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16 July 2011 Penelope Cruz vs Lindsay Lohan

Page history last edited by Archer844 9 years, 7 months ago

Penelope Cruz 04.jpgLindsay Lohan 03.jpg






Posted by Ginny (for Simguy) on 7/16/2011, 6:13 pm


By simguy

BEFORE: Lilo bright eyed, happy and friendly in prefight...she couldn't be more thrilled to be paired with a world-class beauty and Oscar calibre actress. "THIS is were I belong - knockin' the snot out of Pene Cruz!" Lilo gushes in prefight. "She's a runner, so I've got to own her body - take away those legs. Once I impose my will, Pene will crumble...I KNOW she can't take my punches!"

"Lilo! Lilo! What about Pene's puppies?" an overheated scribe pants.

"Oh, I'm going to be a bit of a dog-catcher in this one," Lindsay grins. "Puttin' those puppies in the pound, baby!"
Cruz ill-amused at all this talk of body-subjugation and puppy-pounding...and still stung by rumors suggesting Lilo might look good in an Academy bikini. "I weel treat her chabby," Pene promises at podium. "Lindsay Lohan is tailor-made for my punching. I yam very queek - very hard to heet. I weel take my time and reduce her to rubble!"

Lilo in baby blue bikini overlaid with pinks, mauves, aubergines, whites - all in ribbon-patterns of varying widths - and sporting little fishes or seahorses; small white gloves; hair back in long low ponytail.

Cruz in midnight blue bikini; small powder blue mitts; hair all wilde and beach tangly.

During R1: Pene taking Lilo to task - Spanish girl with right near her cheek, left extended - delivering short, tapping jabs to Lilo's guard. Linds stalking, keeping mitts at mouth or temples - Pene's touching her jabs on the way in; feeding her the crisp straight right; clipping the hook across Lilo's hairline, then; sidestepping her, turning the Lohan right flank. Occasionally, when LIlo's bending far forward in earmuff - Pene will cuff the left hand to Lindsay's paunch - otherwise it's strictly head-hunting from Cruz as brunette scuffs her blonde in the first.

R2: Similar stuff - Lohan not bothered by Pene's punching, but not getting off either - just stalking into range so Cruz can pepper-pot punch in pre-emptive patterns. That pinging jab from Pene's semi-extended left hand. Rapid, straight, tic-tac-toe rights and lefts deployed to Lindsay's breasts...Cruz stepping smartly to either side after nibbling jug. Clipping, scuffing clouts about Lindsay's hairline and temples as she's leaning forward with her head...Lohan trying to bob into range for left hooks to Pene's waistline.

R3: Both girls having moments: Pene still showing quick mitts, stepping around her foe after shoe-shining jugs/head; Lohan spearing the jab to help negotiate distance, then bobbing in close with top of her head nudging Pene's breasts...blonde girl lickin' away lanky left/right downstairs. Good stuff - Pene nimble - pushing down on Lohan's head and sidestepping her, then touching her up from angles: Lohan determined - walking through Cruz' punching to sustain rangy pressure.

R4: Lohan relentless on Pene - bobbing low off the jab to press top of her head against Pene's breasts, then working Spanish breadbasket left/right. Lanky, licking delivery from Lohan - slender arms thrashing away with big backswings as blonde girl cranks leverage from sinuous form. Cruz grimacing as Lilo gets to her: Spanish girl pushing hands down on blonde head...but that causes Lilo to spray punches to Pene's thighs/trunks. Cruz whining to ref, but he keeps telling her "Get off her head, Pene!"

R5: Cruz footwork definitely slowing down: Lilo able to step in on long legs, bob once and get herself into position. Lilo: top of head nudging Pene's jugs; fists at mouth; elbows in tight...she's lashing away left/right from there, working the Cruz midsection. Pene: mitts at cheeks, elbows in: she's pushing on Lilo's head, trying to work toe-to-toe angles - snatching quick left/right shoe-shine swipes at jugs or skull in close. Pene swift, and accurate, but Lohan really whacking away lanky: blonde girl landing the harder punches, really starting to immobilize Pene's springy legs.

R6: Similar stuff - Lohan wanting to work tuff to paunch - bobbing low on approach, coming up with top of her head nudging jug. Cruz grumpy from the bullying, but digging in, hacking back tidy in spots...good crowd-pleasing back and forth results. Lilo getting the left elbow/forearm into the act, pushing on Cruz to prop her for follow-on combinations...Pene retaliates with hup-hup-hup rolling uppercuts to Lohan's breasts: Lindsay hacking back with slap-chop rights atop Pene's breasts; lashing hooks in behind right elbow to get the better of these exchanges. Bell: Pene winded, looking frazzled...her mouth is open when Lohan whirls on the spot, draws a breath-of-blonde long ponytail across Pene's teeth for a dazzling ponylash.

R7: Lohan on the march - hands at her cheeks/elbows in as she bobs in close, puts her head on Pene's breasts, lathers the breadbasket CHUP! CHUP! Cruz groaning, giving way...she's hating it to the body, backing herself into ropes with Lohan pressing. Linds making good use of the pushing left elbow/forearm - propping Pene to ropes, then shoveling rights underhand to gut; lashing lefts wide behind right elbow. Cruz showing face-in-gloves, shutting down against the ropes...Lohan starting to light it up on either flank, then coming up the middle with shrugging little uppercuts to worry Pene's puppies. Comprehensive stuff from Lilo: big, whacking left hooks are getting plenty of give and tummy-cringe from Pene...Cruz just trying to keep her hands up/elbows in to bell.

R8: Battle-weary Cruz can't leg out of way: Lohan able to rip the gut three lanky, whacking hooks with a nicely arched back and hips a-popping right...tuffest body punching of Lilo's career has Pene backing breathless to ropes. Lilo POUNDING Pene's puppies by way of softening-up barrage...thumping masterpiece has Cruz forming face-in-gloves, wilting forward off ropes butt-in-ropes. Lohan grinning, looming close over Pene's head to work both sides of the plate: left hands thick and supple, lash in behind Pene's right elbow; right hand sidearms hack in behind Pene's left elbow. It's all too much - Lilo pounding the flanks; hammering the lower back; scooping up underneath to dig at gut...poor Pene's magnificent legs trembling, finally giving way two minutes in. Cruz wilting to knees-and-elbows, her head bowed to canvas...she's a beaten vixen and that's KO8 Lindsay Lohan!

After: Lohan jubilant...glorious win over a gaudy, high-profile foe exactly what she needed to confirm the slump is over! "People say, 'oh - Lindsay's not disciplined enough to work the body; she can't body punch'," Lilo mocks in postfight. "Brother, did I get some body punching done tonight! Pene's a cutey, so I just refused to play her game outside. I CAN punch the body, and I CAN get strong on girls. I'm back in the picture boys, which is good news: now you don't need to learn the names of all these little CW ditzes!"


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