• If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.

  • Finally, you can manage your Google Docs, uploads, and email attachments (plus Dropbox and Slack files) in one convenient place. Claim a free account, and in less than 2 minutes, Dokkio (from the makers of PBworks) can automatically organize your content for you.

  • A planned 2-hour maintenance window will start at 12 AM Pacific / 3 AM Eastern / 7 AM UTC / 8 AM BST. We strongly advise you to save any work in progress now.


13 Dec 2008 Elisha Cuthbert vs Jenny McCarthy

Page history last edited by Archer844 6 years, 11 months ago

Elisha Cuthbert 04.jpgJenny McCarthy 01.jpg


Posted by simguy on 12/13/2008, 9:10 am.


Before: "Jenny's gonna be the chin-checkEE in this fight," Elisha promises at podium. "I'm definitely draining this chick. You know at first - I thought she was cute - cougar living the dream, all that...but now she's just this huge pain in the ass for everybody. I hate her stupid song, I hate her stupid voice, I hate her stupid face. The sooner I put this cow on her back, the better off we'll all be." McCarthy raising her eyebrows in mock wariness as she takes podium. "Damn! If I didn't know better, I'd say Elisha was skeered or something - seems a little anxious, don't you think? Honestly, I don't know what's got under this kid's skin, but I don't..." Elisha in from stage right with a right hand to Jenny's chin - striking McCarthy a pre-emptive blow, spilling both blondes to the floor. Cue security - brawl in full shrieking force as prefight degenerates into a tank-top shredding donnybrook. Jenny in metallic light blue bikini with boy cut trunks; white gloves. Elisha in midnight blue bikini with white gloves. Seething stare down - Elisha shouting "Never!" when ref tells 'em to touch gloves.

During R1: Midring - Elisha at Jenny with robust, batting rights and lefts tight to body, then jerking up top with short right uppercut, clipped left hook. Thrilling shock to these punches - gloves bouncing off McCarthy's firmness, shivering Elisha's brawny arms. Jenny bumped hard, hooks back at Elisha's ribcage 'neath the jug line, fetches 'Lish a short right clout to chops, elbow in tight to body on Jenny's delivery. McCarthy remarkably disciplined - chopping short shots, then dipping to her right, keeping elbows in tight to her body, hands stacked right atop left at her chest. Back and forth - body and head - blondes digging and swinging, each connecting furiously at times. Feet widespread - girls taking turns coming forward in little increments. Bell: crowd roaring to it's feet - both girls seething, pulsating with aggression as ref moves in.

R2: Elisha SO sturdy coming at Jenny's midsection. Cuthbert weaving close, slugging rapidly to waist, mitts bouncing off muscle as 'Lish leans forward. McCarthy grunting, giving ground: punishing ribwork has Jmac breathless early. Ropes: 'Lish cleans up - beating the body those batting, rhythmic strokes, then lighting Jenny up the right uppercut/left hook combo - Cuthbert staying compact, clipping Jenny short shots. Mac taking punishment, but battling back: she's off the ropes with a series of digging left hooks underneath - pivoting her way into open ground. Cuthbert surging forward again, forcing Jenny to duck-and-cover: more batting, robust licks underneath bash Jenny to ropes. Cuthbert pressing, staying close, hammering body to get to head. Jenny getting all banged up, but fighting back in spots, hooking her way off ropes and using legs to buy little breathers.

R3: Cuthbert driving on Jenny: McCarthy grimacing, trying to push into Elisha to smother, but Cuthbert's coming forward strong. Elisha weight forward - arms pumping to dig murderous lefts and rights up into Jenny's ribs and breasts: McCarthy turning her left side to Cuthbert and bending forward, trying to shorten target area. Cuthbert just a little slugging machine - so compact and well balanced that even when she misses over the top, she's able to recover and catch Jenny with the other hand. Mac beaten into steady retreat - quickly forced to the perimeter and walked down. Jenny unable to measure Elisha for anything dangerous: too much Cuthbert pouring up the middle!

R4: Jenny unpacking the jab - prodding Elisha poke, then stepping to either side. Jenny with right hand under her chin as she operates, keeping everything behind the left hand. Cuthbert touched up and tracked, frequently pre-empted as she's trying to step-to. Jenny's lateral movement finally answering Elisha's pressure as little brawler can't find Playmate body with any consistency.

R5: Elisha continues to aggressively attack the McCarthy ribcage - bouncing torrid blows off the lungs, clouting those jugs whenever Jenny's stooping forward. Jenny grimacing, trying to sidestep-and-counter, but getting caught and knocked. Midway through, Jenny with a slow, licking right uppercut gets beat to the punch by a sharp, chopping right cross and MCCARTHY GOES DOWN! Booming whack - Jenny on her back - Elisha crowing and jogging around all jugs a-jumpin'! Mac sits up, shakes her head, then gingerly gets to her feet: she's a shaken beauty, digging in at apron to receive Elisha's follow on. Savage beatdown issued: Cuthbert squaring away, teeth bared as fists fly to McCarthy's throbbing flanks. Jenny butt-in-ropes, stoops forward behind her mitts, soaking what she must, to make it to finish line. Break: Mac in cringing on her stool as trainer applies ice to trembling ribs - Jenny gets the 'yer blowin' it, kid" speech during the break.

R6: Jenny in closed stance, right at her chin, left shoulder pointed towards onrushing Elisha. Jabs from Jenny, then she slides away - touching Cuthbert then creating distance. Elisha boring in, crouching low: all she wants is position on Jenny's chest from which to reduce what's left of throbbing Playmate. Near apron - Jenny executes pivot-left, hooking Elisha's ear while turning her, then luring her forward again. Midway through, Jenny rolls-with a rampaging Cuthbert right cross; comes back a sleek, sneaky right uppercut and RIPS Elisha to chin. Cuthbert jerked up onto her toes - she's sputtering in confusion, torso out over her feet. Jenny steps to her right: slaps Elisha a rising, open-palm left hand to pick her face up; drifts Elisha a POUNDING right cross - pouring in over Cuthbert's left shoulder. Shattering blast swivel's E's head, stiffening her, then she topples to her back, legs rigid. It's over - stunning come-from-behind KO6, Jenny McCarthy!

AFTER: Elisha well and truly chin-checked, slumbering on her back, hands up above her head all deadweight blonde in a slumping midnight blue bikini. McCarthy reeling - all beat up in her ribcage and clearly labouring, but grinning when Pallicki gives her a painful hug of celebration. "Chumps keep fallin'," Jenny enthuses as she keeps the 'chin-checkers' streak alive. "Give that little slut credit: she's a wicked body puncher - wicked! I couldn't breathe at times, she was hitting me so hard and so often - I wasn't expecting that kind of ferocity from a cheese-cake tramp, you know? Whatever - she brought it, I took it, then spanked her ass on outta there. BOO YA!" And give Jenny credit - losing the initial toe-to-toe engagements, the brashest Playmate in history showed her under-rated heady side, using as much guile as power to help Elisha to her back in this one.


Comments (0)

You don't have permission to comment on this page.