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25 June 2013 Beyonce Knowles vs Holly Valance

Page history last edited by Archer844 10 years, 9 months ago

Holly Valance 06.jpg

Celebrity Boxing After Dark

Posted by simguy on June 25, 2013, 9:35 pm

"You know," Beyonce says in prefight, explaining her curious lack of impact in FCBA circles, "it's been a combination of things. I'm maybe the biggest celebrity in the entire world - I work all the time...I'm not like a lot of these girls who can train their asses off and fight full time. It's hard to make weight when you're not in the gym full time...all of it's hard. But I really do want to make my mark, and I'm down to fight Holly. She's a smaller girl, but she's quick, very slick...tracking her down's going to be a challenge!"

Valance taking the big paycheque, but not without risk...even coming in soft and big, she's giving up some meat to Big B. "I feel my skill will compensate for her heft," Valance explains in clipped tones. "Obviously I'm at my very best at bantam; just as obviously that won't be sufficient to push with Beyonce, but it really won't matter in the long run. Once I've run her meter for a while, those big legs and butt of hers are going to start dragging her down. Take her deep, take her out - that's my plan!"

Beyonce in bright yellow under-wire bikini; black gloves; long straight blonde hair ala Bootylicious. Valance in black bra-style bikini; chopped blonde hair ala DOA; black gloves. Holly showing a bit more hip and paunch than her usual condition - and the cutest trace of a little double chin.

During R1: Beyonce walking calmly out - right near her chin; left extended, palm down, patting at the air out front of her body. Valance walking calmly as well, hands at her sides until she's getting close - then she quick-steps the jab in, testing B's reflexes. Beyonce gets the mitts up, blocking Holly's up-jab: Valance lashes paunch right/left, biting into dense meat CHUP! CHUP! Holly exits to her right, scowling over left shoulder...Beyonce hopping patiently in-stance, just stalking her girl. Holly circling, but clearly in retreat - she's concerned, showing too much respect, forfeiting canvas. Beyonce stepping, not closing well or cutting off the ring - she's winning the first 2 minutes by default. Down the stretch, clever Holly lures Beyonce to ropes, then lunges into a short right to chin as B's wading in...Knowles' knees knock, buttocks wobble...she's rocked, spilling to her right all gobsmacked. Holly pouncing, feeding B an extra right to face, punching Knowles to ropes; beating the body rich, thick, clapping left/rights as B shows earmuff, sponging up licks ribs and paunch. Bell: Valance smoldering, stealing the round with clever power...Beyonce frazzled during break.

R2: Beyonce strong at midring, but reluctant to engage...she forms earmuff, turning as Holly circles counter-clockwise. Valance with the initiative - stooping to jab Beyonce's proud gut; jabbing the guard to keep B occupied; turning B's left flank. Holly all a-jiggle with her movement - little hops and steps, always moving away from B's right hand. Knowles fishing with her left, then bending into violent rights, but glancing contact only: Holly's educated feet, unpredictable hands pick away at points through 2.

R3: Holly circling, Beyonce stalking...B pushing left jabs to the Valance chest, trying to line her up. Minute mark, B gets it right - touching the jab stiff to jug; hacking over the top with a swiping right that catches Holly's forehead...VALANCE GETS HURT! Holly wobbly-butt, stamping on the spot...B rushes in, smothers herself as Holly desperately clinches for ref's break. That's the way of it - Valance' thighs all a-tremble as she's moving to her right...soon as Beyonce comes rumbling in, Holly ducks low, then comes up hugging B around the ribs, hanging on for ref's breaks. Holly surviving - Beyonce excited to finish, pouring herself at Valance, but clever Aussie shying away, getting her clinches, chewing the clock through 3.

R4: Holly doing her duck-and-clinch routine early, but when she straightens up, it's to ram Beyonce's chin with the left shoulder, bringing Knowles' feet forward, shaking her up! Holly lowering her head, pounding the body: thick, belting lefts and rights bunching up the meat of B's paunch, winning grunt-and-cringe from Knowles. B hurt, backing up while stooping forward behind her mitts...Holly walking Beyonce down with pitiless eyes - pushing on the guard to measure B against ropes, then working that body CHUP! CHUP! CHUP! Knowles hurt, just showing strong-girl earmuff and sponging punishment...Holly works up quite the sweat belting away to glory. Valance tries her best, but B too beefy: Holly mouthbreathing, eventually bodying up, pinning Beyonce into ropes for ref's break and a rest. That's the way of it...Knowles laying on ropes, hands at temples...Holly spanking away on biceps/flanks/tummy, then bodying up for breaks...just keeping B swooning and punished through 4.

R5: Cautious stalking and circling of the first round - Holly moving to her right, stooping to jab-gut; flashing the odd right cross to Beyonce's guard. B cautious, following Holly with a high earmuff, blocking head shots, taking body shots and proving implacable coming forward. Midway through, B crosses Holly up - chopping the overhand right first, then jumping into a romping wide left hook...HOLLY'S ROCKED! Valance clobbered almost off her feet...she staggers into ropes, eyes shellshocked. Valance' turn to cover up/lay on ropes...she's cuter in the pocket, bobbing and rolling; ducking down and straightening up into clinches, but Beyonce's blood is up! Knowles pushing Holly off ragdoll, pursing lips while chugging rowdy right/lefts to midsection; straightening up as Holly's hunching forward in earmuff, chopping a thick left hook in behind the VAlance right elbow. Bruising stuff...Beyonce angry-eyed, snarling, bullying Holly with heaving shoves and shoulder-bumps. Thumping abuse leaves Holly blinking, wobbly-butt at bell.

R6: Holly circling to her right, pushing the left jab onto Beyonce's raised guard as Knowles' walks her down. Touching, tapping...Holly nibbling her girl here, occupying her. Valance bends her knees, shovels a tight right uppercut to body; straightens up into short left hook to chin: Beyonce's mouthpiece shoots off her mouth as head tosses hard to port! Beyonce's right foot slides forward, thighs wobbling...she's hurt, stunned and Holly picks her up a CRUSHING right uppercut to chin! Crowd squealing as B takes the hardest punch Holly's ever tossed...Valance sliding off to her right, hooking tummy from a spot just off Beyonce's left hip. Knowles tragically hurt, stumbling after Holly, keeping mitts at temples, but elbows flare out wide, exposing chin and breasts. Holly POUNDING at the targets: stuffing Beyonce's jugs full of short right/lefts; jerking that jagged right uppercut to chin; sliding to the right, hooking Beyonce's quivering paunch from oblique angle. Holly never better - turning Beyonce, belting her savage, but somehow - Knowles eats it up. B battered, taking everything Holly's got to give...Valance emptying her tank, hands on hips, mouth wide open, eyes astonished at bell!

R7: Beyonce gobsmacked, still visibly wobbly-butt, but grimly determined...she's coming forward, walking Holly down in earmuff. Valance arm-weary, taking no chances...she rotates counter-clockwise - pushing her jab onto Beyonce's guard; stooping to jab tummy; occasionally bending her knees to feed B the hard right uppercut to tummy, straightening up to hook the ear. Beyonce sponges it all, but she's not getting off...just shipping leather, walking her girl down as Holly plays keep away.

R8: Holly working her routines - generally moving to her right; spotting the jab upstairs and down; picking spots to step in close and really punish Beyonce with combos. Knowles grumpy, listless...she's blocking a lot of shots on her guard, but Holly's really tearing up the tummy - getting in there thick via snappy right/lefts, bunching B up in pain. Valance never getting cocky or losing respect: she does her business, steps to the side, never allowing B to set and slug.

R9: B dropping her artless - but thuddingly heavy - left jab onto Holly's front...Valance poked to ropes, forced to defend pocket. Good spots for B through middle minute...she beats thumping right/left roundhouse wallops off Holly's hips; pushes Holly ragdoll into ropes to reset; beats at Holly's biceps as Valance slumps forward in earmuff. Best punch for B a gorgeous, cruel left hook behind Holly's right elbow...Beyonce getting it thumbside-up as Holly lolls forward in earmuff. Valance gasping upon receipt of these gifts, tying up around B's lower back for ref's breaks...Knowles accepting the clinch rather than working, letting Holly run the clock.

R10: Holly rocking Beyonce early - dipping at the knees for the shovel-punching right to belly; straightening up into compact hook to chin...Knowles staggering on the spot, forming woozy earmuff, prompting Holly to go paunch with everything she's got! Valance putting top of her head in B's guard - PLOWING the Beyonce gut hup-hup rights and lefts...Knowles sobbing as she backs into ropes, but strong legs hold her up under Holly's best work. Valance can't sustain the barrage, backs off all mouthbreathing...she goes back into circular counterclockwise retreat, turning B midring. Frustrating stuff for Knowles...she stalks her girl, but doesn't cut ring off...Valance runs the clock, featuring a one-two to Beyonce's face just at the bell. Comes back UD10 Holly V in crafty fashion.

After: Valance showing quality - stepping up in weight, keeping Beyonce off balance and finessing Knowles for a decision. "It was a calculated risk," Holly says. "Obviously, Beyonce's a tremendously important name in the celebrity world - I couldn't afford NOT to fight her, but it was a significant risk given her strength. Worked my plan, never let her set, and when I got my chances, I lit that woman up! She's sturdy...I hit her with everything I had, but she just kept coming...great to take the win from her and send her packing!"