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25 November 2012 Kylie Minogue vs Kristen Stewart

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 3 months ago

Kylie Minogue.jpg Kristen Stewart 04.jpg

 

 

 

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on November 25, 2012, 12:42 am

 

BEFORE:

"Wiz always tries to challenge me in different ways," says Kristen. "Kylie's slick and experienced and she won't be easy for me to deal with. But, I WILL deal with her."

"Stewart's one of the hottest flyweight prospects in the FCBA, everyone knows that," says Kylie with a gorgeous smile. "And everyone knows I'M not supposed to win this fight. Best laid plans and all that."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and, as Front Street did the last time Ms. Minogue came over from The Land of Aus, they're giving her the honors of coming out second, because that's 'Helter Skelter' by The Beatles, and here comes the FCBA's biggest Beatles fan, Kristen Stewart!"

McCarthy: "'Helter Skelter' is considered by many music historians to be a major influence on the development of the heavy metal genre. McCartney actually wrote it after hearing an interview with Pete Townshend of The Who, who called his recent single, 'I Can See For Miles', the loudest, rawest song the group had ever done."

Tess: "On a much darker note, this song, which was on the album popularly known as 'The White Album', but really called 'The Beatles', was the inspiration for Charles Manson's murder spree. Manson thought the group was talking to him through the song, and telling him to start a race war. Of course, McCartney's title is a reference to a British meaning of the term, an amusement park slide."

O'Dell: "This is going to be a looonnnggg night. Stewart into the ring. Helped off with the robe to reveal her normal lime green bikini...and the crowd popping again as the strains of 'I Should Be So Lucky' boom through the arena, and here comes Kylie Minogue!"

Tess: "Mentioned this the last time Kylie was here at Asylum about a year ago. She's a huge star internationally and brings with her a large international audience. Tonight's card is being shown live in the UK, Australia, and New Zealand, partially because of Kylie's appeal."

McCarthy: "And last time I asked who was interpreting for our fans in New Zealand, and it turned out HBO hadn't THOUGHT of that! So, Mac The Knife took matters into her OWN hands this time and asked Lucy Lawless to do the honors!"

Tess: "And what did Lucy say?"

McCarthy: "She said she'd be happy to, because she speaks fluent Kiwi!"

Tess: "Was she laughing when she said it?"

McCarthy: "Why would she be laughing?"

O'Dell(sighing): "I'm sure there's a J-Mac bingo square in there somewhere. Meanwhile, Minogue into the ring and helped off with the robe to reveal a scarlet two-piece that has to make a lot of younger women jealous! So, we're about ready to go, so let's get our picks. Kristen on record as favoring K-Stew. How about you, Mac?"

McCarthy: "Stewart was right, this IS going to be a challenge for her. As we saw against Pink, Kylie is slick defensively, and, as a result of her experience, is VERY ring savvy. I give Stewart a VERY slight advantage because of her edges in size and youth. VERY slight."

O'Dell: "There's the bell and Minogue does a Grace Park! Kylie charges across the ring and attacks Stewart in her own corner. Minogue rocking Kristen with a right and another!"

McCarthy: "What the heck is going ON in there tonight?"

O'Dell: "Stewart certainly surprised by these tactics and Minogue taking full advantage, working over Kristen, who's covering up along the ropes. RIGHT HAND, KYLIE and Stewart's legs wobbled. Minogue all in here trying to take Stewart out in the first round..."

Tess: "Two first round KOs and the folks at home just MIGHT be seeing 'The Michael Buble Story'..."

O'Dell: "Minogue on clean up duty now, landing punches in bunches as Stewart covers up along the ropes. Kristen suppressed and tentative as the Aussie beauty goes body now..."

McCarthy: "Give Stewart credit for hanging in here. Clock winding down. She's going to survive this round and a lot of fighters her age wouldn't have..."

O'Dell: "There's the bell and Kylie Minogue bounces back to her corner smiling, having won a shutout first."

Tess: "Only 10-9 on the scorecard, but that round may have done quite a bit of physical and psychological damage."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Stewart getting ice on the back of the neck and Jewel's voice in her ear between rounds."

McCarthy: "Stewart not just hurt but spooked at this point. She's known for coming back strong after she's been hurt. Let's see if she can do it here."

O'Dell: "There's the bell and Stewart immediately moving behind that long left jab. Circling to her right, away from Kylie's right hand."

McCarthy: "Stewart's got a six-inch height advantage and she's making good use of the reach edge that goes with that."

O'Dell: "Minogue managing to slip the odd right hand in, but Stewart boxing conservatively here. Content to use that left for points and hold the right hand in reserve."

McCarthy: "This kid has a reputation of being mature beyond her years, and she's not doing anything to damage that right now. No panic. No urgency. Calmly pulling herself together and restoring order. You know, we don't HAVE a flyweight at Sceej...I could MAKE something of this kid..."

Tess: "ZERO...."

McCarthy: "SHUT IT, WALMART!"

O'Dell: "Drink up, boys! And the good news is, even if we need Buble, the audience will be blind drunk before it starts. Final second tick off in the second, and Kristen Stewart has evened things up."

Tess: "19-19 through two. Good recovery from K-Stew."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Into the third now, and Stewart using that long left to good effect, keeping Kylie at range. Stewart very athletic. Has great feet and she's using them to move behind that left and frustrate Minogue's efforts to close."

McCarthy: "If this keeps this up, Kylie is toast. She can get anything done on these terms."

O'Dell: "Stewart slowly encroaching. Landing some right hands. Backing Kylie up. Looking to do a little..."

McCarthy: "RIGHT HAND, KYLIE! WALKED STEWART INTO IT!"

O'Dell: "And Stewart's hurt! Kylie going all in again, backing Kristen into the ropes and going right into clean up mode! Kylie hammering away along the ropes as Stewart covers up!"

McCarthy: "That was great stuff from Minogue. Slick, heady set up from a girl who was in the ring before Kristen was born. And she's taking full advantage now, banging away looking for the finisher!"

O'Dell: "Kylie landing a ton of good stuff here. Referee watching very closely, but Stewart doing just enough to hang on to the bell!"

Tess: "If any of you fans are wondering why Minogue has quite the ring reputation Downunder, here's your answer."

McCarthy: "29-28 Minogue through three."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Back to action in the fourth, and Stewart right back to the jab. Kylie patient. Not forcing anything. Trying to work past Kristen's glove to score, but mostly being held at bay."

McCarthy: "Give the kid credit. Right back to conservative boxing. Giving herself time to regroup. Keeping Minogue outside. Settling things down."

O'Dell: "Stewart again mostly keeping the right in reserve. Sticking with that left, which is scoring plenty...and...Mac...what are you doing on your phone..."

McCarthy: "Just sending a message to Sceej...DON'T PUT THE CAMERA ON MY PHONE...GET THAT OFF THE AIR!"

Tess: "'Munn for Ke$ha and Stewart. Think about it.' But, that would leave Sceej without a bantam..."

McCarthy: "We could sign A.J. Cook, and I like her as much as Munn....HEY, THIS IS AN INTERNAL SCEEJ PERSONNEL MATTER! WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THIS!"

Tess: "My guess is, OLIVIA might be talking some about it..."

O'Dell(sighing): "MEANwhile, back in the ring, Stewart continuing to outbox Kylie to the bell, taking the fourth to even things up."

Tess: "38-38 through four."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Back to action in the fifth and Stewart back to the jab. Working forward behind it, now. Backing Minogue up...AND KYLIE OPENS UP AND CATCHES STEWART WITH A SHORT HOOK! Minogue all in again, banging away with both hands! Stewart backed into the ropes and Minogue lathering her with short rights and lefts."

McCarthy: "Kylie fully committed to getting Stewart out of there, and it's a good strategy. She's not going to win boxing this kid. Kristen's too tall, too good with the feet, too quick with the hands."

O'Dell: "And the strategy is on the edge of working. Stewart sponging it up along the ropes as Minogue looking for the big shot that finishes it."

McCarthy: "As we've seen in some of her other fights, though, Stewart's got a heck of a chin. She's hard to PUT down and harder to KEEP there."

O'Dell: "But that's not stopping Minogue from trying. Kylie dealing out the licking and going to see if Stewart can keep on ticking. She's going to do so through five, at least. There's the bell. And Stewart much the worse for the wear as Minogue again bounces back to her corner after a great round!"

Tess: "And she's back on the lead, 48-47."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Sixth underway and Minogue right at Stewart, going body with hooks now."

McCarthy: "Kristen still unsteady from the last round and Kylie knows it!"

O'Dell: "Minogue working body...AND THERE'S A RIGHT UPPERCUT! AND SHE ROCKS STEWART AGAIN!"

Tess: "That's three different punches Minogue's used to wobble Kristen! All from different angles! That's excellent stuff!"

O'Dell: "And Kylie's got a cart full of mops and buckets as she goes on clean up duty. Stewart reeling back into the ropes. Covering up as Minogue slugs for glory! Kristen tying up, shoving Kylie off, landing a couple of jabs. Minogue right back in tight banging away, and K-Stew grittily banging back! Two-way slugging along the ropes, neither woman willing to give the other a second to breathe. Punches slamming home hot and heavy. BELL! And Stewart shoves Minogue away!"

McCarthy: "Check out the looks exchanged between those two! No hug after this one!"

Tess: "But, if it ended now, Kylie would have her hand raised. Minogue 58-56."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "We're into the seventh now, and Stewart back to that left hand. Aggressive with it now, backing Kylie up, forcing her to cover up, fitting in a right now and then, using that length to good advantage."

McCarthy: "This kid is ticked OFF. You could see it in her corner between rounds. Minogue's upsetting her apple cart, and she's not at ALL happy about it."

O'Dell: "Stewart staying within herself, though. Not forcing anything. Using the left to set up the right hand. Taking the openings she's getting and setting the pace."

McCarthy: "Kid's been working for seven rounds now to get control of this blonde riot. She's managed to do it in spots, but hasn't put the lid on."

O'Dell: "She's doing it now, though, steady, gritty, textbook stuff. Left hand leads, circling right away from power. Still got her legs and she's using them. Using those quick hands. Suppressing her opponent's fire. There's the bell and some shoves exchanged again! Referee between them. Sends them back to their corners after a round that was Kristen's bell to bell."

Tess: "I've got it 67-66 Minogue. This had been quite a fight so far."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "We're into the eighth now, and Kristen continues to work that left hand, grinding away with the jab, controlling Kylie with it."

McCarthy: "You've got to like the way this kid has adjusted her strategy now. Clearly came in here looking to pressure and take Minogue out. But, now she's adjusted in the wake of Kylie's efforts to take her out of here."

O'Dell: "She certainly has, Mac. She's being very deliberate now. Griniding this out. Just looking to win minutes and take away Minogue's gambling. Kylie again being suppressed by Kristen's reach, footwork, and hand speed."

McCarthy: "You hear how athletic Stewart is, about all the stunt work she does, and you can certainly see it in her feet. She moves very well and she's using that movement to frustrate Kylie's efforts to penetrate."

O'Dell: "Stewart stopping Minogue with that left. Dropping in a right here and there. Backing Minogue up. Doubling up on the jab at the bell. Another good round for Stewart."

Tess: "And she's evened it up at 76 through eight."

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "Into the ninth we go and Stewart working that jab. Moving forward behind it now...AND BLASTING MINOGUE WITH A RIGHT HAND! Kristen rocks Kylie and Minogue wobbles backward. Stewart sticking that left home...AND STAGGERS MINOGUE WITH ANOTHER RIGHT HAND!"

McCarthy: "Kid's got fire in her eyes right now, Jenny!"

O'Dell: "And she's raining it down on Kylie Minogue! Stewart reefing away with both hands. Has Minogue backed into the ropes, sends sweat flying with a straight right between the gloves. Stewart going body now, hammering away at Kylie's ribs and midsection..."

McCarthy: "Kid's letting all her frustrations out right now. She's using Kylie as a heavy bag!"

O'Dell: "And Minogue feeling it, groaning into her gloves as Stewart hammers away at her ribs and lats, hanging on as Kristen slams a right hook upside her head. This is a jailbreak of massive proportions for Stewart. Minogue's knees wobbling again as Kristen lands a right hand..."

McCarthy: "Only pride holding Kylie up at this point."

O'Dell: "Stewart snaps the head back with a right. Again. AGAIN! Referee looking in. Stewart a three-punch to the head! Sweat flying! Referee...BELL! BELL! The ninth is over! And Kristen Stewart has thrown a blanket over Kylie Minogue and beaten her with a baseball bat!"

Tess: "Cameras on the owner's box, and Wiz out of his seat high-fiving Beth Harnois, Pointy, Cassie Scerbo..."

McCarthy(quietly): "Little weasel..."

O'Dell: "Looks like Wiz thinks he's just seen a major step in the development of Ms. Stewart. And I think he's right."

Tess: "That has to be scored 10-8 without the knockdown. Got to be."

McCarthy: "I don't usually give those out, but if there ever WAS one, that was it."

Tess: "Stewart up now 86-84 on our cards. Of course, the judges may go 10-9, so it could still be a one-point fight."

ROUND TEN:

O'Dell: "Round ten underway, and neither of these girls look to have much left, Mac!"

McCarthy: "Minogue battered last round and Stewart may have punched herself out."

O'Dell: "Kristen still working the left, but there's not much on it. Kylie able to get inside and land, but there's not much power in her punches, either."

McCarthy: "Not surprised both of these ladies are on fumes. This has been a heck of a fight."

O'Dell: "Minogue lathering away at Kristen. Stewart fires back with a couple of lefts. Both women still working hard, using up whatever fumes remain in the gas tanks. Both firing off final flurries as the bell rings to end this one. And no shoving or hard looks now..."

McCarthy: "Oh, FOR..."

Tess: "You don't LIKE the hug, Mac? Maybe Kylie should KISS Kristen and grab her butt like you did to Bieber..."

McCarthy: "Walmart, I'm WARNING you..."

Tess: "The AGE difference is about the same..."

McCarthy: "I SWEAR, Walmart..."

O'Dell: "IF we can get back to the fight, Kylie's round, I thought..."

Tess: "Agreed, so, if our cards are right, Stewart is going to be the winner."

McCarthy: "And if the judges didn't see the ninth as 10-8, we're going to possibly see overtime..."

O'Dell: "Decision being announced. Unanimous. 95-94 for your winner by UD10, 'The Five-Tool Player', Kristen Stewart!"

McCarthy: "And Kylie Minogue visibly unhappy about it! Can't believe she's lost this thing!"

O'Dell: "Minogue complaining to everyone she can find. Thinks she should at least be in OT here, but that's not how the judges or our ladies saw it..."

McCarthy: "I know what she's thinking. I got 'hometowned' here twice, but, in this case, the judges are correct."

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Kristen Stewart, and K-Stew, were you suprised about Kylie's fight plan?"

Kristen: "Yeah. We expected her to box like she did against Pink. We didn't think she'd be so aggressive. It took me awhile to adjust. Eventually, though, I got tired of taking a beating and decided it was better to give than receive."

Tess: "Things got a little testy in there for awhile, but no hard feelings at the end?"

Kristen: "None of that was personal, it was just competitive stuff. I have a lot of respect for her and I appreciate her coming over to fight me. My mom's Australian, as you know, so fighting an Aussie star like Kylie was a big deal for me."

Tess: "What's next for Kristen Stewart?"

Kristen: "Whatever the next challenge Wiz has for me is. I've still got a lot to learn, but I'm hitting the books very hard."

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