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10 June 2012 Tractorpull PPV Review

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 9 months ago

Posted by Tractorpull Magazine on June 10, 2012, 1:28 pm

 

 

TESS VALMORE

VAUGIER/ MILLER Well, this PPV didn’t get off to a good start for us blondes. That’s what we get for having a model represent us. Models are good against models. Not only that, but we lost to a Yankee. Like Vaugier isn’t just from North of the Mason-Dixon, she from North of the border. Oh well. She got the KO fair and square.

SCHERZINGER/ FOX Fox made her reputation running from big stacks of tin cans. Unfortunately, the cans proved to be better actors. Now Nicole can move. She was stroking. She was stroking to the left and she was stroking to the right (sorry, old blues lyrics) The only thing close in this fight was Nicole fist in Fox’s face.

FREGE/ DUFF I believe Frege has set an all time record for female pugilists She’s on her fourth stable in 18 months. Want to know why? Watch the video of this fight. Duff’s an OK fighter. She won handily. What is the next stable for Frege?

PRESSLY/ ACCOLA Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. What happened. You were facing some CW chick. CW, that’s minor league. You should have cleaned her clock in about six seconds. Good thing you are not Bushido. I understand that knife in your stomach hurts.

WATSON/ SHAHI Shahi has done well against minor talents. Watson qualifies as a minor talent boxing wise. Therefore, the fates decreed that Shahi should win. The fates are never wrong.

BIBB/ SMULDERS See Miss Bibb, she looks tired. See Miss Smulders. She is a nice lady. She wants to help Miss Bibb go to sleep. Miss Smulders puts Miss Bibb to sleep. See, Miss Smulders is a nice lady

GELLAR/ GOMEZ Gellar is a legend in the FCBA. She is a very popular opponent. Why? She just lost her 18th fight out of her last 20. That guarantees her lots of future fights. At least she did last almost five rounds.

MUMFORD/ DeCESARE Mr Fox said “Eloise you won your first fight over whoever it was you fought. Now I want you to fight DeCesare. She is good, really good. Be sure to wear Depends under your bikini bottoms because she is going to beat the sh-t out of you. Here sign the contract” So it was written, so it was done (borrowed that line from somewhere)

LOWNDES/ SIMPSON Lowndes is new. Maybe she should stay that way. Simpson hasn’t had a winning year since 2004. In fact it appears that she hasn’t really done anything in years except have a baby which is great. On a positive note. Simpson is blonde. Lowndes is another of those CW minor leaguers

GRAHAM/ SONG Kat Graham? Wow, what a fight. I turned to talk to Smackey and by time I turned back to the ring, the fight was over. Song looked like a champ. With that kind of talent, Graham will probably be the subject of a bidding war between Lookout and Foxfire.

VANDERVOORT/ GLAU What can you say. This was a good fight, but Summer, really, Oh those pink gloves. Who wears pink gloves? Anyone who does, deserves to lose. i suggest you change stylists. i mean you get crushed by Vandervoort. it can’t get much worse.

BORTH/ AKERMAN. I was down in the bar. Did I miss anything?

ALBA/ HEWITT Hooray. Any fight Hewitt loses is a good fight. No contest when it comes to looks, and not much contest when it comes to the ring. Wonder if Alba is on the Wiz’s list of challengers

DANES/ BACCARIN Thank the Lord for the Consortium. After Pressly stunk it up for the Hall Of Fame, little Clare came back to help regain prestige with a KO. I bet Danes is on that list of the Wiz

LIVELY/ SWANEPOEL. Wow, Swanepoel succeeds where the “golden goddess” failed miserably, and looking good in doing so. I can see the wheels in Miss Ginny’s mind already turning

PERABO/ McADAMS Sometimes managers make bad decisions. Scheduling a bout with McAdams after she just lost a title, is not a good idea. Poor Piper Perabo paid the price

PORTMAN/ TRACHTENBERG You have to wonder about Trachenburg’ s sanity. She’s like Avril. she a right hand woman. At least Avril has the sense to stay in the office and do a good job. Chalk another up for the consortium. Portman waltzed. Let’s see what Paris has to say about this. Not one of her better moves

COOK/ LILLY Cook stepped down from lightweight to the greener pastures of bantam. She was doing well until she faced Lilly. Can’t say this wasn’t a good fight. It was a great fight but after 7 1/2 rounds Cook was done. Maybe a little over done

BJORLIN/ RIGHETTI. The mandatory Righetti fight. She won by a KO as if that is some kind of surprise. The welters? Yawn

CRUZ/ WITHERSPOON Miss Ricci is a real comedian. Cruz and Witherspoon in the prime of their careers? If she is talking boxing, neither was ever in her prime. You get canned by Miss Ginny, means you aren’t going anywhere. It just appears that Cruz is going to get less down the track than Witherspoon.

STONE/ JOHANNSON Stone another one of the newbies flooding into the FCBA. Cannon fodder for Johannson. Sorry Miss Ginny. Johannson was a bridge too far Interestingly Johannson has never fought Neve. Hint, hint, Avril

BECKINSALE/ McCARTHY Oh, my goodness, I’ll never hear the end of this. I should have known Jenny was going to win. Why, Because the Wiz didn’t have a big bet on this fight. I picked Kate to win. Now I have to be back in the announce booth with Jenny. Got to send her some flowers and congratulations. Maybe a bottle of good scotch. No make that a case of beer. She’s more of the beer type

LANDRY/ ROMJIN. Not a good night for Jeri’s Landry was their last chance to pull out a win. No luck, Landry is in the Hall Of Fame but sadly she is showing signs of slowing down. Romjin won. A good fight, but where are the supposed threats?

KUNIS/ WILLIAMS Wow. The Consortium finally lost a fight. Of course they lost to another Consortium fighter. Kunis really stepping it up. Her destruction of Williams puts her right up there with Portman and Danes. Mr Hawkeye doesn’t add fighters often but when he does, he does it right.

BIEL/ NICHOLS I was doing fine in predictions until we got late in the card. I was the one who pointed out to Foxfire how underused Nichols was and how she should get a title shot. Then, of course, I picked Biel to win. Say a little inconsistency. Nichols wants us to say she is the number one contender. NICHOLS IS THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER. Satisfied. Helfer don’t run

PALICKI/ PEREGRYM We just said Nichols was the number one contender but don’t discount these two. I hated to see either lose. Twelve brutal rounds. Palicki wasn’t the only one to win. So did the fans. Missy deserves a pat on the back for putting up a good fight

MILLER/ PANETTIERE. Damn, missed another one. Talk about fights won fair and square, this wasn’t one of them. Miller used choke holds, headlocks and below the belt punches to win. Was Miller trained by Nolin?

CARTER/ LEYODEN Leyoden’s 100th fight. Her chance to be the first to hold the BBU and FCBA titles simultaneously. it wasn’t to be. The results wasn’t surprising and Leyoden’s chance to make history was frustrated by a bitter rival

HELFER/ DECKER The Wiz may not be happy but I guaranty you that Swan, Park and maybe others at Front Street have uncorked the champagne and are toasting the scene watching the fight over and over. Nothing but jubilation seeing the referee stepping in. Decker in shambles. It’s going to be interesting at Front Street on Monday. Don’t you think it is a little early to call Helfer the most dominate champ in boxing. She has had exactly one defense.

I might mention we had four Hall Of Fame fighters in action. Three were upset. Thank goodness for Clare

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