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31 December 2013 Jewel Staite vs Neve Campbell

Page history last edited by Archer844 6 years, 1 month ago

Jewel Staite.jpgNeve Campbell 11.jpg





(Site: The Asylum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)


Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on December 31, 2013, 11:06 am



"I told you all last time," says a smiling Jewel, "That I could fight and beat Campbell on the big stage. And that's just what I did. And now I'm going to tell you that tonight, I'm going to do it again."

"One point," says Neve, with no expression at all. "Since August, I've been thinking about one point. And, tonight, I'm going out there to get that more than that point. I'm going out there to get that win back."


O'Dell: "Back at ringside and you're listening to 'The Ballad of Serenity', by Sonny Rhodes, and here comes one of the stars of 'Firefly', Jewel Staite!"

McCarthy: "I LOVE this kid! She walked in here a few months ago and took a win from Campbell in her first FCBA fight! And, tonight, she's going to do it again!"

O'Dell: "Staite into the ring. Helped off with the robe to reveal the violet attire she wore in the debut fight Mac's talking about...and that's 'Bodies' by Drowing Pool, and here comes 'The Bodysnatcher', Hall Of Famer Neve Campbell!"

McCarthy: "I DEMAND an investigation into the selection process for the Hall Of Fame..."

Tess: "Here we go..."

McCarthy: "No way should CAMPBELL be in there while the selectors continue to refuse to induct 'The Greatest Fighting Playmate of All TIME'!"

Cassie: "Well, you know the current rules require 100 fights for entry into the Hall Of Fame..."

McCarthy: "And, I..."

Cassie: "And DeCesare only has 56..."


O'Dell: "Now, calm DOWN, Mac. Neve into the ring. Helped off with the robe by Jewel and Britney..."

McCarthy: "To reveal a body only a mother could love. Instead of a black bikini she should wear a burlap sack. Recognize that line, Tess? When Jewel was about to fight ME, Tractorpull said she ought to wear a burlap sack rather than try to compete with Mac The Knife in the disrobe! Might be the only intelligent thing ever written in that magazine!"

Tess: "THIS she remembers..."

McCarthy: "Like I said, it was a great line!"

O'Dell(sighing): "We're about ready to go, and, both Tess AND Mac are on record this time. Tess favors Neve, Mac likes Ms. Staite. Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess."

McCarthy: "We could get a robot to replace her. All it needs is a blonde wig and a red button. When you press it, it says, 'I agree with Tess!'"

Cassie: "When someone presses YOUR button, the stuff that comes out makes less sense that what that guy was signing at Mandela's funeral!"

McCarthy: "I have a sign for YOU, Scabbo, and it only takes ONE FINGER..."

O'Dell: "Bell! Bell for the first. And, to no one's surprise, the ladies close and get to work in tight. Campbell going ribs right away. Staite answering to Neve's body."

McCarthy: "This is Campbell's game, what she likes to do, try to wear a girl down to the body, but Staite proved last time that she can withstand these kinds of tactics."

O'Dell: "A lot of bumping and grinding going on in there right now. Fighters toe to toe, shouldering one another to create openings for body work. Staite going upstairs some, while Campbell concentrates almost entirely on the body..."


O'Dell: "AND DOWN GOES STAITE! Campbell lands that left hook to the liver and Jewel is down!"

McCarthy: "GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!"

O'Dell: "Neve to a neutral corner. Jewel down on her right side hugging her midsection. Count is at three. Four. Five. Six. Seven...."

McCarthy: "GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!"

O'Dell: "Eight. Nine. TEN! IT'S OVER! One punch and it's OVER! In 2:19, your winner by KO1 is 'The Bodysnatcher', Neve Campbell!"


O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Neve Campbell, and...wow. That was fast!"

Neve: "Four months, Tess. Four months I've been thinking about one point. One. Point. So, let's just say I might have had a little pent up aggression to get out. And it's all gone now. Well, most of it, anyway."


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