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12 August 2012 Gwyneth Paltrow vs Serinda Swan

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 7 months ago

Gwyneth Paltrow 02.jpgSerinda Swan.jpg

 

"An Empire State of Mind at the Asylum" PPV

 

(Site: Asylum Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

 

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on August 12, 2012, 8:21 pm

 

BEFORE:

"I really should be thanking Wiz," says a grinning Gwyneth. "He's responsible for reviving my career. Of course, I know that wasn't the plan. He just saw me as a cougar with a big name who could draw fans and get one of his girls some work. But, THIS cougar can still fight, as Cat and Katie found out. So, now we've got a NEW plan. I go through Front Street's lights one by one. Then I'll go after the REAL top level girls, Nichols, Palicki, Biel. Maybe even my fellow blonde Oscar winner or my good friend J-Mac. But. First things first. Swan. You're next."

"A great writer once said, 'We fool ourselves so much we could make a living at it,'" says Serinda, shaking her head. "And Paltrow's been making a pretty good living at it for the last few months. She needs to be brought back to reality. And The Hottest Player In The Game is just the girl for the job."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and, Mac, I urge you to remain calm as 'This Woman's Work' begins to blast through the arena and the singer of the version of the song we're hearing, Gwyneth Paltrow, makes her way to ringside..."

McCarthy: "I WILL remain calm, despite the fact that she made fun of my boyfriend at the last event and just called me OUT...because, you're right, Jenny, no one wants to see that piece of crap movie..."

Tess: "You know, as many times as we've nearly been pulled off the air, you'd think HBO would have something DECENT ready. They run the Harry Potter movies constantly. They can't have one of those or an episode of 'True Blood' cued up?"

O'Dell: "Or even an old episode of 'Fraggle Rock'. Paltrow into the ring, helped off with the robe, and there's that deep blue number she's been wearing since her comeback..."

McCarthy: "Still looks like a cue tip..."

O'Dell: "And that's 'Foxy Lady' by, of course, Jimi Hendrix that you're hearing, and here comes 'The Hottest Player In The Game', Serinda Swan!"

Tess: "A lot at stake for Swan in this one, coming off a tough loss to Jill Wagner in a deep lightweight division at Front Street. Stumble here, and she's at the back of the pack...and, worse, might be watching Brooklyn Decker get a chance to do what she couldn't next month."

O'Dell: "Swan all business as she climbs into the ring and is helped off with the robe by Neve and Jewel to reveal that red number, and, as usual, the boys in the crowd appreciate it..."

McCarthy: "Her body's as overrated as SHE is..."

O'Dell: "Getting ready to go, and that means it's time for a pick. Tess on record as favoring Serinda. Mac, what do you think?"

McCarthy: "Like I said, Swan's overrated, but so is Paltrow. She could steal a narrow one like she did against Ke$ha the first time around, but I don't think so. I'm picking Swan. And if Skinny Gwynnie wants a piece of ME after it's over, I've got a contract right here on the table she can sign..."

Tess: "Does Sceej know you carry those around? Isn't that against stable rules?"

McCarthy: "There's only one rule where Mac The Knife is concerned. Mac The Knife makes her OWN rules!"

O'Dell: "Aaaannnnddd, there's the bell for the first, and we're underway, Swan busy quickly, putting punches together and throwing Paltrow onto the defensive."

McCarthy: "Should be all about effective pressure for Serinda. For Paltrow to win this thing, she has to outpoint Swan, and what she wants Serinda to do is get sloppy like Ke$ha did, looking for a KO, or get lazy in the middle rounds and let her steal some for points."

O'Dell: "Swan not sloppy OR lazy at the moment. Effective. Working off the left hand. Finding the range consistently. Paltrow looking to score in counter, but Serinda landing more leather."

McCarthy: "Paltrow willing to engage in spots only, which is good strategy for her. She can't stand and trade with Serinda."

O'Dell: "And she's not going to. The blonde retreating, circling, covering, countering, but, as the clock runs out on the first, it's been Swan bell to bell."

McCarthy: "No question about it. Serinda off to the early lead, 10-9."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "There's the bell for the second and Swan right after Paltrow, digging body..AND ROCKING GWYNNIE WITH A RIGHT HOOK!"

McCarthy: "Paltrow is hurt! Her legs did a shimmy! That punch was right on the button!"

O'Dell: "And Paltrow felt it! Swan banging away with both hands. Paltrow wobbled..."

Tess: "They're going to need a 'Fraggle Rock' MARATHON if this keeps up. Two one round fights and Swan looking to finish this one in two!"

O'Dell: "Paltrow not punking however! Gwynnie firing back. Exchanging with Swan along the ropes, then slipping away to her right. Serinda getting the better of things, but Paltrow combative. Swan back after her, landing in combination. Paltrow digging back body, and Swan answers in kind..."

McCarthy: "Give the cue tip credit, she's fighting back, not running."

O'Dell: "But it's Serinda in command, working off a solid left hand, digging the right to the ribs or banging it off the head. Paltrow in retreat, slowing Swan with an occasional delaying action, but unable to stop her advance. And there's the bell. Big round, Serinda."

McCarthy: "No question. Paltrow did enough to hold it to 10-9, though."

Tess: "20-18 through two."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Into the third of a scheduled ten, and Serinda Swan back on the attack, looking to make short work of the Oscar winner..."

Tess: "Swan sent out here on a mission, to stop Paltrow's run, and she's looking to do it as quickly as possible..."

O'Dell: "Swan jabbing, moving forward...AND SHE'S ROCKED! PALTROW WITH A PERFECT STRAIGHT ONE-TWO AND SWAN'S STAGGERED!"

McCarthy: "Brilliantly timed combination from Paltrow has Swan stepping in the proverbial fence post holes!"

Tess: "I don't remember a proverb about fence post holes..."

McCarthy: "My favorite proverb is the one that goes: SHUT UP, WALMART!"

O'Dell: "Drink up, boys, and, while you do, get a load of Gwyneth Paltrow, who's taking it to a wobbly Serinda Swan. Paltrow backing Swan up, digging body to lower the guard, then going back upstairs. Serinda forced to the ropes, covering up, trying to counter, but being smothered by the volume of hard, accurate stuff coming from the blonde."

McCarthy: "Swan needs to try and tie up here, play for time. Paltrow being patient, but she's all about the off switch right now."

O'Dell: "Good combination, Gwyneth! Snapped back Swan's head. Serinda leaning forward and tying up, taking some advice from Mac, here, perhaps. Referee breaks, and Paltrow right back at it, banging body."

McCarthy: "In this situation, you've got to give up body and keep the guard high."

O'Dell: "And that's what Swan does to the bell. Serinda survives, but a big round for Paltrow."

Tess: "29-28 for Swan, Mac?"

McCarthy: "That's what I have."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Fourth round begins and Paltrow on the hunt, looking to follow up that big third round. She eats a double tap left jab, misses a counter, takes another left in response. Swan on her toes now, moving and snapping out that left hand."

Tess: "Good strategy by Serinda. She's younger, quicker, and more athletic than Paltrow. She can use that quickness and elusiveness to good effect."

O'Dell: "And that's exactly what the brunette's doing now. Strategy has changed. She's not pushing for a quick stoppage, instead circling, moving, jabbing for points, fitting in right hands. Frustrating Paltrow, who can't seem to find the range."

McCarthy: "Gwyneth getting off fine, but she's finding a lot of air. By the time her glove arrives, Swan's not there."

O'Dell: "But Serinda's left knows EXACTLY where Paltrow's face is. It's becoming well acquainted with that zip code. Serinda stopping, popping, bouncing, moving, reversing, all about motion and speed and the blonde can't match it."

Tess: "Not many lights are going to. Swan's one of the most athletic women in the FCBA."

O'Dell: "And there's the bell ending the fourth, and it's a frustrated Gwyneth Paltrow who heads back to her stool shaking her head."

McCarthy: "Got to be frustratred. She just got shut out."

Tess: "Swan now up 39-37 through four."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Into the fifth round now, and Swan back on her bicycle, circling and snapping out that left hand. Paltrow in pursuit, chasing, still not finding the..."

McCarthy: "OH! BIG RIGHT HAND, SWAN!"

O'Dell: "Paltrow's knees went rubber for just a second, and Swan's gone from boxing and moving to sledgehammer work in an instant. Serinda thumping thick to the body, backing up an unsteady Gwynnie. Paltrow grabs hold, trying to clinch, but Swan punching free and sending the blonde stumbling with a left uppercut!"

McCarthy: "Paltrow in deep trouble here..."

O'Dell: "Swan not rushing. Working the jab upstairs and the right hooks to the body. Banging away at the midsection, barely troubled by Paltrow's return jabs."

McCarthy: "Swan smothering her now, right in her grill working body at short range. Paltrow trying to wrap up, but Swan just shoves her off and keeps working..."

O'Dell: "Swan right back to the body, digging to the midsection, RIGHT HOOK SENDS PALTROW STUMBLING ALONG THE ROPES...and there's the bell!"

Tess: "None too soon for Gwyneth..."

McCarthy: "Let's check the replay of the
right hand that led to the big round for Serinda. Swan circling left behind her jab, stops, Paltrow sets to punch, Swan reverses and gets the blonde off balance for just a second and BOOM! There's the right hand. Led to a jailbreak round that's put Swan up 48-46."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Into the sixth now, and Paltrow looking a little worse for the wear after that fifth round, ladies."

Tess: "She's got to be feeling some of that body work."

O'Dell: "And Swan's going to add another level to the pain. Right after Paltrow off the bell and going right back to work on that midsection."

McCarthy: "Swan not showing movement now. Right back to the strategy she was using in the early rounds. Pressuring. Forcing Paltrow backward."

O'Dell: "And there's a nasty flurry by Swan! A couple of those hurt Paltrow!"

McCarthy: "Gwyneth covering up again and Swan goes back to the body, pounding that battered midsection!"

O'Dell: "Swan hooking to the side of the head with both hands, banging leather off the blonde's guard. Paltrow forced back into the ropes and Swan now digging midsection again..."

McCarthy: "You can HEAR Paltrow screaming into her gloves on those body shots from here...and Swan just keeps digging."

Tess: "This is cold. What Serinda's doing right now. This is COLD."

O'Dell: "RIGHT HAND, SWAN! Split the gloves and snapped back the blonde's head. Sweat went flying and Paltrow's knees did another shake. Referee looking in, and Swan right back downstairs..."

Tess: "Cold. Perfectly legal. But Arctic cold..."

O'Dell: "Paltrow leaning forward, trying to cover body with the elbows, but Swan still finding skin with the leather...banging nasty, short hooks home..."

Tess: "Has a referee ever stopped a fight on body shots?"

O'Dell: "RIGHT UPPERCUT, SWAN! SNAPS BACK PALTROW'S HEAD. LEFT HOOK SENDS HER STAGGERING LEFT ALONG THE ROPES...STRAIGHT RIGHT TO THE CHIN SNAPS BACK THE HEAD AGAIN AND...IT'S OVER! REFEREE WAIVING IT OFF! THE WINNER BY TKO6, SERINDA SWAN!"

Tess: "And she could fairly be accused of taking her sweet time ending it."

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "Serinda, a little statement from you tonight?"

Serinda: "If you want to call it that. Wiz sent me here to do a job. To shut this girl up and shut her down. He's got seven lightweights in his quiver, but he knew EXACTLY which one to draw out to get the job done. Because that's what Serinda Swan does. She gets the job done, and looks hotter than any other woman on the planet while she does it."

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