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4 May 2014 Brenda Song vs Leighton Meester

Page history last edited by Archer844 9 years, 11 months ago

Brenda Song 06.jpg Leighton Meester 07.jpg

"I'd Like to Thank The Academy at the Ayslum" PPV

(Site: Arena Asylum. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

Posted by Results By Sim/Words By Wiz on May 4, 2014, 8:45 pm

BEFORE:

"It's not only great to be at Asylum," says Brenda with a little smile, "It's great to be the very FIRST Bazz flyweight to step into Philadelphia's most famous ring. And, when the night is over, I'll be the very first Bazz flyweight ever to WIN at Asylum, too."

"No doubt, she's the favorite," says Leighton with a nod. "She's Top Ten, and she deserves to be. But, you know, I've been in the ring with girls like Kelly, Duff, Cuthbert, VanCamp, and McAdams, all hard-hitting bantams, and I proved I could hit with them and take their punches. And, tonight, I'm going to bring a little of that bantam-level banging to the ring and see how Brenda holds up."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Getting ready for our final bout of the night and..."

Cassie: "JUST to correct the record, there IS no Bazz flyweight on tonight's card, so, when it's over, there will STILL never have been a Bazz flyweight in the ring at Asylum..."

O'Dell: "And, that's 'Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2' by Liszt, another of the classical pieces favored by Poindexter Del Crunchy, and here comes Brenda Song!"

McCarthy: "And, what STABLE does she represent again?"

Tess(quickly): "I'm surprised you don't have a comment about the music, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Why would I? This is lovely music, and I've always wanted to go to Hungaria. I hear it's a beautiful country..."

Cassie: "If it existed..."

McCarthy: "Learn your HISTORY, Scabbo! It EXISTS and it was part of the famous Astro-Hungarian Empire!"

Tess: "You remember that from school, don't you Cassie?"

Cassie: "Oh, right. Hungaria was allied with Saturn in the first Galactic War against Neptune and Pluto, and, when the ASTRO-Hungarian Empire won, Pluto stopped being a planet..."

Tess: "I thought that happened at Disneymania X, when Pluto lost to Goofy in the steel cage..."

McCarthy: "What ARE you two babbling about?"

O'Dell(sighing): "For once, I agree with Mac. Let's keep our eyes and mind on the RING, where Brenda enters and is helped off with the robe to reveal a basic black number that leaves little to the imagination..."

Cassie: "And shows LITTLE for the fans to like..."

O'Dell: "And that's 'Somebody To Love' banging through the arena, and here comes the lady who recorded that song along with Robin Thicke, 'The Marco Island Mauler', Leighton Meester!"

McCarthy: "I STILL say that's not 'Somebody To Love'! The REAL 'Somebody To Love' goes like this...what...THAT'S NOT TRUE! I AM NOT BANNED FROM SINGING BY CITY ORDINANCE! SHUT UP, TRUCK!"

Tess: "I wouldn't be surprised if Wiz got that ordinance passed and signed into law..."

Cassie: "I think it falls under the city's existing NOISE ordinance..."

McCarthy: "SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!"

O'Dell: "And, once again, drink up, boys, as Leighton enters the ring to be helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve. Meester wearing that pink and red striped number she wore last month in her big comeback victory over Hannigan. The ladies about ready, so let's get some picks. Tess favors Brenda. Mac?"

McCarthy: "Song's a top contender and the BEST flyweight at Bazz..."

Cassie(quietly): "Tread carefully..."

McCarthy: "Meester is probably third best of Weirdo's small-size Dancing Hookers, all of whom are so bad he almost fired the DIVISION. Song wins easily."

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "Meester is going to knock Buffalo Breath Brenda OUT. And I'm going to ENJOY it."

O'Dell: "And, there's the bell. Song quickly to the attack, bouncing around, moving in and out, attacking from odd angles, offsetting Leighton's reach advantage. Meester wants to box at range. Finding it difficult, however, as Song is all movement. Brenda in and out, side to side, very kinetic..."

McCarthy: "This is one of the things that makes Song such a tough out. She has a very unorthodox style. It's not something you see much of, it's hard to prepare for, and it's hard to deal with..."

Cassie: "You know what ELSE is hard to deal with? The Paris-sewer-system-like smell of Brenda's breath..."

O'Dell: "Song hoppin' and boppin', landing from odd angles. Meester trying to find her and having no success doing it. Brenda able to get to a spot, get off, and get gone. Meester spending a lot of time covering up, trying to fend off the attack, and, before she can counter, Brenda is somewhere else..."

Cassie: "She SHOULD be somewhere else. Perhaps an abandoned leper colony, like Spinalonga on Crete, where her smell wouldn't affect others..."

O'Dell: "Brenda clearly in rhythm now, doing the boxing equivalent of chain wrestling. Every movement leads to the next. Meester not hurt but flummoxed. Can't find Brenda and can't avoid her at the same time. Final seconds tick away here in the first and there's the bell. Excellent first round for Song..."

McCarthy: "Weirdo SHOULD have fired the division..."

Tess: "Brenda up 10-9 on the cards, but might have a bigger psychological edge after that round."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Second round starts with Meester coming forward now, looking to close as she had no success at range last round, and once again having no luck. Brenda's in and out, back and forth, here and gone, landing and moving and keeping Leighton on the defensive..."

Tess: "Song's like a chart of data points created by a random number generator...all over the place."

Cassie: "Her breath is like a thousand dead camels rotting in the desert sun..."

O'Dell: "Leighton covering up more and more as the round goes on. Brenda throwing punches from odd angles. Meester doesn't seem to know where the next salvo is coming from."

McCarthy: "Clearly Front Street has done its normal AWFUL job of training. This girl is totally unprepared for what Brenda's doing..."

Tess: "Just last round, you said Brenda's style is HARD to prepare for..."

McCarthy: "Shut it, Walmart."

O'Dell: "Drink up, boys, while you drink in Brenda Song working Meester like Mongol warriors swarming a cut-off detachment of foot soldiers...well, there it is, fans. It finally happened. I've been hanging around with this bunch so long it's rubbing off..."

Cassie: "You know what you CAN'T rub off? The overwhelming stench of Brenda's breath. It gets into your clothes just like cigarette smoke...and lingers..."

O'Dell(sighing): "Final seconds ticking away and Brenda chipping away at Leighton right to the bell. Shutout round for Song, who now leads 20-18."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Third round begins with another tactic from Leighton, the left jab. Meester locating with it, keeping Brenda at bay, moving forward behind it, jabbing Brenda into position and then getting off with a solid combination..."

Tess: "This is a nice adjustment from Leighton. She's fouling Brenda's offense with that long left hand. Stopping her in her tracks and landing follow ups before she can get moving again."

O'Dell: "Meester has Song going backward for the first time all night. Leighton a bigger girl and she's using that size in conjunction with the jab to impose will. Song being kept out of the range where she can do her best work and being forced to eat left hands as she tries to get to her spots..."

Cassie: "If you ever smelled her breath, you'd swear she was on a diet of dung beetles and corpse flowers..."

O'Dell: "Leighton gaining confidence as the round goes on. She's found something now, and she's taking full advantage. Brenda still working hard, still moving, but she's being pre-empted by Meester's left hand. Final seconds of the third tick away, and Leighton's on the board."

McCarthy: "And, more importantly, she's found an answer to Song's style. At least for the moment. 29-28, Brenda after three."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Fourth round begins with Meester back to that left jab. Not advancing behind it now, just locating, pre-empting, stopping Song then nailing her a right hand."

McCarthy: "Good, patient stuff from Meester. Not forcing anything. Very calm, very deliberate, very precise."

O'Dell: "Looking a little like Stewart here. A tall fly who can work very accurately from range, and that's exactly what Leighton's doing. Song now the one frustrated. Can't get to her spots. Not getting much done on the offensive end..."

Cassie: "No surprise, because the most offensive thing about Brenda has always been her fetid breath..."

O'Dell: "Leighton solving problems with a methodical approach..."

McCarthy: "She must be falling back on something she learned at Lookout!, because there's no WAY she's learned anything from Weirdo's worthless trainers..."

O'Dell: "Wherever it came from, it's working. Meester controlling Song with that left. Banging home right hands in follow. She's taken charge of the fight, and she's holding onto the reigns right to the final bell. There it is. We're through four, and we're all even, ladies."

Tess: 38-38, and Leighton feeling very good about herself on the way back to the corner."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Fifth round begins and the familiar pattern develops. Leighton makes quickly with the jab. Brenda pre-empted, and now Meester back to some forward movement behind the left. Slowly forcing Song backward and Brenda, unable to angle up, forced to give the ground."

Tess: "You know, Leighton didn't have the best of years last year, but she came up big against Hannigan last time out, and what you're seeing right now has to be a confidence builder, both for Meester and her management."

O'Dell: "You'd think so. Song's a girl who's been in the Top Ten more than once. She beat Bell, Kreuk, and Chaber last year, has wins over Hudgens, Tisdale, Panettiere, Williams. She's clearly an elite fly..."

Cassie: "Speaking of flies, they often land on her tongue because her breath smells like, well, you know..."

O'Dell: "Fighting this well against a girl like that HAS to be a boost for Leighton, and management definitely must be liking what it sees. And what it's seeing now is Leighton jabbing Song, cleaning her up, walking her down. Brenda forced to bounce away as Meester works forward. Song showing a bit of frustration as this one comes to an end. There's the bell, and that's three in a row for the Marco Island Mauler."

McCarthy: "48-47 Meester at the halfway point."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "We're into the second half of the scheduled ten and Leighton Meester right back to work behind that left hand. Meester busy with the jab. She's got the range on it, finding Song consistently, keeping her on the defensive..."

Cassie: "It's usually pretty easy to find Brenda. You just need to follow the fetid smell of her breath..."

O'Dell: "Leighton working forward behind the left hand, walking Brenda down. Not landing any huge shots with the rights in follow, but they're accumulating. She's drilling down, imposing will, systematically punishing Song..."

McCarthy: "Meester doing an excellent job using that size advantage. Not swinging for the fences, but slowly accumulating the hurt."

O'Dell: "That, she most certainly is. Leighton very patient, not forcing anything, just continuing to use the left to set up hard right hands and take canvas from Brenda. Song continually forced to retreat, still backing up as we move into the final seconds. Meester another good left-right at the bell and we're through six."

Tess: "Four in a row for Meester, who now leads 58-56."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Meester right back to work with the left hand here in the seventh. Song taking leather as she has been since the third, trying to find a way past it to operate."

McCarthy: "Brenda's getting into the position Dennings did in the last fight. She's going to have to take some chances to make something happen, because the current terms are absolutely not working for her..."

Cassie: "You know what ELSE doesn't work for her? Breath mints. Pointy buys those things by the gross and her breath still smells like the Everglades in July."

O'Dell: "Leighton continues to advance slowly...AND DOWN SHE GOES! Where did THAT come from?"

McCarthy: "Came out of NOwhere, Jenny! Just a quick right hand from a crazy angle by Song, and it put Meester on her rear!"

O'Dell: "Referee's count to four. Five. Six. Meester to her feet at seven. Doesn't appear badly hurt. Gets the mandatory from the referee, who waives Song forward. Brenda bouncing in and out now as Meester, a bit unsure of the legs, has to give ground and cover up. And we're back to the swarming tactics of the first two rounds. Brenda all movement, landing chippy little punches from weird angles..."

Tess: "She's completely turned the fight around with the one punch."

O'Dell: "Certainly has. Leighton backed into the ropes in the final seconds, fighting back in spots now, but Brenda in total control to the bell."

McCarthy: "I said she had to take chances, and she took one. And it certainly paid off. We're even at 66 after seven."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "Eighth begins with Leighton back to that jab. Meester not spooked by last round's knockdown. She's back to the plan that's been working, and she's again got Brenda out on the end of her gloves."

McCarthy: "Song's movement again being limited as Leighton jabs her into place then drops in the right hand on her. Brenda going backward consistently, and that's not the way she wants to fight."

O'Dell: "Leighton doubling that jab now. Picking up points with the left and using the right when it's there. Song takes a good combination to the head...AND DOWN GOES MEESTER AGAIN! Song catches her again with a right to the chin from out of nowhere and cuts the power to her legs!"

Tess: "Brenda's power from odd angles really telling here..."

Cassie: "Her BREATH is powerful from ANY angle and any distance short of a LIGHT YEAR..."

O'Dell: "Count at four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Meester to her feet. Referee gives her the mandatory and will allow it to continue. She's definitely buzzed this time, and Song's after her, backing Leighton up with flurries of punches from all directions. Leighton covering up, backed against the ropes as Song cleans up right to the bell and marches out of the eighth with the lead!"

Tess: "Big round for Song, who's now up 76-74 with two to go."

ROUND NINE:

O'Dell: "Ninth round begins with Song on the offensive. Brenda looking to follow up on last round, but Leighton quickly throwing the wet blanket on it with that left hand. Song now being backed up again, as Meester makes with the long-range leather...AND DOWN SHE GOES AGAIN!"

McCarthy: "That's three different punches from three different angles. Right hand, right hook, left hook. And all of them on the chin!"

O'Dell: "Count at four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Meester gamely up at nine, but clearly hurt. Referee gives her the mandatory and will allow it to continue. Song again swarming Leighton. Meester backed to the ropes and Brenda bouncing in and out, banging away, playing the bully as Meester covers up."

Tess: "Song not necessarily going all out to finish, though. She's in control of the fight and she knows it. She's dishing out the punishment but being very sound while she does it..."

Cassie: "You know what else is a very sound practice? Wearing a gas mask if Brenda's anywhere within a parsec of where you're breathing..."

O'Dell: "Brenda working smartly and sharply, angling up, in and out, side to side, attacking Leighton from seemingly everywhere at once. Meester fighting under seige, trying to counter in spots, but it's a Song shutout right to the bell."

Tess: "86-82 now, with one to go. Song's got this just about put away."

ROUND TEN:

O'Dell: "Tenth round underway and Meester now pressuring, working behind the left, stalking Song, knows she needs something big here, and she's looking to get it."

McCarthy: "Now is when Song needs to show that professionalism. She doesn't need to do anything but run clock here. Make Leighton chase."

O'Dell: "Brenda willing to give ground, limit exchanges...AND DOWN GOES MEESTER AGAIN! A snapping right hand off a slide step and Leighton knocked to her rump."

Tess: "Brenda's turned this whole fight with just four punches..."

Cassie: "She's turned thousands of STOMACHS with just one breath..."

O'Dell: "Count at four, five, six, seven. Meester up at eight. Referee gives her the mandatory and waives Song forward. Brenda all motion again, bouncin' and misbehavin', banging away from all angles. Leighton back on the ropes again, toughing it out, refusing to give in, but Song having it all her own way."

Tess: "Leighton has to be devastated. She was in control of this fight, and Song just took it away from her and turned it into a rout."

O'Dell: "And a rout it is. Song using the whip down the stretch and pulling away. Final seconds ticking off and Brenda still picking away at Leighton right to the bell."

Tess: "Not going to be any mystery about the decision. Hard to believe Meester was up two points after six rounds."

O'Dell: "Decision coming back, and it's not close, 96-90 for your winner by UD10, Brenda Song!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Cassie Scerbo!"

Cassie: "I have our winner, Brenda Song, and, Brenda, is it true your breath smells like Abdullah The Butcher's underwear after a match in Atlanta in July?"

Brenda: "YOU..."

Tess: "Uh oh..."

H.O.T.S. II: This Time We're Cougars

Susan Kiger

Sandy Johnson

Pamela Bryant (we know...archival footage)

Lindsay Bloom

Lisa London

Angela Aames (again, we know)

Danny Bonaduce

And

Tonya Harding...