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20 March 2009 (Vacant Title) Jessica Biel vs Kaley Cuoco

Page history last edited by Archer844 7 years, 6 months ago


Jessica Biel 07.jpgKaley Cuoco 02.jpg





Posted by simguy on 3/20/2009, 7:00 pm


Before: Security very heavy for any formal pre-fight event involving these two: seething animosity more than apparent to all in attendance. Bitter cruelty shown during weigh-in as each snipes at the other's body, attacking imaginary imperfections: in reality it's about as ballistic and strong a pairing as we've ever seen. "I broke Kaley's will in our last fight," Jessica says at podium, supported by audio-visual highlight reel of her post-fight savaging of Cuoco last time out. "I didn't just beat her: I took part of her away that she'll never get back. That's why this is going to be an easy fight for me - maybe first round easy. Kaley's going to say she's good to go, but the truth is, I took her heart, and when she looks at me now, she knows I'm better - end of story."


Kaley not her usual upbeat, happy self: every shot of her seems to show her frowning these days as fight-nite approaches. "All Jessica did was motivate me to destroy her," Cuoco says at podium, eyes flashing. "Like any bully, she thinks she dominated me when she launched that cowardly post-fight attack upon me - but the truth is, all she did was harden me. I'm not just better athletically than her now: my heart, soul and mind are totally dedicated to taking her apart. The FCBA is just the tip of the iceberg: I'm committing to seeking Jessica out in any and all venues, anywhere in the world, fighting her whenever I can find her, until she bares her throat to me. This fight is the opening drive in a campaign that will one day see Jessica Biel retire a broken and battered woman from the world of celebrity fighting. Promise."


Kaley in black bikini, white gloves; pretty puncher's ponytail with wisps all about her face. Biel in beige bra; white bikini bottoms; black gloves; hair in loose tangles about her shoulders.

During R1: Blazing near-misses spook both fighters mid-ring: girls springing in and out, leading with power right hands or hooks. Eyes wide - they attack and retreat - each bending low, stepping out, then pouncing with thighs/buttocks rippling. Minute mark, Jessica jabs Kaley's tummy, then straightens to hook her mouth, loosening Cuoco's knees. Cuoco answers a hook off her heels, trying to punch Jess off: Biel hooks tummy; chops right hand to chin - sending Kaley staggering backward. Jessica hopping-to - hands at her waist: Kaley stunned, dukes at temples as she tries to rally. Hands dangling - Jessica feints Kaley; dips to the right; lifts a supple right uppercut off her thigh, jamming it in between Kaley's mitts. Cuoco sits into ropes, legs stiffening up: Jess shifts weight to left foot, hooks Kaley's tits, breaks apart that tight guard. Jess shifts to right foot, claws hook across Kaley's dazed face; Jess shifts to left foot, hooks Kaley's liver, bunching her up. Jess shifts to right foot as Kaley's stooping forward hurt; Biel lifts the right uppercut off her thigh, taking Kaley up underneath her breasts. Cuoco shouts in pain - mouthpiece spitting off her teeth: Biel bends down, rises up into Kaley with left shoulder to stack blonde up. Jess tick-tock weaving on her hips, slipping Kaley's panicky, slapping punches, then RIPPING back a smart, slashing right/left off her thighs, clapping Kaley's face. Cuoco relaxes back into ropes, eyes glazing over: she's out! Jessica grinning, punches a short, clouting insurance right hand to Kaley's mouth, swivelling blonde head on limp neck as ref jumps in. Good Lord - that's it: TKO1 in stunning fashion - Jessica Biel!

After: Kaley out in the ref's arms, then coming around: she's absolutely devastated, blubbering "NO!" into the man's shoulder. Jessica strutting: she called it - pouring out of her corner and blazing away until Kaley lay back in rubble: it's perhaps the most dominant performance of Jessica's electrifying career.


 "Does anyone have any questions about me and Kaley?" Jessica laughs - hugging her trainer playfully, then refacing the camera. "I blew her frigging doors off tonight. The whole 'Kaley's kryptonite for Jessica' thing is now officially laid to rest. The story of Cuoco goes: she got lucky against me one night, I regrouped, figured her out, DECISIVELY thrashed her again and again, then I moved on. Cuoco was never the Biel-buster you all thought she was - I KNEW that, but you know: sometimes it takes a crushing KO1 to make the point. This is what happens in rivalries: girls fight until things get settled. Natalie Portman's better than Sarah Michelle Gellar; Charlize is better than Cat Bell; Britney's better than Carmen; and I'm better than Kaley. Oh, and I seriously hope she's going to continue with her 'all out assault' on me: love to repeat this on an apartment carpet soon!"

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