(Result:Simguy/Words:Simgrrl)

Before: HBO's Max Kellerman decides to drop by for a visit with his confreres at FCBA-TV, lending his own unique analysis to this fight. Rumors are denied that the 'only' reason he showed up at all was because he was promised a 'one on one sit-down' with The Academy's 'Golden Goddess', Charlize Theron.

"Beckinsale is the prohibitive favourite," Max intones. "She's a big bantam while Cruz is a blown up flyweight. This could well get chippy on a number of grounds," he continues. "It's one of those murky European rivalries that we over here barely understand the surface of...most of us have long forgotten that Spain has a healthy resentment toward English interlopers dating back to Napoleon and the Duke of Wellington, so there's every expectation we'll see Penelope Cruz fighting with something of an edge tonight.

"Then both women are just...can I say 8itchy...? Oh, good. 8itchy enough that either - or both - foul when they feel it's required - or just because they feel like it. The good news purists is that both are professional enough they usually foul only in some kind of calculated, useful, way...either to change momentum or escape a dangerous situation.

"Most importantly, Cruz has a significant size deferential to overcome. She may, in some way, feel she's 'entitled' to go to Beckinsale's trunks - you know, like an equalizer!"

"I never have intentionally fouled an opponent, ever," Cruz sniffs indignantly, when told of Max's Maxim regarding momentum changing. "It's beneath my dignity to even respond to such scandalous and salacious slanders."

Kate, on the other hand, takes the 'high road'. "Cruz? That slut is one of the lowest of the low; even for a Spaniard. She practically lives with one hand in your shorts and the other in your bra. I've fought her several times and they all end the same way, with her getting DQ'ed for low blows."

A quick review of their career records indicates both women suffer from a severe case of 'selective-memoryitis'. While they've never faced each other IN THE FCBA, they fought three times in EuroStar, once for the bantam title. All three fights ended in controversy, with Cruz winning two and Beckinsale one. Beckinsale's victory was by disqualification (Cruz being sent off for repeated fouls). Cruz won the bantam title on a decision (what reporters described as a "foul-filled folly masquerading as a boxing match") and again when Beckinsale herself was DQ'd for repeated low blows! Whatever one may think of the two women involved, it's clear neither likes, nor respects, the other; so watch for fireworks tonight!

Beckinsale sounding supremely confident, dismissing Cruz' chances with a toss of her long, dark, locks. "She's just another Mediterranean mediocrity," Kate sniffs. "She fouls as a matter of course. She's never won a fight in which she had to box and I suspect she's a bit of a sexual deviant besides." When asked to explain that, Kate shook her head and suggested questioners, "...get her DVD's. Titles like 'Volver', 'Bandidas' - and anything with her and Theron. It's all right there on the screen for everyone to see!"

Cruz, told of Beckinsale's remarks, tried to hue to the high road herself...sort of. "I wouldn't want to characterize Ms. Beckinsale's remarks," Penelope sighed dramatically. "She's entitled to her opinion, no matter how slanderous it is. She'll be hearing from my attorney in the morning. As for her chances of winning the fight, which is the real reason we're all here; she has a chance. It's not a good chance, but anyone always has a chance...even her."

Cruz: heart-pounding dark blue bikini and shoes; hair in messy tangle. Beckinsale in purple Esquire 'Sexiest Woman Alive' bra/panties; black shoes/white socks rolled down; dark hair loose to shoulders. Small black gloves for both.

During R1: Beckinsale out the aggressor, walking Cruz down behind her jab; keeping the shorter Spaniard at long range. Cruz stubbornly trying to find a way inside, but Kate able to hold her at arm's length with the jab, keeping her right dangerously cocked and ready to fire. Midway, Becks rocks Cruz with that right hand, then pursues her and batters the smaller woman on the ropes. Very effective use of big-woman tactics from K-Becks early as expected.

R2: Both women boxing tactically at midring; fencing with their jabs; exploring; looking for openings. Neither with much in the way of a dramatic success, but after three minutes of energetic trading, it's Beckinsale's weight of shot that prevails as she's landed more times, with more power, and she edges out to a 2-0 lead on the scorecards.

R3: Corner talk in Cruz' camp sees her picking up the pace, legging her way around Beckinsale who seems briefly confused. Some crisp-hooking by Cruz unhinges Beck's knees midway wins her some respect - and a big cheer from the crowd! Cruz ripping smartly into Beck's ribcage and digging at her waist; backing Beckinsale up for the first time in the fight. Round ends with some bitter, two-way, close-range fighting with Kate's back on ropes until she stabilizes her front. Cruz not just aggressive this round, she's actively attacking with a vengence and Beck's body shows the results as she's wearing a healthy pink glow as she sits down on her stool.

R4: Cruz draws even on the cards. Pene hurting Beckinsale again with early combinations; lowering her head/shoulders, sliding inside under Beckinsale's jab, turning her hips to drive her right low to the inside of Beck's right hip; then hooking tummy with her left. Tucking her head in under Beckinsale's bra, Cruz hammers at Beck's body in the corners or chasing her down when Kate shies leggy away in orderly, but hurried, retreat.

R5: Cruz keeps gambling; trying to outwork Kate by going toe-to-toe with her; banging away at Beckinsale's older body; looking to break her down, slow her retreat, reel her in for some good old fashioned Euro-trashing punishment. Cruz having her way for the first two minutes of the round - until Kate lands two consecutive left hooks to the Spanish chin, putting Cruz wobbly butt. From there, it's Kate who cleans up Cruz to the bell.

R6: Beckinsale steadily pursuing Cruz from the bell - jabbing her back against the ropes for some shellack or herding her to the corners for more punishement. Beckinsale working the Spaniard's tawny torso - pushing off, getting big-girl on her; bundling Cruz up and leg driving her back onto the ropes. Stacking Cruz up, Kate content to slug body until the referee orders a break; then gets right back on top of her girl again. Pene Cruz getting cute in the clinches; twice backhanding Kate's crotch to slow her punching. Second time, Kate answers back in kind - earning both a referee's rebuke and the crowd's displeasure as, for the first time, some scattered 'boos' and catcalls are heard.

R7: Cue Cruz Comeback! Cruz and Stone with their heads together in her corner; Cruz nodding agreement to whatever Sharon says. Cruz bouncing out of her corner at the bell, pumping her jab with a ferocity not previously displayed, Cutie Cruz clearly outboxing Beckinsale in the middle of the ring this round; turning her, hooking smartly to the body; leaping in with the overhand right when Becks lowers her head. Penelope showing the quick mitts and staccato footwork she's known for; both proving crucial as she again forces Beckinsale to cover up under a flurry of fists. Beckinsale has no choice except to stay patient and go into blocking mode and this round is all Penelope Cruz, all the time!

R8: Cruz still forced to gamble; attacking Beckinsale's suspect waist with snapping left hook, rights and even the odd uppie when she can get in close and drop her right shoulder. Like any gamble, it pays off for a while but eventually the odds catch up to her when Beckinsale lands a severe hook to Cruz' chin that puts a pretty little ripple in her glutes! With Cruz rocked and shocked, Kate cleans up with a combo that PUTS PENE DOWN! Cruz badly hurt and unable to regroup as she's battered backward into the ropes where she sits, shoulders hunched forward; her tight butt stuck deep into the ropes. It's a sad sight, a proud Spanish brunette sponging up a bad beatdown as British Beauty Beckinsale's height and weight start to add up to Pene's detriment!

R9: Stubborn Cruz refuses to be bullied! Beckinsale out to close the deal, runs into an Iberian buzzsaw! Cruz sets it up with an 'accidental' low blow, but there's nothing inadvertant about the rapid-fire, scouring, hooks that hammer Beckinsale's waist and head! Kate being chin-checked, stutter-steps backward; shipping punches as Cruz hops with her in scouring pursuit. Cruz getting frisky as Kate Beckinsale slides along ropes, getting outworked and paying a heavy price as the shorter brunette puts the whip to the bigger brunette from bell-to-bell. At the break, Cruz matadoring Kate on her way back to her corner, holding up an imaginary cape in front of Beckinsale as she staggers past her.

R10: Cruz can smell victory as she bangs her gloves together in her corner. She stalks out, throws a lead right that slams into Kate's head, rocking her back on her heels...but not putting her down. From there, however, it's all Beckinsale! Kate repays Cruz' 'accidental' low blow with one of her own before bringing out her 'big girl' jab again; then banging Cruz around the ring with a continual barrage of heavy-handed jabbing that gradually beats Pene into compliance. Once she has Cruz under control, Becks closes in to pound the proud Spaniard's lithe body with a numbing assault that ultimately shuts Pene down. Cruz, unable to answer effectively, suffers a one-sided 10th round beatdown to drop a disappointing UD10 to Beckinsale.

After: Result no surprise really, but getting there was half the fun! Beckinsale the taller, heavier, rangier fighter. She's well disciplined and well-schooled. Cruz has the better feet and quickness, but without the weight or the power to do serious damage in the times she was able to get inside Kate's longer arms to touch her up. Cruz doing about all one could expect in the circumstances; circumstances that have to make her fans wonder what the Academy 'brain trust' (to use the term loosely) is thinking. Time and again they've put Cruz in against bigger (and usually better) women instead of taking advantage of her not inconsiderable advantages against the women she should be facing - other flyweights! Until the woman doing the Academy's match-making starts to recognize what she has in Cruz, it's not going to be a pretty picture!
Beckinsale clearly struggling to say anything nice about hated rival Cruz postfight, but she knows it's the politically correct thing to do. Much as anyone, Kate knows Cruz had no business boxing her - their bitter rivalry has for the most part been played out in the wrestling ring where Cruz greater athleticism, quickness and foot speed allow her to level the playing field.
"She put up a good fight tonight," Becks says with a glint in her eyes. "A couple of times I got careless or lost concentration and every one of them Cruz took advantage. When I bore down, however, she couldn't compete with me...I'm just too good and too strong for her. Oh, she's got quick hands, there's no denying that; but they're at the end of short arms and she took some good licks before she could reach my body. You give me a shorter woman, with shorter arms, and I'll whip her 99 percent of the time."

Both fighters were asked "What's next for you?" Cruz just shrugged and shook her head as if she had no idea what was coming for her. Beckinsale grinned and told the assembled media, "I want another shot at the bantam belts. Nobody at bantam is any better than I and I'm going to prove it; I want McAdams again!"