(WELTERWEIGHT UNIFICATION BOUT)
Posted by simguy on 11/20/2004
Before: Superfight more than just a title unification: it's the last step in total Samdog hegemony over the FCBA, with only the Krushers left to bar the way. "We've stared down tyrants before," says Sharon Stone in BLONDE! magazine. "Who saved the FCBA from HISC? Who broke up Technetium's evil empire? Who's made sure TE never became anything more than a small-girl power? It's always a Krusher beauty standing tall, fighting for the little celebrity, the unmanaged celebrity - you know: all the nobodies who don't have a big machine supporting them." Battle of 'haves' a tough call: both girls so complete, so strong. "We've broken Ali down six ways from Sunday," says a confident Kristanna. "At her most muscular, we figure she clocks in somewhere between a buck-twenty and a buck-thirty. That means to get big, she needs to adjust her diet - so really, I'm fighting an extra bread pudding here and there, an extra ham sandwich. With me, it's different: I can bring 150 healthy pounds of muscle to the ring - I mean - that's physical supremacy. You know, we watched tape of Tyra, tape of Jeri and other girls who've hurt Ali, but there's this old super 8 film of Lucinda St. James walking Debbe down and battering her in an apartment bout from the 70s that I keep going back to. That's the one that really inspired me. It's kind of a crude fight - not really technically useful - but I get chills every time I see Lucinda stalking Debbe, breaking her down. That's how I want to do Ali." Landry wearing out Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders in preparation for this bout: half the show-squad reportedly on the DL (Cowboy training facility locker room like a MASH unit - Cheerleaders getting tenser-taped around the ribs, groaning from throbbing bodies and dented chins - new girls being carried in, heads lolling, moaning from punishment) due to Ali's savage sparring sessions - she's a beauty on a mission. "God gave Loken a lot," Landry admits, "all that size, but the key with her is mobility - she's the most athletic true big woman since Julie Newmar. I doubt she hits as hard as Tyra or Gena Lee, but she doesn't have to - she's a different breed altogether. Fortunately, she's probably the dumbest of the Krusher fighters and that's saying something, I mean: Elisha Cuthbert is a Krusher! Kris doesn't make adjustments, doesn't fight hard on the inside - she basically expects to have her way and when she doesn't get it - she doesn't have a clue how to change things. I've got this girl - she just doesn't know it yet." Ali in gold bikini, Kristanna in silver/white lace bra and panties.
During R1: Loken's long legs, stinging jab. Kris ranging the ring, eyes locked on target, left hand banging away as she steps to either side. Ali parrying, hanging back, sliding away - fearsome blonde stick a stinger - Landry shy, trying to make Loken come forward and give up her height. Kris keeping the right coiled to her chest - couple of occasions she jerks a vicious right uppercut as Landry attempts to edge inside, brushing brunette back. Punch doesn't land, but it's getting plenty of respect - Ali forced back outside to be shelled by that thumping stick. Not a lot of damage done either way, but Loken dictating terms - she's getting her range, her tempo in a shutout first.
R2: Landry can't afford to forfeit the jab: contests the punch this round. Girls flat footed, right hands at cheeks as they step in and stick to chests and chins. Gentle clockwise rotation as the girls poke and prod - Ali hooking off the jab once in a while - Loken putting right hands behind her stick, but not much power. Final minute, Ali looks to edge inside to win the round outright, but Loken backs her off with that wicked tight right uppercut. Again - punch doesn't land, but Landry awkwardly evades it, forced to regroup outside and dropping the points as a result.
R3: Brace of jabs startles Ali - hard spanking lefts dotting her upperchest, shoulder and forehead. Landry stepping to her right, hands raised to ward off stick and Loken DROPS IN THE CROSS! Right out of the Tyra Banks playbook - crashing all-in right flattens Ali's head to her shoulder and sets her buttocks a-ringing. Landry stamping hurt to her right - Loken swats her a long slapping hook, and another POUNDING right flat off the face. Landry stumbles forward - Loken picks her up tidy the right uppercut on the chin, leans in to shoot a straight right off the face as Ali clatters backward. Loken nimble in pursuit, stepping in as Landry wilts - little clipping left uppercut, another - Landry's head bobbling as she wanders away, legs shot, defence shredded. Lead right hand Loken chases Landry stunned to the ropes - Kris gliding in on her front foot: short left uppercut, clubbing left hook, short left uppercut - Ali REELING, out on her feet. THUMPING left hook on the liver - Loken leaning in to spank at Ali's golden chassis, then jerking back up with the left uppercut and LANDRY GOES DOWN! TORRID big-girl combinations lighting Landry up and it's OVER! Ali out on her face parallel to the ropes - KO3 in spectacular fashion Kristanna Loken!
After: Loken crying happy tears of jubilation - she takes Ali Landry by storm, blowing the doors off the former multi-time champ to unify an unprecedented 4 belts. Postfight procession well choreographed - Cuthbert, Pressly and Heigl all carrying a belt - Loken with one draped across her shoulder, inference being there's so much gold 4 girls have to lug it. Krusher Karavan marches over to a woozy Landry where Loken hauls the shellshocked brunette to her feet, rides a strong right arm around those gorgeous hips and parades the beaten woman to all four corners, Krusher belt-bearers in tow. "It was necessary," Loken says of the gaudy walk of shame. "With four belts and all the qualifying bouts, I had to put the beaten queen on display to make it clear that Kristanna Loken reigns at welterweight. I spared her the indignity of a spanking or a kidney pounding - those things were there for me to take, but I graciously refused them. It wasn't about humiliating Landry, it was just about clarifying the situation: you know how people are - I couldn't leave any doubt about who's boss at welter."