Posted by simguy on 5/2/2008
Before: "I'm so excited to see this fight," says special guest commentator Ali Landry at ringside. "And I'm so excited for Kelly. You know - it wasn't too long ago that we couldn't have sold this fight to HBO, but Kelly's evolved to the point where she can offer anybody in the division competitive battle. This fight is intriguing not for the headlines, but for the fine print: everyone knows Kelly's got a devastating right hand, but she BOXED Jessica Biel into defeat, and it's her boxing that is Kelly's secret weapon. Similarly, Tricia's sleek and slick in that ring, but she beat me with BODY shots once - she's got wiry power that nobody ever gives her credit for. These girls are well prepared to deal with one another's strengths, but I think it's going to be Tricia's underrated power, and Kelly's underrated boxing which could wind up making this fight." Helfer in metallic baby blue bikini; platinum blonde BSG hair; small white gloves. Kelly in scarlet bandeau bikini with asymmetrical skirting at the waist; small black gloves.
R1: Tricia feints Kelly, then leans in with a hesitation right, catching Brook flush on the jaw: brunette covers up hurt at the minute mark. Helfer thoughtful - shifting weight to her front (left) foot to crank a pair of hooks into Kelly's ribs as Brook's stooped forward behind her mitts: Helfer easing onto her back (right) foot, jabbing Kelly's left ear, then slapping the left against Brook's guard. Right uppercut from Tricia partially blocked by Kel's guard - Helfer leaning back out onto her right foot while pulling the hook across Kelly's front. In, out - Tricia so supple and oily-smooth, mixing up her tempo to touch Kelly soft and hard, up and down. Small mitts scraping off Kelly's defences, or digging into her rib/tummy meat; Trish keeping up a steady beat. Brook recovering late, legs firming: she's able to pound a jab stiff to Tricia's chest, keeping right hand at cheek. Brunette stabilizing as blonde pivots around her left foot on the outside: Tricia's got the round won, doesn't take any chances to the bell.
R2: Tricia weaving her torso, leaning in and out as she shifts weight between wide-spread feet, hands relaxed at her tummy, right atop left. Kelly dukes up at temples, trying to jot straight punches onto elusive target: so far unproductive. Helfer pawing and poking her jab - sometimes snapping it up forcefully from her waist: very hard to read the timing of Tricia's poke. Vicious right hands flowing from the blonde's torso-movement, catching Kelly ferocious clout on the jaw: whenever brunette doubleclutches hurt, blonde eases to front foot, hooking Kelly heartlessly to midsection and ribs. Tricia easing around Brook in counter-clockwise fashion - starting to deploy withering buggywhip right hands sidearm across the tummy or lashed in above left hip. Kelly wincing, feeling blonde's wiry resolve downstairs, but so far helpless to prevent the whittling effect. Bell: Tricia walking briskly to her corner, chin up, eyes bright - she's just taken her second straight from Kelly.
R3: Tricia's sleek little feints and supple torso-rolls have Brook flustered. Brunette keeping a rigid earmuff in place, gritting her teeth, trying to square up on Trish and walk her down. Blonde dictating terms with her footwork and ever-present left jab: during Kelly's sudden jabbing-spurts - Tricia slips and rolls away, creating space and eluding punishment. Savage, licking bodywork flowing forth from Trish: luscious, strapping rights and lefts across the paunch; swingeing (editor's note: 'swingeing' with an e means 'punishingly bad, severe') buggy-whip rights taking Kelly in her left flank as she stoops forward; digging left uppercuts working hard to get at solar plexus and breast. Oh that small-mitt body bite: Trish sticking the mitt into Kel and twisting. Helfer always pivoting away after scoring - usually with a fluttering jab in Kelly's face as a screen: masterful blonde shutout has Brook looking cramped and distressed through 3.
R4: Better round for Kelly: even when she's not landing the jab, she's throwing it, problematizing Tricia's approaches. Helfer still in command - she's turning Kelly's flanks, feinting her into flinching compliance, then scoring whippy to Brook's sensuous body. Brook very sturdy and strong, legs holding firm under blonde lashing - but Kelly loses her fourth straight and gets a talking-to on her stool during the break.
R5: Tricia twisting into her shots: she sells the hook, brings the hesitation right instead, punching Kelly's face hard to starboard. Brook shook: she covers up, stumbles forward in swoon - Tricia glides back, walking her girl into gorgeous body-shellack with both hands. Trish sidesteps at the ropes - she scoots-right while Kelly hits ropes face-first, hurt. Helfer back in with one wide, smooth step, clouting a lanky left upside Kel's head, then clouting her a slappy right against brunette's raised left hand. Brook in trouble, but combative: she drops a short right onto Tricia's clavicle, nearly lands a whistling hook as blonde's leaning out of range all rubbery-backed. Kelly forward with a stiff double-jab - blonde torso weaving side to side to evade it, luring brunette to midring. Down the stretch, Helfer resumes her strength-sapping mission in Kelly's midsection: feinting Brook to freeze her, then plying her with lanky, lashing rights and lefts amidships. 5 in the bank for Helfer as she struts back to her corner. Brook cranky, wincing en route to hers.
R6: Kelly jabs-with, trades short, straight right hands bingo on the mouth and DOWN GOES HELFER! Tricia punched to her buttocks - she's up quick, but clearly astonished at the numbness in her thighs. Helfer immediately to her bicycle after 8 count, but Kelly showing mature ring generalship cuts off the ring with lateral footwork and a good stiff jab in Tricia's chest. Helfer guided to ropes: she covers up face-in-gloves, rotating her torso as she sets up in the pocket. Kelly systematic - tying Trish down with that jab, then looking for right hands wide to the side or straight up the middle. Helfer rocked to her ribs by Kelly's beefy clout: brunette leaning in, jugs a-sloshing when her right hand meets with Tricia's slender torso. Down the stretch, Kelly pours in a smooth left/right up the middle - both punches connecting on Tricia's hard-to-find face. Blonde head kicks back - Trish sits stunned in the ropes and is saved by the bell as ref jumps in to stall Kelly's clean-up right hand. Frosty glare from Brook as she forces defiant eye-contact with woozy Trish.
R7: Kelly outboxes Trish (not a typo). Brook doubling up her jab, walking Helfer down with good pressure, then deploying heavy roundhouse rights to the flank in a bid to stiffen the sinuous sorceress. Tricia grimacing, gliding away with arms in loose gull-wing, trying to feint her pursuer off - but Kelly not buying. Brook's jab pounding up the middle, tattooing Tricia's upperchest and knocking back her face: blonde rhythm disrupted as she's driven time and again to ropes. Helfer resorting to clinches now rather than trying to slip shots in the pocket: Brook's heavy right hands in the body are proving too expensive to absorb. Shutout Kelly - she sends Tricia to her stool flustered, achy, and confused.
R8: Tricia takes back initiative - circling Kelly while dragging that planted left foot in a bucket. Blonde changing the level of her head up and down, feinting, hooking off her jab and dropping in hesitation right hands: every trick in the book to keep Brook from getting off. Pinging rights bounce off Kelly's hairline - straight shots from Trish intended to keep Brook defensive. Kelly following, hands up high, elbows in: she's blocking a lot of work, but not getting off much herself. Tricia working both sides of Brook's majestic torso: left hooks cranked to ribcage; buggy-whip right hands slashed in above the left hip. Bell: Brook fretting, obviously distressed to her body after swingeing blonde attrition down there tonight.
R9: Brook breaking down at last - signs of fatigue as she sighs forward behind her mitts, suffering under the lick-and-lash of Tricia's hateful body assault. Helfer's lips curling off her teeth as she gets off - vicious commitment on her punches pronouncing the sinews of her back and arms. Tricia's small mitts chip and clip away at Kelly's well protected head - all to set up stroke downstairs. Masterful round of boxing sees sinuous blonde turn her brunette, wick away at her reserves with lanky body work bell to bell.
R10: Kelly engaging out of rage and desperation - teeth bared as she turns into hard rights and lefts. Helfer accepting battle - knows she's reduced Brook at this point - blonde fearlessly exchanging, giving and accepting clout to face. Brook's fury abates by the minute mark - again she stoops forward face-in-gloves: again, Tricia goes to body. Gorgeous, sinewy stuff: Helfer palming Kelly's head with the right hand while smiting her a snatching left underneath; tapping the left jab, then leaning in to lick that hateful buggy-whip right hand in over Kelly's left hip. It's all too much - Brook wobbly butt, inching forward in a crippled crouch: she's beaten to her hands and knees, panting and sobbing in misery. Helfer mouthbreathing, cheeks flushed - she walks away from the rubble hands-on-hips, frankly astonished when Brook wills herself to her feet. Final minute - Tricia plays it safe - luring Kelly forward, sidestepping and feinting her to the bell. Comes back UD10, Tricia Helfer.
After: Helfer smiling regally - graciously hugging an exhausted and body-weary Kelly Brook in postfight: blonde back on the map in a big way after this tremendous display of polish and vigor. "I took it to Kelly's body all night long," Trish grins, resplendent in victory. "You have to - if she's still strong in the 10th round, she'll whack you out - you have to get to her torso early and wear her down. I read some harsh stuff in Tractorpull about me underachieving this year - maybe this will remind people that I'm still a force to be reckoned with at lightweight!"