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BEFORE: (Hawaii) Val Bertinelli getting a little hosting job for Boxing on the Beach presented by Kiana Tom Enterprises - VB sizes up the fighters for the ESPN2 audience: "Audrina's really improving," Ever-optimistic Val says. "You have to understand - she had fame thrust upon her - she didn't go out there and have to fight for it like a true celebrity - so she's had some issues with quitting in fights; just her level of compete - that had to come up, and it's getting there. Kimmie's kind of the same thing, but she's naturally very aggressive. I like her look for the beach, and if she pours her curves at Audrina, I think Partridge will probably give way. I like Kim in this one, but I hope Audrina shows compete and gives as good as she gets!"
Partridge in heartpounding gold burger-ad bikini (pocketing another nice little burger cheque for fighting under their banner); soft brown curls loose and long, as per the ad; black gloves. Kim in smart bra style black bikini with classy white lace trim about the decolletage; full coverage bottoms; lush black curls loose and long; black gloves. Bleachers; ring posts set up directly on sand.
During R1: Kardashian out of her corner with a bloodcurdling scream - running like a girl across sand - chest swinging madly, thighs rippling. Audrina spooked - hilarious bail as she sticks left hand out, turns face to her right, closes her eyes, gets tackled full-body into ropes. Kimmie squaring away, shoving her mitts into Audrina's little brown body: Kardashian a smidge too close, smothering her own work a bit - Audrina getting a bad bumping, but riding it out. Down the stretch, Partridge starts to trade: baring her teeth as she slaps wide lefts and rights, bravely punching-with Kardashian. Kim landing heavily to Audi's jugs and skull: Partridged knocked about, staggering, but swinging back in spots...burger guys get their money's worth as Audrina proves combative in dropping the first.
R2: Kimmie charging out again: Audrina sidestepping - just a little lateral movement enough to erase the threat. Kardashian stalking - pretty face intense, lips snarling...when she feels she's in range, she winds up huge right hands, reaching way behind herself to swing 'em lusty from the hip. Audrina yelping, covering up to take hefty spank against her golden flank: she's stumbling, but finding spots to shove her own right hand into Kimmie's jugs. Kardashian howling at her rack takes smack: she's all about Audrina's bulging hooters as girls stand and deliver late. Thick, thumping stuff - girls squealing and crying out as both land on targets a blind man could find. Slugging after the bell: yep: girls just in there mindlessly going at it until ref takes a hand.
R3: Audrina snarling, stepping left - hands out front in hilarious parody of boxing stance. Kardashian breathing hard: all that charging around and wild swinging has her temporarily huffing: Partridge able to wind up big right hands, step in and PLOW 'em thick to Kimmie's belly. Kardashian crying out like she's trying to win an Emmy - doubling forward in pain: Audrina emboldened, starts sweeping away wide lefts and rights to Kimmie's flanks. Kardashian buffetted: she turns away in tears, presenting her back to Audrina: Partridge sails in with a sweeping right from well behind her, plowing it cheap to Kimmie's backside. Kardashian throwing her head back, howling in indignation, stumbling forward all jugs-a-jumpin': she's hustled to ropes, Audrina seething, panting as she bodies up on Kim's rear. Sloppy struggle at ropes - Partridge in wide stance, jugs sloshing side to side as she plows amateurish lefts and rights into Kimmie's hips. Kardashian blubbering - turning around to get her back on ropes and face her tormentress: PARTRIDGE POUNDS KIMMIE'S RACK! Glorious stuff - Audrina screaming as she gets in there - little brown body chugging - fists stuffing into Kimmie's goods, squishing and mugging 'em about. Kardashian bawling, crossing her hands against her mommas: she sits down, putting her head down against her knees, hugging her body as Partridge wails away! Audrina slapping lefts and rights at Kim's head and shoulders until ref heaves her off: crazy interlude as Kim won't get up until Partridge is physically bodied to neutral corner.
R4: Audrina bulging with...confidence: OH SHE SWINGS AWAY! Kim hating her own bail in the third - SHE comes out resolute, slugging crazy. Girls basically trying to pound each other their hardest right hands from flat-footed stances, then swing away wide with the left hand. Breasts a-sloshing; girls crying out and cursing; eyes blazing. Both howl in pain from clean wallops against jug, but both stand fast, eager for payback. Punches bounce off foreheads, or miss altogether: girls stumbling from their own efforts, and the odd random connect. Minute mark, Kimmie catches Audrina a SPANKING right hand blast on the face - stunning Partridge, putting an end to her punching. Audrina staring, mouth open; left hand smites her cheek; another CRASHING right hand plows into her face and AUDRINA GOES DOWN! Partridge turning to her right, then dropping face-down in sand: she lying on her tummy, face in gloves, elbows in underneath her, sobbing. Kimmie roaring, straddling prone Partridge - bellowing for her to get up. Ref bodies Kim off - even delayed count isn't enough to get Partridge off her tummy. KO4 sluggin' Kim Kardashian.
After: Foxy-boxing style fighting at best, but don't tell the crowd that: folks eating it up as Kardashian struts sand, thrusts her hip out to one side and poses all big-girl for photos. "I totally rule the beach," Kim boasts as Partridge is helped to her stool and coddled. "I'm too strong, too hot for a little cupcake like Audrina! Did you see my punching? One hit and she was bawling!"
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