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8 January 2013 Thandie Newton vs LeAnne Rimes

Page history last edited by Archer844 11 years, 2 months ago

Thandie Newton.jpg Leann Rimes.jpg

Posted by Archer on January 8, 2013, 9:12 am

Ca. 2005

Story by Jac Fac

Thandie Newton vs. LeAnn Rimes by Jack Fac

This is the prelim to the Jolie-Curry main event at Yankee Stadium. Several years ago, there was a British-USA matchup featuring Jennie Agutter vs. Christine Baranski in which Agutter beat Baranski, totally outclassing the American before laying her out cold. Now Thandie Newton is looking to replicate Agutter’s feat as she has it out with the Southern cutie who had a big hit in the late 90's with 'How Do I Live Without You' from the movie 'Con Air' and is again climbing the country charts with her exotic ‘woman in prison’ music video, “Nothing To Lose.”

Thandie belives she’s as bad as the women LeAnn tangles with in prison and she'd like to take out some of her ‘badness’ on this blond chick ‘from the Ozarks' as she describes LeAnn. Of course Rimes is big time pissed at hearing that description of herself!

Tonight, none other than Vince McMahon is not only announcing but also refereeing and he begins by introducing the combatants, then blurting out, “Let's get ready to rumble.” The the crowd comes to their feet anticipating a solid bout.

LeAnn is outfitted in a red/white/blue string bikini and heels while Thandie is sporting the 'Union Jack' colours on her dazzling little thong. Both look hot and both are ready but LeAnn is perspiring heavily during the introductions which isn't lost on the sexy, smiling, Thandie.

“Gonna beat those damned stretch marks on that belly of yours,” taunts LeAnn, teasing Newton who is 'mommy' to two girls while the younger Rimes is also married, but childless.

“Shut up and fight, growls McMahon just before the bell sounds to signal the start of combat.

Round One: Thousands are in their seats including NYC Mayor (and presidential wannabe) Mike Bloomberg as the gals bounce toward center ring where Newton scores first, landing a solid volley of piston-like jabs that send LeAnn's head snapping backward. Thandie is bouncing and weaving as she sends a wicked right uppercut to LeAnn's jaw that sends the blonde reeling to the ropes. Rimes spins away and unleashes a volley of body shots that makes Thandie grimace. The place is rocking as both gals are sweating mightily on this steamy July night. Whenever they clinch, their lubricated bodies slip and slither sexily before McMahon grabs them and pushes them apart. LeAnn works Thandie's body well, landing the more numerous blows including a telling left hook that doubles the Brit Babe over. But Newton retaliates with another series of good, sharp, scoring jabs. The hard shots have LeAnn's right eye swelling by the end of the round which ends with both gals delivering a 'calling card' to the others face. On the judges scorecards, however, Thandie has won the opening round!

Round Two: It's Rimes attacking as she smears Newton with a straight right to the face sending the older gal flying on her ass to the canvas. Many are on their feet anticipating a k.o. but Newton gets up at 6. 'Didn't really hurt that much you hick' she snarls and slams LeAnn down with a left hook as the crowd really is sizzling. Rimes regains her feet at 8 and looks hurt. Thandie rams her harder with more left jabs and the attack is merciless. LeAnn Rimes is backpedaling big time to escape more punishment. Newton senses she's got her gal as the bell rings.

Round Three: McMahon has Rimes and Newton touch gloves and Thandie takes the opportunity to hiss, “You die now you little guitar plucker.” Much of LeAnn’s steam is gone and Newton is the total aggressor this round. She floors LeAnn with a left-right combo in theh first minute that sends LeAnn's body sailing through the air. Her legs go airborne when she lands on her ass and rolls onto her back. The count reaches, “NINE” and, for a second, McMahon thinks of stopping the match, but then decides to let it continue. Rimes teeters to center ring where Thandie jackhammers her jaw with unanswered blows. The Tawny Brit Bombshell knows she has her gal beat! Rimes throws wild punches but hits only air and the crowd can see that she's a goner! Thandie wallops LeAnn with a hard right cross and the blonde staggers drunkenly on rubber legs, her unfocused eyes gazing vacantly toward Newton, then she crashes facefirst to the canvas; her legs splayed in a wide ‘V.’

The dark lady throws her arms skyward after a great display of both boxing skill and domination! Thandie has proven to be the tougher, better fighter and the crowd lustily cheers her victory. Newton ditches her gloves, bends over ‘the Yank' and slowly works LeAnn’s string bikini down over her hips, then knots it around LeAnn's ankles.

As ‘The Country Crowd’ of Faith Hill, Shania Twain and Cheryl Crow sits shocked at ringside, they’re only now beginning to realize how badly their fellow country singer had been outclassed. Thandie pulls off LeAnn’s little top, leaving her naked, then grabs a handful of the knotted bikini bottom in her fist, digs her toes into the canvas and begins her ‘victory drag’ pulling LeAnn tits-down twice around the ring. She stops right in front of LeAnn’s fellow country singers, then kicks her body out of the ring onto the ground at their feet!

Thandie doesn’t hang around for the main event, quickly showereing and heading to the airport for a short flight to Washington, DC, where she’s the guest of honor at the British Embassy where they’d watched the fight on closed circuit. After several glasses of champagne, Thandie is hot and full of pride as she starts casting about for future opponents - preferably on this side of the pond. Speculation is that Shania Twain is at the top of Thandie’s ‘hit list’ - but Charlize Theron, Faith Hill and Jessica Simpson have all expressed interest in ‘putting things right’ with Ms. Newton.