Charlize Theron vs. Mariah Carey (V) (rematch of 11-05-05 draw) by simguy 2-11-06

Fought at Welterweight. Oscar vs Grammies: Huge blonde egos collide as Theron once again dares a pair of the most ruinous...fists in all of boxing.

"I love the challenge of facing punchers," Charlize shrugs, "always have. That was the spark behind all those fights with Gena Lee - Cat Bell's sort of a straight-ahead all-jug-no-brains slugger - and Mariah's right at the top of that list. She's hurt me before and if I'm not careful, she'll do it again: that risk gets me out of bed in the morning and jogging my roadwork, let me tell you!"

Carey marring prefight with outrageous demands and unapologetic star powerplays - constantly showing up late, refusing interviews etc. She is adamant on one point however: "Charlize Theron will be knocked out," Carey brazenly predicts to BLONDE magazine enthusiasts. "That's all I know. The best singer in the world's gonna stop the best actress...COLD!"

Carey in seal pelt, over-the-shoulder bikini, fur-lined boxing mukluks, chinchilla gloves: Theron in western motif tan suede bikini, calf-high boxing moccasins, sheepskin mitts.

Carey scowling during ring instructions, refuses to touch gloves, whirling on her heel, leaving Charlize pursing her lips in disgust.

Rd 1: Charlize up on her toes, doin' it classy: jabs, lateral movement control Mariah midring. Charlize with the trace of a smile on prim lips - she just steps that jab into Mariah's face, sheepskin mitt thudding against brows and cheekbones, thumping back head. CT pivoting gracefully clockwise, easily evading Mariah's cumbersome receipts. Theron's right hand slanting in and down, ticketted for the Carey chest and stomach - big pounding shots shake the Carey torso with muffled sheepskin thumps - Charlize conscientiously looking to wick away some of the power in her opponent early. Leggy shutout has CT glowing with confidence, Carey shiny with punishment.

Rd 2: Carey swinging right roundhouses loud to the hip/flank - CT grimacing, torso bending slightly around the punch as she is moved to her right. Theron back with lancing right hands down into Carey's body; nasty clipping hooks off the front foot - Mariah taking a very good shot early as she gobbles and keeps coming forward. Carey able to put a body on CT in spots, crushing her to ropes and mauling her - CT clinching, struggling to tie up and get ref's breaks, restarting midring. Stop and go action - Char fighting in retreat, looking to counter Carey - Mariah pouring herself at Charlize, slugging indiscriminantly at the arms, hips, skull. Wide ranging action covers every inch of canvas as both girls swing away.

Rd 3: Charlize rotating to her right now, flashing the jab to Carey's face - pulverizing, patient stick - sheepskin skidding off brow, chin and cheeks, putting a pasty, sullen expression on Mariah's face. CT managing distance very well, easing back out of range to fade Carey's right hands, sliding nicely to spots and walking Carey into slick check-hooks from the hip. CT batting, cuffing with the left hand, not really turning it over: she's mostling looking for hard, straight, spearing rights head and body on her foe. Carey paying a steep price for the priviledge of walking Theron to ropes, but singer does have a couple of happy moments - bullying and bodying CT against the apron, holding and hitting while the ref barks warnings. Late the round, CT weaving her torso, butt-in-ropes: Carey pushes her upright with a left in the chest, hoists a stoneage right from her thigh across Oscar-winning chin and THERON GOES LIMP! Charlize momentarily stunned, drooping forward - Mariah Carey sets her hips and HEAVES full-bodied left hands up and into tortured midriff, wrenching sobs of hurt from a badly shaken Golden Goddess. Bell: Mariah's still reefing, lips curled back from white teeth as she twists on her hips, gets everything she can on monster left hooks in behind CT's elbow. OH, the spank of that taut flank-flesh! Ref tackling singer away - Charlize cringing, faltering into ropes for support as her legs deny Mariah a 10-8.

Rd 4: Charlize wincing, but getting back to business: more jabs for Mariah as Theron cynically works over her opponent's beautiful face. Carey with little head movement, hands usually chest high - she's just facing into poke, angrily walking through it, but she's lumping up under sheepskin. Theron doing yeoman's work downstairs with those lancing, long right hands to the body: Carey grunting, folding up to receive the shots - big, bumping blasts have Mariah frowning in complaint, double-clutching on her receipts. Carey able to hound Charlize to ropes, but Theron relatively effective tieing up head and arm on Carey - inconclusive struggling belly-on-belly results in ref's breaks as CT controls the round.

Rd 5: Theron nice and relaxed midring: slight crouch, left hand low and swaying loose, right at her lips as she slides back or to either side on calm feet. CT backhanding her jab at times, sometimes spearing it in stiff - Mariah blinking, weight on her right foot, obviously confused by the variety. Carey with no defence against Theron's thumping right hand down and in - CT just bending into 'em, pounding sheepskin off golden flesh with satisfying thump, then easing out low and to the right as Carey can't pull the trigger. Down the stretch, CT fading back walks Carey into a gorgeous whip-armed hook onna ear: short-stroke punch nice n' tight, CT getting her hips and shoulder behind it - Mariah sent reeling off to her left, hitting ropes in disarray. Carey wide-eyed with shock: Theron showing true welterweight power in moving a big girl with a swat like that.

Rds 6-7-8: Charlize controlling all the variables - she's dictating terms midring, dictating tempo, just circling, chipping away on her foe from outside. Theron nimble on her feet, but not running - just a gentle slide or pivot, constantly making Carey move her feet. Charlize punishing Carey to the body with those long right hands, but also stooping to jab at the tummy, wicking away the power ala Nik Visser. Theron's legs allowing her to disengage or indulge inside any time she wants - she's willing to chest up, reach under Mariah's arms and wriggle with her at times, just to keep Carey guessing. Mariah not shutout - she's able to sweep right hands with authority to Theron's flanks, even pound Charlize' tender jugs out of the wrap on occasion - but Theron tying up on the inside, getting ref's breaks, minimizes the danger. After 8, left side of Carey's face puffy, left eye pouchy - CT more or less fresh-faced, doing a nice job of taking Carey's right cross out of the game with ring generalship.

Rd 9: Mariah with her left low, right coiled at her chest - she gets some thudding dip-n'roll right uppercuts fat to Theron's body as Char misfires overhand rights early. CT makes up for it in second minute slugging, painting Mariah a tart one/two on the mouth: while Carey's stunned, staring, Theron drifts her another right hand on the chin, sending Carey baby-stepping back into ropes. Theron steps-to, gets big on Mariah - Theron palming her girl roughly in the shoulders, dipping to the left to get cranking leverage on hooks amidships, constantly shoving Mariah upright as Carey groans forward. Jug? Charlize helps herself, lapping away on rack with rising lefts and rights in supple curling arcs. Mariah bravely soaking it up, but crying freely at the bell: ref has to restrain Carey from jumping Theron from behind as CT lifts mitts and struts a little too provocatively.

Rd 10: Mariah dangling her left hand, trying to tempt right hands out of Charlize - Carey executing a clunky, but effective shoulder-roll, answering back thudding right uppercuts to Charlize' midsection. Midway through, Carey gets withering sealpelt thump against Theron's breadbasket, buckling Theron's legs with a gasp: hook on top pounds CT's head aside and THERE GO CHARLIZE' KNEES! Theron reeling into ropes, head whiplashing on limp neck, she covers up face-in-gloves, screaming into sheepskin as Carey WAILS to the waistline. Oh, the fat, strapping goodness of it - big, booming rights and lefts, arms shuddering on hellacious contact with Theron's taut middle - CT groaning, folding forward, only to be body-pressed upright for more abuse. Mariah snarling, pulling down on Charlize' wrists, then driving in on her short, drifting right hands - Theron's head flung back in a toss of damp blonde hair, mouthpiece bashed off stunned teeth. CAREY HELPING HERSELF! Charlize out on her feet, hands together in parody of prayer at her chest as Mariah leans in robust lefts and rights, smashing away to the skull of her foe. More THUDDING body blows - Mariah's left hand palming back CT's right bicep so Carey's hoisting rights can lug up underneath: Theron shouting in pain as she's doubled up, legs a-tremble. JUGG! Mariah lovingly wrapping Theron's upperback in the left arm, slumping her forward for stuffing right hands amidships - pumping jackhammer shots flattening tasty rack and golden tummy as poor Charlize moans on the soak. Bell: Mariah sobbing as she crams in more right hands, beating the huddled mass of Charlize who REFUSES to go down throughout the bombardment. Comes back UD10 Charlize Theron!

After: Carey stomping her foot, sending angry tremors through her backside and thighs - SO close to stopping Charlize late. Theron ragged, woozy - relatively unscathed until the 10th, but oh, the beating then sustained: Charlize proving double-tuff under a withering, desperation assault.

"I don't care who you are," Charlize says in postfight, "you better bring your heart to a Mariah Carey fight. I had her all wrapped up and she still somehow got to me. I just couldn't give in: I had to show her that my Oscar more than equals all her grammies put together, and I think I accomplished that tonight."