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13 June 2003 Jessica Alba vs Kaley Cuoco

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years ago




Originally posted by Simguy on 6/13/2005, 7:10 am,


(Cuoco the obvious Spears clone on “Eight Simple Rules…” competitive tennis player quoted as saying “There are no friends on tennis courts,” Good enough for me).


Before: Supple blonde/brunette match up a beauty to behold and Kaley Cuoco’s making no bones about her intentions to step over a “used-model ingénue” in Alba. “People want to see hot celebs in good fights, and I’m the hottest girl out there,” proclaims Kaley. “I’m tearing up Alba, but realistically, she’s just a warm up for Spears, Cuthbert, Tiffany Thiessen and Dushku—although I’m not sure Eliza really qualifies in the looks department.”


Alba smoldering throughout—wasn’t too long ago SHE had the hit show and young body on the cover of every magazine. “Kaley’s cute and her show’s been renewed,” sneers Jessica, “but that doesn’t mean squat in the ring. She wants to work me over, get rich on Jessica Alba? Oh, that is SO not happening. Everyone’s fawning over her right now—we’ll see how many of these ‘friends’ stick around when I torch her scrawny butt.” C


Cuoco standing up brazen at the dais, pulling her top up just enough to expose serious flat abs, head cocked to the side in mute challenge to Alba—Jessica red faced at the brazen body-taunt.


Kaley in one of those tawdry, tight, spaghetti strap pink tank tops and panties deals—Jessica equally smutty in red top, red panties.


During R1: Kaley showing great wheels early—nationally ranked tennis player using the ring, stepping in and out on a tentative Jessica. Cuoco jabbing now and again—but she likes to lead with a brisk hook, carrying the right hand short into her foe—more than once she gets Alba’s head torqued with clean connects. Jessica loose-limbed and relaxed, dancing left, flicking her jab like she’s snapping a wet towel off Kaley’s torso—illegal backhand delivery, but it’s pretty to watch.


R2: Little bit of dancing, then supple limbed girls guard up—heads and gloves all packed in tight together. Cuoco working out of the cramped posture, clubbing her left hand into Jessica’s side, getting around the elbow then guarding-up again to press on Jess. Alba mincing to her left, giving ground—Cuoco’s working Alba’s side, pushing her around—Jessica getting worn out downstairs and she’s not answering back. Final minute—Cuoco shakes Jess up with a fine hook on the abs, turns the left into a clipping uppercut and THERE GOES JESSICA’S LEGS! Alba suddenly saddened, staggering—she wraps up tight around Kaley as blonde takes her to the ropes. Struggling and grappling to the bell—Cuoco all grins—Jessica just hanging on.


R3: Jessica loping around the ring, trying to create space, but Kaley’s dancing her down, chasing her to the ropes and licking combinations to the body and head. Alba can’t out-leg this girl: eventually she stops trying. Jess going to the tight, high guard trying to ride up on Kaley, dip and rip uppercuts in tight. Cuoco happy to get close where she can dig that hook into Alba’s tender right side. Kaley banging flank with both hands, then pulling Alba’s elbows forward, exposing the waist to more abuse in loose supple action.


R4: Wheels come off for Kaley. First minute—cocky blonde bouncing forward, moving her hands but missing punches—Jessica walks her into a gorgeous tight left uppercut and steps away to let Kaley flounder to all fours. Cuoco beats the count, but she’s hurt moments later as Alba swings wide rights to the body, buckling the girl forward. Lathering blows across the lower back drub Kaley to her knees once again—tears starting to bubble up—kid’s losing her composure. Alba stays on her—limber  limbed beat down along the ropes—Jessica stroking hooks across the offending abs, slinging that right hand in on the ear—she drops Kaley a third time in the blonde’s own corner. Down the stretch—Kaley mute with punishment, sitting the ropes, bent forward behind a sullen guard—Jessica takes it to her. Alba standing strong, pushing on Kaley to stabilize, then digging lanky underneath—thick, strapping lefts and rights banging away to the abs and blonde is sent gurgling to the canvas for a FOURTH time. Alba prancing, eyes flashing at the bell—Cuoco blubbering, devastated as her corner works feverishly to prop up her sagging psyche.


R5: Jessica a little arm weary—she’s skirting the ring, looking to walk Kaley into slinging right hand potshots. Blonde all busted up, beautiful face swelling and puffy, but she’s determined—coming forward, using the jab more responsibly, getting after Alba’s ribs with swinging right hand. Down the stretch, Alba’s flat footed, slugging it out with her back to the ropes. Exciting stuff as the girls limber up, bending left and right to pull lashing haymakers into each other. Girls trade hooks—ALBA SLUMPS HURT TO THE ROPES! Jess out on her feet, staring as Cuoco shoves her in the shoulders and GOES TO THE TIT! Kaley digging away to the bell, Jess soaking it up ragdoll—ref has to take a hand as blonde gets greedy after the break.


R6: Jessica showing some respect—figured she had this girl whipped after the 4th and it’s not playing out that way. Alba darting and flicking jabs, ranging right or left, turning the blonde. Jess going to the body with that dip and rip rhythm—brunette doing lanky damage downstairs, visibly taking the spring out of Kaley’s prize stems.


R7: Shutout Kaley Cuoco!  Kaley’s down on the cards, beat up and hurt, but she’s still fighting, show some heart in there tonight. She’s guarding-up on Jessica, pushing her to the ropes, hooking her behind the elbow and Alba’s not taking it well. Jessica cramping up, clinching for breaks—Kaley walking her down all around the ring, thumping repetitively to the right side.


R8: Jessica with the left at her side, pointing the left shoulder at Kaley, right cocked at the chest—brunette slides back, rolling blonde jab, fading blonde right hand and ROCKING BLONDE CHIN the counter-right, Jess shaking Cuoco up—blonde covers hurt—brunette snuggles in, keeping her hips back to swing away at Kaley’s labouring midsection. CUOCO’S SLUGGING BACK! Rip=roaring back and forth as girls lean in, lick away downstairs in turns—2,3,4 rattling Jess, 2,3,4 back the other way as Cuoco gives a little. Down the stretch, it’s getting sloppy, girls swinging wildly, missing wildly, but CUOCO CLOCKS THE CHIN THE RIGHT HAND! Looper catches Jess out of position and she REELS hurt to the ropes, gloves at her lips. Alba huddling forward—Kaley ROASTING the right side with lashing, walloping hooks—blonde just blasting away with baseline shots too shake brunette at the bell.


R9,10: Alba proving the veteran—she shuts Kaley out back to back to break the blonde’s heart these rounds. Jess hurting Kaley with slinging, screened counter rights as Cuoco comes forward, and when Kaley covers up—Jessica licks and lashes at the ribs and tummy, wearing her girl out. Alba clinching tactically walking her blonde to the ropes, making her feel the weight—Jess taking no chances after Cuoco’s surprising resilience throughout this fight—brunette happy to punch n’clutch to an anticlimactic decision.


After : Hard feelings in the after math as the girls are separated—Alba fuming at having been selected to launch Kaley’s ring career and showing an experience edge in carving out a very tough duke. Cuoco distraught, badly beaten about the face and the punishment’s a bit of a shock—but the kid can feel good about the debut. She got off the canvas 4 times, refusing to be finished, and she came right back and hurt Alba the next round: those are building blocks for future. Jessica a ghost of Xmas Future for Kaley though—she’d be wise to strike while the iron’s hot, because the young ingénue niche is the toughest in boxing to defend.


Reposted by Archer 7/19/09.


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