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30 November 2014 Charlotte Church vs Kat Dennings

Page history last edited by Vassago 9 years, 3 months ago

INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT AT THE ASYLUM PPV

Posted by Lookout! Boxing & The Wiz on November 30, 2014, 7:11 pm

BEFORE:

"So, we're back at Asylum," says Charlotte with a gorgeous smile. "Didn't get the result I wanted last time, but that was Allison Mack, an elite bantam. Tonight's going to be different."

"I have no doubt she thinks she's going to come in here and beat me," says Kat with a hint of a smile. "That's why she signed the fight. But. That's not how this is going to go down. If you catch my meaning."

ROUND ONE:

O'Dell: "Back at ringside, and that's 'Crazy Chick' you hear in the background, and here comes LCA's Welsh beauty Charlotte Church!"

Tess: "Church no stranger to Asylum. In addition to her match with Allison Mack, she was here way back in 2011 to fight Jewel..."

McCarthy: "And a REAL fighter would have disposed of BOTH of those LOSERS inside of three rounds..."

Cassie: "Um..."

McCarthy: "SHUT IT, SCABBO!"

Cassie: "Truck, roll the video..."

McCarthy: "WHAT VIDEO? DON'T..."

(Britney: "Both girls letting hands fly and JENNY DOWN...JENNY DOWN...JENNY DOWN...JENNY DOWN..."

Man In The Hat: "It was the short right inside! This is Sergio Martinez/Paul Williams all over again! McCarthy pitching face first...nose in the canvas...McCarthy looks like she was flippin' ELECTROCUTED!"

Britney: "Referee's count at five...six...she'll never get up...nine...ten! You're out! Knockout at 36 seconds of the seventh round Allison...oh, I'll just say it...Allison 'Mack The Knife' Mack!")

McCarthy: "...FIGHTING ALL NIGHT AGAINST A FREAKING ALL-STAR TEAM!"

O'Dell: "Now calm DOWN, Mac..."

McCarthy: "HOW DARE YOU SHOW THAT VIDEO! I'LL SUE! SIRI, CALL MY LAWYER!"

O'Dell: "You know, truck, if you're going to do stuff like this, please let me know ahead of time so I can have a drink or three before the broadcast..."

McCarthy: "THIS IS JENNY MCCARTHY, YOU WORTHLESS AMBULANCE CHASER AND I'VE BEEN BESMIRCHED! YOU'D BETTER RETURN THIS CALL YESTERDAY OR YOU ARE FIRED!"

O'Dell: "Um, Mac?"

McCarthy: "WHAT?"

O'Dell: "WE HAVE A FIGHT CARD TO BROADCAST, NOW CALM DOWN! Church in the ring, helped off with the robe by the LCA corner to reveal that sky blue and light pink two-piece she favors, and that's 'I Don't Feel Like Dancing', by Scissor Sisters, and here comes Kat 'The Rack' Dennings..."

Tess: "Kat, of course, a protege of Neve Campbell..."

McCarthy: "And the poor kid might have had a shot to be a decent fighter if she'd hooked up with someone who KNOWS something about boxing..."

Cassie: "Truck..."

McCarthy: "DON'T YOU DARE ROLL VIDEO! YOU KNOW WHAT, ROLL THE VIDEO! SHOW THE FANS HOW I WAS ROBBED TWICE! ROLL IT! ROLL IT!"

O'Dell: "You know, SOME announcers don't have to put up with stuff like this. I wonder if the Lingerie Football League needs someone to do play-by-play..."

Tess: "You underestimate yourself, Jenny. You could do play-by-play for the NFL..."

McCarthy: "Shows how much YOU know, Walmart. The Naked Football League folded. Something about OSHA and the lack of safety equipment. Sad, because I was going to coach the Playboy team..."

Cassie: "And become the first football coach ever fired at half time of the opening game..."

McCarthy: "Shut UP, SCABBO!"

O'Dell(sighing): "Dennings into the ring, helped off with the robe by Jewel and Neve to reveal a black bikini and a rockin' bod, and it's time for some picks. Tess likes Kat. Mac?"

McCarthy: "Church DOES have an FCBA win, and Dennings will never be anything if she's being trained by Campbell, so I'm going with Charlotte."

O'Dell: "Cassie?"

Cassie: "I agree with Tess!"

O'Dell: "Here we go, and, to no one's surprise, Dennings looking to work forward. Kat in that quarter crouch, hands high. Church has some reach and could try to use it, but that's not the plan..."

Tess: "No, these are two, sturdy, hard-hitting bantams. Both girls like to grind, work body. And that's where we're going."

O'Dell: "The body work has, indeed, commenced. Kat known to work that tummy and those ribs, and she's all over them right now. Charlotte responding in kind. The Welsh beauty a big bantam with power and sturdy legs. She's not going to get overpowered by Kat."

McCarthy: "No, she isn't, but what is happening is that Dennings is doing more scoring because she's almost all downstairs. Church working more toward the head, and Kat picking off some of her stuff with those high hands and the slight crouch."

O'Dell: "Some good shots getting through for Church, however. And Kat not ignoring the head. She's working up enough to keep Charlotte honest. Church shouldering Dennings, trying to get her off balance and open her up, but Kat sturdy in there, not allowing that to happen. It's grinding, thumping stuff to the bell. Good round. Belongs to Kat."

ROUND TWO:

O'Dell: "Second round begins on similar terms. Both fighters want to grind in close, and that's exactly what we're going to see as long as that's the case."

McCarthy: "If I were Church, I might use that length, box this kid some. Make her work to close."

Cassie: "Because that worked so well for Frege..."

McCarthy: "SHUT it, Scabbo!"

O'Dell: "Lots of body investment from Dennings. This isn't just Neve Campbell stuff, this is Dani Fishel stuff, in your face going tummy and banging ribs. Church again more upstairs than down, but doing some body work of her own."

Tess: "And, again, Dennings scoring more often because of it. Church landing a lower percentage upstairs than Dennings is down."

O'Dell: "Again, Kat going to the head just enough to keep Church honest. She really wants to wear out that solid frame of the Welsh beauty, and the way Church is built, it's not going to be easy. Kat hooking those flanks in the final seconds. Church banging back to the body in response. There's the bell. Another good round. Another round for Dennings."

Tess: "20-18 Kat now. Good start."

ROUND THREE:

O'Dell: "Third round and Church no longer coming forward. Charlotte standing her ground, jabbing, going to make Kat work to close..."

McCarthy: "It's about TIME those bird brains in the LCA corner figured this out. I told everyone this last round!"

Cassie: "In a dual of wits between you and a bird, I'm putting my money on the bird..."

McCarthy: "You LITTLE..."

O'Dell: "A-HEM. IN the ring, Charlotte making this new strategy work. She's scoring as Kat works forward, hands high, in that crouch, then holding her own when Dennings gets to the ranges she likes and goes body. Church banging mostly downstairs when that happens, keeping those exchanges short by tying up and forcing breaks that allow her to score as Kat comes forward again."

Tess: "Dennings picking off and avoiding a lot of Church's ranged work, but Charlotte IS getting some of the leather home, slowing Dennings' advances and creating more opportunities."

O'Dell: "Kat still spanking that body when she gets inside, still getting her points, but Charlotte having the better of things on these new terms. There's the bell and Church on the board."

Cassie: "Avoiding that dangerous three-oh hole. 29-28 for Kat after three."

ROUND FOUR:

O'Dell: "Back to work and right back to the ranged efforts from Church. Charlotte doesn't have a lot of reach on Kat, but it's enough to force Dennings to work her way past the gloves, and the Welsh beauty is making her do just that and scoring as she does so."

Cassie: "Accuracy is the key here. Church can stand out there and jab all she wants, but she has to find Dennings with it, slow her down, and set up right hands and flurries. She's doing that enough to make this strategy work."

O'Dell: "She is, indeed, and she needs to, because, again, when Kat gets inside, she's getting the better of things. Church scoring in those exchanges, but Dennings getting more leather home, no question of it."

McCarthy: "And she's still working a ton of body in there. Church holding up well, though."

O'Dell: "Which, again, isn't a surprise, considering how sturdy Charlotte is. Church again tying up, forcing breaks to limit the length of the short-range efforts. Coming down the stretch. Church landing a good one-two before Dennings closes and works that tummy with some hard leather. Final seconds ticking off with Kat and Charlotte banging inside, and there's the bell. Another good round for Church."

Tess: "And she's tied it at 38 after four."

ROUND FIVE:

O'Dell: "The fifth begins with the pattern we've been seeing the last couple of rounds. Church working her left, trying to pick up Dennings on the way in. Kat working forward, getting past the gloves and banging body."

McCarthy: "Dennings showing a bit more aggression now. Willing to walk through a punch or two to get where she wants to be."

O'Dell: "And, as a result, having a bit more success getting there. Kat also working to punch free when Church clinches, trying to avoid the breaks that are shortening the exchanges inside. Both girls having success executing their game plans this round."

Cassie: "And a lot of leather landing as a result. We're seeing more scoring here than we have in any round so far in the fight."

O'Dell: "No question about it. Church getting punches put together at range, and Dennings digging that body with vigor when they're inside. Final seconds tick off and that's the fifth. Close, but Kat."

Tess: "Which puts Dennings back ahead, 48-47 at the half."

ROUND SIX:

O'Dell: "Back to work in the sixth, and Church again using the left jab to try to create space. Dennings working hard to get past, get to the body and bang. Again, both girls having some success."

McCarthy: "Church needs to keep following up those lefts. When she lands them, she needs to let the hands go."

O'Dell: "Did it right there. Caught Dennings with a couple of good shots and CHURCH WOBBLES KAT WITH A RIGHT! Good right hand, Church and Dennings is buzzed!"

Cassie: "Charlotte letting them go now. She's looking for the finisher!"

O'Dell: "Dennings begin backed into the ropes. Kat covering up and holding on as Church gets off heavy shot after heavy shot. Dennings rolling the head and shoulders, putting the body on sale with a high guard, but Charlotte not buying at any price. Church all about finding the switch now."

Tess: "Kat starting to counter more now. Seems like she's getting her legs back."

O'Dell: "Dennings fighting her way off the ropes, backing Church up, going back to work to the body. Church firming up, and we're right back where we've been for most of the fight with Dennings digging inside and Church looking to tie up, force breaks, get space. Charlotte tying up, Kat punching free, and there's the bell. Six in the books, and that one for Church."

Tess: "And that means we're even at 57 with four to go."

ROUND SEVEN:

O'Dell: "Seventh round of what's been a very physical contest begins with more of the same. Church popping that left jab, Dennings working and walking through, getting in tight where she can work body. Charlotte now responding in kind in there. Less head work from Church, who's now thumping away at Kat's midsection and ribs."

Tess: "This is nasty stuff in there. Short-range hooks banging an awful lot of meat."

O'Dell: "And, again, neither woman asking for quarter or giving any. Nobody willing to back up a step. Church not even tying or shoving off anymore. She's willing to hang and bang with Dennings, and the result is carnage. This is just two girls who are plenty sturdy and hit hard POUNDING at one another in there."

Tess: "Brutal. You can almost see the smile Neve's trying to keep off her face, because she's absolutely LOVING this."

O'Dell: "No question, it's Campbell/Fishel stuff in there. Again, both girls doing JUST enough upstairs to keep the other honest, just enough to keep the guards up. Down the stretch we come and neither fighter slowing down. It's becoming almost mindless in there, just a churning of shoulders, a thumping of leather against flesh. There's the bell. Close round, but Dennings on the inside."

Tess: "67-66 Kat after seven. Bennet's going to have company in the tub."

ROUND EIGHT:

O'Dell: "Eighth round underway and last round's brutality hasn't discouraged either fighter. Dennings walking through Church's punches, getting in close, and going to work. Charlotte shoving Kat back, wants to get some space, but Dennings having none of it. Staying right in tight, shoving and shouldering with Charlotte."

McCarthy: "The referee should warn Dennings for that! She's just like Campbell inside, using dirty tricks!"

O'Dell: "Nothing illegal about what Kat's doing. Plenty effective about it, though. Dennings wearing out that breadbasket of Church's, and Charlotte fires a big flurry back. NAILED Kat with a good right hand and CHURCH IS ROCKED! Kat a straight right hand and Charlotte staggers backward and is DROPPED WITH A RIGHT HOOK! Dennings BURIED that short right and sent Charlotte crashing to her back!"

Cassie: "That was an absolutely WICKED punch..."

O'Dell: "Count at three. Four. Five. Six. Church rolls to her belly. Seven. Eight. Nine. TEN! Church can't get off her belly and it's over! Your winner by KO8 is Kat 'The Rack' Dennings!"

AFTER:

O'Dell: "Let's go up to the ring and Tess Valmore!"

Tess: "I've got our winner, Kat Dennings, and, Kat, is was brutal in there..."

Kat: "Knew it was going to be. She hits like a sledgehammer, and if you mix it up with her, you're going to get your legs tested. But, I knew mine would pass the test, and sooner or later I'd get her. It was later than I hoped, but that's on her. She was able to ship it that long."

Tess: "So, what's next for you, besides sharing the tub with Chloe?"

Kat: "Having pictures of that posted on the Front Street website. That'll kick up Wiz's views."