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27 June 2012 Gwyneth Paltrow vs Catherine Zeta Jones

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 9 months ago

Gwyneth Paltrow 02.jpg

COUGAR BEACH

Posted by simguy on June 27, 2012, 8:10 pm

BEFORE: Paltrow pumped, eager to build on what she views as "success" against Ke$ha. "I felt like I owned Kesha for 2 fights," Gwynnie claims in prefight, "only a lucky punch robbed me of a 2-0 mark! I feel like the fighting potential of my body - my legs in particular - is on a par with Jessica Biel or Charlize Theron - I just need the work to realize it! I'll drag Jones out of retirement - beat the tar out of her - and make some noise this summer!"

Jones non-plussed...essentially out of boxing to focus on submission and apartment wrestling, not to mention mgmt consulting...she reportedly "leapt" at the chance to confront Paltrow. "These are the fights I enjoy taking," Jones remarks at podium. "High profile, A-list opponents, to prove that I still rule that space. Paltrow vastly over-estimates herself; it shall be my pleasure to dispel her illusions."

Pink bikini for Gwynnie P:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2013127/Gwyneth-Paltrow-shows-beach-body-different-bikinis-Italy.html
white gloves; damp blonde hair loose.

Yellow bikini for Zeta J:
http://www.lazygirls.info/Catherine_Zeta_Jones/Yellow_Bikini_Candids_Dec_2006_UFLSEMm
Black gloves; damp black hair in frizzy tangles.

VENUE: Malibu's "cougar beach" - ring posts set up directly on sand - bleachers.

During R1: Fighters swish-to in sand, plant, start pitchin' in righty to offending guts! Grunting, straining faces - women just batting away with rigid right arms, left hands held chest high as they lean in. Spanking blows landing simultaneously, then breaking rhythm to bat in alternating whacks...Zeta Jones the first to break, face pinched as she backs out. Gwynnie frisky in pursuit - scowling/pouting as she swings a right hand wide to retreating brunette left hip. Ropes: Zeta J digging in, left shoulder pointed at Paltrow; slight forward crouch from which Jones paws her left jab. Paltrow squaring away strong, standing in place as she clobbers overhand rights against Catheriner's ducking head; sweeps left hands around front in search of jug; sweeps wide rights to pound at Cathy's back. Jones cranky, petulant taking the blows - just crouching in her closed stance, jabbing back at Gwynny's tits, or covering up earmuff under pressure.

R2: Paltrow the aggressor, walking Zeta Jones down in sand. Blonde girl scowling/pouting as she leans into wallop - wide right hands to flank/back; straight right hands to left hip as Jones shies away. Catherine keeping her left shoulder pointed at blonde tormentress - ducking away from right hands to head, but absorbing body blows. Down the stretch, Gwyneth falls in close, allowing Zeta Jones to spring a cute right hand to chin inside, then hook those tits a clout as blonde-girl stumbles back on her heels. Bell: Zeta J glaring, forcing eye contact.

R3: Patient stalking, fighting in spots. Minute one highlighted by a brawny blonde right cross, turning Jones 45 degrees to her right and sending her baby-stepping a few feet away. Minute two sees the women exchange hooks to bodies, then Gwynny following up to Zeta Jones' jugs via the pushy right hand. Down the stretch, Gwynny gets the better of Jones as women exchange hooks from medium range - blonde girl fetching her brunette whacking clouts belly and jug.

R4: Gwyneth steps-to Jones - Cathy in closed stance, left hand dangling. Chopping blonde left jab pounds at brunette left breast as Jones lifts the up-jab off her hip, backhanding Paltrow's tummy. DRIFTING right cross Gwynny P - she just leans in and pours it over Jones' left shoulder, turning the chin aside. Jones stoops, then drops to hands and knees in sand...Gwyneth delighted, batting mitts and swishing to neutral corner. Jones up bleak for her 8, sagging back into ropes, hands at temples. Gwyneth wades in, squares up, pounds away. Robust right hands hammer repeatedly at Catherine's guard until she wilts sideways, her right shoulder against ropes. Gwyneth reaches left hand to push on Catherine's left elbow, pinning cringing brunette to ropes while right hands pounds at her lower back/left hip. Too much leather - Jones sponging it up, lying deadweight against ropes until legs fail...she's on her knees, right arm looped over lower rope-strand, looking demoralized. Proud Briton stands, beats the count, but slumps butt-in-ropes, face-in-gloves as Gwynny steps-to: withering - sometimes sloppy, but always heartfelt blonde beatdown commences. Gwyneth slamming away to hips and flanks with wide, roundhouse blasts; Gwynny hacking righty to head, beating Zeta J as she cowers behind her mitts; Gwynny pushing in to stack, writhing her arms in to wrestle apart Catherine's guard, then shove short-shrugging lefts and rights into helpless British jugs. It's all too much...Catherine beaten into stupor - she sits down in sand, blinking and confused...she's saved by the bell as ref pushes a seething Gwynny Paltrow back.

R5: Paltrow's eyes all "FINISH HER" as she steps-to...Zeta Jones sullen, cringing, crouching with left shoulder pointed at Gwynny, hands up/elbows in. Paltrow beating her way into Catherine - hacking right hands into left flank, the left hand pushing on Jones' left shoulder. Jones tottering under the abuse, taking full-bodied right hands in her back, left flank. Fighters stumble across sand - Jones belted into ropes; beaten along ropes. Paltrow breathing hard, body slick with sweat under the hot So Cal sun...she finally hits paydirt with a stuffing right hand takes Catherine deep to belly, pitching her forward knees-and-face into sand. Jones blubbering, pushing up onto hands and knees...she's getting exposed here - really looking past her prime and both girls know it. Jones beats the count plucky, determined to continue...Paltrow hops on in, BURYING the right hand deep to gut as she crowds close, slugging Jones butt-in-ropes. Catherine sobbing, sagging, showing face-in-gloves as blonde girl squares-up yet again...robust pounding of brunette flanks follows as Gwyneth leans forward, her chin over Cathy's bowed head, mitts spanking on flank-meat. Cringing, aching descent for Jones as she lowers herself to all fours...Paltrow jumping on the spot, hands in the air, shouting "Ya-HAA! Ya-HAA!" until ref pushes her away. Once again, proud Jones rallies out of the turf, laying back against ropes as she hugs her body AND THE REF WAVES IT OFF! Jones closing her eyes in desolation as official hugs her to safety...Paltrow loses it, bounding into her corner for a hooting celebration. Gwyneth Paltrow TKO5 in legend-killing fashion.

After: Paltrow's best ever performance exposes an older, slower, more hittable, more hurt-able Catherine Zeta Jones than we've seen before...the former iron-fist of the Isles much diminished as she's tended to on her stool. "That felt GREAT!" Sunny Gwyneth beams in postfight. "Punching into her like that? Putting her down all those times? Beating the fight out of her? That's who I am - that's what I do. Honestly, if I saw Charlize, or Liz Hurley, on the beach right now, I'd run over and trap her in a scissors! I'd make her tap out to my legs - that's how pumped I am right now!"