RETRO BOUT: (CA. EARLY 1980s)

Posted by SimGuy 10-May-2000  

Before: Although perhaps best known for their vicious apartment wrestling battles, the boxing rivalry between Loni and Raquel has been underated and somewhat overlooked by scholars. Meeting for the first time in 1969, a black haired and little known Loni was taken out in 2 rounds by the then unparalleled Raquel Welch and it was thought that Anderson would fade into the woodwork like so many other starlets of the day.

The early 80s would see a total role reversal, with Loni blonde, bronzed and arguably more famous than the slumping Raquel who could no longer afford to duck Loni's call for revenge. Whereas Welch has been a natural to the sport, Loni had willed herself into a robotic, but heartlessly effective boxing machine, and had to be considered the favourite coming in off of wrecking ball performances against some of television's finest competitors. Ten years in the making, Loni aching for payback, Raquel fighting for respectability: Raquel in her yoga-size blue one piece, short curly dark hair, Loni in her red one piece, hair up.

During R1: Both girls illustrated parts of their respective packages, giving hints of what would come later. Raquel was more creative, looser limbed, dropping lead rights and moving laterally while Loni stood in her open stance, hands low, pounding out jabs and shuffling economically to cut off the ring. Loni still had the bad habit of waiting her turn, but had improved her defence, lifting her hands to her eyebrows to block much of Raquel's attack. Round to Raquel.

R2: Welch continued to hit and run, moving her buxom upperbody with her punches and constantly dictating the flow. But Loni was exerting tremendous pressure, constantly coming forward, stabbing out the best jab in boxing at the time and by the final minute she had Raquel cornered. Pounding back Welch's face with irresistible lefts, Loni had Welch transfixed and a drilling right cross laid the brunette out and helpless upon the turnbuckles. Raquel Welch swooned, only her pride keeping her on her feet as Loni Anderson punch-buggied the brunette's breasts with short lefts and rights to the bell. Sweet smiling Loni Anderson left Raquel hurting in the corner as she sauntered back to her corner.

R3: Raquel showed her champion's heart, shaking off the punishment and getting even seconds into the third when a gambling right hand on the jaw sent Loni sprawling to the ropes in hurt. Now Raquel indulged, helping herself to fistfulls of Loni's ample breasts as the blonde reeled. Welch would own her blonde this round, fighting inside Loni's jab, palming up on the blonde's biceps and clouting her with clubbing short lefts and rights. Still Anderson was standing at the bell, defiant, bloody lipped and ready for more warfare as a disconcerted Raquel Welch took her stool.

R4: The years and countless wars began to show as Raquel fought flat footed, reaching more with her right hand and getting her face spanked by the tireless left jab of Loni. Anderson began tightening the noose this round - dominating with the metronome jab and finding more and more one-two opportunities as her straight licks kept Raquel outside.

R5: Raquel continued to struggle with Loni's insistent jab - unable to work her way past it, and lacking the legs to dance outside it, Raquel began to lump up as Loni zeroed in. Anderson's pressure was paying off, constantly working Raquel to the ropes, then loading up as the tiring brunette bobbed up and down with a worried grimace on her face. Late in the round, Loni wobbled Raquel's legs with a cracking straight one-two, reloading and finding Welch's jaw with another solid right as the bell sounded. Welch was hurt, and more importantly, had begun to fall behind on the cards.

R6: Shutout Loni Anderson who now worked with a saucy bounce in her step, banging the jab, firing the right hand straight from the shoulder and constantly trapping the brunette against the ropes. Raquel mounted no offense this round, bending low at the waist, rearing back into the ropes as Loni patiently bludgeoned away. Welch needed to solve that jab and was running out time to do it.

R7: Another round for Loni as she stalked and popped - Raquel reduced to hawking right hands over the jab in desperate loops, bending low on follow through as Loni stepped forward. Although Anderson won the round, Welch found an important weakness: jumping in behind right hands, she realized that Loni clinched rather than working on the inside.

R8,9: Shutout rounds for Raquel as she took the fight inside, exploiting the flaw in Loni's game. Looping right hands over Loni's jab, Raquel came inside low and proceeded to brawl the blonde senseless. This was rough action from Raquel - hitting on the breaks, lacing in the clinches, plenty of holding Loni around the shoulders for slapping right hands to the blonde's face and cleavage. Anderson was visibly frustrated - the orderly destruction of Raquel Welch had become a chaotic slugfest which the brunette was winning - they went into the final round with Loni hanging on to a slim one point lead.

R10: Neither star left anything in the tank as both looked to finish strong this round. Back and forth across the ring - Loni surging with her straight one-twos, Raquel answering with her whip action hooks and crosses - both beauties escaped disaster through luck and sheer will as offence predominated. Unfortunately for Raquel the slugging took place at power punching range, which was good for her, but better for Loni. In the final minute, Loni froze Raquel with a series of jabs on the mouth, leaving Welch momentarily dazed and a shattering right cross into the forehead drove Raquel reeling to the ropes. Loni had her: for most of the final minute, Loni Anderson battered a defenceless Raquel Welch who sat upon the middle rope, covering up and taking like a mule, legs quivering, as time expired. Loni continued working her brunette past the bell until the ref pulled her clear, and the tears in her eyes expressed her joy and relief. Loni Anderson's hand was lifted in victory as a battered Raquel Welch stood embarrassed by her side.

After: Both women cried at the verdict - for Loni vindication had been long in coming, for Raquel a continuation of the worst drought of her career. They would fight several more times throughout the 80s, prompting many to speculate that had Loni developed earlier, the legend of Raquel Welch might never have materialized.