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23 July 2011 Kesha vs Taylor Swift

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 8 months ago

Kesha 02.jpg

Site: The Asylum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on 7/23/2011, 11:26 pm

BEFORE:

"Ke$ha's a joke," says a stone faced Taylor. "Both musically and in the ring. She can't box at all. She just goes in there thowing wild haymakers hoping she'll catch someone. Well, that might work on someone like Paris Hilton, but it won't work on someone who can fight, and I can fight."

"Swift?" says a grinning Ke$ha. "Yeah. That's going to describe her EXIT from tonight's fight VERY well."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and thanks to Vanessa Hudgens for her help on color commentary on Cassie Scerbo's decision over Rachel Bilson. Joining me now for our second bout, Miley Cyrus! Welcome, Miley, and I'm sure the fans are looking forward to your take on this next bout between two tall blonde singers."

Miley: "Thanks, Jennifer. And, yeah, I guess they're tall and blonde, but 'singer' might be a stretch. Anyway, this one is a classic early/late fight. Ke$ha early or Taylor late. Swift's a better boxer. If it goes rounds, she's the favorite. But I'll bet Ke$ha's plan is to make sure this DOESN'T go rounds."

O'Dell: "I agree, Miley. Swift is well trained, has a very structured camp and good management. They've been trying to break her through in the FCBA for awhile now and figure she can be a big star with her name recognition and fan base. My sources say she's very professional and been working very hard in camp, as always. Ke$ha CAN box. We've seen her do that in spots and she has a good right jab. But she'd much rather get in there and bang and finish her opponent with that big left hand."

Miley: "I believe that's 'Love Story' I hear, and here comes Taylor!"

O'Dell: "Swift getting plenty of cheers from the Philly crowd, drops the robe to reveal a black bikini...and, right on cue, to the strains of 'Blow', here comes Ke$ha!"

Miley: "Ke$ha not wasting any time getting in there and dropping the robe...and we've got DUELING black bikinis! Don't see that every fight!"

O'Dell: "Somebody didn't get a memo...or maybe someone did and didn't care. Either way, there's the bell and here we go. Ke$ha right across the ring at Taylor! Wings a couple of wild lefts. Swift easily dodges, then snaps out a nice left jab. Circling left, away from the big southpaw's power."

Miley: "Ke$ha way too excited here. Been that way every fight. She's just launching punches from bad spots, and Taylor's avoiding them and making her pay with counters. Sticking that jab in Ke$ha's face. Circling. Good footwork."

O'Dell: "Swift a little tentative. Wary of Ke$ha's power. Not above scampering out of there to reset. Ke$ha moving right back in and eating two more straight lefts. Swift circling. Snapping the jab. Ducks a left, dances away. Following instructions from the corner to circle left, always left. She's a little stiff, almost robotic, but it's effective. Nice combination there by Taylor! Left jab followed by a good right and she circles away from a big left counter by Ke$ha."

Miley: "Ke$ha's punch stats for this round aren't going to be pretty. She's not throwing much and she's not landing anything! Swift's getting in good position, landing the left, finding places for the right in spots. Cautious, but scoring points."

O'Dell: "And one more straight left to the chin from Swift and this round is over. All Taylor in round one."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Getting ready for round two now, and there's the bell. Ke$ha again forward, a little more disciplined this time. Got a talking to from Neve and Jewel in the corner between rounds..."

Miley: "Good right jab there for Ke$ha. Second round and it's the first jab she's thrown! She seems to be settling down, though..."

O'Dell: "Taylor lands a left jab of her own. Continuing to circle left, away from her rival's power. Sticking that left hand out there to maintain distance. Ke$ha stalking. Showing a little head movement here. Nice right jab...OHH! DOWN GOES SWIFT! DOWN GOES SWIFT! THE BIG OVERHAND LEFT FROM KE$HA!"

Miley: "The referee can stop counting. Taylor's not waking up in time for breakfast! That shot almost took her head off!"

O'Dell: "Swift flat on her back, hands above her head, not moving at all as the count reaches nine...ten...IT'S OVER! The winner by KO2, Ke$ha!"

Miley: "Check out the replay here, Jennifer. Ke$ha with a nice, clean right jab that stops Taylor's movement for just a second, and before Swift could get moving left again, here comes that big overhand! Look at Swift's head snap to the side. She was out before she started to fall!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring where Tess Valmore has our winner!"

Tess: "Ke$ha, you said before the fight this wasn't going to last very long. Under four minutes..."

Ke$ha: "Look, Six Feet Of Sexy gets paid the same whether we go ten rounds or two. The faster I get 'em out of there, the faster we can start the party...because, as you know, 'The party don't start 'till I walk in!'"