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2 November 2011 Title Ch Elisha Cuthbert vs Penelope Cruz

Page history last edited by Archer844 12 years, 4 months ago

Elisha Cuthbert 08.jpgPenelope Cruz 04.jpg

 

 

"HALLOWEEN HAVOC"

 

JMD ("Juggs of Mass Destruction") Title

 

Site: Caesar's Palace. Las Vegas, Nevada)

 

Posted by Ginny (for simguy) on 11/2/2011, 6:39 pm

 

Halloween Havoc: Elisha Cuthbert vs. Penelope Cruz JMD Title (result:simguy/words:simgrrl)

Prefight (Halloween Eve)


Venue: Caesars Palace, Las Vegas, NV.


Event: JUGGS Magazine's "JMD Prefight Jugg-a-Palooza" (aka "The Pulchritude Extravaganza.") It's a cocktail party; a red carpet 'show the goods' opportunity for a 'certain class of girl' - there's even a hot oil wrestling tournament with the "Scores Girls" but the highlight of the evening is the "weigh-in" for tomorrow's "Sanctioned, FCBA, JMD Main Event".
JUGGS proving good as their boast; making each and every woman (celebrity or commoner alike) "weigh in" at the door. Buxom, busty, beauties getting the once over with calipers and/or the "official JUGGs Scale" - thus ensuring only those deemed 'worthy' are granted access to the exclusive "VIP Room" (Very Imposing Puppies). Less well-endowed beauties are certainly welcome to attend the festivities - but they must be accompanied by one of the "chosen few" ... which leaves more than a few Hollywood A-listers cooling their heels on the ropeline waiting for their "date" to get the thumbs up. Those less well-connected have to hope some "D-list" hottie will deign to "invite" them to attend as her "date."


* * * * * *
Like the hand stamps at other clubs, Caesar's JUGGS event "marks" attendees as to their level of celebrity. Women whose 'cleavage' is rated 'JUGG worthy' get a rhinestone tiara; those less endowed must spend the evening in a rhinestone studded dog collar. Needless to say, women who come up a silly millimeter short in the caliper test are red-faced at being relegated into the same sub-class as their "inferiors."


* * * * * *
Just as an example, here are a few of the many celebrity couples in attendance (w/cup size where available):
Cat Bell (D) with her 'date' Charlize Theron (B)...Theron really rockin' her dog collar;
Nikki Cox (D) with blushing 'Vegas' costar Molly Sims (B) on her arm;
Elle "The Body" MacPherson (D) with fellow Aussie countrywoman/companion Nicole Kidman (B);
DD porn star,Sara Jay, accompanied by Sunny McKay (B) a not nearly as well-endowed former porn star;
Jeri Ryan, (D) grinning, posing and preening on the red carpet with a commoner plucked from obscurity on the ropeline;
Keeley Hazel (DD) with a red-faced Candice Swanepoel (B) who, unable to get a qualifying date, settled for 'pot luck';
Jennifer Love Hewitt (D) with petite Hayden Panettiere (A+); leading her on leash and a black leather dog collar;

Britney Spears (D) posing provocatively; ensuring every pic shows her gleaming tiara while 'date' (sister Jamie Lynn (B)) looks distinctly discomforted by the tight collar snugly ringing her neck (Ever the 'baby sister' apparently!)
Scarlett Johansson (D) leering as she tugs the elbow of 'date' Megan Fox who moans to the Paparazzi, "I didn't WANT to be here; but I lost a bet."

Lacey Chabert (D) with Kristin Kreuk (A+); smirking and laughing; ignoring her 'date' all evening, hobnobbing with her 'equals.'
Jessica Simpson (DD) like Spears brought 'little sister' Ashlee to watch her back; Ashlee whines, "I COULD have... I WOULD have...passed, but Jess refused to even let 'em measure mine...dammit!"

Charisma Carpenter (D+) with Summer Glau (B), making sure her young ward was not only protected but got exposed to the seamy underbelly of JMD culture without the risk of actual participation.
Jenny McCarthy (D) accompanied by a bland, nameless, ingenue; chosen specifically NOT to overshadow "Mack The Knife" on the red carpet.

Tyra Banks (DD) with 'friendly rival' Naomi Campbell (B) being playfully jerked around at the end of her leash...both laughing and into the spirit of the event; no sign of hard feelings (to the dismay of fans hoping for fireworks!)
Amanda Seyfried (D) with friend/stablemate, Avril Lavigne who kept busy (and out of trouble) passing out Front Street press releases!
Natasha Henstridge (D) showed up with both bra and her ego greatly inflated; no doubt aided by her 'date' - a collared and boyishly waifish Paris Hilton (B-);

Taylor Swift had arrived expecting her celebrity to get her a free pass to attend the fight and when she was told she'd have to submit to being "sized up", at first she agreed but when told it would be announced to the entire world she'd only barely managed to qualify at "34A" she stormed off in an angry huff...trailed by a full entourage of hanger's on, sycophants, and horse-holders.

Katherine Heigl (D) breezed thru the measurement phase, bringing along 'Chuck' star, lovely Aussie hottie Yvonne Strahovski (B). StraHOTski bridled at being collared, leashed and led around by Heigl, but after an intervention by the trio of "Nasty" Henstridge, "Jugs" Ryan and "Tyrant" Banks "gentled her down," Yvonne was the perfect model of submissive blondness for the rest of the evening!

Several shocking pairings were noted in the crowd, including the stunning duos of:
Lindsay Lohan (D) with towering Kristanna Loken (B) and tiny Christina Ricci dwarfed by 5'11" Stacy Keibler (A)! Both short girls reveling in the shocked looks from the crowd as they made a show of jerking, pulling and tugging their taller and heavier 'dates' around by the leash like a couple of Afghan Hound show dogs!

Torrie Wilson (D) with AnnaLynne McCord (B); they sat together; third row from the ring; Wilson's right arm protectively over ALM's shoulders as they watched the prelims with a keen-eyed interest.


* * * * * *
Cuthbert expressed herself as "being grateful for an entry exemption" which avoided the real possibility that the reigning JMD champion may have had to attend the 'weigh in' wearing a dog collar, being led around by Penelope Cruz; the Spanish Spitfire leaving no doubt of her qualifications by wearing in a 'barely there' bikini top that proved her qualifications for the JMD title!
Both women distinctly uncomfortable as the uber-abundantly endowed JUGGS girls surround the stage for the weighing in.
Both step up, doff their top and bend forward; hands on the table; leaning in to present their "wares" to the judges. Cuthbert jerks back suddenly as her breasts are gently placed on the scales...complaining loudly, "The metal's cold, dammit! Somebody warm it the hell up before I put my stuff on there."
Cruz snickering, "What's the matter? You afraid they're going to shrink even more than they already have?"
Quick work by the judges avoid an ugly confrontation; JUGGS girls giggling and rolling their eyes; likely thinking "amateurs" or something of the sort.


* * * * * *
Guest ringside commentators Cat Bell and Charlize Theron lent a touch of 'class' to the proceedings, Theron noting by way of expertise: "Cruz is a good boxer while Elisha is more of a brawler. Pene has all the tools she needs to make Cuthbert's life a living hell in the ring."
Bell interjects, "But Char, JMD is a brawl; it's why girls like Jessica Simpson can actually win a JMD fight now and then when they rarely win a 'legit' boxing match. Brawling is what Cuthbert's best at."
Charlize, frowning, nods silently. "True, 'Lish IS a brawler; but that just means that Cruz is going to have to stay disciplined; keep her composure and not allow Cuthbert to taunt her or get her excited into trading with her. She's got to keep her distance, work the jab and use her superior footwork. Unlike the majority of JMD fights, a Cruz victory is going to be based on her boxing, not her jug mugging."


Cat grinning, "Exactly, and that's why Cuthbert is going to prevail. I tried to talk Penelope out of this, but she is a proud Hispanic Hottie and when someone says their jugs are better than hers, she just can't resist the urge to prove them wrong. This is the wrong kind of fight, with the wrong opponent for Penelope. I mean, Cuthbert is a legit bantam...almost a lightweight...while Cruz is really just a flyweight. Probably the ONLY place Cruz is NOT giving away weight is in her jugs!"

Just then, Jenny McCarthy shows up and grabs Theron by the leash dangling from her collar and pulls her to her feet. "What's SHE doing here?" 'Mack the Knife' demands of the director. "She's not qualified to sit at ringside for a JMD event, let alone comment on it. She clearly doesn't know what she's talking about. Get her out of here, I SHOULD be the guest commentator, not some flat-chested coward who refuses to fight me. I WANT TO TALK TO MY AGENT! GET HER ON THE PHONE PRONTO!"


Cat Bell tries to play peacemaker, but in vain. McCarthy adamant and in the end, the FCBA's JMD commissar sees it Jenny's way and Theron gets banished from the broadcast position. Bell barely stifling the urge to punch McCarthy out then and there, grabs Charlize's leash and leads her away to seats hurriedly arranged on the opposite side of the ring from Jenny Mac. Both Bell and Theron red-faced and fuming at

"cheap shot" and "insult" from "Mack the Knife."

 

CUTHBERT/CRUZ JMD TITLE FIGHT PART 2: THE FIGHT

 

Posted by Ginny (for simguy) on 11/2/2011, 6:41 pm

 

Cruz in a hot pink thong bikini; Cuthbert in a white, off-the-shoulder, one-piece wraparound suit. Neither leaving much to the imagination - but then they'd have to pull out all the stops given the generous expanses of feminine flesh on exhibit in the casino and in the arena at ringside ranging from the JUGGS girls, to SCORE oil wrestlers to a myriad of white-hot celebrities and wannabe's all eager and willing to 'show their wares' just to be noticed and get a mention.

During R1: Champ out of her corner with alacrity behind a pumping jab; confident Cuthbert pressuring Pene around the ring as the wide-eyed Spanish spitfire having trouble getting untracked in the early going. 'Lishy heaving in punches from all angles, juggs a jumpin' as both women don't hesitate to give the fans what they came for, some wicked jugg bashing action. Cruz not backing down from Cuthbert, standing in and trading with the champion toe-to-toe but getting beaten to the punch early and often as Cuthbert puts on a clinic showing how to get on top of an opponent early and ride her hard. Cruz bosom taking a licking - but keeps on ticking - as she comes back to her stool; chest-heaving; tawny torso pinking up nicely; but still full of fire; barking at her corner to get her cooled down and ready for the second round.

Ringside: "Mack The Knife" dismissive; shaking her head, flipping her fingers; boasting to viewers, "I coulda done better myself."

R2: Once more Elisha beats Cruz to the middle of the ring, establishes her position and forces Penelope to fight for every inch of canvas. More of Cuthbert demonstrating why she's so awesome at her craft; smoothly and naturally gliding forward with effortless ease, whirling punches from all angles: up, down and sideways, smashing Cruz' forward thrusting puppies with heartless abandon as she's making Cruz pay with pain for any attempt to stand her ground. When Elisha puts her body on Cruz, she's able to drive her back into the ropes; stuff her butt in the stands; then work her over, crowding the dark-haired Hispanic to smother her counters. Cruz left a bosom-battered shipwreck at the bell; Cuthbert dancing and prancing back to her stool while Pene shakes her head, sending sweat flying from her disheveled hair and wincing as her now ruddy from abuse juggs sway and jiggle in their slightly askew cups. Cruz getting a good talking to in the corner from her corner woman for this bout, Julie Benz who takes a knee; fingers snagging Cruz' bra, pulling her head down to give her a good old fashioned, "buck up kid, yur blowin' it" pep talk!

Ringside: Jenny Mac, bosom heaving excitedly, panting into headphone mic, "'Lishy is just dominant tonight. Cruz has no business in the same ring with her...well, 'cept for her puppies; they're JMD-worthy I hafta admit."

R3: Both girls off their stools before the bell, rocketing to center ring and this time it's Cruz who gets off first, catching 'Lishy high on the head with a leap-in right hand lead that staggers her. Pene showing she's not going away, putting her head under Cuthbert's chin and slamming away to the belly with both hands; driving the blonde's hips backward with a breathtaking assault. Pene with a gritty display of spirited jugg muggerage of her own; coming up under Cuthbert's cups with either fist; turning her hips to get maximum leverage on each punch. Cruz drawing a line in the sand; standing her ground and bashing away with criss-cross bag work to pound Elisha's once dominant juggs into compliance! Bell: Cruz, arms raised, swivel-hipping her way to her corner while the breathless blonde staggers back to the opposite corner holding her savaged upperworks in her crossed arms. Cruz mounting a comeback?

Ringside: Jenny Mac breathlessly informs viewers, "Looks like we got ourselves a real JMD fight now, folks!"

R4: Cuthbert hustles out of her corner at the bell; her face a dark, glowering, mask of angry resolution as if the idea that Cruz' affront to her front can't be allowed to go unanswered! Cuthbert stubbornly trying to push forward, bobbing and weaving her way in behind a stubby jab; looking to get back on top of Cruz' luscious juggs. BLONDE GIRL DOWN! Elisha overextends with the right, leaving herself exposed just the briefest moment - plenty long enough for Penelope Cruz to drop a nifty left hook on her. Cuthbert spilling to all fours, a look of shock and dismay on her face. Cruz dancing crazily to a neutral corner as the referee counts over Cuthbert as she struggles to her knees, looking around in a daze. Elisha gamely makes it to her feet, rubber-legged, just beating the count. Pene storms the gates as a very woozy and ragged Cuthbert is battered clear across the ring until her butt is wedged deep in her own corner. Cruz bending her knees, getting low, then coming up inside Cuthbert's loose guard to hammer her hooters with mean-spirited malevolence! Cruz grinning as she lunges into Cuthbert; putting her full weight into every punch; Cruz scoring with the deepest, most sustained penetration to the juggs yet enjoyed by either fighter...and 'enjoy' it she does. At the bell, Cruz turns away and walks slowly back to her corner while Elisha's seconds hold her up under the arms so her trainer can wedge the stool under her sagging bottom. Both women exhausted; Cruz nearly punching herself out while Cuthbert suffered one of the most sustained jugg muggings in recent memory. Big round for the challenger.

Ringside: "Gawd I love JMD!" Jenny Mac gushes after bouncing up and down in her seat the final thirty seconds when it seemed Cruz was about to put paid to Cuthbert's JMD title reign. "Why can't I convince Theron to do just one of these with me...it'd be, like, the crowning achievement of my fistic career if I could put my fists on those pathetic little tits of hers for just one round!"

R5: Both fighters still not recovered from the frenetic previous round; Cuthbert in pain, wincing each time Cruz touches her bosom; Penelope almost too arm weary to lift her gloves that high often enough to take control. With neither able to dominate, the fight degenerates into a sloppy, tawdry contest where the fighters do more stumbling, holding and inside mauling than actual boxing. Neither scores with many clean punches - but most of the ones that do land are by Cuthbert as Cruz contents(?) herself with digging her fists in above Elisha's panty line at the hips or bearhugging as they twist, turn and pirouette around the ring like a couple of B-list celebs trying out for DWTS. Edge to Cuthbert, but it's nothing to be proud of!

Ringside: Jenny Mac clearly disappointed by the performance, pointedly comments, "I coulda scored better'n either of these bimbos with Maxs, Cheryl or Julianne as my partner! Jeez, those two wanna hug they should get a room," she snarks b###hily.

R6: Both looking lethargic off their stools, clearly the battle taking its toll. More of the same; sloppy, ugly, mauling rather than the crisp punching of the early rounds. These two may as well be slogging thru a vat of mud for all the "footwork" they display; each taking a brief turn at boxing, but well over 2/3 of the round consists of each fighter landing what passes for a "punch" before falling into a messy, tangled, clinch. At one point late, Cuthbert misses Cruz' chin by a hair, then falls into her, arm draped over Pene's shoulder. Cruz with a short uppie to the cleavage as she's collapsing under Elisha's weight. Both girls trade criss-cross to the juggs on their knees, then tumble to the mat, rolling around while thumping elbows (and at least one headbutt) to the juggs. Cruz dragged away, whips a round kick at Cuthbert that catches her (harmlessly) on the left hip. Referee holding them apart at arms length; barking angrily at them about "decorum" - both girls snarling and spitting like a couple of spoiled pitbulls, ignoring everything he says before swarming together, clinching and grabbing handfuls of breast meat; pulling and tugging as the referee rolls his eyes and throws up his hands in frustration. Scorers call it a draw - mostly just to excuse themselves from having to "credit" either with winning the round. Referee berates both between rounds, warning their seconds of "possible disqualification".

Ringside: "Damm! All they need is a big gooey vat of mud and they'd be mud rasslin'," Jenny Mac sighed. "I'm really disappointed how the 'quality' of this fight deteriorated since the...what, 4th?...round. I dunno if the girls aren't in shape, or if all that jugg mugging took more outta them than it looked like, but the 'action' has reallllllly gone to h*ll....can I say that? This is cable, right? OK...h*ll!"

R7: More slop. Elisha looks like she's enjoying herself out there but Cruz clearly looks vexed as she begins the round trying to follow the "Marquis of JUGGS" rules only to find herself being bosom bashed and bust battered by Cuthbert who has found what works against Cruz and so goes back to the well again and again. Messy stuff by both as Cruz can't help but get down in the mud (figuratively) with Cuthbert and both spend the closing minute of the round holding each other behind the head while power-punching her juggs with her free hand or tying up her opponent's arm and then hammering her torso with her elbow out of the referee's sight between their bodies. Elisha, the bigger body, finding Pene fading under the onslaught against her well-pounded puppies steps it up in the closing seconds, battering Pene back against the ropes and opening up with both hands; chug-chug-chugging away with blind fury at the offending rack of the Spanish beauty. Bell: referee has to pull Cuthbert off of a badly wounded Cruz who stumbles tear-blinded in circles trying to find her way back to her corner where a worried Julie Benz ices down Pene's Puppies and tries to wash the tears from her cheeks.

Ringside: "Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!" Mack the Knife hoots as she watches Cuthbert crush Cruz' bosom with punch after uncontested punch in the closing seconds. "Let the dogs out and kick the puppies under the porch! Boy, oh boy; I can just imagine how 'Lishy must be feeling right now with those soft, squishy, boobs giving way under her fists! Did I ever tell you about the time I....wha? Oh, we're out of time...darn!"

R8: Julie Benz with a double handful of Cruz' behind, heaving her to her feet for the eighth round; Cuthbert waiting at mid-ring, the referee checking Penelope, asking if she wants to continue. Cruz nods curtly so he shrugs and backs off. Elisha going back after Penelope's Proud Puppies and Cruz barely able to defend them. Elisha first bashing her left breast halfway up out of its cup, then driving her left fist down over Cruz half raised right forearm, pounding the Spanish brunette's right breast flat.


"PANCAKE!" Jenny Mac hoots as Cruz' knees buckle and she staggers back, hands dropping to her chest.
Elisha turns into a short, chopping right hand that catches all of Cruz' chin and she goes flying backward, arms raised, then hits the mat flat on her back. Cruz doesn't move during the count, which the referee waves off when he gets to six and she still hasn't stirred. Elisha Cuthbert stops Penelope Cruz at the one minute mark of the 8th round.

 

 

Cuthbert/Cruz Title Fight: Part 3: Post Fight

 

Posted by Ginny (for simguy) on 11/2/2011, 6:44 pm

 

After (based upon simguy's groundbreaking work): Jenny McCarthy beside herself; panting with excitement as Cuthbert prepares to take her due; braying about how "I called it" and more than just a little excited that a blonde - any blonde, just knocked out a brunette - any brunette. "I just wish Bell had taken me up on my offer to hang around after I ran Theron off. I'd have JMD'd her overrated ass too! What a loser, hooking up with that no-tits, no-talent, bimbo Theron who - by the way - in case anyone hasn't heard, still refuses to fight ME!"

Cruz sobbing - exhausted and drained by the effort as well as soundly punched out. 'Lishy putting her bigger, heavier, body to good use tonight, shredding the slighter vixen with constant wallop through much of the evening. One surprise knockdown aside, Cuthbert controlled the action much of the way.

AND 'LISHY'S NOT DONE! Shooting in on a blubbering Cruz while she's coming around on her stool - Elisha shoves Benz backward off the ring apron and jerks the stunned vixen to her feet. Cruz tries to resist, but Cuthbert wrestles her to the mat and they roll out of ring - onto the apron then off onto the arena floor in a tangle of struggling celebrity. Grinning, Elisha's first to her feet, yanking Pene up by two fistfuls of disheveled, wet, matted, brunette hair. Cuthbert hopping buttfirst up on the apron, pulling Cruz in and wrapping her thighs around Cruz' waist from behind. Pene whining, struggling, her abused chest heaving - pushing Elisha's encircling wrists up and out while Cuthbert struggles to cradle Pene closer. Elisha laughing, enjoying herself; Pene teeth-clenched; whimpering; struggling to deny Cuthbert any more satisfaction.

It's a real struggle for Elisha - twisting and tugging to free her wrists from Cruz' desperation grasp; then trying to secure a reverse naked choke on Cruz who, pushing and pulling Elisha's hands and wrists, refuses to go quietly into the darkness. With her left arm loose over Cruz's throat from behind, Elisha punches apartment style down at Pene's face - forcing her to turn away from the blows - and into Elisha's looming bosom. Pene squirming, writhing, twisting to prevent the choke and elude the blows, suddenly realizes she's now got 'Lishy's heaving breasts to worry about.

Fresh spasm of resistance from Cruz as she reaches up, desperately pushing at Elisha's biceps, grabbing/pulling hair as she leans back trying to avoid the weight of jug Cuthbert's trying to apply. Cruz not as strong, and Elisha has both position and leg control - taking her time to snuggle down and settle in. It's inevitable. Elisha gets what she wants, Cruz's face stuffed firm and deep; tight in her cleavage in a snug, tight, reverse sleeper hold. Cuthbert's left arm round Cruz' head - blonde's left hand cupping her right bicep; right hand wrapping up Pene's black mane. Cruz body severely folded, hips back; torso forward; face guzzling blonde jug as Cuthbert arches; lifting her feet as she tightens the scissors; straightening her body as she pours the power into Pene with her scissors and now her jugs as well!

Cruz suffering; sobbing softly; open palms pushing on Cuthbert's taut abs as 'Lishy slowly constricts; crushing the air out and keeping fresh air from entering Cruz' tortured lungs. There's no hope for Cruz as Elisha alternately squeezes, then cinches tighter; licking her lips as she wrings Cruz' exhausted, beaten body like a used up dishrag until her struggles slow, then stop and she goes limp, her feet on the floor, her body sagging loose in Cuthbert's scissors; her full weight held upright by her blonde tormentress.

Then 'Lishy slowly opens her arms and legs, spreading them wide with a cruel smile - letting Cruz' beaten body peel backward slowly, toppling over to sprawl spread-eagled on her back; a gorgeous vision of jugged-out brunette; hands flung wide; her sleeping, damp face blank; her thighs open lewdly.

Elisha sits up, looking down in exultation, her heels slowly beating a happy tune on the ring apron - watching Julie Benz anxiously glance over her shoulder in her direction as she kneels beside her fighter, wondering as she slaps Cruz awake whether she should issue her own challenge for Cuthbert's JMD title....or just leave well enough alone - thankful that Cruz won their coin toss for who faced Elisha Cuthbert first.

END

 

 

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