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12 August 2012 Ashlee Simpson vs Kristen Stewart

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 8 months ago

Ashlee Simpson 03.jpg Kristen Stewart 03.jpg

"Empire State of Mind at the Asylum" PVV

Site: Asylum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennyslvania

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on August 12, 2012, 8:11 pm

BEFORE:

"This isn't ABOUT Jamie Lynn,' says a hard-eyed Kristen. "Everything in the flyweight division at Front Street isn't ABOUT Jamie Lynn. This is about Ashlee Simpson and the top ranked fly at Front Street. ME."

"Oh, I get it," says a smiling Ashlee. "Jamie Lynn couldn't beat me, so Stewart wants to give it a try. Well, she can't beat me, either. Fact of the matter is, NONE of Front Street's flys can beat me. And that isn't bragging. Because I can back it up. And I'm about to."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and that's 'Helter Skelter' I hear, and Kristen Stewart on her way to the ring first..."

McCarthy: "I heard Simpson held up The Weirdo pretty good in the negotiations, and one of her demands was to come out second."

Tess: "And if you believe Ashlee Simpson outnegotiated WIZ, I have some ocean front property in Wyoming to sell you..."

McCarthy: "What ARE you babbling about Walmart? Are your brains still scrambled from being flattened in sparring? And what does Taylor Swift's home state have to do with anything?"

Tess: "Have you been doing some prep work, Mac?"

McCarthy: "I'm ALWAYS prepared for this job!"

Tess: "You DO know that Taylor Swift isn't on the card..."

McCarthy: "Of COURSE I know she isn't on the card..."

Tess: "And that she grew up about 50 miles from where we're sitting..."

McCarthy: "You need to invest in a MAP, Walmart! Wyoming is thousands of miles from here!"

Tess: "True. But Taylor Swift is not from Wyoming. She's from WyoMISSING, a town right here in Eastern Pennsylvania..."

McCarthy: "That's not a real TOWN..."

Tess: "This is Portugal all over again..."

O'Dell: "Aaaaand Stewart is into the ring, helped off with the robe by Neve and Jewel to reveal that lime green number she likes, and that's 'Pieces Of Me' you hear booming through the arena, and here comes the lady who sings that particular song, Ashlee Simpson!"

McCarthy: "It must suck to be the least famous Simpson sister..."

Tess: "I'd imagine it's a lot like being the least famous McCarthy cousin..."

McCarthy: "I am NOT...SHUT IT, WALMART!"

O'Dell: "Drink up, boys, as Ashlee climbs into the ring and is helped off with the robe to reveal a red two-piece..."

McCarthy: "She's also got the second-best Simpson sister BODY...AND IF YOU SAY A WORD WALMART, IT WILL BE THE LAST ONE!"

O'Dell(sighing): "Time for the picks, and as Tess is already on record as favoring Kristen, what do you think, Mac?"

McCarthy: "As always, Mac The Knife is not afraid to be controversial. I think Ashlee has Front Street's number and I think Stewart, like all Front Street fighters except Torv, is overrated. So, I'm picking Ashlee in an upset!"

O'Dell: "Well, let's find out. There's the bell for the first. Ashlee working her left hand from the outside, looking to set up rangy right hands like she did against Jamie Lynn Spears..."

McCarthy: "Simpson is a tall fly. Has good reach for the division."

O'Dell: "Stewart also a tall fly, 5'6", and she's not giving away much reach here, if any. She's picking off those jabs, moving her feet nicely, showing Simpson angles. Snapping her own left into Simpson's face for points. Stewart in constant motion. Hands high, left snaking out to find the target then back quickly. Head and shoulders moving, feet moving, weight on the balls of her feet..."

Tess: "K-Stew is very athletic. Does a lot of her own stunt work. You can see how smoothly she moves..."

O'Dell: "RIGHT HAND HURT SIMPSON!"

McCarthy: "Stopped her with the jab and popped her with the right! Good stuff."

O'Dell: "Ashlee covering up...AND DOWN SHE GOES! OH, A BRUTAL THREE-PUNCH FLURRY! LEFT JAB SPLIT THE GLOVES, STRAIGHT RIGHT TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD, AND, WITH SIMPSON ON THE WAY DOWN, A LEFT HOOK TO THE CHIN!"

McCarthy: "Simpson flat on her back. Not moving at all."

Tess: "Gonna be awhile, I suspect."

O'Dell: "Referee's count at six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. It's over! Your winner by KO1 is 'The Five-Tool Player', Kristen Stewart!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I've got our winner Kristen Stewart, and, Kristen, do you have somewhere you need to be?"

Kristen(smiling): "Well, it's like my mom always says, 'No time like the present'."

Tess: "Kidding aside, you seemed locked in from the opening bell..."

Kristen: "I was. I had a job to do. You know, Front Street is one of the elite stables in the FCBA. We should NOT be being challenged by fighters like Ashlee Simpson. We need to go out there and blow the doors off that kind of fighter. Wiz knows that. And that's why he sent his top flyweight out here to do it."