Posted by Simguy on 5/29/2008, 5:59 pm.

Before: Stiff competition on the scales, Jessica standing hands on hips in black bra and panties off to one side as grinning Audrina gets weighed in orange camisole and panties—flashbulbs bursting—people clapping and hooting; not often Jess gets seriously challenged at the weigh-in. Throughout, Audrina makes eye contact from the scales, winking at Jess, or mouthing “I’m hotter”—infuriating Simpsy. “My jugs will stop her jugs,” Jessica confidently predicts, nostrils flaring. “She’s thin and weak—I’m punch right through her.” Audrina looking to extend her 15 minutes: fighting Jessica Simpson in her debut puts Patridge on a lot of magazine covers as a plucky, busty underdog. “Jessica’s a sham,” Audrina tells “Fighting Vixen” magazine. “She’s a bikini—she’s a rack—you know? I hate girls like that, and I know I’m going to win!” Jess in heartpounding Dukes bikini; white gloves. Audrina in bright lime green bikini (also heartpounding) white gloves.

During R1: Jess hopping out with dukes up: Audrina with hands down, meets Jess with a pushy right uppercut—taking Simpsy in her gut. Audrina snarling—she pulls the right up and around, clouting Jess across the face: Simpsy sputters to her right—covering her temples with her hands. Audrina steps in wide, draws her right arm back, shoves a plugging right into Jessica’s tummy with a hearty “SMEK!” Simpson firms: she pushes both mitts out into Audrina’s breasts, then sweeps a fat right hand over the top, busting Patridge in the forehead. They’re just swinging away—squealing when smitten, snarling when scoring—hooters swinging side to side in glorious abandon. Stumbling sluggers batter each other around the ring—into the ropes: Jessica reaching in under Audrina’s arm wrestlers brunette into ropes late, propping her up. Bumping right hands press the air out of Patridge—folding her forward behind her mitts. Jess squares away, churning lefts and rights, buffeting her girl about the shoulders and head, then BUSTING UP INTO RACK! Jess helping herself: Audrina crying out behind her mitts as ref moves to enforce the bell. “Pink ONE; Green ZERO!” Jess shouts as Audrina pouts.

R2: Audrina with no real boxing stance, but a kind of slinging, lithe delivery—stepping into Jess and dragging right hands wide to the body, then to the head. Big spank sounding out—Jessica’s tummy-meat quivering after hot spank—jugs clobbered heartily—but blonde hunkering down, riding it out, answering back. Jess working a rudimentary jab—pawing it out from her high guard: she’s pre-empting Audrina—backing her up with poke, then driving in with right hands over the top. Ropes: Audrina having problems with Jessica’s wriggling, bouncing strength in close: Simpson glorying in close-body contact—tummying Audrina to ropes, pushing off, then beating her with gusto. Patridge crying, but proving tuff: she slugs back from her seat on the ropes—lifting right and left uppercuts; pushing her mitts into Jess to knuckle her back; trading healthy strokes to jug whenever Simpson seems eager for rack-trade. Girls whining and shouting—very vocal fight as easy is absolutely outraged whenever the other scores overly hard. Bell: Jessi still working Audrina—ref pushes blonde back; Simpsy lifting her left leg and toeing Audrina inside HER left leg with an off-balance kick. Warning from the ref, natch.

R3: Audrina stepping into Jess, hauling home the right hand: Simpsy covering up, staying low as the punches slam onto her huddled=up frame. Patridge summoning lithe power from her willowy frame when her feet are planted: as she doubles up and triples up on right hands—the subsequent shots often lack power as her balance degrades. Jess fundamentally more sound--punching from her crouch, stamping short, straight punches to win initiative, then loading up to sock Audrina big roundhouses with either hand—blonde generally able to out-hit her rival in terms of volume, Late the round, Audrina swings in the right hand--her left hand dangling, breasts sloshing aside as her right hand pounds Jessi’s middle. Simpsy covers up, crouching low: Patridge squares away, starts slamming right hands into Jessica’s left flank/shoulder. Simpsy beaten sideways to Krusher Korner: yelping, she covers her head, right side pressing against turnbuckles, left knee tucking up into her breadbasket, AUDRINA’S POUNDING AWAY—BOTH HANDS! Patridge squares away, teeth bared, lithe legs wide, taut buttocks ringing as arms chug away at cowering blonde, Jessica beaten in her tummy, hip, lower back—Audrina’s elbows drawing back, punches furiously pumping in left/right/left/right. Little brunette hammers out the points—has to be pulled off as Jessica’s squealing for the ref after the bell.

R4: Audrina with the unorthodox, hands-down delivery reminiscent of early Carmella Decesare: she occasionally walks Jess into clout, picking the fist up and placing it onto Simpsy’s chin. Jessica mounting several rushes this round—caught by right hands coming in, then shunted off to the side: Simpsy loosening as Audrina lands with all her wiry weight. Final minute, TOUGH right uppercut from Audrina pounds Jessica in her tummy: blonde shouts in pain, folding up behind her gloves. Audrina snarling, left hand at her side as she draws the right arm back and SHOVES away right handed mayhem in behind Jessica’s left elbow. Multiple pumps—SIMPSY GOES DOWN! Jessica blubbering, shuddering on all fours: Audrina steps to her right, hands up as she lifts a bare-footed boot into Jessica’s defenseless ribs, “UHH!” Jess bleats—ref bundling seething Audrina away—crowd booing foul=-play as littlest Krusher struggles up, tears streaming.

During the break—Jumbotron shows repeat slo-mo of Audrina cramming away righty to Jessica’s body for the knockdown. Audrina’s teeth bared, jugs sloshing as her right hand meets beefy resistance—her left hand dangling at her side. Majestic.

R5: Jess with that pawing jab—enough to turn Audrina’s head to the side: blonde piles in, tackling Audrina to ropes. Simpsy’s JMD experience a real asset—legs stamping, buttocks jostling—she’s keeping Audrina pinned down, mauling and muscling her in the clinch. Jess methodical: she’ll slide her left hand down inside Audrina’s right arm, pushing the guard aside, then smoking brunette a shoving right hand tummy or tit. Same again on the other side—Jess reaching in muscle apart the defenses, then lifting home the free mitt to jug or tummy. Audrina grimacing, trying to cover up: she just can’t get her butt off the ropes.

R6: Jessica the aggressor: Audrina’s starting to wilt. Patridge discouraged. Legs shaky—she tries to circle away, but Jessica rushes in, tackling the brunette into ropes. Simpson smearing Audrina along the cables, wrestling Audrina into her own corner: Jess pumping away with rhythmic right hands, taking Patridge in her quivering tummy. Audrina shouting in pain, reaching to clinch: Jessica squirming, bodying up, pushing off—she won’t be stopped, Healthy pounding of Audrina’s jugs midway through—Jess bludgeoning away with short, side to side chugging—Patridge’s legs give way. Audrina reaches right arm over the ropes as she sitting in the turnbuckles: prevents her from going down, but OH MY LORD, JESS! Simpsy POUNDING at Audrina—first with rights and lefts to finish up on those KO’d jugs, then with right hands to the head as Simpsy braces with left hand on Audrina’s right shoulder. Audrina’s face going slack—head busted back lolling forward as Jessica’s drifting her-0-Soimpsy’s jugs sloshing happily side to side as she puts the finishing touch to her upstart foe. Audrina fast asleep when ref finally pulls Jessica off. Goes as TKO6, Simpsy.

After: Welcome-to-the-FCBA beatdown for Audrina: Jess with a good record against highly touted rivals trying to make their debuts at Simpsy’s expense—trend continues. Jessica strutting—nice little shiner under her left eye, but glee undiminished: soon as Audrina looks like she’s back, Jess pushes her way in and helps Patridge off her stool. Walk of Shame for woozy Audrina—she’s till clearly unfocused, stumbling around completely unprepared when Jess FOLDS HER INTO A STANDING BREAST SMOTHER! Patridge’s people stunned, not to mention intimidated by glaring Krusher heavies at ringside, Simpsy just glowing—left arm strong behind Audrina’s neck; left hand cupping the brawny little right bicep; right hand cupped atop Audrina’s conquered brunette skull. Jess standing up proud, arching her back as she pulls Audrina onto her: poor Patridge with hands palming Jessica’s hips, too stunned to punch her way out. Outraged Lacey Chabert shrieking “IT’S NOT JMD! MAKE HER STOP!” Finally Jess releases with arms out wide--grinning as Audrina’s open mouth traces a moist track down Jessica’s torso as brunette sinks to her haunches. Poor Audrina sitting there swaying, eyes closed, mouth open, hair disheveled—right hand pathetically reaching to Jessica’s left thigh, pushing on it lightly as Simpsy stands on hips like a little bully.

Reposted by Archer 3/2/14