Posted by Simguy on 6/11/2005, 9:10 am.

Before:  Fight nearly derailed as Simpson’s  legal team asserts Natalie’s haircut constitutes a breach of contract. “We were told Natalie would be coming into the fight summa corpus—hair included—which we calculated would make her roughly half as hot as Jessica,” says one bespectacled stooge in a BLONDE! Mag scoop. “Without hair, she’s simply no longer pretty enough to attend Ms. Simpson in the ring.” Simpson concurring in prefight: “My fans want to see me pounding Padme—not some weirded out, bald-headed, arthouse freak!” Portman staying focused, cutting through the legalese to the heart of the matter in her rebuttal. “This is just typical Krusher mind-gaming,” shrugs Natalie in prefight, “Jessica probably [wants out of this fight, so they cook up this bogus legal thing to cover her cowardice, The bottom line is: hair, no hair, I’m beating this bubble head up and nothing they say or do is going top change that.” Nat in sturdy navy bandeau togs—Jessica in pink Daisy Dukes bikini.

During R1: Natalie sharp at the open, spiking Jess jabs, pivot-stepping left, then backing Simpson up with a surprising brace of body blows, Jess beaten to ropes, concerned, on her knees--Natalie drives in hard with her noggin, butting Simpsy flush in the jugs to sit blonde down in the strands. Nat crowding in, pressing Jess early—digging rights and lefts beat body and jug as Portman leans in, grinding and rubbing her skull against Jessica’s face. Billygoat action has Simpsy off her game, on her heels—she’s pushing Natalie, whining—Portman able to clip away uppercuts to chin late, wobbling blonde buttocks at the bell. Ref palm-slapping Natalie’s head en route to corner ands giving her a stern warning about applying pate to Jess.

R2: Simpsy rocked again as Portman fins the uppercut, neatly lifting Jess up with a tidy right, pivoting to the right around the punch to turn Jessica’s flank in early action. Simpson hurt, buys time as she comes in as though to clinch, then dramatically recoils as though butted by Natalie—AND THE REF BUYS IT! Official grabbing Natalie by the arm and reading her the riot act—Jessica grinning into her corner as Portman is berated, fight delayed. Rest of the way fought on even terms—Simpsy able to get shoulder to shoulder with a willing Nat Portman and bang away downstairs—crowd pleasing hooks trading to trembling tums and tits as girls scrounge at each other in close.

R3:  Jessica jabbing with Natalie early, then trading hooks—Portman backing up as Simpson crowds and AFAIN—Jess pulls back as though mortally wounded, complaining of headbutts! Official pulling Natalie aside and shaking her—Portman stamping her foot in protest—Jessica’s playing this ref like a kazoo! Upon resumption—flustered Portman allowing Simpsy back inside—Jess doing good work off Nat’s chest, stepping her back with body hooks and a bumping left shoulder, staying on top of her. Midway through, Portman catches a robust series of hooks on her forehead and teeth, sitting into the ropes hurt and covering up—Simpsy able to mount a thrilling run of rights and lefts to the body as Portman slumps hurt in the strands. Late the round, Simpsy pushing her weight on Nat, buries a right hand thick to paunch from close in and BUTTS NATALIE SAVAGELY UNDER HER RIGHT EYE! Natalie stunned by the foul, it’s Jessica turning away and sobbing as though cracked by a bat--ref immediately assumes that bald pate is to blame, gets on Nat accordingly, Simpson all proud of herself—getting away with murder tonight as Portman’s noggin draws fire.

R4: Jessica with smothering blonde pressure early, coming in wide but hard, hammering Portman shivering blows up and down both coasts, pushing into her shoulders to pack her into ropes, then romping to jug with both mitts. Jess swarming, keeping her left shoulder on Nat, bumping her while stepping-with at the ropes, then hooking off the nudge, head and tummy. Natalie grimacing, right at her cheek, left across her body, trying to close up stance and troll to her right, but she’s getting clobbered. Final minute, Nat countering off the ropes, starts catching Jessica’s chin right uppercuts, then as blonde falters—straight drilling rights back blonde up. Down the stretch, Simpson’s floundering, stamping around midring in a wonky earmuff—Natalie grim, swinging away at the waist right/left, then looking to recheck that chin left uppercuts at the bell. Tough to score—Jess owned more of the clock, but Portman’s romp seems to have been more damaging, sending Jess to her corner in tears.

R5: Grinding brawl continuing—girls in with the lead shoulder, rubbing, then looking to hook each other’s chin tidy off the bump. Girls working underneath, pushing and struggling, then tucking in curling rights to sternum, withering hooks to waist. Nat cuter, utilizing sudden pivots and pushing on Jessica’s elbows to turn her off balance, Simpson bull-strong—walking Portman back at times and opening up with splattering combinations that have Natalie rolling and slipping., Down the stretch, girls trade clanging hooks on teeth and Portman’s rung up: Jessica doubles up a freebie hook to tits and turns Nat’s head a glorious right cross on the teeth. Portman stepping in fence post holes, wandering away for breathing room—Jess walking her down at the bell.

R6: Natalie starting to be a believer--looking to work her jab, fight at middle or long distance, use her legs a bit more--but Jessica not having it. Simpsy jabbing-with the best jabber in the division—not really scoring, but it’s disruptive. Portman unable to set tempo—sloppy action often results—Jessica able to capitalize as girls fall in, belt away in the clinch. Simpsy walking Natalie to ropes, getting a body on her and doubling up that hook head and body—round ends to the sight of punished Portman slumped in the ropes, looking harassed as Simpsy  mops up hooks at the bell. Bright smile Jessica to her corner: she’s positively bouncing.

R7: Natalie boxing, spurning Jessica more effectively this round, maintaining distance. Portman walking to her right, jabbing at Simpsy’s body to keep her off, walking her into hooks and short right hands. Portman not looking for extended sequences—she’s chipping away, scoring, then moving at a measured counterclockwise walk. Portman getting good leverage off that front foot, leaning in and hooking Jessica’s jugs some good thick licks—Simpsy stung, tentative as Portman bites back in the seventh.

R8: Jessica doing a nice job jabbing with the jabber tonight—obviously watched a lot of tape on Portman and stayed awake in class this time, Natalie’s timing disrupted—she’s lured into a lot of free-for-all swinging sessions that see girls fall into each other, writhe to the ropes and maul each other until ref breaks ‘em up. Jess thriving in the slop—she’s the heavier-handed vixen, the fuller-bodied—she’s constantly rapping one arm around Natalie head and slugging her cheap the free mitt, and those tidy hooks head and body haven’t stropped raking Nat all night.

R9: Hard to score round. Jessica looking the boss at times when she comes forward and bulls Natalie to ropes, Portman an effective ring general at times as she wheels around her jab, keeps free of the ropes and walks Jessica into right hands, Lot more leg for Natalie this round—she doesn’t want to be in the pocket where Simpsy can bash her arms and torso while Nat waits for counters: Portman lead boxing at this point. Portman also getting the better of Jessica’s jugs, clawing a nasty hook across the breadth of them as Simpsy marches forward.

R10: Not much flow, sporadic action yielding individual highlights., Natalie getting a nice gouging left uppercut off her front foot, digging Jessica to the sternum. Jessica with a winging right belting Natalie hard atop the head, staggering her momentarily. Natalie with a nice move in the corner, ducking a monster Simpson right hand and spinning back out the center ring to reverse field on Jess. Simpsy working her hook overtime, suppressing Natalie for a time along the ropes—Portman just covered up and accepting the barrage. Fight ends to the sight of Simpsy spraying punches—Natalie slipping and parrying very one of them but not answering: do you like Jessica’s aggression or Portman’s lithe D? Long delay before cards are tallied, comes back a 10 round draw.

After: Awkward fight—lots of gamesmanship, rough-house and mauling interspersed with good boxing and hard clean punching. Simpson indignant with the scoring: “What more do I have to do?” pretty blonde whines on camera. “I was crippling Natalie to the body, constantly backing her up—all the hard punching was mine—I just don’t get it. Plus she was butting me all the time with that illegal bald head of hers, so I had to get with rough with her. I’m sure if you ask Natalie she’ll tell you I worked her over tonight—judges or no judges.” Portman shaking her head, equally disturbed by events, “First, the officiating was a joke, I had established position inside and Jessica moves her head onto me and they warn me for butting. The Jess starts MILKING it, claiming all these phantom cocoa-butts—that was really distracting. So I overcame all that and I feel I had the match under control—I was boxing her, controlling her—and they bend over backwards to find points for her on the cards. She hit me some big shots, but I answered—I know I hurt her to the body and I thought she might quit ion the fourth, so I…I don’t know. I think a lot of my work went unnoticed by the judges who obviously don’t know much about the science of boxing.”

Reposted by Archer 6/4/13.