RETRO BOUT CA. 2005

By Jac Fac.

PROLOGUE:

Annual 'Winners and Losers' Dinner
It was a great night for some and a not so great night for others at the famed '21' in New York where the Annual Winners and Losers Dinner and Gala Ball was being held. The winners had their own table which was filled with luminaries like 'Downtown' Julie Brown, Naomi Campbell, Toni Braxton, Sue Anne Langdon and Kelly LeBrock.

Before having their drinks and meals, however, the 'losers' - women such as Mary Tyler Moore, Melanie Griffith, Denise Richards and Ann Reinking - had to serve drinks and snacks to their conquerors. This was more than a tad demeaning since the beaten ones also got stuck with the tab!

One big-time winner, Naomi Campbell who continually snapped her fingers, demanding Sue Bird and Posh Spice hurry over to take her latest command for a scotch neat. The over-all event was being covered by NBC's "Today Show" talking heads Ann Curry and Campbell Brown. Neither knew the other would be there so it was inevitable there was not only consternation but downright contempt (to the delight of everyone else) when they greeted each other. Ann, the senior person, took her seat at the winners table since she had KO'd Julie Chen of CBS almost a year earlier and was eagerly looking for the new bride of CBS chief Les Moonves to fetch her drink. No Julie!

Just then, Eva Longoria appeared at the winners table to chat with her "Desperate Housewives" co-star Teri Hatcher who had earned her seat when she defeated 'Downtown' Brown over the winter.

Toni Braxton looked up at Longoria and snorted, "What the hell are YOU doin here sweetie? You ain't no goddam winner for SURE!" snarled Braxton.

All talk stopped immediately as all eyes turned to Longoria who was definitely on the spot. "Nice to see you too Toni," she laughed before she smirked and turned to walk away.

But Braxton accosted Eva and whirled her around rudely and got right in her face, "Stay your smart ass away from this place of honor you got that?"  shot back Longoria.

"Now HOW could there be ANY honor with YOU at the table?"

The bad blood was simmering by the second.  taunted Toni as she shoved Eva backward over a chair:"Any time you wanna get your tight little girlie ass kicked, just speak up you LOSER!"

Eva coolly got up and accepted her challenge, "Next Month at the L.A. forum, OK Toni? You happy now?"

Toni was indeed happy as she snarled, "Gonna kick your smart little prime time ass all over LA!"

It's a month later in LA :

Eva has recruited Oscar La Hoya to help her while Toni has Sue Anne Langdon in her corner.

ROUND ONE

: Toni smokes Eva quickly with a sharp left hook body shot that makes Eva grunt. "Like that one?" laughs Toni. "I got lots more to come!" Toni throws another left hook which Eva blocks, then she counters with a solid right to Toni's right eye. Eva follows with a brutal left that rocks Toni back on her heels. Toni's solid legs are wobbly early as Eva lands several more telling shots before the bell. Eva Longoria has ruled the ring so far.

ROUND TWO:

"Stick to the damned game plan Toni," says Sue Anne. Once the round begins, Toni, who has recovered her composure, settles down and gets back to business. Eva's attempt at a straight right is flicked aside by Toni's left glove, then Braxton floors Longoria with an overhand right! Eva sits on her butt, looking up in disbelief at the smiling Braxton looming over her. "Get up you wuss, and fight!" taunts Toni. Eva regains her feet but it's all Toni Braxton as she wallops Eva viciously with continuous head shots that swell Eva's right eye shut. There's no mercy for Eva as Toni wins this round convincingly.

ROUND THREE:

"C'mon Eva let's see that backbone!" begs De La Hoya. Toni hears him and laughs in the direction of Eva's corner. "Her backbone AND her ass are both goin' down!" Toni announces. She pounds Eva to the canvas once more with a left-right combo. Sprawled on her back, her chest heaving, it's clear to everyone Longoria is indeed in tough shape. "Your tank is empty and now your ass is mine!" teases Braxton as for the second time in the round, she pummels the hapless, helpless Longoria to the canvas. Toni steps over Eva's prone body and throws her hands up as she meanders to the corner but Eva stubbornly gets up to beat the ten count just before the bell.

ROUND FOUR:

 It appears Eva's tank is NOT empty yet! She valiantly moves inside, throwing combos that surprise Braxton who is a wee bit taken aback. Her job ISN'T done it seems! Longoria has her honor to uphold and she fights on with a series of great overhand rights which snap Toni's head back. When Longoria hammers Braxton to the canvas for the first time! As soon as Toni's ass and black thong hit the deck, however, she bounces right back up. Several good Longoria head shots connect and NOW it's Toni's left eye that is swollen shut. The crowd is going nuts and are on their feet as both gals are toe-to-toe in the center of the ring, hammering each other - until Toni's fist finds Eva's wide open jaw and she connects with THE punch of the night! It's a roundhouse right that staggers the Latin beauty who stumbles away, then collapses as her legs give way and she pitches forward on her face.

Referee Elke Sommer counts her out and the screaming Forum crowd knows they got their money's worth big time on this night. Eva is slowly brought around by smelling salts and although she lost, Toni knows she's faced a formidable foe. Still, Toni has WON and after a shower, she heads out with Naomi Campbell and 'Downtown' Julie Brown for a few shooters; leaving Teri Hatcher to care for Eva who is disconsolate - yet heartened by the praise of La Hoya and Teri. Once Eva overcomes her disappointment and the aches and pains subside, there just might be a rematch.