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1 November 2012 Tractorpull Asylum PPV Review

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 5 months ago

Posted by Tractorpull Magazine on November 1, 2012, 12:23 am

This is Tess Valmore doing the Asylum Review live from the party going on here at the fabulous Manor. Lots of celebrities here. Vampires, Zombies. Mummies, Wolf men, a bishop, a guy dressed like the late Robert Palmer being followed by a dozen white faced women dressed in black, brunettes of course. Blondes don’t follow men, they follow us. I think the costume prize is going to go to Big Pauley who is dressed as a commode. Here is Brooklyn Decker. Brooklyn have you seen Smackey?

Brooklyn: Swan has him cornered by the buffet table.

Tess: Is she dressed as a witch?

Brooklyn: No she just looks like a witch

Tess Oh OK, now the review

BRITTON/ KE$HA I thought this would be a short fight. Maybe a couple rounds, but no more. I was shocked that this fight not only went to a decision, but Ke$ha only managed to win a one point decision. Britton looked sharp in the first two rounds. When Ke$ha decked Britton twice in the third, I thought the handwriting was on the wall and Britton wouldn’t last another round. Wrong again, but Ke$ha was in control of the fight going into the sixth. Cue comeback for Britton who won rounds six, seven and nine with eight being a draw. Ke$ha had to have the last round and she got it to get the oh so close decision

GARCIA/ PINK Here is another that I thought would be a short bout. Instead, it went not ten rounds, but fourteen. The fight was back and forth, but Jenny thought Pink wasted two rounds that could have given her the decision. Pink finally got the decision but it took four more rounds to do it. I have to say a better showing for Garcia than it was for Pink, who would have been a heavy favorite had the names of the fighters been known prior to the introductions

BLEDEL/ STEWART. I began to sense a pattern here. All the Front Street opponents would be in their first fight. Well in the first two fights they gave Front Street a real fight. No so much this one. Kristen had the lead through three. She finished the fight in the fourth with a right-left-right that put Bledel down for the count

Tess is looking at the camera. A smaller blonde walks up behind her and taps Tess on the shoulder. At Tess turns around, the woman unleashed a round house right to Tess’s stomach. Tess sinks to her knees gasping for air. Bridget Regan comes rushing over

Bridget: You OK? Let me help you up

Tess: A little out of breath, but yeah I’m OK. What was that?

Bridget: I think Gena Lee Nolin, just said hello. Apparently she is one of your admirers

Tess: Obviously, Thanks Bridget. Now back to the review

KAJLICH/ SOBIESKI Kajlich got off to a good start taking the first two rounds. After that Leelee took over winning the next three rounds In the sixth, she floored Kajlich with a left hook and a right. Kajlich managed to make it to her feet but another right had Bianca helpless and the referee called the fight off giving Leelee a TKO win

GREEN/ RUAH. What can you say about this bout. One punch and it was over. I thought Daniela would win but I thought it would last longer than 30 seconds. Green never knew what hit her. She is certainly going to have a headache all night.

COTILLARD/ ARTERTON Although this was Cotillard’s FCBA debut, she has been fighting for the Latin Union in Europe. The fight was close for the first five rounds as Cotillard showed considerable defensive skill. Arterton took over in the sixth and seventh, In the eighth, Arterton tagged Cotillard with a left and a right that had Cotillard wobbly and the referee stopped the fight.

McCARTHY/ CAMPBELL The big surprise of the night. When Jenny climbed into the ring, I had no idea she would challenge Neve, but when she did, I knew the fight was on and what a good fight it was. This was a good close fight all the way. Neve won the first two rounds and never lost the lead although she only had a one point lead going into the ninth. Neve managed to win that round so Jenny needed a KO or a couple knockdowns to send the fight into overtime. She didn’t get it and Neve walked away with a one point decision. It was good to see them shake hands after being bitter rivals for years.

I want to thank my buddy Cassandra Lynn Scerbo for making me look like a musical genius with the teleprompter in the jack-o-lantern. I have to agree with Jenny Mac that the music was a horror. I am not in favor of suicide but having to listen to “Feelings” would make it justifiable. Thanks for tuning in and now I am heading back to the party.