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28 September 2014 Salma Hayek vs Kristen Stewart

Page history last edited by Archer844 9 years, 4 months ago

Salma Hayek 09.jpg Kristen Stewart 04.jpg

BAZZ BABES AND REMATCHES AT THE ASYLUM

(Site: The Asylum Arena. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

Posted by Results By Lookout/Words By Wiz on September 28, 2014, 8:28 pm

BEFORE:

"Well," says a smiling Salma, "Here we are again. And, again, I'm an underdog. Perhaps everyone's forgotten what happened last time. I beat this girl then, and I'll beat her again tonight."

"This isn't personal," says Kristen with a slight shake of the head. "It's professional. I didn't get the job done last time. Tonight needs to be different. And it will be."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and that's 'Helter Skelter' you hear, and here comes 'The Five-Tool Player', Kristen Stewart..."

Cassie: "Uncle Wiz showing his customary class. Salma both a former champion and the winner of the previous match between these two, so she gets the honors..."

McCarthy: "I think you need to look up 'customary' and 'class'."

Cassie: "YOU need to look up just about any word longer than three letters..."

McCarthy: "You LITTLE..."

O'Dell: "Now calm DOWN, Mac. Kristen into the ring. Helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal that lime green two-piece she likes..."

McCarthy: "And a body that couldn't get her a centerfold in 'Field and Stream', let alone 'Playboy'..."

O'Dell: "And that's 'La Bruja' by the lady now coming to the ring, Salma Hayek..."

McCarthy: "Your Boston accent is showing, Jenny. It's pronounced 'Brew-ER', not 'Brew-AH'..."

O'Dell: "Um, I'm from CALIFORNIA, and the song is...neverMIND..."

Tess: "See, Jenny? Sometimes, it's easier just to ignore her..."

McCarthy: "SHUT IT, WALMART!"

O'Dell(sighing): "Drink up, boys, and drink in Salma Hayek, as she's helped off with the robe to reveal a red bikini and a still-awesome body..."

Cassie: "May very well be the best 39-and-over body on the planet...present company excluded of course..."

McCarthy: "You might be right, Scabbo..."

Cassie: "And, by 'present company', I mean Jenny O..."

McCarthy: "Hayek would KILL to have a body like MINE..."

Cassie: "I doubt it, since HERS is chemical FREE!"

McCarthy: "You LITTLE..."

O'Dell: "Aaaaannnndddd, we're just about ready. Let's get some picks. Tess favors Kristen. Mac?"

McCarthy: "Hayek isn't what she used to be, but she's still better than Stewart, who's a skinny, overrated Dancing Hooker!"

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"

O'Dell: "So,we have a split panel. Let's see who's right. First begins with Salma slowly stalking. Stewart has the reach and she's using it, sticking out that left hand, looking to pick off Hayek as she closes. Salma sliding forward, grabbing a little body."

McCarthy: "The formula for Hayek is the same one she used the last time. Get after this girl early. If you remember the first fight, Hayek built a huge lead with early power."

O'Dell: "And, that's clearly the plan here. Salma disciplined and sound, but she's working hard to close and putting power behind those punches when she does so, concentrating on the body, but ripping the odd hard shot upstairs. Stewart more into managing right now. Trying to create the range, scoring as Salma comes forward."

Cassie: "Kristen very accurate, very precise, and you can see that here. She's getting leather on target despite the fact that Salma's got the gloves up and she's showing good head and shoulder movement on the way in."

O'Dell: "Good stuff from both ladies at the moment. Both getting work done as we head down the stretch. Salma taking body, landing some clean shot upstairs. Stewart scoring points as Hayek stalks. Final seconds tick off and there's the bell. Close first to K-Stew."

Tess: "10-9, Stewart after one."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Second round sees Hayek upping the pressure a bit. Still with the gloves high, working past Kristen's glove and banging body. Salma punishing those ribs and lats right now, trying to bring Kristen's guard down. Stewart not biting, though."

McCarthy: "She will eventually. Salma getting some serious licks in down there."

O'Dell: "That, she is. Kristen giving some ground now, jabbing, dropping the occasional right, but playing a lot of defense. Hayek really getting something on these shots, especially the ones to the body."

Cassie: "Kristen getting a bit too passive now. She knows Hayek is looking for something big early, and she's all about denying her, but she's got to do more offensively."

O'Dell: "Right now, it's Salma getting most of that work done. Body, body, and then up to the head. She's closing well, getting into the phone booth and grinding. Stewart tying up, shoving off, circling away, but Hayek right back on her. Down the stretch, Salma just keeps coming, keeps working the body. There's the bell. Salma's round solidly."

Tess: "Even at 19 after two."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Hayek right back at Stewart as we begin the third. Salma laying on the pressure, looking to make the younger, less-experienced fighter melt. Stewart wants space. She's jabbing and back-stepping, but Salma keeps pressing, getting forward and working the body."

Cassie: "Kristen doing a better job of picking Hayek off on the way in this round. She's giving ground to give herself a little more time to do that, and it's working for her."

O'Dell: "But, the pressure is working for Salma. She's crafty on the stalk, keeping the guard high, getting the head and shoulders moving, showing angles, and then getting off when she gets to her spots. Head, body, head this round, going upstairs more frequently."

McCarthy: "Hayek has a lot of experience doing what she's doing right now. At 5'2", she's used to giving up reach and knows how to penetrate defenses."

O'Dell: "And she's using that knowledge to good effect. Stewart slowing the older woman down with jabs, dropping the occasional right, but Salma still getting where she wants to go and scoring when she does. There's the bell, and Hayek has the round and the lead."

Tess: "29-28 Salma after three."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Back to live action and the fourth begins like the third ended, with Salma applying the pressure and Stewart looking for space. Hayek very technically sound. Gloves high, head and shoulders moving, making a tough target for Stewart's jabs. Kristen again slowing Salma some, but Hayek eventually getting to her spots and getting off with heavy punches."

Cassie: "Salma again looking for something big. Keep in mind, she was up five points with two knockdowns after four the last time they fought and ended up with a two-point decision."

O'Dell: "Might be why Kristen is still in 'managing' mode. Stewart snapping out the jab, scoring as Salma works in, keeping her own guard up despite some nice body work from the Mexican beauty."

Tess: "Kristen seems to be finding the range better with the jab. Scoring more this round than she has the past few. Hayek paying a steeper price to get inside."

O'Dell: "But, when she gets there, she's still working those abs, ribs, and lats, then going upstairs with hard shot. Stewart countering, using a back slide-step to recreate the space she wants. Good two-way round right to the bell. Close one, but Stewart's evened this up."

McCarthy: "38-38, and that early lead Salma wanted hasn't materialized."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "Fifth round begins with Stewart picking off Hayek as she works forward. Salma being stopped and forced to cover up. Stewart putting flurries together, getting right hands on target."

Tess: "Front Street corner has to be happy with this, don't you think, Cassie?"

Cassie: "I'm stil trying to get over the fact that Mac knows what 'materialized' means..."

McCarthy: "Shut it, Scabbo!"

O'Dell: "Stewart now backing Hayek up with some good combinations, landing hard right hands. Salma thrown onto the defensive for the first time in the fight."

McCarthy: "Stewart not getting out of hand with the aggression. Remaining careful. She certainly doesn't need any reminders of the last fight."

O'Dell: "Kristen putting punches together on Hayek in a big way, though. Slowly forcing her to retreat. Salma pretty much just trying to hold ground, keep the gloves high, and counter when she finds openings. Final seconds ticking off, and an excellent round for Stewart, who's in the lead."

Tess: "48-47. Big difference from last time, but still anyone's fight."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Second half of a close one underway and Hayek still making with the pressure. Stewart again slowing her down on the way in, using the jab to stop the movement, then dropping the rights. Hayek determined, working through the fire to get inside and work."

McCarthy: "Salma banging body again. Sooner or later this is going to have an effect on Stewart."

O'Dell: "That's certainly Hayek's plan. Kristen with the back slide step, getting some distance. Hayek again closing and DOWN SHE GOES! Stewart drops Salma with an overhand right!"

Cassie: "Worked off the jab just like she's been doing. Stopped her and dropped her."

O'Dell: "Count at three. Four. Five. Six. Salma up at seven. Takes the mandatory and the referee going to let it continue. Stewart not going all in. Back to the jab. Managing. Not taking chances. Hayek not at all chastened by that good right. She's still pressuring, working past Stewart's defenses and going to work. Salma firing some hard shots, maybe a little fired up after the knockdown. Stewart giving ground, keeping the guard up, working the left. Final seconds tick off and there's the bell. Salma got plenty done in the last part of that round, but the knockdown plays."

Tess: "And puts Stewart up 58-55 with four to go."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Seventh underway now, and, for the first time, it's Kristen coming forward. Stewart advancing behind that accurate left hand. Hayek holding canvas and banging back, but eventually having to retreat."

Cassie: "This is not a dynamic that favors Hayek. She doesn't want to be backing up."

O'Dell: "But she IS backing up, courtesy of plenty of aggression from Stewart, who's now ranging in on her with both hands. Salma countering here and there, determined not to get thrown totally to the defensive, but Stewart's doing everything but at the moment."

Tess: "And, you can see the strategy we talked about in action, here. Manage early in the fight, take over later when Kristen's young legs give her the advantage."

O'Dell: "Hayek still game, still landing the odd hard shot, but it's K-Stew grabbing control of this thing and touching Salma up. Stewart still showing some caution, well aware of the danger of Hayek's power, but she's opening up more and more as the round goes on. Final seconds now, and Stewart ends it with a solid flurry. There's the bell and a wide round for Stewart."

McCarthy: "And the lead's getting wide, too. 68-64 with three to go."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "Eighth round underway and Stewart again coming forward behind the left. Hayek again working to hold canvas, firing back with some heavy shot of her own and we've got some sharp exchanges going on."

McCarthy: "These are some of the best two-way flurries of the fight. Both girls landing cleanly."

O'Dell: "And there's a GOOD right from Hayek that backs up Stewart. Salma now coming forward, banging away with both hands and DOWN SHE GOES! Stewart a guided-missile right hand that sends Hayek to her back!"

Cassie: "That was a keyhole punch. There was one place to put that and about half a second to put it there..."

O'Dell: "Count at three. Four. Five. Hayek rolls to her belly. Six. Seven. Salma to all fours. Eight. Nine. TEN! Hayek can't get off her hands and knees and your winner by KO8 is 'The Five-Tool Player', Kristen Stewart!"

McCarthy: "That was a pretty good punch, but I still say the Hayek of ten years ago smokes this kid..."

Tess: "Well, considering Kristen would haven been 14 at the time, that's probably true..."

McCarthy: "Shut UP, Walmart!"

O'Dell: "Drink up, boys!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore."

Tess: "I've got our winner, Kristen Stewart, and, Kristen, with everything going on with the flys at Front Street, this was a big one..."

Kristen: "Definitely. Salma set me back a little the last time. I was just about there. I'd just about proven I was the best fly we have at Front Street, and she set me back. I needed to get her taken care of."

Tess: "You went after her in that last round. You had a big lead..."

Kristen: "Nothing personal, but she had to GO, Tess. They wanted me to box the last few rounds out, take the win on the cards, but that wasn't going to get it done. She I needed to get her out of there."

Tess: "What's next for you?"

Kristen: "Doesn't matter to me. Just book me. We're evaluating? Get me back in there and evaluate. I'm not afraid of the results. I already know what they'll be."