black camisol top; hair back in tight boardroom bun; squared-off, black-rimmed glasses just foe effect; long pointer as she addresses the white screen behind her. "To my opponent, and my friends at Tractorpull," Jones schmoozes in irony-laced corporate-speak, "whatever you may think of me, however you may think of me, however you may deride me--you cannot seride my generosity: I am generous to a fault (soundless video appears on screen: Jones giving it to helpless Jewel on off the apron in the aftermath of their last bout). Am I not lavish in my punishments? (pointing to the slumped back of Jewel as she stands on the ground, trapped between Jones' gripping thighs and held face-tight to smothering jugs as Catherine sits atop the ring apron, gorging on her foe). When others deny an opponent jugg--withdrawing their warm caress--do I not linger? (video-Catherine smiling, cinching her arms about Jewel's sweat-matted skull, providing 150% of Jewel's recommended daily dose of Jugg). Indeed, can it not be said that I give until it hurts? (Real Catherine turning her attention to Kaley--blonde sitting with arms crosses, oips pursed in 'what-ever' expression.) fear not, my dear, my generosity knows no bounds. Upon you--whelp--I shall not scrimp." Kaley sputtering in response, red-cheeked at her foe's outrageous pomp: Prefight scored a TKO romp for the beguiling Ms Jones as Cuoco is restrained by BSE officials. Catherine in scarlet bikini, straight black hair. Cuoco in white bikini top, shades-of-blue splash print sportkini bottoms--punching pigtails.

 

During R1: Kaley rushing in, then backing off, circling, feinting--Jones very apprehensi ve as the sheer velocity of Kaley's moves conveys threat. Cuoco leading with right hands up top (blocked), stoop-jabbing expensive British gut, falling off to either side, Second miniute, Jones able to find Kaley with jabs, blunt right hands, then tieing up--British vixen slowing the tempo, warned for pulling down on Kaley's head to hold-and-hit. Down the stretch, Jones walking Kaley down at the ropes--brunette putting sharp one-twos together against Cuoco's chest, knocking blonde into ropes: Kaley closing up her stance, bending at the waist to slip and weave to the bell.

 

R2: Kaley sprucing Catherine up jabs--belly and face, stiff and quick. Jones on her heels, gnashing her teeth, parrying the incoming: no question younger blonde's the quicker minx. Minute mark--Kaley spackling jabs, suddenly jumps in hook-off-the-stick, catching Zeta-J flush, stumbling Welsh Wench into ropes all wide-eyed. Kaley hops in to party: Jones breaks up the rush with a dipping, ripping left hook to trunks! Kaley bunching up, gasping, pitching face-first into ropes--Jones stalking off to her left with a vexed, angry expression--shaking off Kaley's work as ref gives Cuoco a moment to recover from low blow. Resume--Cuoco teary-eyed, clearly slowed--Jones on top with an educated  heavy stick in the chest to pin Cuoco down at the ropes. Kaley moving her head--bobbing well at the waist--Jones frustrated at missed right hands iver the top, hooks Kaley low to her tenderest portions, sitting her sobbing in the ropes. NOW Jones can go to work: brisk, shrugging right/left picks up Kaley's jugs, then Jones tucks the left in snug behind blonde right elbow, piling in with her body to smother the receipt. Catherine brawny to the bell, mugging Kaley, then clutching at her, mauling her in the grasp, smearing her against the strands, Cuoco disheveled, badly shaken at the bell: Jones sauntering with a brassy smile back to her corner--mission accomplished.

 

R3: Jones smirking as she walks Kaley down--British vet's underrated footwork answering Kaley's agility by cutting down the ring, anticipating Cuoco's angles. Catherine with that short, chopping right hand to chin--not getting it sweet, but in dodging it, Kaley can't answer back, Jones' best punch a thick left hook to the body, taking Kaley in her ribs and hips--Cuoco not so springy-legged as she backpedals with a cramped expression on her face. Down the stretch, Kaley shying away, suddenly jumps in a TART lead right hand over Jones' low left hand, BUCKLING CATHERINE'S LEGS! Jones startled, Kaley able to punch short, blocky right hands over hand over Catherine's left shoulder to shunt brunette sideways to ropes. Kaley grim-faced, punching her right bhand strauight inside Jones' left; straight left hand inside Jones' left to batter exquisite British cheekbones at the bell. Catherine infuriated, eyes-blazing: face-punching from a blonde whelp absolutely unacceptable to Ms. Jones, Kaley looking back over her shoulder as she's bouncing to her corner, sticks out her tongue, knowing the imp-act will gouge at Jones through the break.

 

R4: Catherine cold-eyed, hunting Kaley down, being very rough with her when Cuoco can be hounded to ropes, Cuoco defensive, reaching to palm at Catherine's shouldersk trying to bump and push at Jones to disrupt brunette's slugging rhythm. Jones leaning on Kaley, using the left shoulder in blonde chest to steer and prop--clubbing right hands bash away up top; hooks dig to paunch and TRY for trunks, but Kaley's turning her hip into the low blows to parry. Strong Zeta-J round nonetheless--Kaley surviving, sliding along the ropes, but under pressure every second of the round--Jones banging flanks well, keeping her girl pinned to the perimeter.

 

R5: More Jones pursuit--she's able to step-over, cut off Kaley's lateral movement and negotiate blonde to ropes: Cuoco's speed advantage being nullified somewhat by Jones' ring generalship. Catherine still can't get her sneaky right hand clean on Kaley's elusive chin, but mining ribcage and tummy fairly effective with stern left hooks, Cuoco at the apron, stepping to her right, trying to keep some distance with her jab: she's a harried vixen in the first minute, Second minute, Kaley jabs into Catherine;s chest, steps right, hooks Catherine;s mouth, then drives in a JARRING right cross to chin--shooting Jones' mouthpiece half way across the ring. CATHERINE ZETA JONES IS HURT! Jones chin-shocked, didn't see the punch--she's stepping in fence post holes, hands outstretched in comical fashion as though to clinch but KALEY WON'T HAVE IT! Cuoco gambling, lunging in with another glorious right hand blast to the face--swivelling Jones' head, buckling her knees, Kaley recovering,l easing weight to right foot while clawing her hook across Jones' increasingly drowsy/staring mug, then driving nin again with another HUGE right hand connect. Crowd groaning in sympathy at every smashing blow to Jones' beautiful face--brunette skull being tossed on impact AND THE REF STEPS IN! Catherine no longer defending herself--just stupidily standing there, taking full-blooded haymakers from an enraged Kaley--man eases Jones into the ropes to help prop her up as Cuoco leaps away the TKO5 victrix.

 

After: Kaley bursting into excited tears--devastating victory over Oscar-winning Mega-Celeb Jones a testimony to youth over experience, speed over skill, Sight if a helpless, stunned Catherine, facing bleakly into punch after punch from a vigourous blonde ingenue a heartbreaker for Jones fans--Kaley was supposed to be a succulent morsel tonight! "I almost can't believe it," Cuoco gushes, wiping at tears with the tips of her fingers. "She talked such unbelievable trash, all I wanted to do was knock her out! What did she call me? She called me a whelp or something--who talks like that? Anyway--we kinew she always wants that right in tight, and I worked SO HARD at denying her that ounch. I outjabbed her I thought, but I stayed super-aggressive--even when she was hitting me in the body and backing me up, i was looking for openinggs to come back at her. It so serves her right-she's mean, she's cheap, she's not even all that hot--this is SO sweet for me, to stop someone like her!"

 

Reposted by Archer 7/16/11

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