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26 June 2009 Elisha Cuthbert vs Minka Kelly

Page history last edited by Archer844 13 years, 6 months ago

Posted by simguy on 6/26/2009, 8:36 am

BEFORE: Very first photo-shoot, huffy Elisha puts a two-handed shove into Minka's chest: blonde intent on bossing her brunette from the outset. "Minka, Minka, Minka," Elisha fumes in prefight. "That's all I ever hear these days. Plus, you guys, STOP with the 'Minka's the new Elisha' BS! When this chick has gone toe-to-freakin'-toe with Rachel, Neve and Dani - tough, tough fighters and champions - then she can talk. Until then, sit back, watch me beat her ass, and start talking about the REAL Elisha Cuthbert for a change!"


Minka trying to be polite, but she doesn't like being pushed, or podium-bullied. "I'm sorry that Elisha feels a little overlooked these days," Minka shrugs, "but the FCBA is just Hollywood-in-the-ring, you know? New girls push old girls out of the way - that's just the way it is. I'm tuff, and I don't punk: if Elisha thinks making this all personal is going to freak me out, she's SO totally wrong!"


Elisha in midnight blue bikini; white gloves. Minka in lilac bra style bikini; black gloves.

During R1: Minka likes to be organized - strong planted left foot, straight lead right hands...but Elisha's not having it. Rambunctious, wide haymakers knock and bash at Minka, slugging her off balance, driving her backward. Midway through, Elisha has Minka against ropes - blonde just off Minka's right shoulder, slugging right hands wide to Minka's tummy. Kelly groaning, turning to her left side, doubling over: Elisha quick to crowd in, pushing left hip into Kelly's right flank; sliding left arm around Kelly's back to secure her; SLUGGING RIGHT HANDS AT HELPLESS MINKA! Minka covering her head, crying out as Elisha beats her: Cuthbert clobbering at the protected skull, then jamming righty at ribs, right armpit, and Minka's right side-boob. It's all too much - Elisha's got her weight on Minka - blonde with her right foot out well to the side, pushing hard on canvas to keep Kelly pinned down. Minka's legs give way - she's pushed/punched to all fours as ref pulls seething Elisha off. Kelly distraught - really roughed up: she proves a brave little slugger as Cuthbert wades in after the 8 count, only to encounter tremendous resistance. Crowd on it's feet...Minka baring her teeth, slugging wide lefts and rights with Elisha - both girls clocking each other about the face and breasts in rousing trade.

R2: Elisha stomping forward again, eating Minka's lead right hand: blonde willing to accept that poke in order to get in range for side-to-side slugging. Minka bashed upside her head by wide Cuthbert haymakers: blonde able to bang her brunette backward, winning fierce exchanges. Touch of rope at Minka's back firms her: she digs a rising right to pit of Elisha's belly, then hooks her mouth: Cuthbert rocked, but stubborn, pummels at her foe with both arms swinging. Latter half the round, girls tighten up stroke, becoming more compact/professional. Heads-and-gloves scrub and bump in close - girls using their hands to paw at each other, pulling the defences down, then clubbing in short clout, head and body both. Good bruising trade - Minka holding her own, but Elisha maintaining top position at the apron gets the better touches.

R3: Tidy in-fighting continues as girls bump heads and shoulders. Minute mark...Minka picks Elisha up the tight right uppercut: Cuthbert jolted, but proving sturdy, crowds in, turns a tight hook against Minka's rack in reprisal. Minka pushing on Elisha, turning her: brunette taps blonde flank a little decoy-right, then RIPS her the right uppercut again; Elisha's head kicks up and back, knees a-knocking. Minka able to push forward, arms and shoulders reaching in on Elisha, bullying her. Cuthbert's back hits ropes: she's grimacing, hating the press of Minka's flesh against her. Kelly very busy about her blonde: shoulder-bumps to Elisha's mouth; rights and lefts tucked into squirming blonde tummy; jerking little uppercuts off the left foot, scraping against Elisha's guard, trying to split those mitts. Final moments...Minka writhing her arms in to pull Elisha's hands down - brunette able to get amongst the jugs like a fox in a henhouse - she's squirming in short, rubbing knocks and bumps to bell. Cuthbert blurting in outrage, stamping her foot while looking up at the ref during break: blonde not handling the beating well.

R4: Minka fighting her fight: strong plant on the lead (left) foot as she steps around; straight, jamming right hands locating Elisha's face or breasts; swift, palm-down hooks swiping across Elisha's chin or cheek. Minka at her strongest punching off the planted leg, putting right hands and hooks together: Cuthbert punched dizzy, backing up, walked down by a very thorough Minka. Down the stretch, Elisha wobbling, looking confused: straight right/left hook lands to her head...she turns to her right, then drops to all fours. Cuthbert blinking in shock, lips parted: Minka brightens, smiling happily at her corner en route.

R5: Elisha bulling up the middle...eating a steady diet of accurate straight right hands. Minka standing firm - well planted stance allows her to punch Cuthbert very hard up the middle: brunette's curvy backside jiggling side to side as she puts those right hands to good use. Cuthbert's blitz broken up: middle minute sees Minka stepping her down in that methodical stance - constantly stamping that lead right to mop up the hook. Final minute, Cuthbert punched to ropes, face pinking up nicely: Minka launches a steady assault against blonde rack - hooking it, clapping right hands against it with a steady side to side clubbing. Cuthbert distraught, crying out in frustration at the bell: again she confronts the ref, mindlessly wailing at him to correct Minka!

R6: Basic problem for Elisha: her wide punching is getting pre-empted by Minka's straight, stamping work up the middle. Brunette beating blonde to punches, then backing her up: Cuthbert unable to slug the way she wants. Elisha effective when she gets mouth-on-shoulder, shrugging and tucking muscular blows into Minka's body - but Minka's doing well at this too, and generally on top at the ropes. Kelly separating herself inside with good uppercuts - tapping Elisha in the body first to distract, then bringing the hand up to find Cuthbert's chin. Minka able to uppercut with either hand - popping her hips, getting her back into it as Cuthbert gobbles.

R7,8: More grinding attrition - girls right in front of each other. Outside, Minka's punching Elisha senseless, but Cuthbert so stubborn, she'll take her face-pasting just to get in snug with Minka. Inside, it's much closer - both girls just pumping at offending guts, ribs and jugs - each equally ruff with her forehead or shoulders when jostling for position. Fight tumbling along ropes as girls clinch-and-reverse each other - ref's breaks reset the action midring and Minka banks the extra touches as Cuthbert's forced to take punishment to re-establish inside. Cuthbert doing her best work with Kelly ropebound - girls grinding foreheads - Elisha with her left forearm braced against Minka's right shoulder while pumping rights in under Minka's left tit. Both rounds for Minka: Cuthbert still bulling forward, but she's slowing down as the extra-touches start adding up for Kelly. At the bells, Elisha's looking disheveled, eyes on the canvas or wincing as she takes inventory of her bruises and aches; Kelly's always looking at Cuthbert - even glancing over a shoulder when passing Cuthbert...brunette SO intense tonight.

R9: Series of straight right hands from the planted stance drives Elisha to ropes: she's confused, blinking, arms crossed at her body. Minka lays down a terrible, batting bombardment to Elisha's flanks and hips - lefts and rights shivering off sturdy blonde body, sitting Cuthbert weepy in ropes. Minka reaches in under Elisha's arms, chesting her upright: job of work for Mink to wriggle apart Elisha's defences, then get at her jugs, pecs and waist. Thumping beat of Minka's gloves on Cuthbert's body has Elisha in a bad way: blonde slumping forward, mouth open, hair in her eyes. Kelly just keeps stackin' and attackin' - chesting Elisha upright, sustaining the work. Uppercuts start carving through - Minka clipping away on Elisha's face, brushing her back all blinking and suffering. Minka baring her teeth, punching her hardest: brutal, spanking blows sounding out from Elisha's tanned rack and THE REF STEPS IN! Exhausted Cuthbert sobbing out "NO!" as she's cradled to safety: TKO9 Minka Kelly in hard-working fashion!

AFTER: Kelly grinning, being pretty: she's glowing in celebration as off-camera, Elisha's howling for a rematch. "If she wants one, she's got it," Kelly remarks, glancing over her shoulder at the ruckus across the ring. "Whatever: I knew I was better. She was really rough with me early, but I gentled her down to the body: once I had her breathing hard, I was owning her. I..." postfight interrupted as seething Elisha's trying to push in past officials - blonde shouting at Kelly to "shut up" and braying 'This isn't over!" Cuthbert obviously having a very tough time accepting the verdict: in days to come, she'll dispute the stoppage in BLONDE! Magazine, calling Minka "protected". Kelly firing back in Fighting Ingenue magazine, criticizing Elisha for disrupting the postfight segment, saying: "That time is for winners only." Ouch!

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