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24 June 2012 Jamie Lynn Spears vs Anna Paquin

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 8 months ago

Jamie Lynn Spears 02.jpgAnna Paquin.jpg

 

 

SITE: THE ASYLUM ARENA. PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA

 

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on June 24, 2012, 9:19 pm

 

BEFORE:

"You know," says Anna, shaking her head, "I really thought finally getting an FCBA fight against Stewart would open some doors for me around here. But...nothing. Guess I didn't make a big enough impression. That's about to change. Nothing personal, Jamie Lynn, but I'm going to make a VERY big impression on YOU."

"Here we go again," says Jamie Lynn, shaking her head as well. "Another girl that couldn't beat Stewart who thinks she can break through against me. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. The top flyweight at Front Street ISN'T Kristen, it's ME. But these girls don't LISTEN. So, let's go do this the hard way."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and..."

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones your mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall...

McCarthy: "What's THAT noise? Paquin's coming down to THAT?"

And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
To Alice, when she was just small...

Tess: "That's isn't Paquin's music."

McCarthy: "Then who's coming down here?"

When the men on the chessboard get up
And tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving slow
Go ask Alice, I think she'll know...

McCarthy: "No one's coming down the ramp, and what IS this noise?"

Tess: "It's Jefferson Airplane. And you aren't going to like this..."

When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead
And the white knight is talking backwards
And the red queen's off with her head
Remember what the dormouse said...

McCarthy: "Oh, HELL NO!"

FEED YOUR HEAD
FEED YOUR HEAD

O'Dell: "And somersaulting down the ramp...

Crowd: "Cas-SIE. Cas-SIE. Cas-SIE..."

O'Dell: "Here comes The Scerbonator."

McCarthy: "What is she doing he...why are they setting up another chair and monitor at this TABLE..."

O'Dell: "Cassie headed this way..."

McCarthy: "Why is she...TAKE OFF THAT HEADSET, SCABBO!"

Cassie: "Now, is that any way to talk to your BROADCAST PARTNER?"

McCarthy: 'l REPEAT: OH. HELL. NO!"

Cassie: "Well, if you want to take a fight off, I'm fine with that. I'll be happy to take over as NUMBER ONE COLOR COMMENTATOR..."

McCarthy: "You'll do NO SUCH THING. I'm staying RIGHT HERE!"

Cassie: "She's soooo easy..."

Tess: "I think I'm just going to sit back and WATCH this, Jenny..."

O'Dell: "You think Pointy brought any of his good stuff?"

Cassie: "He's got a fully stocked bar up in his booth...shoot a camera up there, truck! There's the booth. And, if you don't recognize the ladies sitting in the middle up there, those are the two hottest blonde bantams on the planet, Olivia Wilde and Alyson Michalka..."

McCarthy: "They are NOT the hottest..."

Cassie: "And ONE of them just MIGHT be fighting for the titles tonight!"

McCarthy: "Truck, get the camera OFF those two!"

Cassie: "Stay on the shot, truck. Unless you'd like to tug this little old CAPE..."

McCarthy: "Don't listen to HER..."

O'Dell: "Oh, thank goodness! That's 'Bad Things', by Jace Everett, and here comes Anna..."

Cassie: "Truck, you may show Ms. Paquin's entrance!"

McCarthy: "Don't...WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO HER???"

O'Dell: "Anna heading to the ring, all business. Climbs in. Helped off with the robe to reveal a blue and white checked bikini..."

McCarthy: "THERE'S a body that will never appear in Playboy..."

Cassie: "I've SEEN her rack, and it's both natural and BETTER THAN YOURS, SILICONE GIRL!"

McCarthy: "You LITTLE..."

O'Dell: "A little HELP, Tess?"

Tess: "Cassie's doing just fine. She doesn't NEED my help..."

O'Dell: "I meant ME."

Tess: "Ok. That's 'Follow Me' booming over the sound system and here comes 'The Princess' Jamie Lynn Spears!"

Cassie: "She's being accompanied by Big Sis, who isn't working the corner tonight, because, of course, SHE is also in the running for the title shot, but she's making an exception for Jamie Lynn."

O'Dell: "The Spears girls into the ring with knuckles for Jewel and Mariska, who jump down and take seats at ringside. As usual, Britney will be running the corner alone. The elder Spears helps Jamie Lynn off with the robe to reveal that familiar pink number, and, as we get ready to go, with Tess on record as favoring Jamie Lynn, can we get a pick..."

Cassie: "I think Jamie Lynn's the choice here...."

McCarthy: "She meant ME, SCABBO! And stop reading off my NOTES!"

Cassie: "I can't even SEE your notes with Jenny and this blonde TREE here between us! But, like I said, the choice is Jamie Lynn. She's quicker, slicker, and hits just as hard. And she has a lot more FCBA experience."

McCarthy: "No one CARES what you think! MY pick is Jamie Lynn..."

Tess: "Why, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Because she's quicker, slicker...STOP LOOKING AT MY NOTES, SCABBO!"

Tess: "I KNOW you can't see those notes, Cassie...how did you..." (Bursts into laughter).

O'Dell: "For the fans at home, the truck has trained one of our cameras in telephoto on Mac's notes and is feeding it to Cassie's monitor..."

McCarthy: "I SWEAR, truck...if I have to come OUT there...And what ARE you doing here, Scabbo?"

Cassie: "Well, this is a FLYWEIGHT bout, and I'M a top ten flyweight. And, I've also sparred extensively with Jamie Lynn Spears, so HBO figured I could add some EXPERTISE to this broadcast!"

McCarthy: "The only thing you're an expert in is being a pain in the a..."

O'Dell: "Aaaand, there's the bell for round one. And Jamie Lynn wasting no time going after Anna. Landing a couple of clean shots, backing Paquin up and now going body. Anna looking to clinch, but Jamie Lynn shoves her off and ROCKS HER with a three-punch combination! Anna shaken by that flurry!"

McCarthy: "Spears clearly looking to make a big splash tonight. She's all in early!"

O'Dell: "And Paquin not sure how to handle it. Can't keep Jamie Lynn off. Spears landing punches in bunches, backing up Anna, banging her around the ring. Landing leather upstairs and down!"

Scerbo: "This is great stuff from Jamie Lynn. She's not letting Anna get set. Just pressuring constantly. Landing and reloading."

O'Dell: "Anna trying to jab for space, AND SPEARS WOBBLES HER WITH A RIGHT HAND! Paquin stumbles into a corner and that may be the only thing keeping her upright! Jamie Lynn zeroing in, banging away as Anna covers up. Spears hooks body as the round ends, and none too soon for a shell shocked Paquin!"

McCarthy: "This kid looks more and more like her sister every time I see her in there."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Into the second now and Spears again pressuring. Anna showing some angles now, trying not to get squared up. Landing some jabs, but Jamie Lynn finding good spots and finding the mark with both hands, working in close and going body. Very physical stuff from the younger Spears..."

Cassie: "Here's what people don't realize about Jamie Lynn. She's a BIG fly. She's 5'5" and she walks around at 115 or so. She comes in right at the limit most fights. She's strong and hits hard. She LIKES to get physical in there."

O'Dell: "And that's exactly what she's doing with Anna. Closing and banging, forcing Paquin off spots. Anna countering more effectively this round, but Jamie Lynn still dictating, still in control."

Tess: "You were telling us how big Jamie Lynn is for the weight, Cassie. For comparison's sake, what weight do you normally fight at?"

Cassie: "Well, I'm smaller than Jamie Lynn. I'm 5'2" and I'm about 108 normally. By fight night? 105 or so..."

McCarthy: "And most of that is the AIR in your head..."

Cassie: "You know, getting called an 'air head' by Jenny McCarthy is an awful lot like being called a skank by...well, Jenny McCarthy..."

McCarthy: "Listen, you little..."

O'Dell: "Calm down, Mac and let's concentrate on the fight, where Jamie Lynn again backs up Anna, banging away downstairs at the bell to finish off her second straight winning round."

Tess: "20-18 on my card. Agreed, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Agreed. Came close to giving Spears a 10-8 without the knockdown in the first, but not quite."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Getting ready for the third, and Britney didn't have much to say to Little Sis between rounds..."

McCarthy: "Not much TO say. She's doing fine."

O'Dell: "And she's right back at it as the bell rings. Jamie Lynn working in behind the left jab. She snaps it more than pumps it. Uses it to move Paquin, force her to react, then follows with the right hand, BANGING it home heavy. She's not letting Anna get off. Paquin can't get her feet set. Can't put anything together. It's all Jamie Lynn's offense. All Anna's able to do is fill in the dead air with an occasional single punch."

McCarthy: "One thing I'm liking about Jamie Lynn's performance right now is, she's not getting out of the fight plan. She had Paquin hurt in the first but couldn't finish. She's gotten herself in trouble in fights in the past by continuing to push for the stoppage too long. Didn't do that tonight. She's sticking with the plan and continuing to work. Not forcing anything."

O'Dell: "Except Paquin backward. Spears continuing forward, not allowing Anna to set up. Forcing her off spots."

Cassie: "Everything Anna's landing is off her back foot. And everything Jamie Lynn's landing is off the front foot. And that tells you all you need to know about how this is going."

O'Dell: "And that's how it goes to the bell. Three in the books, and Jamie Lynn Spears has built up a nice lead."

McCarthy: "30-27. Pitching a shutout. But there's a long way to go."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Back to action as the fourth gets underway, and Jamie Lynn back to work, SNAPPING home that left, BANGING right hooks to the body, smothering Anna, backing her up..."

Cassie: "What's going on in there is a BUTT WHIPPING. Jamie Lynn is all OVER this girl. Anna just can't get anything going at all."

O'Dell: "Spears deliberate, clinical. Moving well. Getting to spots, getting off, forcing Paquin to the defensive over and over again."

Tess: "What's Anna got to do to turn this around, Cassie?"

McCarthy: "Don't ask HER!"

Cassie: "Not sure what she can do at the moment. If Jamie Lynn keeps up this kind of pressure..."

O'Dell: "RIGHT HAND, SPEARS! ANNA gobsmacked! Paquin staggered and Jamie Lynn rocks her again with a left hook! Anna grabbing and holding, but Jamie Lynn punching free...SENDS ANNA STUMBLING LEFT WITH A LEFT HOOK TO THE HEAD!"

McCarthy: "Paquin's ready to go!"

O'Dell: "Anna on the ropes in a high guard. Spears snapping lefts between the gloves, banging rights off them, looking for the off switch."

Scerbo: "Give Paquin credit, she won't punk."

O'Dell: "Spears snaps the head back with a straight right, cuffs a left to the side of the head...and there's the bell!"

McCarthy: "Second round that Anna's just barely survived."

Tess: "And the scorecard whitewash continues. 40-36 through four."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "We're into the fifth now, and Jamie Lynn back on the hunt. Spears working forward behind an effective left jab, moving the head and shoulders, dodging jabs, closing, working body with both hands."

Cassie: "Paquin wants to tie up when Jamie Lynn gets in there, but Spears just shoves her off and goes back to work. VERY physical stuff from Jamie Lynn."

O'Dell: "Anna still unable to put punches together. Spears smothering her offense, punishing her with...ANOTHER BIG RIGHT FROM JAMIE LYNN! Anna staggered...backed into the ropes, where Jamie Lynn goes to work again."

McCarthy: "Spears right to the body. The kid's grown up a lot. No wild stuff here trying to finish."

O'Dell: "Jamie Lynn thumping away downstairs, jabbing to the head, looking for the right hand that could end this. Anna denying it. Jabbing back, tying up, hooking body in the clinch. Buying some time. Referee breaks and Paquin manages a nice flurry."

McCarthy: "Anna can score here if she gets the distance she wants. Has to find ways to do that."

O'Dell: "Spears still working the left. Anna answering back. Good two-way stuff to the bell."

McCarthy: "More guts from Paquin. Won't go away. Firmed up down the stretch. Spears still got the round, though."

Tess: "And that's five in a row. 50-45 now for Jamie Lynn. A commanding lead."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Back to live action, and this looks a lot like a replay of what we've already seen. Spears on offense, moving forward, forcing the pace. Paquin trying to get some space and not having much success."

Cassie: "Jamie Lynn not taking the foot off the gas, and that's the right call here. She has a nice lead, but now isn't the time to relax. She wants to keep Paquin in reverse."

McCarthy: "Anna waiting on Jamie Lynn now and looking to counter. Having some success with the left hand."

O'Dell: "Spears still running the show, though. Anna still can't put punches together. Jamie Lynn forcing her off spots, getting inside and being physical, piling up points even as Paquin is scoring better than she has in the earlier rounds."

Cassie: "Anna tying up when Jamie Lynn works in close, trying to get space with breaks, but Spears mainly punching out of the ties, getting her work done. Scoring to the body."

O'Dell: "Paquin slips a left and lands a nice right hand. Jamie Lynn digs to the belly. There's the bell. We're through six and Spears is still pitching shutout ball."

Tess: "60-54. Jamie Lynn has Anna in a big hole."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Seventh of a scheduled ten underway and again we're seeing Jamie Lynn pressing the pace and Anna now looking to counter."

McCarthy: "Paquin able to find some openings this way. Not really the way she wants to fight, but she's been taken out of her game and has had to adjust."

Cassie: "She's sitting on a right. Count on it. She knows what the cards have to say. She's looking for a big one to turn this fight. It's too late to work her way back in with small ball."

O'Dell: "Jamie Lynn patient, though. Working in a steady, unhurried fashion. In behind the left, hook the body, follow up upstairs. Keep moving forward, keep the head and feet moving. This is very, very solid stuff."

McCarthy: "Some of the consistency people have been looking for from this kid. Nothing up and down about this performance."

Tess: "Not to get off topic, but, before I forget, Cassie, what's with that entrance music?"

Cassie: "Wiz picked it for me. He says even Grace Slick has never experienced a trip like me."

McCarthy: "As usual, The Weirdo makes no sense..."

Tess: "On the contrary, as usual, he's absolutely right."

O'Dell: "Coming down to the closing seconds of round seven. Spears still the aggressor and still having the better of things. Anna's been able to stabilize some with her counters, but Jamie Lynn steadies on to the bell and wins her seventh straight round."

Tess: "Not often you look at a scorecard and see 70-63."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "Eighth underway and the script familiar. Spears working forward, dictating to Paquin, keeping her in reverse. Anna looking to counter..."

Cassie: "AND THERE'S THE RIGHT HAND! I TOLD YOU SHE WAS SITTING ON IT!"

McCarthy: "Spears is hurt and Anna looking to close this thing out!"

O'Dell: "Jamie Lynn being backed up for the first time all night! Paquin BANGING away with both hands, looking for the off switch."

Cassie: "Jamie Lynn covering up, trying to ride this thing out. Definitely got caught a good one."

O'Dell: "Paquin patient, snapping the head back with the left, digging body with the right as Spears keeps the guard up."

McCarthy: "Jamie Lynn doing just enough to keep the referee from stepping in. Paquin just REEFING away right now!"

O'Dell: "Spears taking a licking for the first time all night. Anna thumping away with both hands...GOOD right hand there sent sweat flying..."

Cassie: "Anna fighting the clock..."

O'Dell: "And the clock is winning. Final seconds ticking off and there's the bell. Spears survives, but Paquin showing plenty of toughness. Not giving up despite being dominated up to this point.

Tess: "And she still IS being dominated on the cards. Down 79-73 with two to go."

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "There's the bell to start the ninth and Paquin right after Spears again, landing a good combination to start...and Jamie Lynn fires right back, backing Anna up with a nice left-right!"

McCarthy: "Why is Spears in there slugging with Paquin? Her corner has to know how big a lead she has! She needs to run clock!"

Cassie: "Not the way Jamie Lynn fights. She fights all out all the time!"

Tess: "Front Street fighters in general don't run."

McCarthy: "Well, it's DUMB!"

O'Dell: "Well, the crowd sure likes it! Fans roaring after another big exchange between Spears and Paquin! Both girls landing good stuff in that flurry...AND AGAIN! Anna getting off first, but Jamie Lynn ripping right back, landing some clean punches!"

Tess: "This is good stuff from both fighters, Jenny. Anna wants to build on last round, but Jamie Lynn not going to let her!"

O'Dell: "Paquin won't take a step back, either. Putting punches together better than she has in any of the previous eight rounds. But, every time Anna scores, Jamie Lynn answers back. Spears landing a good right hand at the bell and the crowd showing appreciation for the best round of the fight!"

Cassie: "Jamie Lynn's round. Close, but she won it."

McCarthy: "Agreed. She's up 89-82. And if she has any sense, she'll spend the tenth pretending this is the hundred meter dash!"

ROUND TEN:

O'Dell: "Nine in the books, one to go, and the tenth is underway with another two-way exchange! Both girls landing good stuff again!"

McCarthy: "Ridiculous! No reason for Spears to be doing this!"

O'Dell: "Anna lands a hook, Jamie Lynn a right...RIGHT HAND COUNTER PAQUIN! SPEARS WOBBLED!"

McCarthy: "SEE? Why take chances in there?"

O'Dell: "Anna going to work again, knows she needs to get a stoppage here! Paquin landing with both hands, going all in. Spears backed into the ropes, keeping the hands high, moving the head and shoulders, snapping a quick jab on occasion..."

Cassie: "Just want to hang on now. All she has to do is be on her feet when the bell rings."

O'Dell: "And Anna trying to make sure that doesn't happen. Throwing everything she's got at Spears' defenses. Snaps the head back with a right, digs body with a left. Jamie Lynn ties up. Referee breaks. Anna bangs a pair of hooks off Spears' gloves, lands a hook to the side of the head. Bell! It's over!"

Tess: "And there's one of those hugs Mac loves so much. Lots of mutual respect between the two ladies."

Cassie: "How about WE hug it out, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Stay AWAY from me, you little..."

O'Dell: "Decision being announced and no surprise. 98-92 in favor of our winner by UD10, Jamie Lynn Spears!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "First, let me thank Cassie Scerbo for joining us..."

Cassie: "I had FUN, Jenny! Let's do this again!"

McCarthy: "If my agent is watching, and he'd BETTER be, THAT doesn't happen!"

O'Dell(sighing): "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I've got our winner, Jamie Lynn Spears, and Jamie Lynn, pretty good performance from you tonight..."

Jamie Lynn: "Thanks, Tess. I was able to take control early and really fight my fight. But, she wouldn't go away. Caught me a couple of times late. She's got guts and she's tough. But I'm tougher...and better."

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