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14 May 2009 Jessica Simpson vs Sarah Michelle Gellar

Page history last edited by Archer844 13 years, 8 months ago

Posted by simguy on 5/14/2009, 7:54 pm


Before: "I'm just SO HAPPY to be getting back in the ring," Simpsy gushes at podium. "Everything's been so crazy lately - I just want to swing away and blow the doors off some girl - you know? As long as Sarah winds up on her face, hurting - I'll be satisfied. Don't care how we get there: can't WAIT to get there!" Gellar a girl on a bubble: former champ really struggling with her form - especially with regards to taking hard punches from aggressive swingers. "Jessica hits a ton," Sarah admits, "but only when she's set and coming forward. I know I can disrupt her and take advantage of her flaws. Also - she looks great right now, but the way her weight's been yo-yoing between fights is a bad sign for her stamina. I'll check her out down there, do some digging - if I can gentle her down some, it'll go a long way towards getting her beat."


Gellar in ivory white twisted bandeau top; black bikini bottoms with black belt; black boxing shoes; small black gloves; slick short ponytail. Jessica in sturdy two piece gear - looks like underwear-cut garb, but it's made of supportive exercise material: dark, stripey push up and racy boy leg trunks; tan UGG boxing boots (short); small black gloves.

During R1: Simpsy aggressive - wading in strong, swinging rights and lefts, pushing up the middle. Sarah sidestepping, being the matadora: hard scowl of concentration on her face as she hooks-and-pivots-left, sliding past Jessica's right flank. Simpsy picturesque - jugs a-jumpin' as she hurtles forward, then has to change direction: physics never looked so good. All even till late: Jessica pursing her lips, lands a plowing right to Sarah's jaw over Gellar's left, buckling the Slayer's knees. Gellar distressed, stumbles away shabby: bell sounds before Jess can clean her up. Simpsy upbeat, scuffing briskly back to corner in her UGGs.

R2: Gellar firms, pitches a shutout. Sarah in slight crouch, popping the jab, pivoting left. Sarah feinting, dipping the left shoulder, tucking the left uppercut to Simpson's gut, pivoting left. Sarah feinting, popping the sneaky lead right, hooking Jessi's paunch, pivoting left. Simpson barging forward unproductively, getting nibbled, vexed, and turned: easy pinpoint pickings for SMG.

R3: Simpson charging Sarah: not entirely legal tackle drives Gellar ramshackle to ropes: cue shove-n'-slug beatdown. Simpsy a greedy little piglet - reaching in under Sarah's arms, chesting her beefy to ropes - smearing her, mauling her, then plowing away in spots. Gellar grimacing, wrestling with Jessica - pushing at her tummy and lats; trying to spin or squirm off the ropes...there's just too much beef. Simpsy's punching semi-smothered, but it's constant and thumping: Gellar given a good sweating in close confines.

R4: Gellar back to midring - nice relaxed crouch, pesky, popping jab - she's rotating to her left after poking stick, turning Jessica's right flank. Simpsy swinging hard, missing wide: Gellar straight, pinpoint tapping starting to lump Jessi up. Mostly left hand technique from Sarah - swift, crisp, relaxed, precise: right hands are selective, but tart and surprising, poking in between Jessica's mitts. Every once in a while, Sarah dips the left shoulder, jerks the left uppercut to Simpson's gut - sliding off to the left after scoring paunch.

R5: First back to back round for either girl: Sarah finaly imposing her agenda on Jess. Same menu: pin-prick, tapping jab; smooth clockwise shuffles and pivots...Sarah dictating range, tempo, terms. Simpsy pouting, stepping back to take big breaths, then trying to bull forward: she's getting sidestepped, turned, managed. Gellar just banking touches - the odd left to the body or right to the face a real stinger, but mostly she's just tidying up.

R6: Gellar workiing her clockwise pivot routine, moving off her touches: classy stuff. Jessica facing into poke, but still jiggling with energy - tummy, thighs and jugs agitated as she tries to find Sarah. Minute in, Sarah pokes jab, leans onto her right (back) foot off the pivot-left: her hands are low when jessica's swinging right impacts jaw. BLONDE GIRL DOWN! Sarah clocked a beaut - legs stiffening up as Gellar jerks to her right and splashes onto her back: she's knocked the hell out by one lusty stroke! KO6 Jessica Simpson!

After: Simpsy jubilant - jumping up and down in her UGGS - climbing the corner ropes and squealing at the press. Meanwhile...poor Sarah tender and still on her back, unable to take Simpsy's punch despite asserting control over the fight: tough pill for one of boxing's most acclaimed small-bodied vixens. "I wanted her on her face," Jessica chirps in postfight - glancing frequently over at her shattered rival, "but tits up'll do!"

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