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27 July 2014 Allison Mack vs Kelly Monaco

Page history last edited by Archer844 9 years, 8 months ago

Allison Mack 07.jpg Kelly Monaco 03.jpg

"DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK AT THE ASYLUM" PPV

(Site: Asylum Arena. Philadephia, Pennsylvania)

Posted by Results By Lookout! Words By Wiz on July 27, 2014, 8:30 pm

BEFORE:

"I can fight up here," says Kelly, with a hard-eyed look. "Yes, I'm a natural flyweight, but I've fought and beaten bantams before. And, tonight, I'm going to do it again."

"She's nobody to take lightly," says Allison, with eyes just as hard as her opponent's. "She's athletic and she's in great shape. In fact, she's probably the most talented Playmate ever to fight in the FCBA. But, this isn't 'Dancing With The Stars'. Kelly isn't taking home any trophies tonight."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside and..."

McCarthy: "MOST TALENTED...DID SHE SAY...SHE DID NOT SAY..."

O'Dell: "Now, calm down, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Calm DOWN! I will NOT calm down! That little...she just said...EVERYONE IN THIS ARENA KNOWS...EVERYONE IN THE WORLD KNOWS I'M THE GREATEST FIGHTING PLAYMATE OF ALL TIME!"

Cassie: "Apparently not EVERYone, because Allison thinks it's Kelly..."

McCarthy: "Because Mack The Fraud's head is so far up her rear end she needs a podiatrist to FIND it!"

Cassie: "Tess, is there even a SQUARE for that one on the bingo card?"

Tess: "Oh, there's definitely a 'Mac Mixes Up Two Different Branches of Medicine' square..."

McCarthy: "WILL YOU TWO STOP TALKING ABOUT BINGO? I'VE BEEN BESMIRCHED!"

Cassie: "Wow...she used THAT term correctly...is there a square for that?"

McCarthy: "STOP TALKING ABOUT BINGO!"

O'Dell: "Can we PLEASE CONCENTRATE ON THE RING! You've been hearing 'Crazy For This Girl' by Evan and Jaron for, like, two minutes, and the star of said video, one Kelly Monaco, is climbing into the ring!"

McCarthy: "Fine! But nobody had better call her the most talented Playmate fighter of all time!"

O'Dell(sighing): "Monaco helped off with the robe to reveal a pale yellow number..."

Oh the shark, babe
Has such teeth, dear...

McCarthy: "UNbelievable! Will the besmirchment never END!"

Cassie: "Now THAT'S more like it..."

O'Dell: "That's Bobby Darin and 'Mack The Knife' you hear, and, that can only mean that Allison 'Mack The Knife' Mack is on her way to the ring..."

McCarthy: "Of course, all the fans know it SHOULD mean that I, Jenny McCarthy, the Greatest Fighting Playmate of All Time, am coming to the ring, but, this little fraud and her Weirdo manager STOLE my song AND my nickname..."

Tess: "Once again, no one STOLE the song. Wiz BOUGHT it..."

Cassie: "And, technically, the nickname is different. Allison's is 'MacK The Knife' with a 'K'. Yours is 'Mac The Knife' without a 'K'..."

McCarthy: "Don't play pedantics with ME, Scabbo..."

Cassie: "I wouldn't DREAM of playing pedantics with you, Mac..."

McCarthy: "Wise move, Scabbo..."

O'Dell(sighing): "Allison into the ring, helped off with that black robe with the gleaming silver knife with a single drop of blood dripping off the blade by Jewel and Neve to reveal a blood red bikini..."

McCarthy: "And you can certainly see which of THOSE two was a Playmate just by looking at their bodies. The blonde couldn't win Miss Sheboygan, let alone Playmate of the Month..."

O'Dell: "Fans, that thump you're going to hear is me beating my head off the table on the off chance this is a nightmare and I can wake myself up. Meanwhile, the ladies are about ready to go, so let's get some picks. Tess favors Allison. Mac?"

McCarthy: "Well, Monaco ISN'T the best Playmate fighter of all time, but she IS a Playmate and that makes her better than Mack. Monaco by KO!"

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess."

O'Dell: "Our ladies are split on this one. Let's see who's right. There's the bell and Allison immediately into stalking mode, looking to bring Kelly to battle, but the brunette having none of it. Monaco using those dancer's legs to circle and pop, bobbing and weaving, not allowing Allison to line her up."

McCarthy: "This is one of Mack The Fraud's weaknesses. She's not quick and athletic like Kelly, or, of course, ME. That's why I EASILY beat her when we fought..."

Cassie: "Says the woman who didn't last 30 seconds the SECOND time you fought..."

McCarthy: "I'D BEEN FIGHTING ALL NIGHT AGAINST AN ALL-STAR TEAM...WHY AM I DISCUSSING THIS WITH YOU???"

O'Dell: "Mack working to cut the ring now. Managing to do that in spots, and score with both hands when she does so. Monaco quick and slick, though, keeping the exchanges short, staying on that bicycle, making Mack chase."

Tess: "Allison very systematic in doing that. Moving her feet very well, playing the angles, taking advantage when she gets to places where she can get off."

O'Dell: "Mack showing excellent head and shoulder movement as well. Fouling Kelly's aim. Monaco scoring some, but a little short or a little late on a lot of punches..."

Cassie: "There's some rust on Monaco that might have something to do with that, Jenny."

O'Dell: "Good point, Cassie. Whatever the cause, no question that Allison is getting the better of things as we head down the stretch. Kelly having her moments, but it's Mack in control to the bell."

Tess: "Despite giving up the 10-9 lead, Kelly's corner might not be too unhappy with that round. As Cassie pointed out, Kelly's a little rusty, but she was competitive, and the rust will be less of an issue as the fight goes on."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Second round begins with Monaco on the move again and Allison in much more aggressive pursuit. Mack cutting the ring, crowding Kelly, and going to work to the body."

Cassie: "This is what Kelly doesn't want. She doesn't want to have to stand and bang with Allison. Nothing good for Monaco can come out of that."

O'Dell: "But Allison not giving her any choice. Mack cutting the ring again and again, trapping Kelly, making her exchange at length. Kelly banging for respect, and she DOES have power, but Allison willing to trade, concentrating on that body..."

Tess: "Mack wants to get into those legs, and she's willing to make the investment early to do it."

O'Dell: "Kelly slips away, but Mack right back at her, and Monaco now banging flat-footed and Allison answering in kind. Blistering exchanges...AND DOWN GOES MONACO! A WICKED RIGHT HAND FROM MACK AND KELLY BLOWN TO HER BACK..."

Cassie: "Ring the bell. Waaaayyy too much head swivel on that one..."

O'Dell: "Mack to a neutral corner. Referee picks up the count at three. Four. Five. Six. Monaco unmoving here. Seven. Eight. Nine. TEN! It's over! At 1:54 of the second, your winner by KO2 is Allison 'Mack The Knife' Mack!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's..."

McCarthy: "DON'T YOU EYE ME, MACK! YOU DON'T WANT ME COMING UP THERE!"

O'Dell: "Calm DOWN, Mac! Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I have our winner, Allison Mack, and, Allison, looked like you figured things out in that second round..."

Allison: "She's very quick and athletic, so I knew she'd try to stick and move on me, try to out-box me. She's done it to bantams before. I knew if I could bring her to battle, I had the bigger guns, and it was only a matter of time until I landed a shell in the magazine."