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14 Dec 2005 Jessica Simpson vs Naomi Watts

Page history last edited by Archer844 10 years, 6 months ago









Posted by simguy on 12/14/2005, 7:00 pm


Before: Boxer/puncher match up - Watts with the opportunity to make a real statement about herself against the curviest body in the 110 pound ranks. "Jessica's strong, durable, and stupid: admirable qualities in a pressure fighter," Naomi quips. "I'll stick her and stick her, like I'm killing a pig, and eventually wear her down to the point where I'll be able to take her out."


Simpson champing at the bit - Watts the kind of cinema star Jessica wants to put her mitts on more often. "I'm bigger than Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kristen Kreuk," pouts Jess in prefight, "I want to be fighting big names like myself. Watts is old and skimpy: I'll bust her in half!"


Simpsy in heartpounding pink Dukes bikini - Naomi in thrilling white bikini from Huckabees (both suits now licensed by Hurley Swimwear for mass production). Small gloves, both vixens.


R1: Textbook Naomi: pumping the jab, circling to her left, making Jessica attack up hill. Simpson feeling the nasty bite of Naomi's poke - Aussie stick is stiff, accurate, fast - piercing in past Jessi's crossed arms and marking her up nicely. Final minute, Naomi creep-steppin' right, left hand extended just to chip and pester at Jessica distracting her: Watts suddenly shoots the straight right to Jessica's chin tip! Lancing blast stuns Jess, sends her tottering wide eyed to ropes: bell rings before Naomi can heap on the hurt.


R2: Textbook Jessica - barging in on Naomi, collapsing distance before Watts can organize her defences - Aussie bundled to ropes and mauled by what the Aussie's dub the "jiggling wondah". Jessica pushing in, using the heel of her left hand to prod and shove, walloping away righty up top. Pushing her head in between Naomi's guard, Jessi's able to rotate her shoulders and bump the belly - chugging away lefts and rights hip to hip on Watts. Naomi grimacing, clinching behind the head, doing a good job of keeping her chin out of the equation: same can't be said for proud Aussie ribs and waistline as Simpson mugs for points in the second.


R3: Jessica pouring in - one or two head-bobs as she rushes forward, then she tackles Naomi to ropes and squirms all over her. Watts bogged down, pushing and pulling at Jessica, writhing for breathing room - wearisome stuff as Simpson smears Naomi at the ropes until ref's breaks reset the action. Midway through - Simpsy strides into a sweeping right - just grazing the Watts chin, but startling Naomi into a shaky backpedal. Simpsy steps with, hurtles up out of her crouch with a beefy left hook from her thigh, clobbering Naomi clean across the chin and DROPPING WATTS TO HER BACK! Flashbulbs burst all across the arena as poor Naomi picks groggy head off the mat, blinking in woozy wonder - Jessica strutting, jiggling, posing in the neutral corner with a big ol' grin as Watts takes ramshackle 8. ON COMES JESSICA! AND NAOMI RIPS HER UP! Watts gritting her teeth, lights oncoming Jess up the tight left uppercut - steps forward as Jess staggers back, lights her up a tight right uppercut, covering up at temples after each punch. Walking barrage Watts as Naomi shows she can turn slugger when necessary - wiry Aussie raking voluptuous American across the ring to put Jessi's back to far ropes! Simpson stunned, staring - Naomi takes the opportunity to GALLOP AT JESSICA'S RACK! Watts hup-hup-hupping away, lips pursed as she exhales with the effort of lifting Jessica's jugs up - Simpson beaten into stupor at the bell and beyond as ref has to reef enraged Aussie off. 10-8 Simpsy round converted to 10-9 as Naomi rallies well off the canvas.


R4: Simpson redoubles her smothering efforts, crowding Naomi to ropes and clubbing her hip to head. Naomi jabbing as she backs up, looking to get left hooks off her back (right) foot as Jess rushes forward - but Aussie can't stem the tide. Round mostly plays out with Naomi's back to the ropes, Jessica getting off big, beating down the arms, flanks, skull with bashing intentions. Simpson warned for aggressively heeling Naomi's guard, shoulders and head in attempting to stack her up for more punishment.


R5: Naomi taming Jessica somewhat with the jab, busting up Simpsy's left eye, turning her right flank to sidestep the rush. Jessica slowing up, blinking, raising her hands - she's out at the end of Naomi's punches now, getting tagged the straight right off the stick up the middle. Watts boxing beautifully out of a wide stance - just pivoting left, tap-tap-tapping away, tracking Simpson's face with both hands. Jessica flustered: she's got to be on Naomi's chest to be successful tonight.



Simpson/Watts conc.



Posted by simguy on 12/14/2005, 7:01 pm, in reply to "Naomi Watts vs Jessica Simpson pt1"


R6: Naomi gaining initiative with that hateful stick, spurning Jessica, spiting her. Watts loosening up outside, slide-stepping while dragging her front foot in a bucket. She's dangling her left, making little circles out front with it: you can practically see the venom dripping from that meanspirited glove. Midway through, Jessica rushes forward: Naomi fades back gracefully, weight on the right foot, left elbow in tight to her body - she catches Jessica a perfect check-hook on the jaw - real Sugar-Ray Robinson stuff - and SIMPSON SPRAWLS TO CANVAS! Delayed action knockdown - Jessica sputtering and careening forward before tumbling onto her face at the ropes - she flops, rolls onto her back, rolls onto her right side and FINALLY beats the count, eyes moist with shock. ON COMES NAOMI! REJECTED BY JESSICA! Simpson ragged, desperate with hurt, slugging mindlessly from the hips - Watts elects to step out, lure Simpsy back to midring and work her with the jab to restore order. Watts tamps down the uprising, circling right, finishing up her work on Jessica's left eye, closing it with the jab by the bell. Simpson wobbly butt, staggering back to her corner: Watts strutting, all business as she takes on water hard-eyed.


R7: Naomi patient as a matador - turning Jessica OLE! at midring, stabbing jabs into her, fading back and catching her mouth gorgeous check-hooks off the right foot. Simpson sluggish, still trying to close and work - she's crossing her arms, bobbing down, inching forward - then getting raked and cuffed as she can't penetrate Naomi's reach. Watts zinging straight punches, gloves bouncing smartly off Jessica's face and pate - Simpsy shining up nicely, looking drowsy through 7 as classy boxer dictates to rambunctious slugger.

R8: Worst round of Jessica Simpson's career? Could be. Naomi establishes the jab, circling and breaking Jess down in the first minute - opens the second minute with a clanging short-hook onna chops that sends Simpson reeling to ropes, eyelashes fluttering. Watts strides in, using heels of her hands to shove at Jessica's shoulders, then tearing away licking hooks, slicing right hands. Jessica crossing her arms in stupor, facing helplessly into punches - her head batted this way and that as she stoops forward, butt in ropes. Naomi's teeth bared - she's just propping, punching, working the face with hooks and crosses, working the body with hooks and uppercuts, working the jugs with rising hup-hup. Simpsy drooping forward, then stacked up like so much deadweight blonde - curvy legs refusing to let her go all the way down despite squealing pleas from her stablemates to "TAKE A KNEE!" Beating goes on and on and on - Naomi working up quite a sweat as she operates unopposed on poor Jessica - ref has to pull Aussie off at the bell as Watts has slipped into puncher's autopilot.


R9: Naomi right back on, jabbing Jessica straight back into her corner and LABELLING her a drifting right on the mouth, shooting Simpsy's head back and stunning her all over again. Thick-mitted beatdown issued in the first minute as Watts goes all-in - she starts to tire thereafter, deliberately slowing the pace. Naomi folding Jessica into her arms and stacking her in the corner, laying on the shorter blonde for long moments to recuperate - then Naomi works methodically downstairs, licking caressing lefts and rights in behind Jessica's elbows. Simpson soaking it up open mouthed, stooped forward behind her gloves. Sweaty stuff - Watts carving on Jessica, then wrapping her up, bodying her back belly-on-belly - Aussie arm-weary after 6 straight minutes of punching Jessica Simpson.


R10: Watts mouthbreathing; Jessica all swollen and shabby - they meet midring, bump shoulders, work at a trudging pace. Watts pivoting to her left, right at her cheek - she'll dip a shoulder, lift a left into Jessica's ribs, or try to lure her forward into more check hooks. Simpsy bobbing side to side, hooking out of her crouch - she's getting good bashing spank off Naomi's rightside ribs, gradually forcing Aussie to ropes. Jessica systematically taking over as Watts goes defensive - Naomi butt in ropes, dukes at temples, just bending to accept Simpson's thumping work behind the elbows. Jessica looming over top Naomi, often riding one hand behind Aussie head while hoisting home a body shot with the free mitt. Final minute: Naomi's legs trembling, body cringing as Jessica gets in there thick above either hip - American single minded in her attack on weary Aussie body. Watts heartbroken, gutting it out - Jessica able to bang away her hardest - big, beefy right and left roundhouses downstairs as Naomi crumples forward on the take. Bell: Watts' legs prove durable enough, holding her up long enough to record a rugged UD10 over Jessica Simpson.


After: Watts evens up the score, breathes some life into what had been a slightly deflated Tech bench. Hard, hard struggle - both vixens drained - best win in some time for Naomi as she takes it the old fashioned way from a stubborn Jess Simpson.


"I knew I could punch her face coming in," a weary Naomi drawls on camera. "That was the thing - If I could get my jab out, hurt her and control her - I knew there was nothing she could do to compete." Charlize' turn to show some leadership: hugging little Jessica and cheering her up, slapping backs on the bench and getting girls to turn frowns upside down.



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