• If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.

  • Stop wasting time looking for files and revisions. Connect your Gmail, DriveDropbox, and Slack accounts and in less than 2 minutes, Dokkio will automatically organize all your file attachments. Learn more and claim your free account.


14 April 2007 Kaley Cuoco vs Jennifer Garner

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 4 months ago


PT. 1

Originally posted by Simguy on 4/14/2007, 9:15 am.

Before: “Of all the BSE women,” Jen says by way of debating consensus of quick HISV victory over Kaley, “Cuoco got the best chance to defeat me. She can’t grind you down like Charisma or take you out like O’Dell—but I am worried about her elusiveness. You can’t hurt what you can’t hit—if I don’t catch up to her until the 8th round, this thing could be over. All the usual rules apply—cutting off the ring; working the body; wearing her down—but you don’t see girls with Kaley’s blend of agility and sting at this weight. I don’t want to be Kat Heigl to her Mila Jovovich—put it that way.”

Cuoco bubbly, all can’t-wait-to-fight energy in prefight. “I’m glad to hear SOMEONE respects me,” Cuoco says, making tongue in cheek reference to the outrageous betting line that has garner a massive favourite all across the street. “My guys have made me MEMORIZE Hagler/Leonard—I see that fight in my SLEEP and I’m going to reproduce it on Jennifer. Everyone gets old in the ring eventually—everyone—and it’ll show up in Jen’s legs first. If I see that she’s missing a step, I’m telling you—I will take it to her. I exposed big, bad Erica Durance, and I’m not afraid of long odds. I’m here ti fight—and BEAT—Jennifer Garner!

Kaley in jaunty nautical togs—all white bikini with study halter style top, belted bottoms, white mitts against her golden brown tanned skin. Jen in electric blue surfer chick bikini, bra style top, white glove—long brown curls tied back off her face.

During R1: Kaley using the ring; Jen stalking. Kaley stepping out, walking rapidly, white bottoms crisp and jaunty as she bare-foot marches to and fro. Jen patient, hopping to spots, dukes up, right at her cheek—trying to draw a bead, Garner jabbing to help cut off the ring—Kaley flinching back from the slightest touch, staying on the perimeter. Garner the aggressor—winning the battle of position, keeping Kaley on the run. Final minute—Cuoco on one of her frisky walks to her right, stops, suddenly angles in a leaping left hook/uppercut, splitting Jen’s mitts and JEN GARNER”S STUNNED! Jen stooping forward behind her mitts as Kaley scoots ‘round the Garner right flank; Kaley snarling, thrusts a hard straight right to Jen’s right ear from extreme angle; Garner turning awkwardly, doesn’t know where Kaley is and gets ROCKED a hook. Jen stumbles to her right, trips over her down feet and BOUNCES TO HER BACKSIDE! Cuoco thrusts hands high, beaming in triumph: Jennifer quickly up, cheeks blushing crimson. Cuoco steals a methodical first, and steals it 10-8.

R2: Kaley on the pounce—much more derring-do from blonde as she’s buoyed by the sight of Jen on her butt in the first. Slashing in-out attacks—Kaley’s stock in trade: Garner dukes up, elbows in, crouching to receive the attacks in a defensive shell, looking to counter off the block. Cuoco circling, lithe legs/light feet embarrassing Jen’s sturdier, bigger stems as blonde haunts brunette, spooking her from angles. Feints from Kaley? Better believe it—blonde stomp-feinting, showing fake punches, hitting Jen the off-hand—dangerously close to showboating by the BSE upstart. Garner’s receipts a full beat behind the rhythm—she’s not landing—Kaley’s seeing everything outside. Cuoco  not doing terrific damage, but no denying the whitewash effect of the strafing runs. Particularly effective: a staggered step-in which has the effect of feinting Jen into a her crouch, followed by a dragging, sweeping right hand to belly as Kaley lands loud, pivots left to make her escape (we saw Portman use this punch against Lexa Doig and Jaime Pressly—more evidence of BSE integrative cross-training). Bell: shutout Kaley Cuoco—she’s just BEAMING en route to her corner, having left her scent al OVER Jen Garner in the second.

R3: Garner shows up to the fight, announces herself in stern tones to Kaley’s ribcage. Flows from the jab—Jen stepping in a thruster, then banging the flanks with rigid, batting rights/lefts—Kaley covering up and crouching to receive. JG working both sides of the plate—really humming along at times—hooking hard with her righty hand at her cheek; chopping sidearm rights into Kaley’s waist—right elbow in tight to body for hacking leverage. Cuoco blustery—shaking her head “NO” after absorbing and walking away—but Jen’s clearly walking her down, doing damage here. Kaley’s absorbing and walking away—but Jen’s clearly walking her down, doing damage here. Kaley’s offense consists of scattered flurries in spots—sudden brushing squalls of impressive hand speed, forcing Jen t cover up: Kaley’s able to keep her back off the ropes by virtue of these outburst.

R4: Kaley on the pounce: when she sets and maintains a certain high tempo, she’s got Garner reacting a heartbeat too slow—Jen late with receipts and looking grumpy. Cuoco landing that singing right hand to paunch/pivot-round maneuver—very each-catching—judges can’t miss it. Kaley’s work up top less convincing against Jen’s sturdy guard—Garner blocking a loot of shots on shoulders, arms, gloves—but Cuoco IS making inroads. Occasional slanting uppercut squirts partially through, and a frisky jab darts at Jen’s brows, keeping her wary. Emphasis ion Kaley’s legs however—it’s her decisive, anticipatory footwork that’s winning the fight: she’s establishing position first, doing work, and getting out before Jen can process.


Originally posted by Simguy on 4/14/2007, 9:16 am.

R5: Jen banging that body—Garner landing muscular—back, shoulders, biceps shredding into relief whenever she makes shivering contact. Kaley grunting, absorbing the blows, but never over staying her welcome: when she gets hit, Kaley scoots round either Garner flank, determined to stay off the apron. Cuoco’s flurries and sudden lead rights or lefts off her thighs as she’s hopping keeping Garner off balance—very difficult for Jen to get on top and work with any consistency. Kaley’s tanned legs seem to be everywhere—she’s strutting here, hopping there, scooting, stomping. Bounding—for fans of tanned vixens in white swimsuits, it’s a real treat tonight. Bell: more points for Kaley—she lifts her mitts and brazenly sashays to her corner, grinning ear to ear all fresh-n’-sweaty.

R6: Kaley feints—Jen crouches—Kaley swipe-hooks Jen’s right ear, pivots round that frank.

Kaley feints—Jen crouches—Kaley pokes a lead right hand in between guard; hooks behind the elbow; bends low at the waist as Jen’s looking to punch; Kaley up out of HER crouch a crazy right uppercut, really ringing Jen’s bell, spoiling Jen’s right cross.

Kaley walking to her right, turning Jen midring—just backhanding out of the left hand rangefinder, brushing Jen in her left shoulder. Kaley feints: doesn’t bring it. Kaley feints—Jen doesn’t buy it, loads to punch—KALEY PENETRATES WITH THE RIGHT HAND! Sudden, jerk delivery takes Jen in her mouth, knocks her head back, her right hand spraying off target; Kaley bends deep at her waist, scooting forward with her feet and ERUPTING into a vicious hook-out-of-the-crotch, swiveling Jen’s head as she’s backpedalling and GARNER GOES DOWN! Crowd ROARS to its feet as Jen sprawls

Full on her back—head lifting drowsily off canvas t stare bewitched and groggy at her tormentress. Kaley jumping to neutral corner—feeding off crowd energy—no flash knockdown as Jennifer peels herself off the canvas huuuurrt. Final minute—groggy Jen digs in at ropes, covering up like a beaten woman: HERE COMES KALEY! Cuoco just treats herself—Garner slouching forward behind her mitts, giving away flanks and tummy on the cheap. Kaley wastes a good deal of energy shoe shining at Jens well protected noggin—but she’s digging in beefy downstairs, drawing weary cringes from achy Jen G. Bell: Kaley freaking out Ali0style as Garner looks decidedly Liston-like en route to her stool.

R7: Jen looking discouraged, immediately seeking support of the ropes, covering up, looking sullen as Kaley hops in all grins. Cuoco bat-bat-batting tummy/flank/scalp—letting her young hands go: Jennifer quick n’crisp hooks Kaley SHARP across the mouth to get the better of the exchange. Cuoco refusing to believe, unleashing another flurry—gloves bouncing tart off Jen’s prepared defences, skidding off shoulders, scalp and guard: Garner answers back another biting hook in tight, unhinging Kaley’s knees; puts the right hand on top, chopping it to Kaley’s chin. Kaley wide, slapping with her punches, trying to overwhelm Garner—but Jen’s possum act paying off: she punches-with, beating Kaley to rights and lefts, landing with vicious heft as Jen just turns her shoulders side to side, no backswing. Crowd delirious at the sudden torrid toe-to-toe—Kaley getting beaten off balance—Garner able to issue a slugging reverse to put Cuoco’s back to ropes.


Ripping hook takes Kaley in her liver: tanned legs stiffen, bend at the knees—Kaley gasps, cringes forward behind her mitts.

Jen digs another hook behind Kaley’s elbow—Garner getting merciless leverage off her front foot—then she pushes her left elbow/;forearm into Kaley’s chest to prop her up. Cuoco sighs, lips parted.

Tidy right hand pounds Kaley across the face—Jen leaning in close to get it—all back and legs with the shot. Garner back with the hook as she shifts weight to right foot. Kaley’s stunned, eyelashes blinking as Jen’s catching her flush. Another brawny push—Jen to Kaley—this time with both forearms stacked against Kaley’s chest.

Robust drumming of Kaley’s abs sits her in the ropes: Garner with her head down, stroking away. As Kaley folds forward to protect battered tummy—Jen graduates to the flanks, beating in above the hips, scouring the lower back. Garner bodies up, stacking Kaley: Cuoco loose, lips parted—she’s looking ragdoll.

Hook takes Kaley in the liver: she sobs out, cringing into Jen’s arms. Garner embraces Kaley for a moment, then shifts weight to tuck another punch in between that right elbow, all while holding Kaley lightly in the span of her right arm. Punches start to flow—Jen to Kaley—Garner just staying compact moving her hands, rotating her shoulder—thudding leather taking Kaley in her torso, arms, occasionally swiveling her head as Jen sets that meat-grinding pace. Poor Cuoco—listless, arms in a loose crossed-guard as she sways and bends at the ropes and THE REF STEPS IN! Kaley glassy eyed, trembling, arms still crossed against her body as the man hugs her to safety. TKO7 Jennifer Garner.

After: Jennifer O’Dell with baleful eyes, on Def-Con 4 as Jen approaches Kaley in the BSE corner: Garner with a classy handshake and nod—gives the kid her props after a close-run thing. “That’s Kaley down,” Jen breathes in postfight, obviously relieved, “AS I’ve said all along—she’s the only BSE girl I’m worried about. She’s actually even more athletic than I thought she’d be—more athletic than anyone I had in camp, and it took me several rounds to adjust to her speed. I knew I was strong, and when she caught me a couple of her best shots I knew I could take her punch—so I stayed patient. Fortunately, I was able to walk her down and take her apart eventually.” Any interview with Garner always deals with her plans for the championship—she shares her thoughts. “You know, if BSE wants to make me jump through hoops to get Jen in, it’ll be a mistake on their part. Me taking the belts from Jen is a lot better than me flattening their entire stable AND THEN taking the belts. You’ve got to think of the girls—what’s best for them—there’s no point in sacrificing all of them just to delay Jennifer’s  ultimate defeat.” Garner smiles dimply: good for her, showing a little sauce—garner ;s not all vanilla, all the time, after all.

Reposted by Archer 7/20/09.


Comments (0)

You don't have permission to comment on this page.