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31 October 2012 Kesha vs Connie Britton

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 5 months ago

Kesha 01.jpg Connie Britton 01.jpg

"WITCHES, PUMPKINHEADS, AND BLACK CATS AT THE ASYLUM"

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on October 31, 2012, 9:13 pm

BEFORE:

O'Dell: "The Asylum is well decorated for the theme of this event with witches, pumpinheads and black cats along with plenty of ghosts, goblins, vampires and the like adorning the arena..."

Tess: "Including personal jack-o-lanterns for each of us here at the broadcast table. First class as always when it comes to Wiz..."

McCarthy: "I'll say one thing, the NEXT time Weirdo shows some class, it WILL be the first time..."

O'Dell: "Speaking of Wiz, our camera panning the crowd, many of whom are in costume, and there he is in the owner's box..."

McCarthy: "Who's that blonde with him?"

Tess: "Well, she's in costume, but I'm pretty sure that's Beth Harnois..."

McCarthy: "Not HER, Walmart, the OTHER blonde, the one dressed all goth with the long hair..."

Tess: "THAT, Mac, would be the Queen Of Goth, Jinx Dawson...celebrating her favorite holiday here in Philly."

O'Dell: "We're getting ready to go at any second, as we obviously aren't going to have pre-fight interviews this time around, as no one knows who's fighting..."

Tess: "And the music isn't going to help us identify anyone, because Wiz says tonight all the ladies will be using SCARY music..."

McCarthy: "Can't be worse than some of the noise Weirdo's Hookers usually use..."

"The marchin' band came down along Main Street,
The soldier blues fell in behind,
I looked across and there I saw Billy,
Waiting to go and join the line..."

McCarthy: "What is THAT noise?"

O'Dell: "Just one of the tunes that's no doubt on Hell's Jukebox..."

Tess: "That would be 'Billy, Don't Be A Hero', and, if I'm not mistaken, that's the version done by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods that hit number one in the U.S..."

McCarthy: "The WHO?"

Tess: "No, not The Who, Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods!"

McCarthy: "This is HORRID..."

Tess: "The original version of this song was done by Paper Lace, and that version hit number one in the UK. They released it in the U.S., but the Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods version was rushed out first. As a result, Paper Lace's version barely charted stateside, or in Canada, where the Bo Donaldson version ALSO hit number one..."

O'Dell: "That's some pretty in-depth knowledge of a song released before you were born, Tess..."

Tess: "What can I say? I'm a music encyclopedia."

McCarthy: "If we could turn our attention to the RING, there's a lanky redhead wearing a Catwoman outfit..."

O'Dell: "Any guesses, Tess?"

Tess: "Not a clue..."

O'Dell: "Helped off with the costume to reveal a turquoise bikini...off comes the mask...and that would be one of the stars of 'Nashville', Connie Britton!"

Tess: "Who looks pretty good for 45! See, life doesn't END at 40, Mac!"

McCarthy: "I'm still 39, Walmart, and you KNOW it..."

Tess: "For a few more minutes, anyway..."

McCarthy: "I'm WARNING you, Walmart..."

"He was on his way back from candle top, Been two weeks gone and thought he'd stop,
At Web's and have him a drink for he went home to her..."

McCarthy: "'All the noise! All the noise, noise, noise, noise, noise...'"

O'Dell: "Couple of months too early, Mac...But, I believe that 'noise' you refer to is 'The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia', by Vicki Lawrence..."

Tess: "Correct, Jenny! The song was originally written by Lawrence's then-husband Bobby Russell and went number one in both the U.S. and Canada. It was later covered by several country artists including Reba McEntire..."

McCarthy: "AGAIN, let's take a look at the ring, where a tall figure cloaked in monk's robes and wearing ear plugs, no doubt, is climbing in and heading for the Front Street corner....."

O'Dell: "Helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve...and in a navy blue bikini, it's 'Six Feet Of Sexy', Ke$ha!"

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Getting ready to go, and, ladies, time for our picks. Tess?"

Tess: "Ke$ha is younger, bigger, and a hard hitter. Britton may be more experienced, but none of that experience has been in the FCBA. Tonight is her debut. I think Ke$ha wins it via KO. Early."

O'Dell: "What do YOU think, Mac?"

McCarthy: "I think Walmart is FULL of it, as usual. Ke$ha is a raw brawler. She's been in the FCBA for two years, but she hasn't gotten any better, because her trainers and manager are terrible! Britton is smart and crafty. She's going to pull a Paltrow tonight and outbox Ke$ha for the win!"

O'Dell: "So, our ladies' predictions are not in agreement. Let's see who's right. There's the bell for the first and Ke$ha right to that long right jab...the one Tess refers to as 'The Front Street Jab'..."

McCarthy: "Not you, TOO, Jenny! It's a JAB. ALL fighters have one..."

Tess: "But many of Front Street's big girls have a big, heavy, piston-like jab. And Ke$ha is one of them. She's a lefty, of course, so hers comes with the right hand..."

O'Dell: "Right now, however, that jab not of a lot of use. Britton crowding Ke$ha inside, getting past her glove, working for points in close, clinching, pushing, banging body. Not artistic, but effective..."

McCarthy: "This isn't the strategy Paltrow used, but the one McCutcheon used. And Britton's working it to perfection right now."

O'Dell: "Certainly is, keeping Ke$ha off balance, not letting her extend, frustrating the big blonde."

McCarthy: "Ke$ha keeps trying to shove Connie off, but Britton keeping the pressure on right to the bell. Good first round for Connie."

Tess: "Excellent strategy. Let's see if she can keep it up."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Second round underway and the redhead again working her way inside to crowd the younger blonde. Connie working right in Ke$ha's grill, hooking the body, holding and hitting, mauling the singer off balance..."

McCarthy: "Fighting this kind of fight has a lot of advantages for Britton, and saving those still hot-looking 45-year-old legs is one of them. Not having to bounce around and use the legs that way will keep her fresher..."

Tess: "Hmm, maybe YOU should start using this kind of game plan, Mac! You could fight until you're 45..."

McCarthy: "I can fight until I'm 50 if I want to! I've got the legs and body of a 20 year old!"

O'Dell: "And, right now, Connie Britton may be FEELING like a 20 year old, as she continues taking the fight to Ke$ha inside. The big blonde continuing to try to shove the older woman off and get some space, but unable to get it done. Britton continuing to work the inside for points and there's the bell ending the second."

Tess: "20-18 Connie after two."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Moving into the third now and...BIG LEFT BY KE$HA! She caught Britton coming in and Connie staggered...AND DOWN SHE GOES!"

McCarthy: "Follow up right hook put her on the canvas. The big left didn't land clean, but it landed clean enough!"

O'Dell: "Britton to one knee at five and she's up at seven. Takes the mandatory. And the referee going to let it continue. Big K with a solid right jab...LEFT HOOK AND DOWN GOES BRITTON AGAIN!"

McCarthy: "This kid CAN hit when she extends..."

O'Dell: "Britton again to a knee, this time at seven. To her feet at nine. Again takes the mandatory. Again, referee will let it continue. Ke$ha back to that big right jab, banging away as Britton covers up..."

Tess: "Ke$ha not getting wild here. Not going all in. Sticking with the jab, looking to land the big one and end it, but not getting impatient. Certainly a change from what we've seen of her in the past."

O'Dell: "Britton backed to the ropes, covering up, trying to survive this thing. Ke$ha BANGING that straight right home, then hooking body with the left. Connie jabbing back now as the bell rings, but that was a dominant round for Ke$ha."

Tess: "10-8 for sure, but I actually went 10-7..."

McCarthy: "I'm sticking with 10-8, but the judges MAY well have gone 10-7."

Tess: "So, I've got it 28-27 Ke$ha through three and Mac has it all even at 28."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Back to work in the fourth round, and again Connie Britton looking to work inside. Ke$ha keeping her at bay with the right jab, using good footwork to square her up, not allow her to penetrate..."

McCarthy: "Ke$ha in rhythm right now, Connie needs to be careful..."

O'Dell: "THAT LEFT HAND LANDED AND IT HURT BRITTON! Connie staggered and Big K is letting both hands go! Britton backed into the ropes, tying up Ke$ha, holding her arms down..."

McCarthy: "Redhead's back in survival mode, covering up and clinching..."

O'Dell: "That was nifty right there! Connie ties up, then spins and turns Ke$ha to the ropes..."

McCarthy: "There's no substitute for experience, and, like we've said, Connie's never been on the big stage of the FCBA, but she's fought plenty in two decades in Hollywood..."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha shoves her off, works free, in pursuit, fighting through the clinches and scoring to the body. Looking for the big one, but Connie all about denial. Britton able to bang back some now. Got her legs back, but it's the big blonde having the better of it to the bell."

Tess: "I've got it 38-36, Mac a point closer, but we've both now got Ke$ha in the lead."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Fifth round begins with Ke$ha now stalking. Working forward behind that big right hand. Connie in retreat now for about the first time, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Correct, Jenny. Other than when she's been hurt, Britton's been moving forward the entire fight. Now she's giving ground, fighting in spots, maybe wary of that power the blonde showed in the last round."

O'Dell: "Connie still slick, slipping punches and countering. Ke$ha having the better of things, though. Getting that piston right hand going. Double tapping it at times. Letting the left hand sit at the ready like the Sword of Damocles."

McCarthy: "Connie continuing to fire back in spots. She's retreating, but in good order, no question about that."

O'Dell: "But retreat she does to the bell, Ke$ha remaining in control. That's the end of the fifth and the big blonde extends her lead."

Tess: "48-45 or 48-46, but, either way, it's Big K in the lead."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Sixth round underway and Ke$ha with a nice left hand, backing Britton up and now letting the hands go. Connie dodging, ducking, countering nicely, landing a crisp one-two!"

McCarthy: "Ke$ha getting a little sloppy for the first time tonight. Give the kid credit, we haven't been seeing any of that wild swinging she was prone to in some of her earlier fights. But we're seeing some of it here."

O'Dell: "No question she's looking for a finisher. Heavy pressure from the blonde, but Connie handling it well, slipping and sliding, scraping, not allowing Ke$ha to land anything clean, countering off slips and misses."

Tess: "This is slick stuff from Connie. Surprised by any of this, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Not at ALL. Like I said, there's no substitute for experience. Connie been on the celebrity boxing scene since the 90's. She knows what she's doing in there."

O'Dell: "And what she's doing right now is winning round six, finishing with a nice left hand at the bell!"

Tess: "57-55 or 57-56. Ke$ha still has the lead, but Connie's not out of this thing."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Seventh round underway and Connie working inside again. Ke$ha unable to keep her at arms length as Britton sneaking past her glove, crowding, working off the blonde's chest."

McCarthy: "This is where Connie wants to be, holding, shoving, hooking for points in close. Look at the shoulder work she's using in there. Shouldering Ke$ha with one arm and hooking her with the opposite hand."

Tess: "Ke$ha having problems with these tactics, Mac..."

McCarthy: "This isn't the fight she wants. She wants to fight a ranged engagement so that she can extend. But she needs to learn to deal with this inside stuff, because a tall, rangy girl like her IS going to face these tactics."

O'Dell: "And right now, Britton working them to perfection. Smothering Ke$ha's offense, tying her up, scoring points in close."

McCarthy: "Dogged in there. Ke$ha shoves her off, but she's right back on her chest. This is good stuff from Britton."

O'Dell: "And there's the bell and we've got us a fight through seven."

Tess: "I have it 66-65 Ke$ha. Mac has it all even at 66."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "Eighth round starts with Britton working inside again. Now Ke$ha tying up Connie when she gets in close. Both ladies banging away to the body with their free hands. Referee finally breaks them, and they're right back in tight clinching again."

McCarthy: "One way of slowing down Connie's inside game. The result, though, is what looks like a sumo wrestling match instead of boxing."

O'Dell: "And that's exactly what it looks like at the moment, with the two ladies grabbing and shoving and throwing the occasional short hook to the body."

Tess: "How's you like to be judging THIS round, Mac..."

McCarthy: "It would be like trying to decide which of those entrance songs was worse..."

O'Dell: "Ladies tied up again. Ke$ha shoving Connie backward. Britton holding on and twisting the blonde around. Referee breaks them again. This round might be hard to judge, but the folks working the PunchStat are having it easy. They could count the clean punches on one hand. And still have a couple of fingers left over, as the bell rings with the ladies still wrestling around."

McCarthy: "Got to call that one a draw. Nothing in it."

Tess: "Agreed. Still close through eight. 76-75 or 76-76 depending on whose card is correct."

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "Into the ninth now, and Britton continuing to work inside against Ke$ha, digging body for points, tying the blonde up..."

Tess: "Mac, obviously Ke$ha having problems fighting in close. How can she keep Connie at range?"

McCarthy: "Several ways to do that, depending on the type of fighter you are. You can use your legs, force the other girl to chase. I do that sometimes. You can use your jab to keep her outside. And Ke$ha's done some of that. You can make her PAY for trying to get in close, and Ke$ha's done some of that, too. Thing is, Connie knows fighting off Big K's chest is the only way she can win, so, no matter what you do, she's going to keep trying to get in close."

O'Dell: "And, right now, she's having success doing that, and more success scoring when she does so, smothering the blonde's offense with clinches."

McCarthy: "Britton VERY busy, too. Constantly working to the body, taking advantage of any opening she sees upstairs. This is good stuff from the redhead."

O'Dell: "And it's enough to win her round nine, and, ladies, she's definitely in position to win her first FCBA fight."

Tess: "I've got it 85-85. Mac has it 86-85 for Britton. Either way, Ke$ha needs the tenth."

ROUND TEN:

O'Dell: "We're into the final frame and Britton again looking to pressure. Eats a couple of jabs from the big blonde. Big K BANGING the jab home again...LEFT HOOK! LEFT HOOK, KE$HA and Connie's hurt!"

McCarthy: "Britton's knees did a shimmy and Ke$ha driving her backward now, walking her down behind the right jab."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha staying disciplined, not getting sloppy looking for the big punch. Content to score with both hands. Connie all about survival now, countering in spots, but mainly staying on the defensive. Ke$ha's got the distance she likes and she's making good use of it. Landing the right repeatedly. Britton now being suppressed by heavy fire..."

McCarthy: "Kid OUGHT to think about trying to take Connie out of here. Scorecard is pretty close to be happy with piling up points."

O'Dell: "Ke$ha no doubt LOOKING for the finisher, but not forcing it. Instead she continues to walk Connie down, backing her into the ropes and banging away as the bell rings, bringing an end to the tenth..."

Tess: "This is going to be close. Going to depend on how the judges scored that third round, and maybe the eighth."

O'Dell: "Two ladies showing some respecting, touching them up at the bell..."

McCarthy: "At least we aren't going to HUG like it's the last day of summer camp..."

O'Dell: "Decision coming back...it's unanimous...95-94 for your winner, 'Six Feet Of Sexy, KE$HA!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Ke$ha, and, I guess the question is, were you surprised by how good a fight she gave you?"

Ke$ha: "Not at ALL, Tess. She's been on the celebrity fighting scene since before I was in grade school. She's smart and slick and knew what she had to do to stay competitive. She made it tough on me, and I knew she would. I learned a lot just being in with her. I suspect that's why my management put me there."

Tess: "What's next for you?"

Ke$ha(smiling): "I DO believe the party continues after the card. And I DO like a party!"