If you are citizen of an European Union member nation, you may not use this service unless you are at least 16 years old.
You already know Dokkio is an AI-powered assistant to organize & manage your digital files & messages. Very soon, Dokkio will support Outlook as well as One Drive. Check it out today!

20 May 2012 January Jones vs Allison Mack

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 10 months ago

January Jones 01.jpg Allison Mack 06.jpg

THE PRIDE AT THE ASYLUM PPV

(Site: The Asylum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on May 20, 2012, 4:31 pm

BEFORE:

"The Front Street Buster," says a smiling January Jones. "I LIKE it. I beat their bantamweight prospect. Then I retired their veteran. Now, it's time for the trifecta! Time for me to take out Mack The Knife!"

"The Front Street Buster," Allison says, shaking her head. "This girl's getting an awfully high opinion of herself. It's about time someone brings her back to earth. And I plan to do just that. By knocking her on her a**!"

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and that's 'Lullaby' by The Cure, and here comes the lovely January Jones."

McCarthy: "As usual, Mac The Knife is NOT afraid to be controversial, so I've gone against the odds and picked Jones to make it three in a row against the Dancing Hookers by knocking out Allison Mack tonight."

O'Dell: "January representing Beever's Babes, of course. She's into the ring, helped off with the robe to reveal a lovely white bikini..."

McCarthy: "No doubt who wins THIS disrobe..."

Tess: "I think there's a LOT of doubt..."

Oh the shark, babe,
Has such teeth, dear...

McCarthy: "UNbelievable!"

Tess: "See, I'm not sure why it's hard to believe, because Allison's been coming to the ring to this song since she signed with Front Street..."

McCarthy: "It's unbelievable because IT'S MY SONG!"

Tess: "Actually, it's WIZ'S song, since he bought the rights to the Bobby Darin version that's currently playing..."

McCarthy: "It's MY song! I was using that song for a DECADE before that Weirdo showed up with his Dancing Hookers and stupid HAT!"

Tess: "Well, you know, Wiz is a reasonable man. Maybe he'll sell you the rights...oh, wait. I forgot. You're BROKE..."

McCarthy: "I AM NOT BROKE!"

O'Dell(sighing): "Allison 'Mack The Knife' Mack into the ring, wearing that robe that says 'Mack The Knife' with the gleaming knife dripping blood across the back..."

McCarthy: "I am going to SUE..."

Tess: "You can't afford a lawyer. You're broke..."

McCarthy: "I. AM. NOT. BROKE. SHUT. IT. WALMARRRTTTTTTTTTT!"

O'Dell: "Jack Daniels? ALSO not broke. Mack helped off with the robe by Jewel and Britney to reveal that blood red bikini she favors. And this is one of the matches where our two prognosticators disagree. As Mac said, she favors January Jones, whereas Tess has picked Allison Mack. Let's see who's right..."

McCarthy: "When it comes to boxing, I'm ALWAYS right..."

Tess: "Wiz has a MILLION pieces of evidence to the contrary..."

McCarthy: "SHUT UP, WALMARRRTTTT!"

O'Dell(sighing): "As you fans at home know, we just freaking DOMINATE YouTube, and one of the classic videos up there is the 'Shut up, Walmart' montage one clever contributor put together. Five full minutes of Mac yelling 'Shut up, Walmart' put to a hip hop beat behind photos from the 'People Of Walmart' website. If you fans haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and give it a look."

Tess: "I like the part where they speed up her voice so she sounds like Alvin from 'The Chipmunks' then slow it down so she sounds like Barry White..."

McCarthy: "Barry White doesn't HAVE a deep voice! She's a sweet, funny old lady and people shouldn't make fun of her!"

Tess: "And, for those who have 'Mac mixes up a late African American soul singer and a 90-year-old comedienne' on their J-Mac Bingo cards, mark your square..."

O'Dell: "Dear HBO, I want a top hat like all the OTHER ringmasters wear. And, thank goodness, there's the bell for round one. Jones wasting no time going after Mack. Got some reach and she's using it. Landing one-twos from range, then stepping to. Allison all movement as usual. Head and shoulders never still. Gloves, either."

McCarthy: "Jones is turning into a pretty slick boxer. She's putting punches together. Scoring points. Mack not doing much of anything."

O'Dell: "Allison looking to be on a reconnoiter mission right now. Getting a look see. Not very busy. Just legging around, making Jones work for points."

McCarthy: "But January's still scoring them. Finding the range. Not hurting Mack, but landing."

O'Dell: "And she's landed enough to claim the first round. There's the bell."

Tess: "Jones has to be pleased with that. She was able to execute pretty well."

McCarthy: "Never hurts to grab the early lead."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Into the second now, and Jones again the aggressor. Working the jab from range, finding spots for the right hand off of it. Stepping forward behind it."

McCarthy: "Mack again not very busy. Circling. Looking to counter. Not getting much work done."

O'Dell: "Jones getting off first in every exchange. Finding the range with the left hand. Scoring with the right as well. Allison pot shotting, circling."

McCarthy: "January executing the game plan perfectly, Jenny. Getting an early lead like this important for a girl who isn't a big puncher. That's why Scherzinger, the Original Dancing Hooker, isn't ever going to be anything in the FCBA. If she gets behind, like she did against Cook, she's toast. A fighter like ME, well. With one shot, I can be back in ANY fight."

O'Dell: "Jones with a nice flurry to put the finishing touches on the second. Another strong round for the self-proclaimed 'Front Street Buster'."

Tess: "20-18 for Jones at the moment."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "On to the third now, and the template has been set. And I must say I'm surprised by it. Jones forcing the action and Mack circling, looking to counter."

McCarthy: "Well, Mac The Knife is RARELY surprised where boxing is concerned..."

Tess(doing her best Dr. Evil impression): "One MILLION dollars..."

McCarthy(barely pausing): "Shut it, Walmart...but I would have expected Mack to be more aggressive."

O'Dell: "Jones with a right-left...AND DOWN SHE GOES! OH! RIGHT HAND COUNTER ALLISON MACK AND JANUARY BLOWN TO HER BACK!"

Tess: "Timed THAT perfectly."

O'Dell: "Referee's count reaches six. Seven. Jones to her feet, wobbly. Takes the mandatory. Ref going to let it continue, and here comes Allison. There's the aggression we expected! Mack stepping to! Letting both hands go! Jones battered back into the ropes and Mack going downstairs to rip at the body! January keeping the guard high. Mack banging away at it, then back downstairs. Heaping on the punishment."

McCarthy: "Jones just trying to hang on now."

O'Dell: "And she's done it. There's the bell ending the third, and none too soon for January."

McCarthy: "Check the replay on this right hand. Jones throws the right, then the left, and while the left is in motion, Mack loads up the right hand. BOOM! Give January credit for getting up from that."

Tess: "And it's just like you said, Mac. One punch and she's back in the fight. 28-28."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Into the fourth now, and Jones right back to pressing the action, and NOW MACK FIRING RIGHT BACK! Heavy fire between the two blondes..."

McCarthy: "Toe to toe just like the last fight."

O'Dell: "Only this time it's not taking long for one of the girls to impose will! Mack hammering away, forcing Jones back. January's defenses being overwhelmed as Mack lands with both hands..."

Tess: "It's no secret that Wiz likes Mack a LOT. And watching this, you can see why."

O'Dell: "Allison locked in. Hammerting away. Jones trapped against the ropes, covering up, trying to fire back, but being suppressed by Mack's thumping leather. January feeling it in the body now as Allison digs deep..."

McCarthy: "WATCH. THOSE PUNCHES, REF! TELL HER TO GET THEM UP!"

Tess: "Not one of those was below the belt..."

O'Dell: "But ALL of them having an effect as the bell rings and saves a stricken Jones from further punishment. Big round for Allison Mack."

Tess: "39-38 on the cards, but this fight doesn't look that close at the moment..."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Fifth underway and the template we probably expected now beginning to take shape. Mack the aggressor. Moving forward, upping tempo. Jones backing and circling, looking to use the jab to keep Allison at bay."

Tess: "Mack doing an awfully good job of getting past Jones' glove, Jenny. All that upper body movement makes her a tough target."

O'Dell: "Allison working in close, banging the body. Pursuing Jones, who's in retreat, albeit organized..."

McCarthy: "Jones letting Mack dictate the pace. Not what she wants to do."

O'Dell: "Allison plenty happy with how things are going, though. She's landing in bunches. Forcing Jones backward, sends sweat FLYING with a left hook to the head. January trying to stabilize, but Mack POURING through her defenses, working body, hooking lats, lands an uppercut to the chin that January felt."

Tess: "Like I said, this fight doesn't FEEL close."

O'Dell: "And there's the bell to end the fifth. And it's not as close on the cards as it was a few minutes ago, either."

McCarthy: "48-46 for Mack. Jones isn't out of it. But she needs to renegotiate terms."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Sixth round underway. Jones looking to work from distance, jabbing for space, trying to renegotiate those terms J-Mac mentioned...but Mack isn't interested in talking! Allison ROCKS January with a left hook, stepping to, STAGGERS Jones with a short right hand..."

Tess: "Jones in DEEP trouble! Mack dialed in..."

O'Dell: "Allison landing with both hands. Jones back into the ropes, covering up under the assault...IT'S OVER! REFEREE HAS SEEN ENOUGH!"

McCarthy: "A little quick on the draw, ref..."

Tess: "Nonsense!"

O'Dell: "Either way, the winner by TKO6, Allison 'Mack The Knife' Mack!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I'm with our winner, Allison Mack. Pretty impressive work tonight..."

Allison: "Thanks, Tess. January's game and she can box. I wanted some work and she gave me some good rounds tonight, unlike your colleague down there who only lasted a few seconds..."

Tess: "And, the boys in the truck were smart enough to turn Mac's mic off for this interview. One more question, Allison. Who's the best bantam at Front Street?"

Allison(laughing): "Nice try, Tess. We have the champ right now and I've got to work with her, so SHE is. Beyond Neve, though, I'm as good as anyone. And not just at Front Street."